It is with sadness that I write these words.  It is time for me to end writing this column.  As most of you are aware, I have had a very difficult year or so, and right now my heart is not into writing anymore.  So, after much prayer and thinking things through, I have decided to “retire” this column.

I want to thank Darlene for giving me this wonderful opportunity to minister to others.  Darlene and I “met” several years ago via our blogs, and it was through our mutual love of the Lord, and of our vocations to be mothers and writers, that we formed a friendship which has been steady and true, even though we have never actually met in person.   It is my hope that someday we will meet “in real life,” but until that day comes,  I will treasure the times – professional and personal – that we have shared.  Dar – you’ve been a true inspiration to me.

I have taken a temporary hiatus from my personal blog as well.  I will probably return to writing in the fall, but I have to face some personal hurdles before I can get back to my first true love – writing.  My life is transitioning and changing, and I need the energy to cope with all of different scenarios being placed in front of me right now.  I will continue to always be “my kids’ mom,” no matter what – but for now, I need to be still and listen to God to see where he is leading me in my life.

I hope my words have touched other adoptive parents out there and somehow have encouraged or inspired or helped them in some way.  My biggest thrill came last month when my oldest daughter’s birth mom read my Mother’s Day column, and we talked for the very first time online and then later on the phone. She is a wonderful woman, and I am blessed to now have her in my life.  Her gift of life gave me the greatest gift of all – of being a mother.  The mutual love we have for our daughter is such a joy to experience!  And thus, it has come full circle.

Someday, my youngest will be searching, and I can only hope and pray that her search  is as successful as my oldest daughter’s search has been.

So, to my friends and readers, I say a fond farewell.  I shall keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.  I know that one day I shall return to writing (I would like to get published some day) -  so I shall say farewell, and God bless until we meet again.

©2009, Valerie Wolff

“Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps not record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV

As I was perusing Bible verses to use for this column, this one leapt out at me as the most perfect verse to use on this Father’s Day.  For what better description of a father is found in this verse?
“Love is patient” – a father is patient with a toddler’s tantrums, a teenager’s rebellion, and a young adult’s search for the “meaning of life.”  Throughout it all, the father patiently  waits as the seed he planted slowly takes fruition and blossoms into faith.

“Love is kind” – a father’s kindness speaks volumes to children as they watch how he treats others, especially his wife and his own children.  Kids are like sponges – they absorb everything around them – and they will absorb the kindness just as easily as they would absorb criticism.

“It does not envy” – the father works hard to provide for his children – spiritually, emotionally, financially.  He doesn’t covet other people’s treasures; rather, he delights in what is given to him by God and by the work of his own two hands.

“It does not boast” – the father doesn’t boast about his accomplishments or his children’s accomplishments.  Rather, he is humble about the God-give talents which are given to him and his family.  He recognizes he cannot do this on his own; he must rely on God for everything.

“It is not proud” – pride is a sin.  It puts a man in the position of thinking that he is somehow “better” than others.  Imagine how that message would be interpreted by his children.  Rather than being seen as equals in the eyes of the Lord and in the eyes of others, a man is teaching his children that they are to receive special treatment by others and by God if pride gets in the way.

“It is not rude” – if a man wants respect from his children, he must first treat them with respect.  If his tone of voice is rude, he will receive that in return.

“It is not self-seeking” – a selfish man makes a poor father because a father must put his needs/wants ahead of his children.  A father seeks what is best for his child, not what is best for himself.

“It is not easily angered” – this is difficult when dealing with temperamental children who can be exasperating!   But a father recognizes that anger can be a destructive force against relationships, and will choose his words wisely and calmly, and deliver his message gently.

“It keeps no record of wrongs” – a father forgives, and forgives, and forgives again.  He doesn’t keep a list of all the things a child has done which are wrong, or else resentment and bitterness will grow.

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” – a father is willing to point out to his child the error of his or her  ways.  Even if it means risking losing a relationship with the child, the father must be willing to stand up for God’s teachings.  If a father is silent or is afraid to correct his child’s actions, then he is condoning  that behavior.  He must be truthful to the Scripture, and he rejoices when his children follow the Truth, and is saddened should they reject the Truth and follow evil’s path.

“It always protects” – a father will defend his family from all forms of attacks – including spiritual.  His job is to  make sure his children are protected by evil and harm, whether it be through the shields of  prayer or example or actions.

“Always trusts” – a father shows his love by showing how to trust in the Lord.  That way his children can know that not only is their earthly father trustworthy, but their heavenly one is as well.  Trust is the cornerstone of all relationships – where one’s needs are always met, no matter what the circumstance.

“Always hopes” – even in the darkest of circumstances, a father can never lose hope and give into despair.  For when that happens, it shows that he is not trusting God to provide and comfort and strengthen him.  The message of hope is a strong one to convey to his children – knowing that God will always be with them, no matter what.

“Always perseveres” – a father never, ever gives up on his children.  Even when they stray from the flock, he will wait for their return, like the prodigal son.

“Love never fails” – a father’s love will succeed in giving his children a firm foundation on which to grow into Christian men and women.  His love will live on and be his legacy for generations to come.  Love can conquer ALL.

I think of my husband and his relationship with our daughters, and I see how his love fulfills this scripture.  He has been a wonderful father to his children.  He has embraced them as his very own, and feels so blessed to be their father.

And they are blessed to have him as their dad.

I love you, Cameron.  And thank you for being such a special dad to our two girls.

©2009, Valerie Wolff

“No gift to your mother can ever equal
her gift to you – life.”

A woman has the most mysterious and wonderful power in the whole world – choosing to give birth to a child.  Most of the time, the child is born into a family unit.  But there are times when a woman has a very difficult and painful decision to make – is she able to give the child whom she is carrying a life where all of his or her needs are met?   A lot of times, this gut-wrenching decision Is made alone by this woman, and she must feel the weight of the world on her shoulders as she goes through this decision-making process. What is best for the baby? Can I give to the baby what it needs/deserves/wants in this life?  Am I emotionally and psychologically and financially able to provide for my child?  Am I mature enough to be a mother?  Will the baby be better off with me or with parents who can provide what I cannot?  Regardless of the decision this woman makes about keeping her child or giving the gift of her child to a couple to raise, she has still given her child the most precious gift of all – LIFE!

This tiny life is so helpless when it is first born.  And when the birth mother makes the ultimate and selfless sacrifice of placing the child up for adoption, she is giving that tiny life a chance to have a life which she is not able to give to him or her.  There will be tears of anguish, moments of despair, a deep hole in the heart which will never be filled over the course of her lifetime.  There will be the constant questions – I wonder what he’s doing now?  Does she ever even think about me? Will we ever meet face-to-face?  What have the birth parents told him about me?  Does she hate me?  Does he love me?  What does she look like?  Does he have the same kind of personality that I have?

As the adoptive mom, all that I can say on this Mother’s Day to my girls’ birth moms is – yes, she loves you!  And yes, I’m certain she looks like you.  We talk about you a lot, wondering what you are doing now, where you are living, if you’re married and if you have other children, if you want to meet her,  and what it would be like to meet for the first time.  We’ve always kept you in our prayers.  We’ve always thanked the Lord for your precious gift of life – not only by giving birth, but also by giving her a home where she has been loved and nurtured and treasured.

So, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you. As it says in Proverbs, 23:25, “Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.”  My husband and I are glad that we have two beautiful girls, and we want the birth mothers to rejoice this Mother’s Day in the knowledge that their girls are beautiful, well-loved, healthy, and will someday want to share their love with you.

You have carried the love for your child in your heart all of these years.  Please know that my girls have carried love for you in their hearts, as well.  You have been a loving presence in their lives, giving them the model of a powerful sacrifice and an unselfish kind of love. We wish you a very special Mother’s Day.  God bless you and keep you safe in His graces.

“The love of a mother is the veil of a softer light between the heart and the Heavenly Father.”
Samuel Taylor Coleridge

©2009, Valerie Wolff

“On Easter Day, the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer.”
Douglas Thornton

Easter Day is so full of joy and promise–of promises filled and yet to be realized–and a glimpse to life everlasting.  We have gone through a long period of Lent, pondering the sufferings of Christ and his ultimate death so that we could live. Easter Day dawns, and as the sun rises on the horizon, the rays illuminate the glory of God’s kingdom and tease us with the hint of eternal life. Our excitement is barely contained as we pour into church, praising God for our salvation, made possible through the death of his only son, our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Eternity.  Our minds can’t possibly grasp that concept.  But the thoughts of being surrounded by God’s love, without pain, without sin, without evil present–just to be present in God’s sweet and enduring love–makes me long for that day when I finally do meet my Savior face-to-face.  As the famous Christian song says “I can only imagine…”

Daily, we are bombarded with the current state of affairs in the world.  Wars, famine, natural disasters, abortions, unemployment, domestic violence, divorces, lies, cheating, illnesses–the list goes on and on.   Some of these affect us personally, and others do not, but they all affect us at some level.  Sometimes, it’s hard to offset the pain with the joy, the anguish with the peace, the evil with the good, and thus we lose sight of the God’s promise that HE is in control,  and that His glory can come out of suffering.   Sometimes, we feel all alone in the depths of our despair and suffering, as though God as abandoned us.  And that is when, according to St. Augustine, we must remember that “. . . He departed from our sight that we might return to our heart, and there find Him.  For He departed, and behold, He is Here.”  So, we must never lose sight of the fact that even when we do feel alone, He is still ever-present in our hearts, in our souls, right next to us in our grief and pain.

Never has this become more evident to me over the past year of my life.  It was several days after Easter last year that my oldest daughter left home under painful circumstances.  This year, I have had to learn so many painful lessons about myself, about my situation, and how to find God in all of this pain.  In the quiet times where I’ve allowed God into my heart, I was able to experience the calmness, the love, the peace, which will be present forevermore when I live with God eternally.  God has pulled me through this year, has used my suffering for His glory, and has made me so grateful for His love and the precious gift of His son.

I wish all of you a very blessed Easter season.

©2009, Valerie Wolff

Hope.  March is the perfect time to reflect on hope. Soon we’ll see visual signs of new life in the spring flowers and new tendrils of grass peeking up out of the brown frozen ground. We hear of God’s promise of eternal life through the sacrifice and death of His only son, Jesus Christ.  Without hope for this eternal life, which is perfectly symbolized by the new life which surrounds us in spring, our lives would have no meaning. 

As Basil C. Hume spoke of Christian hope when he said that it, “makes us have that confidence in God, in His ultimate triumph, and in His goodness and love, which nothing can shake.” 

There may be times in our lives when we are filled with loss, despair, anger, depression, or suffering.  This past year has been, by far, the most difficult year of my life.  The loss of my daughter – not through her physical death but through her physical and emotional distance from me – has caused much anguish.  There were times when I wondered why I had to suffer so much, but I was always gently reminded of Jesus’ suffering for me and for my sins, so I offered up my suffering to blend in with His.  There were times when my despair turned into a deep and wrenching anguish, and somehow, God reached out to me to comfort me in the form of a phone call or email from a friend, or a gentle hug from my husband, or an “I love you” from my youngest daughter.  At times, I blamed myself for the situation; and at other times, I was so scared about what the future might hold for my daughter’s life and for our relationship.  Will she ever come back to us and to her faith?  Will she get sick again?  Will she be safe?  Will her rebellion and anger melt and change into gratitude and respect? The effect of this guilt and anxiety on my soul diminished my ability to cling on to that hope, that trust, in God. 

Then, I stumbled upon a quote by Warren W. Wiersbe, “Most Christians are being crucified on a cross between two thieves: Yesterday’s regret and tomorrow’s worries.”  I decided that I needed to let go of the burden of regret and worry, and place it all in God’s capable hands.  I almost allowed my anguish to crush my hope that things were truly in God’s control, and that He is working His “magic” on my oldest without me knowing what His plans are for her. All that I have to do is trust in His wisdom and His love.  My cross is lighter now, knowing that God is helping me to carry it. 

I remind myself of how many times I have stumbled and fallen. How  many times I have had to ask God (and others) for forgiveness.  Jesus  died to give me everlasting life.  “The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances,” said Robert Flatt. 

I remind myself how many times I have had to start over.  And I need to remind myself that my daughter, too, will stumble and fall and start all over again–just like me.  She will seek God’s forgiveness (and others)–just like me. And she, too, will be reminded that Jesus died to give her everlasting life.  That is my hope.  That is my  belief. 

“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD, THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, THAT WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH IN HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH, BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE.”  –JOHN 3:16

 ©2009, Valerie Wolff

“For where your treasure is,
there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:21

Love.  

Can you love someone before seeing them? 

Of course, as parents, we love our children as they are growing in the mothers’ womb. 

But, what about adoptive parents? Can they love a child before having a physical or emotional connection with that child, as a biological parent can? 

In my experience as being an adoptive mom twice, the answer is an unequivocal “YES!”

We knew about our first child a couple of months before she was born. The lawyer kept on cautioning us to not get our hopes up too high, but deep within my heart, I knew this child was going to be my daughter. With my maternal instincts already in place (even without the benefit of hormones), my daughter had already captured my yearning heart. I kept on thinking about the poem:

Not flesh of my flesh
Not bone of my bone
But still miraculously my own
And never forget for a minute
You were not born under my heart
But you were born in it 
~Anonymous~

I had such plans for her!  We chose her name, painted a bedroom, imagined what she would look like, and prayed for her birth mom and a safe delivery.  I kept a journal of my hopes and fears, and wrote about my growing love for her. When I first met her in the lawyer’s office, my heart was already filled with motherly love and devotion. When my eyes first met her eyes, she softly gazed at me as though she had always known me.  

Our second daughter came upon us rather unexpectedly.  Our lawyer had called us one afternoon and asked if we were ready to be parents again. We thought it was going to be another six months before another child became available, so this was quite a shock! He asked us to think about it over the weekend, but my heart was beating so quickly and already filling up with love for this new little treasure.  He cautioned us this time to really think through our decision, as this baby was biracial, and he wanted us to be aware of what could be in store for us with other people’s prejudices.  I was already aware of the issues facing us because of my professional background, and even though the issues can be very difficult to work through, I knew that we could “handle” anything, with love in our hearts and God as our strength. 

When we met our second daughter, she was in a foster home.  Her foster mom was holding her, and she was wrapped in a small blanket.  All I could see was a ton of tight black curls peeping out of the blanket, and my heart just melted. My oldest daughter, who was almost three years old at the time, walked over to her new sister, patted her on the head, and said to me “I want her, I love her, let’s take her home.” With that, our family was complete. 

Through the years, we’ve faced  many issues, but our love has held us together. We have faced highs and lows. We have overcome obstacles, and created memories.  We are a “typical” family in many regards.  The only difference in our family is that our love was created, not by nature, but by nurture. Our love was given to our children, sight unseen. Our love is based only on the miracle of life, but the miracle of another woman’s selfless sacrifice. 

We’ve been asked, “how can you love somebody else’s child?”  This question is based on fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of finding that the ability and desire to follow God’s command to “love each other as I have loved you.”  Is lacking in one’s heart.  But, as promised in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” Without a doubt, we have loved these daughters as if they were our “very own.”  They have been God’s gifts to us, and we treasure them deeply. Their presence in our life is a miracle, and “where there is a great love there are always miracles.” (Willa Cather) 

This Valentine’s Day, I thank God for the priceless gift he gave to me by allowing me to be “my kid’s mom.”    I thank God for His wondrous love, the love of my husband, and the love of my girls.  I thank God for the selfless love of my girls’ birthmothers.  God has provided me with treasures  to always love, to always cherish, and to always hold onto  in the quiet of my heart.   

©2009, Valerie Wolff 

To everything there is a season, 
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; 
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; 
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; 
a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; 
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; 
a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 
A time to rend, and a time to sew; 
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; 
a time of war, and a time of peace.  
–Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8,   KJV

Not only does 2009 bring in a new year, but it also is the beginning of a new season of my life.  I am transitioning from being the mother of teenagers to being the mom of young women; I am transitioning my relationship with one of my daughters from being close and loving into being emotionally and physically distant; I am transitioning from working part-time into working full-time; and I am transitioning from being younger to being older by society’s standards.  Each of these transitions brings some sorrow, some grief, some bewilderment, and the process of learning how to let go and let God. 

God doesn’t promise that things will always remain the same, or that our lives will go smoothly.  What He promises is that He will be there to hold us, comfort us, protect us, and guide as we go through our trials and tribulations, as we face transitions and changes, and as we begin new seasons of our lives. 

This verse from Ecclesiastes reminds us of His ever-loving presence as we go through different times of our lives. He acknowledges that there will be times of incredible joys and devastating anguish; He knows our innermost thoughts and feelings as we face the good and the bad times; and He is there, He is always there. 

The past several months have been filled with so much pain as I watched my oldest go from a loving and faith-filled young woman to one who has totally rejected us and the faith and values we instilled in her from the very beginning.  She has chosen a path which we believe is very destructive to her emotionally and spiritually, and thus we can’t condone or support her decisions. 

“Tough love” brings on a deeper meaning when one actually has to practice it on one’s child. But, I know that it is the only way to go at this point in time, as my daughter will have no other choice but to take responsibility for her own actions and learn from her mistakes.  It’s painful to not be there for her, it’s painful to not have her presence in my life anymore, it’s painful to know she is in a lot of turmoil herself – and I can only imagine that God feels the same way about us when we have rejected Him and His love and His teachings. 

So, this new year, I will face many new beginnings for myself.  I’m a bit scared because all of them are unchartered territory for me.  But the knowledge that God is there to sustain me, as He has over the past several months, brings me hope and encouragement.  I know I can weather these transitions as I go into a new season of my life, because He will not fail me. I know my relationship with Him will grow stronger and deeper as I depend on Him more and trust in His will for my life.  That part of this new season excites me and humbles me. 

May God bless you and yours in the New Year.  May He keep you safe in His graces. And may 2009 be the year in which you begin some transitions of your very own, with God’s loving hand guiding and protecting you. 

©2009, Valerie Wolff

“Do not get tired of doing what is good.  Do not get discouraged and give up, for we reap a harvest of  blessings at the appropriate time”. 

–Galatians 6:9

I am certain that for all of us, at times, it seems like no matter how hard we pray, or how many sacrifices we may make, or how many good things we do, God just isn’t answering our prayers.  It is especially true for me right now in this season of my life. At times, I do feel like giving up, I am tired of always having to do the right thing, and I am very discouraged. But the passage above reminds me to hold on to my faith, as God has promised that He will reap a harvest of blessings for me in His own time.  I just need to be patient, keep on doing the right thing, keep on praying, and be strong during this difficult time.

Thanksgiving is a time when we thank the Lord for the harvest of blessings which He has bestowed upon us.  That means we should also thank the Lord for the trials and tribulations in our lives, because out of those times come greater compassion, greater understanding and wisdom, and a greater love for God and others.

When I read this passage, I’m reminded of a time 21 years ago, when I found out that I couldn’t have children. After a period of pain and depression and discouragement and wanting to give up, God chose to reap His harvest of blessings on me in the form of adoption.  God chose me to become the mother to two beautiful babies over the course of three years, and who are now beautiful young women. This gift of motherhood is the most incredible blessing I have ever received from God.  Even with the tumultuous changes of this past year in my relationship with my oldest daughter, I still treasure the gift of this woman child, and I wouldn’t want to give up on being her mom.  Now, don’t get me wrong–there have been days when I was so discouraged that I wanted to just give up on everything, but that didn’t mean I wanted to give up on her or my relationship with her.  I just wanted to give up because the pain was so great.

This Thanksgiving will be a time of reflection.  I will be grateful for the blessings my family has received, the hardships my family have experienced, and God’s steadfastness throughout this most difficult time.  I will be grateful for the good times and the bad, the lessons learned, the love that we still share amongst each other despite the pain and agony we have suffered.  I will be grateful that God held me while my world crashed around me, and He put me back together so I could continue to function as a wife and a mother and a counselor.  I will be grateful for having the experience of having something so sacred being ripped from my life because it helped me to learn how to love and let go and forgive.

This Thanksgiving I will especially ponder the wonderful blessing of the birth mothers of my daughters.  As my daughters approach the age of perhaps being able to meet their birth mothers for the first time, I pray that these wonderful women will look at our daughters  and say to me “Thank you for a job well done”.  I pray that I have not let them down in any way.  I pray that they have experienced a harvest of blessings from the Lord in their lives.  And I thank them for their selfless act of allowing me to be their kids’ mom.

“This is the first measure of thanksgiving:  a thankfulness that springs from love”.
William C. Skeath

©2008, Valerie Wolff

“Holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.”  Hebrews 12:14

Mother Theresa is quoted as saying “True holiness consists in doing God’s will with a smile.” That goes against the grain of popular culture, which has the pursuit of personal happiness as its mantra and false message.

Recently, in a conversation with a young woman,  I questioned her about the choices she was making, which were going against the grain of all the values she had been taught, and which were going against God’s teachings that she knew so well.

Her reply was “Well, everybody tells me to do whatever it is that makes me happy.”

I wondered in my heart if, indeed, she was happy, given she was going against all that she once held so dear. I wondered what had happened that caused her to lower her standards and get caught up with people who were encouraging her to participate in activities which she never would have dreamed of doing before.

At one point in time, she would have cringed and said that there would be NO way she could ever be with a person who asked her to do things that went against her morals and beliefs; at one point in time, she would have remained faithful and steadfast in her faith and her beliefs.

But staying holy in this day and age is very difficult. There are so many pressures from different areas—from peers, from TV and the movies, from society in general, and even from older people who are still caught up in the old “if it feels good, do it” mentality.

To remain holy means to seek out people and sustain relationships with those who have similar beliefs and convictions. Convictions which hold to the fact that it is imperative to follow God’s will at all times, and not be a slave to your own desires. The true Christian ideal is NOT to be happy, rather, it is to be holy.

The temptations out there are great. The promise of happiness, if you do what your heart desires, is the prevalent message—from engaging in premarital sex, to spending a lot of money, to drinking and smoking and doing drugs, to pornography, to addictions. But as Campbell Morgan points out, “Holiness is not freedom from temptation, but power to overcome temptation.”

So, how does one overcome these temptations? Through God’s grace and through prayer. By surrounding yourself with other Christians. By going to Mass or to church on a regular basis. By joining Bible studies. What one doesn’t do is stay close to people who are leading you astray.  The longer you engage in sinful behaviors, the easier it is to continue on with them because your conscience is rubbed away a little bit more each time you participate in them. Your soul grows further away from Christ.

There is a connection between sin and sorrow, between holiness and happiness. Making godly choices makes a person holy and happy. Ask anyone who has been entrenched in ungodly behaviors—are they happy? Is the young woman I mentioned above truly happy? Her eyes are very sad. She’s angry at God. She feels disconnected from her family because her behaviors not only hurt her relationship with God, but also her relationships with her family members.  That disconnection is very painful to her, even if she doesn’t recognize it as such. What she needs to realize is that God is willing to take her  back into His fold. Her family will welcome her back wholeheartedly. All she has to do is ask for forgiveness and get back on track again.

“The holy man is not one who cannot sin—a holy man is one who will not sin,” per A.W. Tozer. It’s a conscious decision to sin or not to sin. God’s special gift to us is holiness. It is ours for the asking, if only we follow His will.

Let us pray for those people out there who are struggling, wanting to follow their own desires rather than God’s will in their lives. Let us pray for those people who find it hard to break free from the shackles of their sins. Let us pray for parents who are trying to teach their children God’s way, while fighting against the message from the world’s way.  For without holiness, we will never see the kingdom of God.

Holiness is the state of the soul in which all the powers of the body and the mind are consciously given up to God.
—Phoebe Palmer

©2008, Valerie Wolff

“Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.”
G. K. Chesterton

The beginning of a new school years signifies getting back into a routine, having an overscheduled appointment book, and the constant juggling of not having enough time to fit in everything which needs to be done. The pace of life quickens during the autumn season, just as the days begin to grow shorter. We send our children off to school with high hopes that what they are being taught coincides with our values and Christian way of life, but down deep, we know that is not always the case.  That is why it’s so important to begin the process of educating our children at home when they are just infants. We place those seeds of wisdom and knowledge in our daily interactions with our children, such as the Golden Rule, the Ten Commandments, and lessons from the Bible. Then we nurture and protect those seeds, so that when they are sent out into the “real world” they will have a solid foundation of faith to stand on when they begin to absorb the lessons which are being taught by the teachers and by the interactions with other children.

I love Chesterton’s quote because it shows the value of passing life’s  lessons within a family context.  As mothers, we are our children’s most important teachers because we spend those critical first five years with our children, modeling the Christian faith to them, teaching them how to treat others, instructing them about manners, helping them to see the beauty of God’s creation and how they fit into His plan, and teaching them that there is a right and a wrong way of doing things.  These are the lessons which they will carry on into their adult lives, and subsequently, they will pass them on to their own children. Henry Brooks Adams said “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops”. The same holds true with us being our children’s first teacher.  Our influence will affect many generations to come, and we will never know what kind of impact we have had at all. That is why it is so important that we approach each and every day with a prayer on our lips that we make this day a day in which the Lord directs all of our actions and words so that we can have a positive influence on our children, guiding them through their daily activities so that they can make choices based on their Christian upbringing as they grow and mature.

This year, my youngest enters her senior year in high school and my oldest is a junior in college.  It’s an exciting time for my youngest as she makes decisions about her future.  It’s a time which is also filled with a touch of melancholy as her childhood draws to a close and she faces adulthood.  The transitions she is going through are exciting to watch, yet some anxiety is present as I watch her standing at the beginning of independence.  My oldest is switching to a new college and switching majors, and thus she is facing some major transitions as well.  I am certain she will excel in her new major, yet I know she must be feeling some anxiety as she starts out at a new college.  She is moving into her own apartment, thus giving her a lot of independence where she will be making her own choices and decisions which will have life-long implications.  My prayer for both of my daughters is that they stand firm in their faith, and that they remember the lessons I tried to instill in them over the years.  My prayer is that what they have learned will keep them on the path towards  goodness.  They must now seek out not only book-knowledge, but the knowledge of what God’s will is for their lives.  I pray that they are able to discern His will through prayer, and then embrace what His direction is for them.

My job as a mother is far from over as my daughters go through this transition.  I must switch gears now, however, as they cross the bridge from childhood into adulthood.  I am learning how to let go, when to intervene, and when to pray the hardest!  I have learned that I must hand my children back over to God, and trust that He will keep them safe in His graces as they grow and mature.  So, I am still learning lessons myself, even though I have been out of school for a very long time.  I pray that I remain open to learning new things until the day I die.  I pray that my girls will continue to come to me for counsel when they are facing a rough time  or a tough decision.  I pray that their future holds many, many wonderful experiences, and that they learn how to place their trust in God as He directs them through life’s lessons.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.  Proverbs 1:7 NIV

©2008, Valerie Wolff