Something from nothing.  That is the way He began our story and it is the way of unfolding ever since.  It’s what we can’t extract, pin-point, or make in a test tube.  It’s elusive, invisible, and yet ~ it’s everything.  It’s life.  It’s that moment of untenable mystery ~ when egg becomes embryo, when seed becomes sprout, when what wasn’t suddenly is.

This beginning, it comes from Him ~ all God-spoken, God-breathed.  The source of being itself, it is Him.  Elohim, God the Creator and the judge of the universe… He created the world, He brought life into it, and called it ‘good’.

He is the difference-maker.  What was void and empty became full of goodness. Transformation is impossible without a power to fuel it, and it is His power ~ the spark of His voice ~ that ignites creation.  He is the source, the current of life that bursts through our own veins.  Our limbs unfurling, our eyes opening, our hearts tap-tap-tapping by His breath.

His voice speaks and where there was darkness, a planet spins.  Where there is formless depths, land emerges.  He knows what is to come and He prepares.  Plants, flowers, trees.  These ideas will have function, and He chooses to add loveliness.  A trade-mark, this making things beautiful in nearly endless varieties.  Out of the black, stars ~ and He knows them each by name.  A particular shining beacon, just close enough for the flourish of the foliage by day and its reflection to guide the night.  Another stage complete and there are animals large and small, patterned and quick, flying and swimming, tunneling and grazing.

Planet Earth, creation unrivaled.

When the scent of orange trees makes the air sweet, when the sun sets over an ocean and stops me right in my tracks, when snow twirls its frosted patterns over the ground, when I see a squirrel run up the pine tree in my backyard ~ I think of Him.

He didn’t have to dazzle us with the simple bright wonder of the full moon or a field of tulips.  He didn’t have to give the birds their cheerful melodies.  He didn’t have to form the horse with its awesome thundering gallop…

But He did.  And, in doing so, He shows us His character and He shows us how much He valued the creation still to come.

Consider this evidence of Him that we see every single day.  Can you see His glory written in the great expanse of sky?  His beauty in the arching of a dolphin’s leap through the air?  His brilliance and plan in every detail working together for ecosystems to thrive, for seasons to change and nourish, for a gentle, slow-moving caterpillar to grow wings of color and fly?  To everything a purpose… to everything His life-giving word.

Imagine a colorless world.  A world without the fragrance of a garden, the taste of a crisp apple, the feel of warm sand beneath your feet.  Could it be that the Creator designed it to bring your heart joy?  Could it be that He prepared it all for humanity, so that we could know pleasure in what He has given to us?  Could it be that He created it all to reveal His longing for relationship… His love… His heart for you and me?

And from His heart, with His marvelously transforming power, He creates us. Fallen from obedience, we hold ashes of guilt in our hands until He speaks mercy and beauty springs forth.  Yes, when you and I have nothing, He speaks into our lives and gives us everything.

And from us, He asks only faith and love…

…funny, when you think of it, since the seeds for both He planted in our hearts.  He requires nothing from us that He hasn’t already provided for us.

So what can we do but praise Him?  What can we do but exalt His name, this Lord of all Creation who is full of majesty and mercy?  To this Savior who brings life from death ~ life abundant, new, and eternal ~ can we offer anything but adoration?

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come… with all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings… You are my everything and I will adore you!” (“Revelation Song” by Jennie Lee Riddle)

With so many trees in the city, you could see the spring coming each day until a night of warm wind would bring it suddenly in one morning.  Sometimes the heavy cold rains would beat it back so that it would seem that it would never come and that you were losing a season of your life.  Hemingway- A Moveable Feast

Hemingway caught a glimpse into my thoughts in a recent Spring as I read his chapter leading into Fake Spring.  It had been warm and springy for  few days, only to be brutally interrupted by cold temperatures and cold rain, sleet, and hail ~ all in one day.  Colorado weather is usually unpredictable, but especially so that Spring.  How I longed for the warmth of spring and the green of the trees.  I wished for the blooming of the flowers; an end to the death of winter and the resurrection of new life.

How often I wish for the springtime in life as well.  It is hard when God holds you in a winter season; so often it feels as though it will never end.  Sometimes a glimpse of Spring teases, only to awaken me back to reality with the harsh cold rain, like being awakened from a marvelous dream.  God holds us in winter seasons so that the old things die.  It hurts when those things die, but it is so that new life can grow.  Winter is a long hard season; it is cold, grey, and dingy.  The one refreshing thought in the midst of winter, eventually Spring will come.  Hemingway, upon giving up gambling on horse-racing announced, “I knew that everything good and bad left an emptiness when it stopped”.  Those words are so true; however, God wants to fill up the emptiness with Him, to bring us to new life.

You expected to be sad in the fall.  Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintry light, But you knew there would always be spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen.  When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person had died for no reason. Hemingway ~ A Moveable Feast

Is that not our joy?  Knowing that spring will come; God will not keep us in winter forever.  How can we have that hope?  I wrote in “Ruth Part Seven” that Ruth and Naomi had vision attached to their perspective.  It does not matter how dismal things look, or how long we have to wait, when we hold to the vision God has given for our life, we can be assured Spring is on the way.  Most of us are familiar with Habakkuk 2:2, write the vision down, but I love the verse in The Message Bible:

“And then God answered: “Write this.  Write what you see.  Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run.   This vision-message is a witness pointing to what’s coming. It aches for the coming ~ it can hardly wait!  And it doesn’t lie.  If it seems slow in coming, wait.  It’s on its way.  It will come right on time.” Habakkuk 2: 2-3.

It is important to wait out God’s seasons; they are part of the journey.  He can work great things in us when we wait.  Usually, I take my plants that made it through the winter, out of the greenhouse and arrange them in the front yard on Mother’s Day.  Something inside insisted I wait; if I had not, despite the warm temperatures of the past few days, they would have died in the cold night.  Thankfully, they are resting warm in the safety and security of the greenhouse.  Though the season demanded it was time for those geraniums and hydrangeas to turn their face to the sun, and grace my front yard, they would have died ~ it was not time.

And that is our strength, knowing that spring will come; the vision will come.  As constant as the seasons of the earth, While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease (c.f. Genesis 8:22 NASB), so is the constancy of the Creator who set those seasons in order.  Though it may still look like winter, spring is coming, just as sure as the sun will rise, ending the mourning (Psalm 30:5), and greeting most happily, the joy which He promises.

In those days, though, the spring always came finally but it was frightening that it had nearly failed.  Hemingway~ A Moveable Feast

But God has given us his Spirit.  That’s why we don’t think the same way that the people of this world think.  That’s also why we can recognize the blessings that God has given us.
1 Corinthians 2:11-13

Why do I talk about grace all the time?  Why the hype?  What’s the big deal? These are questions asked by those who don’t quite understand this truth.  If a person “gets” it, there’s no way he/she can keep quiet about the wonders of  it all.

A friend and I were discussing why we thought some Christians understand grace and others don’t.  We came to several conclusions.  For instance, many of us were taught you get nothing for free.  True, most things in life we must pay for, but God’s grace is free for the taking.  Maybe it just wasn’t explained clearly or was taught with a mixture of truth and lies, and the lies won out.  Some people believe a person must work for God’s love, so then grace is unattainable because it is a gift and can’t be worked for.  But whatever the reason that keeps us from understanding grace, it is a sad thing. The truth is, too, most of these reasons were our own reasons at one time or another, hence the conclusions.

Why do some Christians have a clear understanding of grace?  Several things come to mind.  Maybe they hear the truth proclaimed and accepted it.  Maybe those who were forgiven much grab hold of grace because they know they don’t deserve it.   Some might have asked for clarity and revelation to receive knowledge and truth and got it.  I don’t know their personal reasons for accepting God’s grace, but I know it is a truth that changes lives, families, churches, and has the potential to change the world!

Let me give you an illustration of the difference between mercy and grace. Sometimes we tend to get these two mixed up.  They may seem similar, but they are really quite different, although you can’t get one without the other.  It’s a package deal.

       A woman drives down the interstate 20 miles over the speed limit.  A policeman stops her.  He gets out of his car and walks to the window, “Ma’am you were speeding, but I’m not going to give you a ticket, though you really deserve it because you broke the law.” 

That’s mercy.

She deserves that ticket, but doesn’t get it.  The woman is so thankful to just be able to drive away at that moment, receiving nothing else.

With unbelief she says, “Really?! Oh thank you so much.”

The policeman says, “However I am going to give you something else.”

The woman’s demeanor changes as she thinks, “I thought it was too good to be true.”

But the officer gives her a one hundred dollar bill!   Then he says, “Now take this and go to the mall and spend it. When you get there you’ll receive another one.  Take that and spend it; there will be an unlimited supply.”

That’s never ending grace.  She didn’t have to pay the penalty for breaking the law because the policeman took care of it for her.  But she did get something she didn’t deserve (an unlimited supply of hundred dollar bills) and it certainly wasn’t based on her behavior.  That’s Unmerited Favor, which is grace.   Make sense?

You see God sent His Son Jesus to pay the penalty for our sins since we were lawbreakers (sinners). (Romans 5:8)  Because of His sacrifice on the cross we can be saved from an eternal hell when we accept (trust, believe) the truth of what Jesus did for us. (John 3:16)  God provided this freedom out of His love and mercy.  Heaven is freely given to those who believe!  But He did even more than that by including every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 1:1-6) No one is certain of everything provided in this gift of grace, but there is forgiveness, joy, peace, faith, a sound mind, love, security, provision, protection, and the benefits go on and on and on and on.  A new spirit, His Spirit, within us gives us the power to fulfill our purpose in life to glorify Him. All of this is grace in action.

Grace enables me to live for Jesus because it is His love and power in me that accomplishes His work and purpose through me.  His grace takes me over, under, through, in between, and far above all circumstances.  I am NEVER without Him.

The truth is, God could have saved a place in heaven for me and that would have been more than enough, more than I deserved.  But He also gave me His ongoing grace.

Why do I share this message over and over again?   Because Father God has lavished His unmerited favor upon me!  The greatest thing that ever happened in my life cannot be hidden.  I am one of those people who was forgiven much, who had the veil removed, who found it hard to believe I had worth.  Yet today and every day Grace tells me that I am highly favored, blessed, valuable, and loved by God Almighty, the Father of my heart.

Do I live graceful every day, every minute?  Nope, I don’t.  But those times when I do, whether in heartache or joy, I experience abundant life here on earth.  Praise to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!

1 Corinthians 15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am: and His grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Romans 6:14 For sin shall not [any longer] exert dominion over you, since now you are not under Law [as slaves], but under grace [as subjects of God's favor and mercy]. (It is grace that keeps me from living ungodly.)

A short time after I became a believer a friend gave me a little booklet by Amy Carmichael, called “If”.  It was a tough book for a new Christian to read because it is primarily a series of challenges to the self to be willing to be in submission to God in all circumstances. It called us always to desire to think and act motivated by what Miss Carmichael called “Calvary love”.  I was nowhere near that understanding of faith yet ~ but it opened my eyes to a depth of love for Christ and the possibilities in a life of faith of which I had never dreamed.

It set a standard, and gave me a glimpse of a very human life truly dedicated to serving Christ with all your heart, mind and soul.  I saw my own struggles reflected in her struggles.  I recognized internal things in my own life which I had never seen before: things like pride, selfishness, and lack of patience.  I knew that my primary example should be the Lord, but I also knew I wasn’t able to reach His perfection.  Miss Carmichael certainly was not perfect ~ but it was in her failures and conflicts that the true depth of her faith came out, and showed me that I could also fail, but eventually find forgiveness and strength to overcome at the feet of the Savior.  I read that book every day, and I think I can truthfully say that next to my Bible, it had more impact on my spiritual life than any other book at that time.

Recently I have been re-reading, with awe, her insights and the story of her life.  She was a missionary to India, going out in 1895 and eventually setting up a home for children and later others who needed refuge, including those who had been set aside to serve as temple prostitutes.  She served without a single furlough; never leaving India again until she died in 1951.  She had a fall in 1932, and after that was confined to her bed with constant pain, and ministered through her devotional writings.  I have experienced now, and know at greater depth the kind of spiritual struggles with which she wrestled. I thank God that He put her little book in my path at such a tender spiritual age, because it allowed me to understand that I was to go deeper.

I am still trying to learn that lesson.  I get so discouraged with myself at times.  I find myself coasting along, satisfied with the status quo, and being content to accept spiritual milk, when I should be hungering for meat.  Philip Yancey, in his book on prayer, speaks of the currently accepted vision of God who “represents success, good feelings, a sense of peace, a warm glow.”  He makes the point that Christians of today with “the cheery optimism of modern consumer-oriented faith”, are often confused by a call to go deeper.  They expect a life of peace and harmony and constant forward motion, and become anxious when it doesn’t go that way.  For them, an encounter with the occasional silence of God or an attack from the enemy is a terrible shock.  They have been taught that all they need to do is keep the rules and the Lord will give them everything they want, make the way smooth.

Yancey points out that our reading used to take us to works like Pilgrim’s Progress, the story of a struggling believer trying to find his way through trials like the Slough of Despond and other difficulties; or John of the Cross’s Dark Nights of the Soul; or Thomas à Kempis book “Imitation of Christ”; or Brother Lawrence practicing the presence of God as he labored in the most menial and humbling tasks.  These books helped us understand that the way of the Cross is often filled with difficulty; that challenge is the pathway to growth. Now we look for warm fuzzies and only enjoy reading about things that reinforce our magic genie vision of God and promise us lots of pie in the sky.  In the language of social media, we don’t “like” hard truths that call us to lose some of our complacency and challenge us to take the more demanding path.

Yet, I know that there is more, and increasingly I find I can’t be at peace if I try to take the easy way out.  It is all too comfortable for me to compare myself to others and say, “Well ~ look at them ~ they are happy, and they love the Lord, and they never seem to have these struggles.  If I just coast along and go through the motions, then I won’t have to go through all this angst and inner pain and life will be so much simpler”.  Whenever I do this, the Spirit begins to press.  I can’t pretend to myself that this is satisfactory because I have seen, in the lives of people like Amy Carmichael, Elisabeth Elliot and countless other spiritually mature women of God, that we need to go deeper.  I must take up my cross and follow Him, no matter where that takes me, no matter how hard the journey.  Nothing I have gone through in life can compare to the things He has suffered for my sake.  It isn’t as if I have to make the journey alone.  He is always at my side, encouraging, strengthening, and helping me up when I stumble.

What sometimes keeps me back is sheer funk.  Sometimes I am afraid to trust Him.  I know that there may be pain in the lessons, that the path may be rocky and full of risk.  Yet, in the end, I know I must follow, because I meant it when I gave my life to Christ all those years ago, and I love Him.  How can I hold back any part of me when He has given everything for me?

Ultimately, I am not responsible for the lives of my fellow believers, except that I know I always want to behave in a way that honors Christ, and that others, believers and non-believers, may be watching.  I want to represent Him in the truest way possible, for my sake as well as for their perception of who and what a believer can be. The deepest part of the journey lies in genuinely becoming more like Him, rather than being concerned with what appears on the surface.  It is an internal change that I desire.  The only way for this to happen is that I must die to self, and live to have Him fill me up: “to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God”. (Eph. 3:19)

What would it take to bring us all to the place where we could echo this prayer by Amy Carmichael?

“My Father, there are many reasons why I could feel downcast.

When I think about some parts of my life, it’s hard to pray… even harder to worship in freedom…

…relationships that are difficult…

…dreams and goals that are crumbling…

…old hurts that wound me over and over…

Some parts of me feel cold and wordless.

Is the problem that I’ve buried some things deep inside?  Are You patiently calling ~ through days and months ~ for me to open up to You at some deeper level?

Today, Father, I trust You to go deeper.”

That is the key ~ I WANT to go deeper; to be prepared to follow Him even into the scary places; not compromising with second best; being willing to take the harder way if that will bring me closer to Him. There is an old fashioned word which we seldom hear anymore ~ it is “sanctification”.  It means choosing to set ourselves apart for God; and letting Him change us layer by layer into His image by the submission of self to His will.  I can no longer accept any substitutes, any shallow cotton candy kind of faith.  I am to strap on the full armor of God and go forth as a warrior prepared to take on whatever the world and Satan throw at me.  Again and again I need to tell myself that it isn’t about me, and my wants, and my pride and my ego.  It is about the Savior who died, and the cost to Him at Calvary for my sake, and all that this means in terms of how I live my life.  I can’t be satisfied anymore with a Sunday go-to-meeting kind of faith that stops at the door of the church on my way out.  I am either Christ’s person, or I am not… whatever that costs.

Father, please guide me to the next level of faith; let me go deeper as I keep my hand trustingly in Yours.

Whew! Serious wake-up call for me the other day!  I was attending my church Bible study, when I finally understood a concept that has been eluding me for as long as I can recall.  The Bible tells us not to judge others… easier said than done ~ or at least that is what I chose to think.  So what if I have opinions about some people, who wouldn’t… Right? WRONG!

Our teacher explained that the Gospel, or good news of what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross, is for everyone ~ that all might hear, believe, and be saved. The rest of the story in the New Testament ~ the teaching of how to walk with God and live the life of a Christ follower ~ however, is only for those who believe.

It makes perfect sense!  It is ridiculous to think that we who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, and are indwelled with the Holy Spirit, could or would expect those who do not believe and are not filled with the Holy Spirit to be able to live according to the principles of the Law and Grace!   Seriously, it is the Holy Spirit who convicts our hearts of sin and causes us to repent and change ~ becoming a new creation in Christ, and walking in the continual renewing of our hearts and minds.  His indwelling Spirit is continually remodeling us into the likeness of Christ, and causing us to want to live better and do better so that we might reflect Him more.  Not because we have to (grace check), but because we want to ~ out of gratefulness for all Jesus has done for us!  So, HELLO, it is crazy to expect Joe-Blow-Non-Christian to miraculously straighten up and fly right, without the help of the Author of the miraculous!

But that’s what we do, isn’t it?!  We feel a ping of irritation when we see a mother smoking in her car, windows rolled up, and a toddler in the backseat.  We glare at those individuals lacking self-discipline at the office Christmas party, who don’t seem to know when to stop drinking… We groan and shake our heads when we hear about someone cheating on their spouse ~ not because we grieve for them and the pain they are causing, but because we think, “how could they?!”    Good grief, as a former lost soul, what right have I to respond that way?  Joe (mentioned above) may be able to wise up some on his own, but he will continually fail to find freedom from the sin that grips him, as long as he tries in his own strength.

I am so thankful for how patient and gracious God has been with me, the filth that He has overlooked and even removed from the slate of my life…  So, why do I see others and judge?  Why would I allow myself to believe that I am any better than the next sinner?  Especially when the list of my own sins would easily one-up most of those I have let myself look down on.  That reminds me… You know that famous line given by some non-believers, about why they don’t go to church, “Church is full of a bunch of hippocrites.”  Honestly, I think it is more than that… I think it is our self-righteousness that keeps them running from places of worship.  Certainly they are aware of our condescension.  Please forgive me Lord!

Jesus spent time with sinners, not to stoop or fall to their “level,” but to love them UP to His!  Love, not judgment, shines the light of truth on sin and brings conviction to the heart.  Because with love, God’s grace is evident.  With judgment only condemnation lends itself.  Which would you have chosen in your pre-Christian state… Which would you have felt more drawn to when looking at life through the veil of an empty, broken heart and hopelessness? Would you gravitate toward love and the free gift of grace, or judgment and the self-loathing of condemnation.

So, yet another lesson learned for me.  Now, as I go about my day, and I catch myself sizing up others, judging their actions, attire, or words… I ask God to let me see them as He does… In need of a Savior, loved no less than those already in the fold.  He is then able to break my heart for them, and I am able to see those things as just outward symptoms of a lost heart.  In this frame of reference, I am able to share His Truth in love, and hopefully, His unfailing grace shines through!

Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Philippians 2:3  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Colossians 3:12  Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Wild wonder, that I can enter into Your presence… this is holy ground, wherever I call Your name and find You with me (and so everywhere is sacred, for “where can I go from Your Spirit?  Where can I flee from Your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”)  Who is like You, Lord, in love or in power?  No one can compare to Your majesty… and yet You, King of all Kings, have numbered both my tears and every hair on my head.  This heart runneth over and over (and over again) in thankfulness for who You are…

…and, still, there is bluster and noise.  Life presses in and I allow this and that and the other to take up space in my heart that rightfully belongs to You.  Oh, I am weary of forgetting You and the sand-spurs of sin sticking to my skin… falling so short of what You’ve called me to be, I can only say that I’m sorry, in need (again and again) of Your grace.

Who could stand in the light of Your holiness?  I am breathless with gratitude for the gift of Your Son.  “Behold, what manner of love is this?”  Love so lavish, extravagant, divine that He would give His life for me, become my righteousness and the reason I whisper Your name ~ Abba-Father ~ and You know me as child, adopted and joint-heir in this kingdom… me, so unworthy and somehow still chosen…

Please sing me awake with Your love song so that I can’t close my eyes to You… You are worthy of only my all… and my all doesn’t seem like enough and my faith somehow still falters, but frail beginnings grow in Your hands and so I offer to You: me.  (How can it be, that this is what You desire?  How wide, how deep, how long, how high is Your love…)

Lord, give me strength enough to ask You to mold me ~ not on my terms, but Yours.  Will you interrupt me, change me, sanctify anew, move in this place? (oh, I want to trust Your heart enough to hold nothing back!) … I believe ~ please, Father, help my unbelief… for my soul, it is so thirsty and my heart full of yearning for the Water and Bread that satisfies…

…because we are in desperate need, all of us, in the noise and the chaos and the pain ~ these generations searching and searching, needing something True and something Good… needing You, only You.

I am humbly before You… asking for Your Spirit to re-define us so that we will be Your hands and feet, a holy people set apart for You… isn’t it time that we hear Your Word and follow Your heart?  Lord, this I know to be true: Your compassion can overwhelm this darkness, Your love cast out all fear.  Fill us more and more with Your love until it is overflowing, a mighty river flowing from Your heart to our hearts to every single heart on this earth…

This waiting-time, it’s not forever ~ and until You come again, Lord, this is the time and the place ~ now, today, wherever we are and wherever we go ~ to be Your good and faithful servants… transform us until we are like the moon, reflecting Your life-giving Light.  And I know that You will guide us, bring us safely and forever home to You… in the fullness of time, our eyes will see Your face, at last ~ Your presence our only dwelling-place… and this is eternal wild wonder, this is awe and this is blessing.

This is my heart left only with simple praise.

Thank You, Abba-Father.

“But so many people were coming and going that Jesus and the apostles did not even have a chance to eat.  Then Jesus said, “Let’s go to a place where we can be alone and get some rest.”  They left in a boat for a place where they could be alone.
Mark 6:31-32 (CEV)

It was warm for February and the sun shone brightly as we trooped up Main Street heading for our “haunt”, a locally owned coffee shop.  It was girls’ day out, as it is so often now-a-days.  My daughter, granddaughter, sister, and I share an appetite for good coffee and atmosphere, preferably in this old antique building in our little city’s downtown heart.  In every block they remain ~ these old buildings ~ precious gems, in the midst of plastic and concrete.

We have a favorite spot for our rite of swigging caffeine; we enter through weighty aged oak doors partially filled with thick and heavy leaded beveled glass inserts.  Due to our usually raucous nature, we pass by the choices of cozy tables and window seats that fill the nooks on either side.  We skirt the sofas and coffee tables and head straight for the counter, which is a wooden marvel, a relic salvaged from its former glory in some by-gone bar.

After a giddy time of “selection making”, we juggle our mugs and head for the far reaches of the shop.  The old brick walls and pine floor beg us to stay inside, but if it isn’t raining or snowing we trudge on; the sign “Pergola not open today”,  hanging on the back door, barely swings as we exit through it.  The barista forgives us for this disobedience because she knows the untidy state of the patio ~ in the off seasons ~ bothers us not at all.

So we gather under the lush green or dried brown stems of clinging vines, and treat our eyes to a “touch of the past”.  The old brick has followed us here; we are surrounded by mossy covered shades of red and dusty orange; they are formed by the neighboring buildings that have been here long before my grandfather’s day.  There is a small brick pool behind a low wall that’s guarded by a wrought iron wall hanging, fashioned as a multitude of fish.  A wrought iron stairway leads to an iron balcony that hangs out from the tucked away apartment located above this little Eden.

We grab our chairs and immediately fall under the spell of these enchanted moments.  Is it because of the ambiance of the place, or is it a state of mind we enter into here in this time set aside, while we are walled away and shut off from the distractions of the bustling world?  Even though we’re boisterous, it seems as if we’ve walked into a prayer.

God is so wise in His way of “giving us our daily bread”;  He nourishes every area of our lives.  His children’s hearts are enhanced, refreshed, and rested as bonds of family love grow even stronger and memories are made ~ often to be relished in those times when we must look inward rather than outward to find a source of pleasure.  It is then we realize the blessings of the moment have become even more precious as reflections.

The sun moves across the sky in quick order, but time in these enclosed walls seems to flow as slow as molasses, and is as golden and sweet.

We, kin in flesh and sisters in spirit, are each an extension of the other and our lives weave around and touch all the angles, planes, the length and breadth of the filled and hollow spaces of our individual reality.  So, we enjoy our day with thanksgiving and grateful hearts, for the time of rest and refreshment that Jesus modeled for us.  We have added another layer and increased the depth of appreciation of all He means to us, and for each other.

Tossing our napkins in the trash can as we traipse back through to the front section of the shop, we startle the girl making a fresh brew, “Oh. I thought you were long gone!”

“Nope, we’re still here!” But not for long; back to the world we go, rested and refreshed ~ a blessing well placed by our Heavenly Father.  We pull open the heavy door.

There are some who ask, “Who will be good to us?” Let Your kindness, Lord, shine brightly on us.  You brought me more happiness than a rich harvest of grain and grapes.  Psalms 4:6-7 (CEV)

⁷ The angel of the LORD found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. ⁸And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?”
“I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered… ¹¹ The angel of the LORD also said to her: “You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son.  You shall name him Ishmael,  for the LORD has heard of your misery… ¹³ She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:7-8,11,13

I feel I need to begin by sharing something with you dear sisters.  I am a runner.  Lacing up those running shoes and taking off, free as a bird, is something I do on a regular basis.  It’s one of the many ways I deal with the stress in my life and the problems that seem to follow me around like a lost puppy.  I do love a good run, but I have to confess it’s not the healthy kind.  So, if you were envisioning one of the Spandex clad joggers, gracefully running with strength and endurance, freeze that frame for a second!  Replace the thought with something more like our servant girl Hagar, making a run for the desert to get away from the problems she was having with Sarai.  Or, my personal favorite is the image of Elijah tucking up his cloak after a huge victory and running for who knows how long, only to run in fear out into the desert to jump into a pit of despair.  That ladies, is the kind of running you’ll find on my exercise routine, and that is also one of the reasons this story of the servant girl Hagar so touches my heart.

This encounter Hagar has with God begins with “The Angel of the LORD found Hagar.”  Now, we know that Hagar was never lost to God; He knew where she was, but in this moment, He draws near to her, appears to her, and asks her where she is going?  God already knows.  God already sees.  He knows and sees all things.  Yet as Hagar is running from the life that God has ordained for her, El Roi ~ the God who sees ~ is inviting Hagar to catch a glimpse of what she is doing and giving her an opportunity to return to the path God has set out for her.

I love that when I become full of fear, or doubt, or even when it is anger and frustration that causes me to run and hide, my God will come and find me.  Psalm 139:7-10 says, “Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”  Our God not only sees, He holds us with His strong right hand.  He continues to guide us even as we are veering dangerously off course.  I believe that the more our hearts are breaking, the more our Father desires to “find” us and bring us back into His loving arms ~ back into fellowship where we can experience His never ending love and peace again. 

Over and over, I have found my Father faithful.  Over and over I have sensed my sweet Jesus luring me back into His arms, wanting to lovingly put back together the pieces of my broken and hurting heart.  Over and over my God has opened my eyes to see Him in the middle of my desert seasons, revealing to me, that the only One who sees my misery, is also the One who loves me enough to seek me out of my wandering and carry me back home.

Hagar encountered that seeking and overwhelming love of God that day alone in the desert.  She had left behind all that was familiar.  She must have felt betrayed by Sarai and was probably angry and most likely full of fear.  What would she do?  Who would help her care for her unborn child?  But God did not leave her.  He revealed Himself to her, and when she saw who God was, she exclaimed, “You are the God who sees me,” and she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me!”

Hagar would meet El Roi in the desert on another occasion.  This time she was not running, but sent away by her master.  Out of water, she feared for her son’s life, and left him under a bush not wanting to watch him die.  But God would again show Himself to her in her time of need.  Genesis 21:17-19 says, “God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, ‘What is the matter, Hagar?  Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.  Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation.’  Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water.  So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.”

 I often wonder if Hagar would have not seen the well had she not had the faith to believe the promises of God for her and her son.  As a mom, trusting God with the very lives of our children can be one of the greatest challenges of our faith.  The prospect of God desiring for us to let go of control over the little ones we hold most dear will cause even the best of us to roll up our cloaks and high-tail it into the desert looking for a place to hide.  This is the place where God has found me this evening: hiding in fear, not trusting His promises for my children.  Do I have the faith to see the well of water that my God is offering to my son?  Can I see the path He has laid out for my daughter before even He created the world?  I don’t see it yet, and my heart is full of fear.

There are so many challenges to face and so many things unknown.  I feel overwhelmed and so alone, but even in this place, I see my God.  He has come to bring me out of the desert once more, inviting me to trust what I cannot see, and believe that my El Roi sees even the things I do not understand.  God always sees, and His promises are always true.  Even with a hand shaking with fear, I will choose to reach for His Mighty Hand and return home under the shelter of His wing.  He is forever faithful, and I know that as I release my grip on my children, trusting their lives to Him just as Hagar had to do with Ishmael, He will come to them and provide for them, too, and I will praise his Name!

“Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge Him.  As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:3

And who knows?  Maybe if I stop wasting so much energy trying to run and hide, I might just be able to lace up those running shoes and run the race God has laid out before me ~ shining the mighty light of Jesus along the way.  Don’t you just love our God?  I do.

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