My Beginning of Always

A soft whisper speaking to my soul. A gentle tug on my heart.  A beckoning to return to Him, to seek His truth and wisdom and guidance in all ways. A quiet reminder to turn all things over to Him–to let go and let God.

The past few years, my faith has been tested on many levels. There were times I wavered, or was overcome with anxiety and fear and doubt, or was consumed with exhaustion and anger, or isolated myself from others, because I didn’t have the energy to reciprocate or give anything back to the relationship. But lately, I have noticed that God is speaking to me in ways which are letting me know it is time to renew myself and allow Him to touch that part of my soul which is so afraid and angry.  It is time for me to overcome this huge obstacle of  exhaustion and to start anew in my faith journey with Him by my side.  It is time to replace the suffering with hope that He will be here with me, every step of the way, as I make some necessary changes in my life.  As it says in Romans, 5:3-4, “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” NIV

I must admit that I am tired of all the trials and tribulations. I must admit I haven’t prayed as faithfully as I should have through it all. I must admit I didn’t sit still and just try to listen to what God had to say to me. I usually just plowed ahead and did what I thought was the right thing to do, because I needed to feel in control of my situation that was so much out of my control. My husband losing his job and as a result almost all of our financial resources, my daughter developing lupus and almost losing her life, my youngest being so psychologically scarred from being the victim of racial prejudice, and my physical and emotional turmoil–all of these situations I had absolutely no control over. I am now to the point, though, where I realize that I can’t hang on to these events anymore and use them as excuses for not being able to open myself back up again to God’s loving embrace.  He wants what is best for me, and what is best for me, is to give up being focused on “poor me”.  He wants me to stop being so selfish and to challenge myself to reach out to others to help them through similar situations rather than isolate myself. He wants me to find joy and hope in my life again rather than to face each day with a dreaded sense of resignation.

My New Year resolution is that I will vow to look at each and every new day as my beginning of always.  “The beginning of wisdom is silence.  The second step is listening”. (Author unknown).  What I resolve to do is begin each day with a prayer to ask God what His will is for my day. I will end the prayer with a period of silence so that I can then truly LISTEN to what it is that God has in his plans for me. For truly, if each day is my beginning of always, then I must do His will so that my “always” will be spent with Him in eternity.

Carl Brand once said “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending”.  I can’t change the past decisions and actions I have made, which may have hurt God or people whom I love or even strangers I’ve never known. But what I can do, is live with the realization that each decision and each action I do make have the power to affect the ending of my story. I can choose to live with bitterness and anger, or I can choose to live with gratitude and compassion. I can choose to live in isolation, or I can choose to reach out and give of myself. I can choose to be exhausted, or I can choose to ask God for strength and courage to face each day with enthusiasm and joy. I want my “ending” to reflect God’s glory in my life, and so I begin this new year with hope that I can serve God in all ways and to find His purpose for my life.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing”.  James 1:2-4

I wish you and yours a blessed New Year.  Thank you for blessing my life with your support and love.

©2008, Valerie Wolff

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