Continued from, “Porn Dust in His Eye, Fantasy Plank in Hers (Part I)”
Oh the damage that is done, when we allow lust into our hearts and homes. A wife who finds that her husband is using porn often feels cheated on. She asks herself, “Why am I not good enough? Am I not pretty or sexy enough?” It can be crushing to her. Think of it: If a man truly understood what a romance novel or other medium does to the heart and mind of a woman… If he only knew how she preferred to think of a character in a book before she thought of him, wouldn’t his heart be hurt too? He may already wonder why his wife has no interest in him sexually, why she is satisfied to live without the romance they used to share. There is a simple answer for him: If she is satisfying her needs for romance through her imagination, there is no need to seek him out. It may not even occur to her that, in turn, his needs are no longer being met and the temptation to look outside the marriage for stimulation is becoming stronger and stronger. The Bible says in I Corinthians 7:4-5, “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” We are not to be a stumbling block or let our actions give another soul room to sin (I Corinthians 8:9).
If you are not married yet, you ought to put these things down as well. If you are wrapped up in someone else’s love affair, how in the world are you going to recognize the one meant for you? Your mind and heart will be dulled to the leading of the Spirit and the intentions and affections of someone really special! Because, quite honestly, the romance waiting for you will look nothing like what you read about, but it will be better.
As a society, we are also teaching our daughters at younger and younger ages to enter this world of lust and fantasy. I don’t have to tell you what the most recent romance is, the characters are household names, but is that what you truly want for your daughter? Schooling her to have expectations so high that no decent, loving man could ever meet them. What about the possibility of your daughter missing out on the man God chose for her because she will not be able to see him through Christ’s eyes? Instead she will see him as lacking through the eyes of worldly romance rubbish! What about the liability of your daughter growing up to live a life of secret disappointment because her husband isn’t rescuing her and sweeping her off her feet every moment? WHAT ARE WE DOING?! Why would we allow our children to mentally reside in this make believe world and stunt their ability to discern reality from fiction, to taint their minds with lies of the world. We would be leaving them to forever wonder if they aren’t good enough for the “perfect” love they’ve learned to look for, never realizing it is actually made-up, fictional love.
Maybe this is already you and what you experience in your home. When we allow our hearts to graze on perceived greener grass, all we are doing is feeding a spirit of discontentment. When we turn our minds and hearts inward to think of only our needs and wants, or when we nurse desires that no human could ever meet, we build walls of selfishness around our hearts that no one will ever be able to scale. You say you want love, but Sister, what is love? Love is laying one’s life down for another (John 15:13). It is selflessness and looking for ways to fulfill the needs of our mate, and others, before our own.
Why settle for second best? Why settle for romance written by limited, finite human brains? Why not allow God to show you the depth of the romance He intended? Take this before the Lord, ask for forgiveness and allow Him to rid your heart and mind of these imagined romances and then reenter reality, where real love and real intimacy can be experienced. Everything He does far exceeds our thoughts or expectations, and only He is able to fill and satisfy our longing hearts. Choose Him today, and let Him author the romance to surpass all romances through you! Isaiah 55:9 says, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” What a hope and assurance that we can trust Him to do more than we could ever dream!
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21
Bible references taken from the New International Version
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