All my life I have wanted to serve God in every way possible. Every time I get up and try so hard to show God that I am serious about Him I give in to temptations and sins. I know that I break His heart every time I give in. Here lately I have caught myself in the floor with tears streaming down my face and praying. I feel so attacked and torn apart. I am reaching for God and He is reaching back I’m sure but I can’t seem to escape the dark pit I am in. Even my relationship with my momma is going bad and no matter what I do I seem to have the worst motives behind the nice things I do. It makes me so upset to see myself turning into what my real mom has yet to get out of. By the way I am adopted and have a adoptive mom. I seek help with the elder women of my church but nothing seems to help. I just don’t know what to do. I am so, I dont know! Advice would be a nice place to start.
Sister, Sister, Sister,
Grace unto you from Christ Jesus our LORD! It is wonderful to hear that your heart is convicted when you sin, and you are turning back to your Father for forgiveness! BEAUTIFUL! But! Once you lay that sin at the feet of your Savior, leave it there. Our flesh IS frustrating, our ability to sin and forget the truth we know is MORE than irritating to be sure. But all God calls us to do, is return to Him, ask for forgiveness and start again in His hands and direction.
Be wary of thoughts that make you feel less than who You are in Christ – the daughter of the King, the Most High God! The enemy of our souls is crafty, and one of the sneakiest ways he tears us down is to disguise condemnation as conviction. The first is destructive, the latter is restorative. How do we know the difference? One makes us feel unworthy of God’s love, defeated, and can even keep us from accepting God’s free and wonderful grace. The other, brings us to our Lord, helps us reflect on our actions, and causes our heart to desire to live well and better according to His direction and in His strength so that we might glorify Him. Ask God to help you recognize His voice, and show you when to shut out the lies of the enemy.
Remember, even the apostle Paul expresses his frustration about his own sin. You can hear in his words in Romans 7 that it is driving him nuts, “14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” I am so grateful for Paul and his honesty! But the promise here is that we are STILL delivered! When Christ died on the cross for your sins, He died for ALL of them – those committed before you received Him and those after. Salvation did not bring you perfection, dear Sister, you and the rest of us are works in progress! Even those who seem to have it all together are still sinners because they are still flesh.
So continue daily to pray without ceasing (just let your thoughts be directed to Him in all things), and thank Him for the lesson learned when you fall and for His grace that picks you up and dusts you off! HE LOVES YOU JUST AS YOU ARE! Isn’t that awesome! If he expected us to be perfect and not sin, His Word would not include the verse in Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
If you are struggling with strongholds in your life – deep sin – that you can’t seem to shake. Please write to us privately, we would love to share with you and pray with you. God created you for good things dear Sister, and He can set you free! How do I know? I am walking proof! He is able!