by Rae Lloyd
I cried out for you when you took that pill perhaps just to self medicate and you didn’t really want to, but you couldn’t stop. I knew there was an inner healing for you, but you thought you could not get there yet.
I cried out for you when you lived a lifestyle that maybe confused you yet others said it was okay and that made you feel better for a little while, but still you knew something wasn’t right.
I cried out for you when you stayed up late at night and viewed the things you thought would fulfill you, but they didn’t.
When you kept doing that one thing that you know you shouldn’t, but it gripped you so tightly until you felt you couldn’t stop. I knew there was freedom for you.
Deeper and deeper you drown into an abyss that may have been comforting and even fun at its beginning, but now has you tightly clasped between its cold fingers much like a vine that rapidly wraps its host, merciless in its entanglement. It promised to fill your need, but once you planted it within you, it grew wildly out of control ~ out of your control.
You make deals with God, but you can never keep your end. So you fall deeper. He’s not looking for a deal, He just wants you.
Though I may not know you, I know God has something better for you. I cried out to God for you to see that; for you to know that He really wants you free.
Or maybe you do have the answer, but you have a hard time keeping it consistent or giving it your attention because your attention has been overrun by that one thing. You’re a good person. You didn’t mean it to end up like this. Yet, it grabs the best of us. Maybe you’re the victim of someone else’s addiction or perverted fulfillment. You wouldn’t have chosen that. You would now choose their freedom.
You might be surprised to know that God is always calling you, even when you want nothing to do with Him.
All day long, I stretch out My hands to you… I have been found by those who did not seek me… Romans 10:20-21
Sometimes you give him a little attention and then sometimes you ignore, but yet He still calls. He created your answer.
I have no judgment or blame for you. It’s only by the grace of God that any of us survive. No one is better than another, even if they have convinced themselves otherwise. Join the “misfits” that have taken a step toward His grace… everyone who calls on Me will be saved… Romans 10:13 You don’t have to be fixed or perfect to get to Him. He accepts whoever.
Even if it’s step by step or inch by inch, turn your attention to Him. He has your freedom. It may not come overnight, but then it could! The best way to start is just asking for His help, then see what happens. Never consider yourself a failure when you plunge backward. Just get up and ask Him for help again. He’s not mad at you.
You can be free. You’re gonna make it. That path is not far away, because remember, He’s right there with you, always calling, always reaching.
About the author:
After serving 20 plus years in full-time ministry, Rae and her husband Eddie make their home in Eastern North Carolina. They have two sons, one of whom is autistic with many special needs.
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