Surrendering My Pen, Offering My Words, My Heart

Writing stories is something that many authors did as little girls, dreaming of one day becoming a famous writer.  Those of us old enough may have tapped away on the keys of a typewriter, white-out in hand, dreaming of creating the next best-selling novel.  Some may have been miniature poets who let their hearts pour out in rhyme, covering page after page of beautifully flowing thoughts and words.  Others may have written articles to fill their newly created family newspaper on pink construction paper.  Little girls, especially little girls growing up to be writers, tend to dream far and wide, full of images and words to express their grandest ideas and deepest thoughts.

This was not me.

There were glimpses of writing in my future through the years, but it was not until my heart was overflowing with a love for God, did the words begin to flow out.  After giving my life to Christ, the Holy Spirit began to stir in me the desire to write.  In secret, I began to write a short story, and in the quiet of my room, I wrote out the story of my daughter’s testimony.   I would write, and then doubt, and I would keep my pen close and my heart guarded.

But God had other plans.

God began to chip away at the walls that guarded my heart and worked to take this quiet, reserved, and very private woman to a place she never dreamed she would go.  My love for my Lord and my desire to follow Him has taken me on a journey out into the open, into a place of vulnerability where God is showing me that transparency is what He has in mind.

My life story is one of many ups and downs.   I have known great joy and also the depths of despair.  What I have learned is that I follow a God Who is faithful despite my unfaithfulness, and a God whose love for me is so beyond my ability to grasp, that when I consider it, tears begin to well up in my eyes because my heart cannot contain it.

Oh, how I love Him!

And oh, how I desire His will for my life. It was this desire to be faithful that carried me past the wall of insecurity and fear that was preventing me from doing what my God was calling me to do. There have been many moments full of doubt, where I feared no one would want to hear what I would have to say, and no one would want to read the words I wrote.  It was in these moments that Jesus became my courage, and God’s Word began to build my confidence.  Not confidence in myself or in my ability to write, but it began to build my confidence in God.

If I am willing to surrender my pen, and offer my words and my heart to the Author of Life, He will use my story to build His kingdom, and to make an impact on this world.  For God is the author of this story; my words and my life are a mere reflection of the unfathomable love of our glorious God.

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