Submission is Not a Foul Word

Many of us will remember Candace Cameron Bure from ABC’s Full House, where we affectionately knew her as “DJ Tanner.” Today Candace is a role model to young women everywhere, with a testimony of growing up in Hollywood, while growing in faith with God.

This month, Candace gets candid on the topic of submission when a reader asks, “I was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to be a godly wife?” 

I have noticed that a subject you speak on most often is that of being a godly wife.  I would love to see you in person, but until you come to Kalamazoo, MI I was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to be a godly wife?  I was SO encouraged to hear that your husband was not saved when you were first married. My husband is saved, but his relationship with Christ has weakened recently. His father (who was his best friend) recently passed away and he has been growing distant from me, but especially from God. 

I believe this is the time he needs to rely on God most and am hoping you could give me some ideas/tips for how I can encourage him to reconnect with our Heavenly Father.

Thank you for your message and any help you can give!


The understanding that marriage is an equal partnership where husband and wife are equally important, but aren’t designed to share the same role, is  the foundation to being a godly wife, and encouraging our husbands in faith.

The Bible says, “For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman: but the woman for the man” (1Corinthians 11:8-9).

Today’s society would have us believe there should be no differences between a man and a woman. Society has it wrong.   We were created equally, but very differently, and so we have differing responsibilities in our marriage—ours being a HELPMEET. God created Adam, saying, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”. (Gen. 2:18)

By respecting my husband, and submitting to him as the authority figure in our family–as he should be–my actions have helped to win him over without a word. First Peter 3:1 says, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”

As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, submission is not a foul word. I don’t become a slave to my husband’s every demand—instead I take joy in serving him, and ultimately pleasing God. Val doesn’t take advantage of me, but rather gains respect for me, and chooses to love and honor me as I do him. This chain of command not only nurtures respect one to another, it also pleases the Lord, to whom we are ultimately accountable.

I encourage you to read Titus chapter 2, which teaches us a reverent way of life, and to also pick up a copy of Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debbie Pearl. You can purchase it on their website at or check your local Christian bookstore. This book is THE BEST in becoming a godly wife!  You may hate it, but you’ll thank me for recommending it. 🙂 

Being there for your husband (once you’ve read and applied the book) will be the best thing you can do for him to reconnect with God.

Read more articles like this in Candace’s monthly column: 
“Candid Candace – The Qs & As on Growing with God”


20 comments for “Submission is Not a Foul Word

  1. December 1, 2008 at 10:21 AM

    AMEN sister Candace!

    Submission is not foul word, but it is a word of true freedom!

    When we submit to our husbands out of love, not duty, than we, as wives experience the abundant covering and protection of our Father God as we live joyfully to do His will…His way. 🙂

    Wonderful response!

    Bless you sister!

  2. December 1, 2008 at 11:11 AM

    I so agree with you on this. Submission is not a foul word — but it took me a while to get it. I am just thankful that the Lord was very patient with me on this 🙂

    Thank you so much for sharing your widsom with us.

  3. Sherrie
    December 1, 2008 at 1:34 PM

    I’m a supervisor where I work and I’m believing the Lord to send me my husband.

    After reading the question and answer above I immediately thought about how the employee’s which I supervise submit to my leadership. Most submit with ease and yet some submit with resistance. Oh, how easier it would be if all submitted willingly knowing that I have their best interest at heart and have a job to accomplish for my superiors.

    I can now really see how my husband would appreciate my submission to him even when he doesn’t meet all of my expectations. My submission would make his job easier as the head of our home and allow the favor of the Lord to be upon me inspite of his successful of failed leadership.

    The Lord always rewards unconditional acts of love and obedience to His word. Agape Love wons us over to Christ and it’s agape love that can win others to him and towards us as well.

    Some times it may seem difficult but with faith in the Lord and His word we can do all things. His way is always the best way and the most rewarding.

    A little wordy because I care!

  4. December 1, 2008 at 2:07 PM

    “Created to be his helpmeet” is my absolute favorite book apart from the Bible. It radically changed our marriage. I read it about 2 years ago, and have been recommending it ever since. I always give my copy away! Thank you for making women aware of how “glorious” their marriages can be!

  5. jules p
    December 1, 2008 at 9:14 PM

    Candace..well spoken! Those were very encouraging words. Uplifting me in the role that God gave me. Why would I want to change it?!?!

  6. December 2, 2008 at 6:35 PM

    I agree with you Candace.
    There is a great peace that the world can not experience in a quiet submissive spirit. I’ve been married 12 years now (in December).We have gone through a lot together.
    I’ve seen the Holy Spirit work in awesome ways when I submit to my husband.
    The Lord takes over and transforms situations supernaturally when I simply submit to my hubby.
    It’s like my attitude of being submissive is a seed for bringing forth more respect and admiration from my husband. And it all comes full circle.
    Thanks for this post.
    I’ll tweet about it ;o)

    Eren Mckay

  7. December 2, 2008 at 6:53 PM

    I was working out (in my head) a sermon for this coming Sunday. My husband-pastor has assigned me to talk about submission.

    I have a section in my book (Stepping into the Light: You’re a Christian, what now?) on the topic and a list of scriptures to incorporate, but I was praying for something fresh to say. I decided to emphasize in my upcoming talk not just the beauty and power of submission but the idea that unless husband and wife respect each other as equals, Biblical submission is not truly possible. But I needed to know whether this was the direction God wanted me to take in my teaching.

    Then I started checking Twitter messages and found one referring to this post, Cameron. God answers prayers in a wonderful way and your beautiful insights confirm for me that I’m on the right track. Praise God.

    Now all I have to do is write.

  8. December 4, 2008 at 5:14 PM


    Great response, after 27 years of marriage I know this is true – but I had years of bucking Gods system and the marital bruises to show for it before I figured it out. The Bible says the husband is the head of the family as Christ is the head of the church. Christ also gave His life for the church and in many ways our husbands do this for us. When the church does what it is supposed to do it reflects Christs Glory and it is beautiful. When I get submission right I reflect my husbands glory and it makes him look good – makes our family look magnificent and that is what God intended. Many promotions, etc. have come my husbands way as people marvel and respect our relationship after so many years – a rarity in he line of work he is in. Gods instructions are always for our good and the longer we resist the longer we miss out on the joy that was planned for us.

  9. Renee
    December 5, 2008 at 8:21 AM

    I have read the book by Debbie Pearl and it is awesome. I found that if I read a part I did not like or agree with checked my spirit and guess what…it was ugly, old pride rearing its ugly head…it will help you throughout your marriage, now and years to come

  10. December 6, 2008 at 3:22 PM

    Amen. Keep preaching this message, Sister!

  11. December 15, 2008 at 2:25 AM

    I respectfully disagree with all of you. I don’t believe it was God’s intention for a woman to submit to her husband as the household. Many of these beliefs and interpretations of The Word came about during the early age of corruption when religion was used establish a male dominated society.

    I was inspired by Candace’s article to write and publish my opinion on the subject which you can read here:

    Candace, though I do not agree with you, I respect your opinion and think you did a great job answering the question. I like the voice you write in and wish nothing but happiness to you and your family and the families of all your readers.

  12. December 15, 2008 at 5:14 PM

    Candace, I did not realize your husband was not a believer when you began your relationship. I am in a similar position and am trying to be a godly wife and keep praying that it will win him over in its own way.

    You have no idea how encouraging this is for me, and how grateful I am that I came across this column today.

  13. shelly
    January 13, 2009 at 2:30 PM

    Candace I was so blessed by what the encouraging words you spoke about submission. Submission is such a personal thing for a woman and so many feel they are minimized by it. Personally it is such a step of freedom and total surrender to God. You are a blessing and it is so wonderful to see such a high profile woman speaking Gods word so plainly.

  14. April 3, 2009 at 7:44 AM

    My wife has a problem with submission. I ordered the book “Created to be his Help Meet” it did not arrive yet. I showed her the excerpts and she is rejecting it. She is suffering and I’m suffering. If you are ready to help please consider emailing me at

  15. Kate
    January 26, 2010 at 7:57 AM

    Hold on, if you and your husband are equals, why are you submissive to him? Those two things are inconsistent. If you think that your husband’s opinion is more important than yours, at least be upfront about it.

  16. May 20, 2010 at 8:00 PM

    I feel far more persons will need to read this, extremely very good info.

  17. Sue
    August 15, 2011 at 7:15 PM

    Submission sounds like slavery to me.

  18. KY
    December 18, 2013 at 4:24 PM

    Regardless of your views on marriage, I think it is very dangerous to recommend the Debi Pearl book “Created to be his helpmeet.” It does not suggest communication to solve any problems, it blames every possible marital problem on something the wife has done wrong. Also, the Pearl’s also wrote a book on child rearing, aka, a how to manual for child abusers. It currently has been linked to the deaths of three children, some of whose parents were convicted of murder. It suggests beating with PVC pipe and withholding food as punishment, etc. Regardless of your views on spanking, I think any sane person can agree that this is abuse.

  19. Andy
    January 6, 2014 at 8:03 PM

    “Helpmeet” is not a real word. The contraction of “help meet” into “helpmeet” was a translation error. “Meet” simply means “suitable.

    In other words, a “help meet for Adam” is a helper suitable for Adam.

  20. George Petere
    January 11, 2014 at 5:54 PM

    After reading Antygone I went over to give my wife a big kiss. I am so happy to have her as my helpmate. I wish Antygone all the best after her husband divorces her.

    This idiotic feminism that has crept into the Church will be the death of it. Thank you Candace! You have restored my faith in women as God’s wonderful creation.

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