Sometimes I wish I could post just pretty plants or books I love or my favorite places. What I share so often comes back to this battle I fight with despair…and that’s not super fun content. On the other hand… I don’t want you to feel alone if this is a struggle for you, too. So here we are.
It’s Tuesday morning and I’m in the aftermath of a visit from low-grade depression that had my brain in such a fog. I could do the very next thing I needed to do, but nothing further than that. There was a pile of important tasks growing, but I could not focus and take care of any of them. Now that the fog is lifting, I’m trying to not panic with the catch-up… especially since that includes introvert-dreaded phone calls.
So here’s what I’m doing to work through the muddle. I started yesterday with the inevitable giant list. I needed to get everything out of my brain. Then I split up a whiteboard into days. I put just ONE dreaded task per day, surrounded by daily stuff that isn’t as surrounded by doom in my brain. (And these things are not life-changing tasks. It’s just that phenomenon in my mind where small errands become looming dragons to slay.)
I keep reminding myself that it is all okay. It really is. Everything will get caught up and it does not all have to be right now. This is the time to be kind to my own brain and spirit. I’m taking the steps I need to take and self-condemnation will only trip me up. I can’t control what is out of my hands, but what can I do?
I can choose to see what is good: every day is filled with new mercy. Whether I feel like I can do it all or I can’t do more than watch Castle on repeat, I am still loved & God is still faithful. I can rest in knowing He does not change and His plans for me are not hindered by my temporary circumstances. His abundant life and peace and joy are for me even when I don’t feel them. By faith, I can hold onto those promises and know I am held by the One who does not go back on His word. In the muddle of it all, when we feel it and when we don’t, His presence remains.
I choose to keep my eyes on that hope, steady and true. I choose worship, through it all. I choose trust in His sufficient grace, in love that heals, love that stays.