When my mom was in the hospital getting ready to be with Jesus, I went to that place with Him. It was a time of great sorrow for me. And even though I was often surrounded by people, I only wanted to be with Jesus. I spend so much time in His word and in prayer, I felt closer to Him than ever before. I had a set of index cards that I used to write down verses, prayers, and thoughts. Those cards remind me that I wasn’t alone then and I’m not alone now.
Those verses ~ like Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. and Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. ~ became a reality for me. His word really is alive.
During those 6 weeks the doctors consistently told me it was time to take her off the machines. But I just couldn’t let go of her. One day I was in a hospital bathroom washing my face. I looked in the mirror and in my spirit the Lord spoke to me, saying, “I will decide when you let her go, not you.” Strange as it may see seem that brought me peace. His love for me is so deep He wanted to spare me from making the decision of whether she lived or died.
About a week later I knew it was time to release her. Amazingly, there was much peace in that decision. Why? Because it was His decision not mine. As I watched her slip away, He upheld me. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me. ~ Psalm 63:8. I lost my mom, best friend, and confidante that day, but Jesus stepped into those roles for me. He truly does love me.
Father, help me to trust You now as I trusted You then.