Cyber Hussies

Proverbs 11:22  Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.

Girl TextingThere’s just no skirting around this one, is there ladies?  This verse is directly pointed at the world we live in…  Worse, there are no longer just “Pigs,” the population of “Piglets” is growing exponentially.  In this modern media age, we find that the conveniences meant for expediency are also gateways to temptation, sin, and bondage we never anticipated… Even for our kids.

If you don’t know what Sexting is by now, you are behind Mama, and it is time to catch up.  The advent of digital EVERYTHING has somehow erased all sense of modesty.  Every whim, impulse and poor choice is being recorded for all the world to see.  Our kids have become so infatuated with themselves that they actually believe that others might like to see them at their worst and without inhibitions.  Sadly, in these photo shoots, children lack as much common sense as they do clothing.

Don’t give me one of those, “but my daughter goes to Christian school,” or, “but we go to church every Sunday and Wednesday night,” lines.  The statistics tell us that even your precious child has likely been exposed to R and even X rated content on the web, but many children are just too embarrassed to talk about it with a parent or adult.  However, that embarrassment is not likely to erase curiosity, nor does it seem to discourage peer interaction on the topic.  I have been repeatedly floored by the conversations and pictures posted by some of the most lovely, polite, Mary-Jane shod, Christian girls.  Don’t let the sweet exteriors fool you, they are all subject to temptation.

Then there is the ubiquitous Facebook or MySpace profile picture.  Darling, young girls looking up into their hand held cameras, positioned just so as to accentuate their best attempt at bedroom eyes and tantalizing views of brand new cleavage.  COME ON!  Sister, this is not child’s play!  This is children play acting their way into an adult world they know little to nothing about.  These girls naively post without realizing the danger they are inviting, or the sin they are perpetuating.  Yes… I said, “perpetuating.”  Romans 14:13 says, “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.”  Do you think these tweens and middle schoolers think about what boys… and men… do, or are tempted to do, when they see these pictures?  Probably not.  If they do, it is time to intervene, Mom; if they don’t, it is time to fill them in.

Most girls think that participating in these things will only attract the attention of that cute boy they have their eye on.  They never consider that their skinny jeans and tight tops are more explicit than an Anatomy 101 course.  It is unlikely that it occurs to them that some pot-bellied, balding, “Old Fart” or their best friend’s dad might be eating them alive with their eyes.  They don’t concern themselves with the starring roles they play in the minds of men and boys whom they wouldn’t shake a stick at.  They don’t guess that they might wish they had a stick to shake, if they found themselves alone with one of these fellas!

Mom, do you know the new fun trend?  Signing up on “Hook-up” sites with false identities, fake pictures and nasty language.  One of the objectives is to see what lonely men your baby can strike up IM conversations with.  If you are thinking, “Yikes,” “Gad-Zooks,” or “Heavens to Mergatroid,” you are just getting a glimpse of how bad and how dastardly this little game is.  Let your mind wander for a second on the possibilities and you won’t even scratch the actual surface.

Am I being too harsh and dramatic here?  I don’t think so.  Am I grossing you out?  Good.  Trust me, I don’t think that every other man out there is a pervert, but do we really want our daughters unknowingly wagging a bone in front of one that is?   I am OVER seeing the faces of beautiful girls pop up on my TV screen, followed by the cries of pleading parents in search of their beloved child.  No, I am not suggesting that these girls invited their fates.  Many of these kids are simply victims, and never participated in the stuff I describe above…  However, the actions of others that elevated the excitement and frustrations of these sick minds sure did.  Other insecure souls trusted the kind words of  wolves that were dripping with seemingly innocent complements.  They sucked up the sugary sweet blather that lured them into their inescapable trap.  Either way, a tragedy followed and a blessing of a child’s innocence or very life was lost.

What can we do about it?  Kick ourselves in the pants for apathy, for starters!  Get our lazy eyes off of reality shows and tune into the reality that our kids are subjected to daily.  Trust me, there is FAR more drama to be had in middle school than on any Soap or “bake-off” show.  Take TWO minutes a day to peek at cell phone texts, Facebook, MySpace and email accounts.  YES, you are going to have to get your child’s passwords.  YES, your requests will likely be met with resistance and irritation… But, HELLO, doesn’t that just make you want to investigate all the more?  It is time for damage control, Mama.  It is time to expose the secrets and talk candidly about dignity and discretion.

Didn’t your mom make you sit in the kitchen, in front of her, when you spoke on the phone with a boy?  Didn’t your mom look at you like you had lost your mind if you asked to show a boy your room?  Wouldn’t your mom “kill you” if she knew you wrote a love note in class?  If not, then sorry, you were short changed and you can do better.  Trouble is, there are so many more ways, nowadays, for a girl to get into sticky situations and be lured into exposing what she might not really want to, because these little electronic gadgets make it so darn easy!

Now don’t think I am suggesting you pack up and head to Amish country.  Our girls need to learn to live in this digital and cyber age safely.  But Mom, how are they going to do it if you don’t teach them and monitor them?  Yeah, they know more about this stuff than you do, but you knew more about modern things than your mom did, too – and you couldn’t always sneak one by her.  Just the fact that your daughter knows you are interested and vigilant will serve to bolster some self control.

Here are some simple things you can do to curb the possibility of cyber indiscretions:

  • Have access to all computer accounts and passwords (even school email accounts – they are not monitored carefully).  If you find your child on a non-disclosed account, restrict access to the computer… Honestly, she won’t die!  Not to mention, it won’t change her social status at school… If it does, then she was hanging with the wrong crowd anyway, and you have done her a favor that she just might thank you for in under 15 years.
  • Check your child’s computer history so you can see where she has been.  If your child routinely erases her browsing history, then restrict access – she is going places she knows she shouldn’t.  Did you know that YouTube is an easy access to porn?  Yep, sorry to wreck it for you, but it isn’t just about cute or funny video snip-its.  This site, and ones like it, would be safer to access with parental supervision.
  • Put a “Cyber-Sitter” on your child’s computer – and on yours for that matter.  You don’t need to view the garbage that is out there anymore than she does.  A great one is called Covenant Eyes.  Go on, give it a google!  It is a Christian based organization that strives to protect you and your children from the yuck lurking out there.
  • Don’t rely solely on your “Cyber-Sitter!”  This is lazy parenting, and sitters can’t eradicate every creep and creepy thing.
  • Check out your child’s friends on Facebook, MySpace and other sites.  If they have pictures that are inappropriate, remove them from your child’s friends list.  Better yet, contact that child’s parent and let them know what is being posted.  I bet you 100 bucks they are unaware and would appreciate your help.
  • Check your child’s phone records and billing statements.  Who is she talking to?  Who is she texting?  What time of day or night is she communicating?  Is she erasing these contacts and messages from her phone?  If so, Mama, it is time to put some limits on the phone.
  • Call your child’s cell phone service provider and remove any internet capabilities, especially if the provider does not offer “Cyber Sitters.”

Some folks out there will be thinking,  “But that is an invasion of their privacy.”  Really?  What privacy?  Privacy is earned, it is a privilege.  Someone else might be sympathetic to their child’s social standing, and be thinking, “This would be social suicide.”  Mom, it is time to put your daughter’s safety and dignity before her popularity.

I know this all sounds like work.  I know you have limited time, but the investment you make now will reap great dividends later, and you will have no regrets.

So, just one more thing to do…

Pray.  Pray.  Pray.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is more important to your daughter’s well being.  Pray that God would put a foul taste in her spiritual mouth when she sees or hears unclean things.  Pray that she would not be able to ignore the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and would only find true rest and satisfaction in Him.  Pray that she will hunger and thirst for the righteousness of God.  Pray that she will leave any insecurities behind that might outweigh what she knows to be right and true.  Pray that she will find her true worth and security in Christ, and that His opinion of her will be all that matters to her.  Pray that when she sins, her heart will be convicted, and will drive her to her knees at the foot of the cross, allowing Him to forgive her, pick her up, dust her off, and set her on a new path free of guilt and shame.  He is able to do all things!

I Timothy 4:12  Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. – Bible references taken from the New International Version

24 comments for “Cyber Hussies

  1. September 28, 2010 at 2:38 PM

    Another thing I’m seeing that is really disturbing to me is when two young girls take sexually suggestive pictures together and post them on social networking sites. Parents have got to be more involved, get some guts and tell their children NO! No, you cannot show cleavage. No, you cannot wear short shorts and let your rear end show. No, you cannot take a picture with your friend while the two of you are pretending to French-kiss each other. Somehow we’ve become afraid to actually parent our children.

  2. September 30, 2010 at 12:54 PM

    This is such a timely article, Jen. Thanks for writing it. And you’re so right attending a Christian school offers no immunity for our kids to the issues you raised here.

  3. Nan
    September 30, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    Wow,just wow. So very well and bluntly said – exactly as it needed to be. I am amazed what parents allow their children to do, all in the name of, “But I don’t want to hurt their feelings” (they’ll survive) or “They won’t like me” (they don’t now) or “But, but, but!” You said it just right – great article!

  4. September 30, 2010 at 1:49 PM

    I just prayed the prayer above for my 8th grade son. His heart was broken a few months ago when he got curious and I found the results of his curiosity on my log-on on our family computer. He was almost in tears about what he saw. He quickly was able to go from stylized pictures of 1 girl (BAD ENOUGH) to RAUNCHY porn like I’ve never imagined!! He just got curious. I cried for a few days about my baby’s innocent eyes viewing stuff he cannot process.

  5. September 30, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    Every Mother needs to read this. Thank you for this article. I cannot tell you how many times I have landed on the facebook pages of friends’ daughters only to be completely disgusted with what I have found there.

    Blessings
    Honey

  6. September 30, 2010 at 4:02 PM

    I am grieved that in the church tweens and teens are allowed by their parents (some who are in leadership)to dress provocatively. And I don’t want to hear one more time that that is all they can find to wear in the stores. I can find things to wear that don’t show my cleavage or creep up my middrif or show my behind cleavage when I bend over.

  7. Dutchman
    September 30, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    Jen … well done. You’re right, parents aren’t nearly as knowledgeable about today’s communication possibilities. Unfortunately, right of passage includes the cell phone nowadays and parental control just wears the parents down.

  8. September 30, 2010 at 6:08 PM

    There has always been temptations throughtout the bible. The romans were known for the orgies, next sodom and gomorroh and on and on. Everyone is responisble for and capable of making the right decision no matter what sexual things flash before us, because it is within us to say hey I feel sorry for that person that has to dress or act that way and yes then we pray, But lets face it we will always have temptations especially of the devils favorite “SEX” “LUST” Why there might be piglets growing by the numbers we can still change ourselves, by merely saying they are not coming from a place of god and need a little compassion and prayer. SO BE STRONG, PRESS ON AND REMEMBER EVERY DAY HOLDS A TEMPTATION.. JUDGING OTHERS IS NOT THE BEST THING EITHER A BETTER THING IS PRAYER WE ARE ALL SINNERS AND WE WILL ALL BACKSLIDE THAT IS WHY WE HAVE FORGIVENESS AND GRACE.. lets build eachother up XAUSE ONE DAY IT WILL BE “YOU” THAT NEEDS HIS MERCY.. love alexis and yes true love is from god…not just a word but a beautiful perfect action…….pure and true!

  9. Jen Koop
    September 30, 2010 at 6:28 PM

    Alexis, While it is true that the Bible shows examples of temptations, it also shows us examples of self-control and the consequences if we lack it. No one is capable in and of themselves to make the right decisions… If we were, Dear Sister, we wouldn’t need a Savior. Yes, temptations will always be present, and those who fall need our compassion. However, we are also called to be in the world but NOT of the world. Just because the rest of the crowd is “doing it,” doesn’t mean we should follow along. We need to teach our young girls and boys the right way and how to be good examples and leaders, not followers. Finally, I am human and my heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9)… So, I will not need God’s mercy someday, I need it every moment of everyday. In His love, Jen

  10. mari
    September 30, 2010 at 7:26 PM

    Oh my! we need to Pray for our young people. It is such a different world out there!

  11. September 30, 2010 at 8:17 PM

    It just makes me so sad, and these girls dont know what they give up until its to late………..

  12. September 30, 2010 at 10:05 PM

    Dear Jen, yes we are in the world and we are called to set an example by being good ourselves and by being a beakon of light . Everyone is capable of making the right decisions its called free will the freedom to choose. I agree dont follow the crowd be someone strong for the crowd to see differently. Stop getting ur kids a cell phone with texting…

    1. no texting
    2. hang out with ur kids and their friends.
    3. set aside family time yes mom and dad involved.
    4. make friends with others who are not of the world.
    5. love, love and compliment ur kids so they don’t go somewhere else. The rest is in gods hands

    Don’t be afraid to live. I know many healthy families and last year my family wasnt one of them but I choose to find families that were working and get my kids involved with their kids. I made healthy friends and so did they. my kids see the piglets u are describing and my son says wow that person is really trying to get attention. They no the difference between Hollywood clothes and appropriate clothes.

    1. enroll them in music
    2. take a walk through nature and talk
    3. put the computer in the main room
    4. When in doubt play scrabble and talk about educational things of meritt.
    5. SMile and be genuine and god will do the rest!

  13. Jen Koop
    October 1, 2010 at 9:37 AM

    Dear Alex, I felt it was important to respond here. Yes, we do have free will, but if we could make good choices and decisions every time we would be perfect. We know that only Christ was and is perfect.
    Paul, in Romans 7, claims to have been deceived by sin. He even says in verses 14-25 “We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
    Our only hope is Jesus. Our children’s only hope is Jesus, and it is our responsibility to teach them about who He is and who they are in Christ.
    If Paul was frustrated and complained that he wanted to do good but was unable, how can we expect to do any better in our free will? Our own free will is the very thing that shows us we need salvation – saving from our sins! Praise be to God who loves us and chooses to see us through the cleansing blood and righteousness of His Son once we repent and turn to Him!
    In Him, Jen

  14. October 1, 2010 at 12:16 PM

    Well said my sister Jen. And thank you kindly for your tips on how to keep the kids safer.

    I agree and am not arguing about the fact that we are not perfect. My point is a mind set. In your comments u mention the pot bellied old fart undressing the younger blossoming girls with his eyes. Even that guy can choose to say hey stop i shouldnt look that hard and while im at it maybe I should work on my wait and where a hat, but ugly well that is in the eye of the beholder. My point is that even that guy can change and choose to look away and be a beacon of light for others in other words it is up to each of us individually to lovingly help out thy neighbor by fixing the plank in our own eye, then the cyber hussies might see something else they want to choose. Like the newsboys say it “Shine Show them what you got “(gods love)” make them wish that they were not on the outside looking in. I have maybe 40 years left here and I can tell you that my thinking has changed from last year to this year enormously and if I can change for the better lord help me…. then the aHussies have a chance to figure it out as well! Let us all be srong figures for others to flock too and thank you lord for the Joyce meyers and Max Lacads and Beth Moores to deliver gods word to the broken and hurting and help us get back to our loving gods word who forgives all….

    Thank ou Ms. Koop for your concern on the lost young ladies. Ms. Kwest 😉

  15. Jen Koop
    October 1, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    Yep, I agree, those guys can change, just as we have, through the power of Christ Jesus. Still, we need to teach our kids to take care not to cause others (saved or unsaved) to sin – and that includes by being careful how we dress and behave. In this imperfect world, there will always be those that prey on others, and unfortunately we are subject to the consequences of other people’s sin. So we as parents need to do what we can to be sure our daughters’ appearance and actions aren’t the litmus test for someone else’s self control.

  16. October 1, 2010 at 12:59 PM

    Good stuff!! god also loved the prostitutes and made them feel worthy. as christians we are called to be more christ like! he(god) knows we will never be christ.. Choose positivity and good things over evil… Love thy neighbor even if they are the prostitute, liar, theive, murderer, addict and so on… and maybe that was your sole purpose and test from god…only he knows…

    🙂

  17. Jessie
    October 1, 2010 at 11:49 PM

    Alex It states in the bible to raise a child in the way they should go and they will not depart from it when they are old,

    I think the point of the article is to help mothers of young ladys know its not ok for them to raise there children to provoke lust.

    cause even though we are saved by grace I think parents will probably have to give an account for the charge (child) God left in there care, It says in the bible that God desiereas a Godly seed

    Mal 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

    And if the scriptures teach us woman who profase Godltness to adorn our selves modistly should we teach are young daughters to do the same……..

    No this article is not about condeming but instructing

  18. October 2, 2010 at 10:14 PM

    I get the point of the article, I just prefer to love everyone going through every kind of trial. And this article came across a bit brash in a christian context. Our kids are clearly looking for love in all the wrong places if they are partcipating in the acs stated in the article.

    My point is that they would not go to these places if they were fullfilled at home. Clothing included I have one tenand one tween. I know almost evrything they are doing, not because i’m spying but because they inclde me and I know their friends and friends parents all whom do not dress scantidly. All I’m saying is that these darlinggs need to see something worth gravitating toward and if their own fmilies are failling them then it is up to other christians and thos of stronger character to lovingly bring these lost souls to a better side. When i see a young one that needs attention I try and pitch in a positive word or two about their character or spirit in hopes for them to think deeper. That is all I do agree with this article as to what is happening I just think we can all lovingly make a difference in positive non judgemental way.

    🙂 Alex Kwest

  19. Jeri
    October 6, 2010 at 10:18 PM

    Jen, I came across this passage and think it speaks so clearly to the issues addressed in this piece:
    “So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way.” (Ephesians 4:17-20)

    As far as the discussion here, it’s important to note that instruction (and yes, even loving rebuke) are as much a part of Christianity as positive encouragements. Jesus told us, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Also, in James 5, we read: “My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.” (James 5:19-20)

    And I thought this was an apt warning for the predator:
    “Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves.” (Luke 17:4-3)

  20. whatssamattau
    November 11, 2010 at 1:06 PM

    ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE A GOOD POINT, REMEMBER JESUS DID NOT COME TO CONDEMN THE WORLD BUT TO SAVE IT, HE DID NOT SAY YUCKY TO ME WHEN HE SAVED ME, HE DID NOT SAY I GOT DIRTY RESCUING YOU.. THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL SOUND LIKE , SELF RIGHTEOUS WHITE WASHED TOMBS…..

  21. Jen
    November 11, 2010 at 1:53 PM

    Dear whatssamattau,
    I am so sorry to hear that you think this sounds like “white washed tombs.” The point of this article was to help open the eyes of parents to the ugly side of the tech world… a world within one click of a mouse. Hopefully this article will grab their attention, show them the dangers that lurk and fuel their desire to better protect these precious lambs.
    Christ saved me too, from the depths of a miry pit and has loving set my feet upon solid ground in His Word and Truth. We are all nothing but filthy rags until we call upon the Name and let Him wash us white as snow. He is able! No condemnation here, simply gratefulness for amazing grace, mercy and salvation.

  22. November 17, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    Time to speak up and out against “sexting.” Not in a judgement way, but to educate and empower our young girls and women.
    I am the mother of three girls, two in college and one married. Unfortunately for us, the awareness of “sexting” came at a very hard situation in our home. I didn’t even know that texting sexual images was called “sexting.” Until we went through a series of events, which I will not go totally into. However, we found out our girls had been “sexted” by a boy in our community. Because of some legal issues that became involved, when it all came out in the wash…there are signed legal documents from 18 different girls in three different communities who received very explicate text messages from this boy. Unfortunately, he didn’t stop at “sexting” he acted out on his predator instincts!
    My daughters, who are christians, raised in a Christian home and “tell me everything,” did not initially tell me about the sex messages!
    Once we realized there were many different girls who had been receiving these and who were victimized by this boy, I asked my public school teacher husband how this had remained a deep dark secret. His answer alarmed me, yet so true. He stated, “These kids are immuned to anything sexual. They turn on the TV, computer, radio, etc. Sexual images and words are the norm for them.
    Moms and Grandma’s….we need to teach our girls. “Sexting” is a violate to them. Give your girls the Ok, to show you sexual images sent to them without you over reacting. Then do something about, there are laws against sexting in my state and I would guess yours as well.
    I wish I would have found out long before I did that this young man had been “sexting” all these girls!
    Become educated, educate your daughters and speak up and out against this trend!
    ~b

  23. April 21, 2011 at 2:43 PM

    I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for a long time, but you said it much better than I could have. So, I’ll just share your post. Thank you very much. We need this. We need to get our head out of the sand and realize what our kids are doing…even our young kids.
    -FringeGirl

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