Many of us will remember Candace Cameron Bure from ABC’s Full House, where we affectionately knew her as “DJ Tanner.” Today Candace is a role model to young women everywhere, with a testimony of growing up in Hollywood, while growing in faith with God.
This month, Candace gets candid with a reader who hopes to win her husband to Christ.
I am married to an unbeliever. He and I got together real young, had a kid, and for the most part are very compatible with each other . The only problem is that I’m a new Christian trying to strengthen my faith, and he’d rather not discuss the topic of God, as he has had it rough growing up, and tends to use that as an excuse.
My question is, where do I go from here? I want my son in a strong Christian environment. For the most part, my husband is okay with me teaching him about God, taking him to church and praying. He just doesn’t cooperate.
As his wife, I don’t want to force anything on him at all. And I know I have to deal with the natural consequences of marrying a non believer, but my house WILL serve the Lord!
We watched Fireproof last night, and I got the message. Maybe I should just worry about myself, and my faith in God, and hope that he sees Christ through me.
But I’m scared we will grow apart even more. We have free will; God wants us to willingly love Him. I just don’t want to be overbearing. He has major anxiety, and I seriously feel like we’re living in two different worlds lately. I hate watching him suffer with anxiety and not being able to do anything about it.
Yes, you can ask questions like this. 🙂 I’m happy to recommend some things I think will help.
Neither my husband nor I cared much about God when we got married. Although we both had a basic belief in God, I became a true Christian before my husband. I prayed for his salvation for 2 years until I saw the fruit of those answered prayers when he gave his life to the Lord.
I’m glad you are asking these questions because that means you’re willing to seek answers and make some changes to your family life. Could you and your husband grow apart because of the lack of union in Christ? Yes, it’s possible, but God also give a promise to wives concerning their unbelieving husbands.
1 Peter 3:1-2 – Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Do you see the promise? If your husband does not believe the Word (that is, the bible, or Jesus himself) he may be won over (brought to Christ) without words (not by you saying a bunch of things to him) but by the behavior of their wife (your conduct), when he (your husband) sees the purity and reverence of your life (your spirit in Christ when you honor and reverence your husband).
Start praying for your husband’s salvation today and every day until it comes. Hold on to God’s promise and don’t let up no matter how difficult it gets. It is not wrong for you to obey your husband and have him lead your home even if he is an unbeliever as long as he isn’t asking you to sin. And I’m not talking about legalistic sins like when he’d rather take you and your son to the park and play on Sunday morning instead of going to church. Go ahead and do that… being happy for the special time you’ll have together as a family.
It’s a wonderful thing that your husband doesn’t give you a hard time when teaching your son about Jesus or going to church. Be thankful for that! Take the season you’re in now to grow in your relationship with God, getting to know Him and His word better. Your husband doesn’t have to be at the same pace you’re at for you to teach your son or grow yourself. Trust in God’s love for you and for your husband. God can and will use YOU as a tool to bring your husband to Christ if you obey and yield to His ways. It may take 2 years of praying like it did with my husband or it may take 35 years like it did for my dad. In any case, it will be in God’s timing, not yours. The question is, are you willing to hang on to the promise?
My favorite book on being the wife God created you to be is “Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debbie Pearl. You can find it at www.nogreaterjoy.org or a local Christian bookstore. At this point, you need to diligently pray for your husband, but don’t take the burden of his salvation upon your own shoulders. That’s God burden to bear. You are only accountable for your own actions, not your husband’s, although you should do everything you can to help your husband be the man God wants him to be.
Some examples? Don’t preach to him. If you’ve shared Christ as Savior with him, then let the words go and let your actions show. Your husband has anxiety? Listen to his troubles then sweetly let him know you’ll be praying about it for him. That’s all you need to say at that moment. Don’t be tempted to bust out the Bible and go into sermon about casting your anxieties upon God if He’s not open to hearing it at this point. But DO diligently pray to God and believe that He will meet the needs of your husband.
Proverbs speaks a lot about a wife, so listen up!
A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.
The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,and he receives favor from the Lord.
Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth,but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.
It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.
A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.
[A Wife of Noble Character] Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.
You said it in your letter that you should just let Christ show through you and that’s exactly right. Let the sweet love of Jesus shine so brightly through you, that your husband will question what has gotten into his wife. Literally! The Holy Spirit. Let the spirit lead you as you show reverence and obedience to your husband.