What Do Women Want?

By Julie Moore     How would I know?
Well, I’m a woman.  I have lots of friends who talk.  I’m a blogger who communicates with other women bloggers.  I’ve ministered to women in and out of Christian circles for about 17 years.   Communicating with women and trying to give them what they want and need is what I do.

So what have I found out?

Women want other women to be real and transparent.

We want to know we are not alone in this messed up world.  We want someone to tell us we’re not crazy and even if we are, tell us it’s okay.  We are desperate for someone to love and accept us in our fragile, harried, not so cute, sometimes angry, misunderstood state of mind.   And yes, even Christian women have their days when they need another woman to just listen and say, “I understand, I’ve been there, and I’ll help however I can.”

The word transparent is described by Webster as “free from pretense or deceit, sheer enough to be seen through, readily understood, and characterized by visibility and accessibility.”  This probably brings a bit of fear to some of you, to be open and share your real life with others.  Isn’t this what you want from other women?  And deep down, sometimes, don’t you really just want to be honest about what’s going on in your life?

Jesus came to give us freedom from sin and death.  He came to give life, not only in heaven, but abundant life here.  Abundant, real life cannot be found behind bars in the Prison of Pretense.  Pretending to be someone or something we are not only leads to captivity.  Once we’ve started the story, we have to work to keep it up.  Have you ever tried to keep an imperfect family looking perfect all the time?  Virtually impossible!

Part of my own story with this began when I started teaching women’s Bible studies.  I had been teaching about 4 years and my class was growing, but I was dying from exhaustion.  My thinking went like this, “A Sunday School teacher cannot let her students know she has problems because she has to set an example.  They need to look up to her.  If she struggles with sin she can’t admit it because she’s supposed to be above that.”  It was very hard to continue the charade of the perfect life while I tried to be the savior to all the women in my class.   This caused me to “burnout” because I just couldn’t do it all and there was no one telling me any different.  I gave up all ministries for 2 years and slowly and prayerfully stepped back in as the Lord led.

I am telling you different now.  Be transparent with other women.    I’m not saying you have to share every deep, dark secret you have, but when the Spirit of God leads you to give testimony as to what you’ve been through or are going through, just do it.  Do it for you, do it for them, but mostly do it for Him.

Nowadays, as I minister to women from all walks of life in church and the community, I am transparent with them.  If I’m going to relate to and share Christ with these precious ones they need to know there’s a real woman inside me, with real life issues, letting a real Jesus love her.  Then perhaps they will let me share how much my Jesus loves them.  And maybe they’ll believe me.

Hey, isn’t that what it’s all about anyway?

Scripture references: Galatians 5:1, Galatians 6:2, John 10:10, Luke 12:12, John 15:26-27

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About Julie:

I teach workshops twice a week instructing women in job and life skills.  This is one of several opportunities God has given me to share my gifts of encouragement, teaching and motivating in order to help others reach a more fulfilled life.  My days are blessed here in beautiful Georgia and I am excited to be on this new path with God, my loved ones and you.  I’m transparent and like to share my true feelings.  There is freedom in being me and because Christ has set me free from pretending to be someone I’m not, you will see the REAL ME.

20 comments for “What Do Women Want?

  1. Kristi
    June 21, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    I completely agree. Being transparent is the only way to be friends with someone. Once those thick stone walls are torn down you finally can relate to others and realize how wonderful they really are and they can see how wonderful you really are – even with all the faults. Once we as women realize we are not perfect and neither is our friend we can love them for who they are and then most of their faults will not bother us anymore. Thanks for this article Julie this is a very good reminder.

  2. Nancy Morris
    June 21, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    Thank you, Julie, for your willingness to be open and vulnerable. God has certainly opened doors for you to minister to other women because of this. I hope those doors continue to open that you might be able to share Christ more and more!

  3. June 22, 2011 at 6:41 AM

    Thanks Kristi and Nancy for your kind comments. My hope is that He will use me to reach women however he sees fit. The adventure is exciting and sometimes a little unnerving but I can’t wait!

  4. Mary
    June 23, 2011 at 7:46 AM

    Great article Julie! I’ve always loved you as a teacher just because you are so IM- perfect – like me. I think the biggest thing a woman fears is that when she truly lets out her flaws someone will say, “YOU DO WHAT! OH MY GOSH! WHO DOES THAT!” and grabs her children and runs screaming from the room. Even if it’s just having to shave her toes (I admit I do that – are you retching yet). You would rather crawl in a hole and die than to be different. I think the most comforting words to hear are, “Me too!”

  5. June 23, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    “Women want other women to be real and transparent.”

    And this I want. I don’t want you to doll yourself up or fix your best meal or tell me only about the good times. I want real. I want transparency. Great post. It’s my first time here!

  6. June 23, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    Great article, Julie! There’s no point in being anything but transparent anyway, because God knows our heart. He knows all our shortcomings and loves us just the way we are. So who are we trying to impress by being anything but genuine?

  7. June 23, 2011 at 4:17 PM

    Mary thanks for your love and laugh out loud humor.

    Amy I am so glad you stopped by. I agree that’s what we really do WANT. I love a another woman who can accept me just the way I am.

    Susan you are so right there is no reason to put on a mask anyway if He knows the REAL me and loves me anyway who else do I need to try to impress.

    Thanks all of you for your comments, may you be blessed by the real Jesus who loves the real you.

  8. June 24, 2011 at 12:26 PM

    Thank you for your post about this! I am currently ministering in an environment that encourages/pressures leaders to keep giving and ministering, and be an example, but don’t dare mention that there might be a problem in their lives…and then gives a guilt-motivation to keep going, because “real believers who are in the Word won’t burn-out.” Bull. Burn-out happens when there is little support. Thank you for talking about this, and being transparent!

  9. June 24, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    Laura I know it is hard to serve when you are burned out. Like I said I had to take a long break to recover. I hope you will not let this happen to yourself.

    The thing is when we serve in the place God puts us it is a pleasure to serve within the body of Christ and the Holy Spirit gives us everything we need to do so. It’s others that will push us to the brink of burn out if we let them.

    Also remember it’s okay to say “no”.

  10. June 24, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    Couldn’t agree more. I took a hiatus from writing for about 3 years, b/c I couldn’t stand myself anymore! LOL. I was weary from trying to be the perfect Christian woman, b/c deep down I’m a mess (mostly a joyfun one, sometimes not). My main goal now is not to be an expert, or a know-it-all, but just find the humor in our God-given world. Vulnerability breeds laughter, I’m discovering.

  11. June 24, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    I love humor. The Bible says laughter is healing so I’m all for it. Thank you for your comment.

  12. June 28, 2011 at 10:55 PM

    Thanks Julie!
    You are so are on target with this topic. Christian women today need a sense of community; a safe place where they can be transparent and authentic. They have a tremendous need to build relationships with other christian women who they can trust and be honest with about their personal struggles being wives, moms, and daughters, and all the other hats we wear.

    For years we have fallen victim to the idea that we have to be perfect, especially as christian women. The secular media is rampant with the illusion that with the snap of our fingers we can be the next Martha Stewart, or for those of us who are older, June Cleaver.
    Yes, we strive to climb the ladder of success and somedays it’s all we can do to get dinner on the table, let alone get the laundry caught up. We are fragmented sometimes to the point that we feel like the invisable woman with all the demands we face.

    Some days we feel like crying, some days like laughing, and some days we are head first in the pit of dispair. As women, we are wired to be emotional. So, let’s let go of the guilt and fear of being judged, and realize that we all have our individual struggles, and some days are definitely worse than others. Knowing we have sisters in Christ who love us and accept us unconditionally, makes all the difference in the world.

    I am learning that as I become more honest with myself about my faults and failures, and more transparent with others, that God helps me to realize that he can use me even with my imperfections, because when I recognize my own
    brokeness, that is usually when God steps in to create something new in me.

  13. June 30, 2011 at 8:03 AM

    Right on Lulabelle. I’m from the eras of both Martha and June and I never made it up to those standards. Thank God, literally, He never expected me too without His help. There is true freedom in accepting who you are and who He made you to be. There’s so much left to discover within ourselves and it’s an exciting journey to take with God and our sisters in Christ. Thank you so much for your great comments.

  14. June 30, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    Amen, how true your words ring. It is so much more appealing to let down our guard, let the hair frizz, and let others see the tears fall…then and only then can unbelievers look at us and relate and wondery “what we have that enables us to hold it all together.”
    The most flattering comment I think I have ever received was when a file clerk in the medical office I was in (an unbeliever) came up to me one mornign and asked, ” There is something different about you, you come in each day with a smile and say good morning to everyone, how do you do that?” My answer was simple…I do nothing, Jesus does it all within me.
    We are genuine women of God, who genuinely need each other.

  15. June 30, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    As you can see…. from above my typing is not even error free!

  16. June 30, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    Jo- so true, so true. Jesus is visible in the women who let Him shine through them. It’s awesome when we allow Christ to live His life out in us people are draw to His amazing grace. This is our chance to share the reason we feel free to be transparent and real, the reason we are comfortable being who God created us to be- that’s Christ in us. Thanks for your comments Jo, hope you’ll stop by again.

  17. Tatiane
    August 26, 2011 at 10:11 AM

    Amen, you girls! I’ve been learning so much from this site and the blessed women who participate. Thank you so much, Julie, for sharing and confessing what many women don’t have the courage to: their flaws and fears. We are so pressured into being like the Virtuous Woman from Proverbs 31:10, that when our character is not so noble, we wear masks instead of opening up to another one who may have been through the same difficulties. Of course I don’t want to share everything with everyone but sometimes, the fact the we trust someone else sets us free. I’m 31 and I’ve been leading women gatherings here in my country (Brazil) for four months only, which shows how much I have to learn, how inexperienced I am and, yet, some of the sisters demand that I set an example. Okay, I understand, (I demand that from myself too) and some of them do need a role model but I’m only human and making mistakes is inevitable. God loves us for who we are and we should do the same by accepting our failures and let them show so Jesus can help us fix them (and, who knows, be somewhat like the Virtuous Woman..). I really need to do this to avoid having a heart attack! LOL. Like you said, let’s be transparent for ourselves, and mostly for Him. God bless you.

  18. September 16, 2011 at 12:40 PM

    So glad you are here Tatiane. Thanks so much for your wisdom and comments. Tansparency encourages us to be real with each other and God.

  19. October 26, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    Amen!! Very well said. I am craving to find more women like you and my friends who are not afraid to be real and share about life and ALL it entails, not just the good stuff. Thank you Piper for this encouraging post.

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