I lived most of my life to please others. I was the person they needed and wanted me to be. It did not matter who I really was inside; if I didn’t fit their mold, I changed myself to make them happy. So many years buried under so many masks, it’s no wonder I lost my identity along the way. So many years I did not see my true-face. Was I a small child when I began wearing the masks? What would I have been like as a young mother and wife had I kept my own identity? I can’t go back and change things, and it’s a waste of time to ponder what might have been, but I do wonder if things might have been different.
My desire to be accepted by others was so strong it controlled me. I could not bear conflict and tried to bring peace at all cost for myself and others. This stemmed from dysfunctional family issues both in childhood and as an adult. I had become co-dependent.
However, through a Bible study I did a few years ago something clicked and I began to understand God’s real love and grace. Somehow, after all these years as a believer in Christ, I had missed something amazing. I found out the truth of who I really was in Christ. When I realized I was so valuable to God, I began to understand how much I was worth. His love was enough for me and if nobody else accepted or “liked” me that was ok. I could be confident in who I was because God made me a new creation and I had purpose and a destiny. My dreams could really come true and I could begin living the abundant life Jesus spoke about in John 10:10.
Dreams? Did I say dreams? Up until this point in my life I never knew I had dreams of my own ~ it had always been about everyone else. As I have begun to see who I am, I find I want to follow the yellow brick road to the destiny God has for me.
My children are grown now and my husband and I are in mid- life together. I am finding my own identity and there are some definite visible changes inside and out. The once timid, doormat personality I hid behind has mostly vanished. Its replacement is more discerning and confident. I love that I am finally free to be me.
I feel safe enough to take off my masks and be myself. It is only when I am true-faced not two-faced that I am free to be who I really am. Living true to who God has made me to be is life-changing, empowering, and beautiful. He loves and accepts me where I am, the way I am, and that’s what matters to me now. I try to concentrate on trusting Christ and as long as I do that, the rest falls into place. Freedom feels so good after all these years.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
(Editor’s note: for more on the term “true-faced” please see truefaced.com ~ a ministry of Bill Thrall, Bruce McNichol, and John S. Lynch)