My Heart Treasures



“For where your treasure is,
there your heart will be also.”

Matthew 6:21


Can you love someone before seeing them? 

Of course, as parents, we love our children as they are growing in the mothers’ womb. 

But, what about adoptive parents? Can they love a child before having a physical or emotional connection with that child, as a biological parent can? 

In my experience as being an adoptive mom twice, the answer is an unequivocal “YES!”

We knew about our first child a couple of months before she was born. The lawyer kept on cautioning us to not get our hopes up too high, but deep within my heart, I knew this child was going to be my daughter. With my maternal instincts already in place (even without the benefit of hormones), my daughter had already captured my yearning heart. I kept on thinking about the poem:

Not flesh of my flesh
Not bone of my bone
But still miraculously my own
And never forget for a minute
You were not born under my heart
But you were born in it 

I had such plans for her!  We chose her name, painted a bedroom, imagined what she would look like, and prayed for her birth mom and a safe delivery.  I kept a journal of my hopes and fears, and wrote about my growing love for her. When I first met her in the lawyer’s office, my heart was already filled with motherly love and devotion. When my eyes first met her eyes, she softly gazed at me as though she had always known me.  

Our second daughter came upon us rather unexpectedly.  Our lawyer had called us one afternoon and asked if we were ready to be parents again. We thought it was going to be another six months before another child became available, so this was quite a shock! He asked us to think about it over the weekend, but my heart was beating so quickly and already filling up with love for this new little treasure.  He cautioned us this time to really think through our decision, as this baby was biracial, and he wanted us to be aware of what could be in store for us with other people’s prejudices.  I was already aware of the issues facing us because of my professional background, and even though the issues can be very difficult to work through, I knew that we could “handle” anything, with love in our hearts and God as our strength. 

When we met our second daughter, she was in a foster home.  Her foster mom was holding her, and she was wrapped in a small blanket.  All I could see was a ton of tight black curls peeping out of the blanket, and my heart just melted. My oldest daughter, who was almost three years old at the time, walked over to her new sister, patted her on the head, and said to me “I want her, I love her, let’s take her home.” With that, our family was complete. 

Through the years, we’ve faced  many issues, but our love has held us together. We have faced highs and lows. We have overcome obstacles, and created memories.  We are a “typical” family in many regards.  The only difference in our family is that our love was created, not by nature, but by nurture. Our love was given to our children, sight unseen. Our love is based only on the miracle of life, but the miracle of another woman’s selfless sacrifice. 

We’ve been asked, “how can you love somebody else’s child?”  This question is based on fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of finding that the ability and desire to follow God’s command to “love each other as I have loved you.”  Is lacking in one’s heart.  But, as promised in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” Without a doubt, we have loved these daughters as if they were our “very own.”  They have been God’s gifts to us, and we treasure them deeply. Their presence in our life is a miracle, and “where there is a great love there are always miracles.” (Willa Cather) 

This Valentine’s Day, I thank God for the priceless gift he gave to me by allowing me to be “my kid’s mom.”    I thank God for His wondrous love, the love of my husband, and the love of my girls.  I thank God for the selfless love of my girls’ birthmothers.  God has provided me with treasures  to always love, to always cherish, and to always hold onto  in the quiet of my heart.   

©2009, Valerie Wolff 

7 comments for “My Heart Treasures

  1. February 3, 2009 at 6:03 PM

    Thanks for sharing this precious personal story. It illustrates perfectly the love of the Father toward us, His adopted sons and daughters. I’m sure this will minister to and encourage many.

  2. February 5, 2009 at 1:17 PM

    I wish more people would understand this.
    I am a mother to two internationally adopted children. I don’t see them as adopted but as my children. I am a mother just like everyone else.

  3. February 6, 2009 at 9:10 AM

    In May my son and daughter-in-law became the parents of a beautiful bi-racial baby girl, through adoption. My heart cannot express how much love it holds for her. To say she is a precious gift from God, still leaves you feeling that you have not said enough to thank Him and praise Him. How blessed I am that God chose me to be her grandmother.

  4. Leigh
    February 6, 2009 at 1:17 PM

    Thank you for sharing your precious story. My husband and I have been struggling with the choice to adopt or not and your story helps to ease the questions you mentioned in your writing “Will I be able to love a child not of my womb?” I can see from your answer that it is not just possible, but probable. I will share your story with my husband. I have a feeling we will be contacting our social worker very soon. Thanks and God Bless

  5. February 27, 2009 at 11:06 AM

    You made me cry with tears of joy, Valerie.

    I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to deal with all people who created problems.

    It seems God has given you strength to carve your way through all obstacles.

    I will pray that you find many more happy times, as a united family. May the love, you and your husband have given to your children, make them what they deserve to be.

    I know that for a mother to be, the whole nine months and the delivery of the child is very very difficult.
    But the real test starts after the child arrives. When you have to take care of the child by sacrificing everything, then you realize that those nine months was nothing. Bringing up children in GOD’s path is what is most difficult.

    You both are wonderful parents.
    All the best to you.

  6. March 1, 2009 at 7:14 AM

    Thank you, ladies, for your kind wods and prayers. If you find you ever need help through being an adoptive mom, please don’t hesitate to contact me!

  7. Brandy
    March 11, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    I love this article. I am a “chosen” child and I have faced many issues along the way but I know that God placed me where I am on pupose and by design.

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