For Our Marriage

I need prayer. Please!

Just happened to stumble upon this site by chance and let me say that I am most appreciative of your offer to pray for those who need it. I know the power of God and will not turn down an opportunity to be prayed over by my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I’m a 26 year old mother of 2 and this weekend I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I don’t really, but I also don’t feel that I can go on living in the situation we’re in – he is addicted to a drug and won’t quit, refuses to discuss bills or contribute to the household, and is verbally abusive. He doesn’t like to spend time with his family, and constantly chooses his drug and druggie friends over us. It hurts immensely, and I’ve cried out to God over this over and over. While I often receive momentary comfort from Him, I have a difficult time burying the resentment I feel over single-handedly running a household while my husband plays video games at his drug dealer’s house. When he IS at home, he’s yelling at and berating our 2 small daughters, often reducing them to tears. It’s heart-breaking and frustrating to endure these situations over and over.

I’m torn between honoring my marriage vows and making a better life for my daughters and me. I don’t feel like I can spiritually lead our house while being around him – I’m so angry and thus distracted all the time. I also have a hard time reconciling how God would want us to live in such a miserable situation, one that seems to destine my young children for a life of emotional scars and embittered childhood memories. I just want to break away and start fresh in a place where we can be free of the strains of all his problems. I love him and deep down, do NOT want this, but what choice do I really have? Is it a sin to get out of a situation like this? I don’t want to displease God or rob my kids of a daddy, but it seems the love in our marriage is not reciprocal. That realization coupled with all the other problems has shattered my heart and is therefore affecting every area of our life. Our family is so broken, and I don’t know any other way to mend it other than divorce.

The pain is so intense that I cry every night, unsure of God’s direction. I need prayer, badly. It is MUCH appreciated.

Thanks in Christ,

Carissa