Distance in a Friendship


I know you don’t usually get email from guys, but I have a problem that perhaps you can give me some insight over. A couple of years ago–about a month after my dad passed away–I went back to college. Not knowing anyone there, I prayed that God would bless me by giving me a friend to talk to. On the second day of class, He answered my prayer when I met this nice girl. We soon became great friends, and she was like a sister to me. We would talk about everything. I was so grateful that God had blessed me with such a special friend. I even went to her wedding, which was a huge honor.

My problem is this: last winter, I had a misunderstanding with my friend. It’s resolved now–I hope, but I still feel bad about it because the last thing I had ever wanted to do was cause trouble in our friendship. I worry a lot that although it is resolved, our friendship will never be as close as it was.

We don’t email each other as much as we used to, and I really miss her friendship. Please don’t misunderstand, I only think of her as a friend and as a sister. God blessed me with her friendship when I needed it the most, but since our misunderstanding, I feel like I’ve let her down and failed her as a friend. I’m not sure if our friendship will ever be the same.

Do you have any advice for me to first-not feel so guilty about the misunderstanding, and second-not to worry so much about our friendship. Thank you so much for listening. May God bless you!


Thanks for your email. You were right, I don’t a lot of emails from guys–it’s nice to receive a question from you.

I don’t know that the advice I’ll offer will be much different from some you’ve probably received. While the details of the misunderstanding are irrelevant, you’ll have to be at peace with it if you’ve talked about it from your heart and apologized. There’s not much more you can do unless there is still something that wasn’t discussed that is nagging at you. Only you know that answer.

I’ll have to say that as soon as I read she got married, I thought–that’s it. Even though what you have is only a friendship, once a girl gets married, even her best friendships with men will never be the same. Her husband is her man above all now. She can’t and shouldn’t tell you all the details, intimate thoughts, dreams or goals you may have once shared. Even hanging out and just chillin’ together doesn’t happen so much because that’s what her husband is for. Her husband should be her new best friend. It’s hard; I understand. It’s probably not as easy for her either. I know because had a guy for a best friend and it had to change once I got married. It simply isn’t fair to her husband. You would never want to be a source of jealousy in their relationship.

While the friendship is super important to you, I’m sure things will change for you too when you meet your wife. You’ll want to spend all of your time with her. Be patient and just let your friend know that you’re there, but give her space to care and nurture her relationship with her husband. And above all, don’t drown in guilt over things of the past. Your guilt won’t do anything but simply bring you heartache. If you have a clear conscience before God, move on.

“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.” Proverbs 12:25

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