I Have A Heart That Would
I lay here it is night and I cannot sleep
I have so many questions burning down deep
I need to see him my heart needs to know,
but what of the others I dare not go
My heart it yearns for what he will say,
I have not heard such love in any other day
Such passion in his words it pierces my heart
I hung on every word I am torn apart
I must know what it means I want to understand
for God holds him in the palm of His hand
If I am seen I could be ripped from the position in the temple or maybe even stoned
These fears inside have left me feeling cold and very, very alone
Strange but I know there is comfort in hearing the sound of his voice
I must go to him come what may for I have decided I have made my choice
The words that he speaks the wonders he performs
He lays his hands and heals the sick and calms the storms
God must be with him for these signs and wonders to come forth
We have long awaited the arrival of the Messiah could he be the Christ?
What if we reject him when he comes to deliver his people from bondage
For God will choose how the Christ will come it is not for us to judge
His ways are different from what we have ever known
He is like a shepherd calling us to be his very own
I am going to search for Him I don’t care whether or not I should…
For if his love is poured out to me I have a heart that would….
Piper Green
©2006
“Now there was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews; this man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, “Rabbi, we know that You have come from God a teacher; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered and said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
“Nicodemus said to Him, “How can a man be born when he is old? He cannot enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born, can he?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
Nicodemus said to Him, “How can these things be?” Jesus answered and said to him, “Are you the teacher of Israel and do not understand these things? Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know and testify of what we have seen, and you do not accept our testimony. If I told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things? No one has ascended into heaven, but He who descended from heaven: the Son of Man. As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life.”
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.” John 3: 1-21 NASB
It is dark as he makes his way through the streets, hoping no one sees or recognizes him. His heart is beating fast and his palms are sweating. He wonders to himself what will happen if the Sanhedrin knew what he was about to do. He could not tell them how he is feeling ~ he would not only be ridiculed, most likely rejected as a Pharisee or worse.
All these thoughts are racing through his mind as he comes to the edge of the city. He sees the Garden in the distance as he stops to catch his breath. He takes one more look behind him, scouring the streets to make sure no one has seen him. His brothers on the Sanhedrin are so full of hate and anger toward Jesus; so jealous. Nicodemus continues toward Gethsemane.
He has too many questions that cannot remain unanswered, something keeps drawing him to Jesus. He is drawn to him in a way he cannot understand. No one would understand. The power and authority in the words that Jesus speaks, he has never heard anything like it. In all of his years hearing great men speak the things of God, he has not heard anyone like Jesus. People listen to Him, hear His words, their hearts changed. He must confess, the same cannot be said about the Pharisees, or even the high priest.
Nicodemus enters the garden his eyes searching for Jesus. He knows the Garden of Gethsemane is where Jesus and his disciples rest. The sound of his own shoes on the dusty ground below infiltrates seems to be the only sound he hears. Off in the distance he notices a flicker, which looks like a fire. He makes his way toward it and is comforted by the sight. Jesus is the light of the world; where there is darkness, you will always be able to see the light of Jesus to guide you.
“I see Him!” he says to himself. He stops to rethink one last time what he is about to do. “What if He does not accept me? What if He turns me away? I would not blame Him. My brothers in the Sanhedrin have not been accepting of Him. I must go see Him. I have come so far, I cannot turn away now.”
He continues on and as the fire grows closer, he begins to see the dance of the flames glowing on the faces of the disciples, enabling him to recognize them, one by one. He approaches Jesus while glancing at the disciples, anticipating their reaction. Peter, John, and the others look at him. The disciples are surprised at the arrival of Nicodemus.
The risks Nicodemus took that night should not be lightly considered; he risked losing everything. His position; his reputation; maybe ostracized from the Jewish community. Nicodemus is a Pharisee and a leader in Israel for a many years. He has long awaited the arrival of the promised Messiah, and his heart skips a beat at the thought that Jesus might just be that promised Redeemer.
Nicodemus went hard after Jesus, risking everything to seek Him; knowing full well the cost. If Nicodemus, who did not have the revelation of Jesus as we do today, chased hard after Him, how much more should we be chasing hard after God~ to seek Jesus though we may lose everything? Are we willing to lose everything for a moment in the garden? When Jesus and Nicodemus finish their discussion, he is born again, and Jesus is revealed as the Messiah.
Are you searching hard after God?