Have you ever felt like God was speaking to you? Maybe it wasn’t in an audible voice, but in a still small whisper to your heart, an insistent urgency that won’t go away and is confirmed in things people say, verses you read and other “coincidences” that happen.  When my husband Curt and I determined to get out of debt, we knew it was because God was telling us to. This was confirmed in our circumstances and in the unified attitude we both had about this huge task. In the past, we had always fought over money, never agreeing on how we should handle it. But when God moved in both of our hearts at the same time, we were able to approach things as a team.

I would like to tell you that because God said to do it, it was all hearts and flowers and peace after that. But that would not be true. On the contrary, getting out of debt was one of the hardest things we had ever done. There were a lot of two steps up and one step back moments in our journey towards financial freedom. We got discouraged. We got tired. We got frustrated. We wanted to quit (thankfully never both of us at once). It was in those moments that we had to refocus on what God had said, on what He had promised to do in our lives if we would walk in obedience. We had to stand on His promises, returning again and again to His word for reinforcement.

If you are struggling to straighten out your finances, don’t get swayed by your circumstances. Even when Murphy strikes and everything seems to be going wrong. Even when you want to slip back into old habits and buy that outfit on sale. Even when you are tempted by the stuff you see and want. Even when you feel like you will never make headway. Don’t quit trying. Write Isaiah 46:11 down on an index card and carry it wherever you go. Or post it on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror as that extra reminder that what God said, He will bring to pass. And what He purposes, He will do. It might take longer than you expected. It might be harder than you ever anticipated. But it will happen. Four and a half years after we started our journey out of debt, our family is living proof.  I hope that this verse serves to encourage and strengthen you today as you walk one step closer to financial freedom.

I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed and I will do it. Isaiah 46:11b

©2009, Marybeth Whalen

]]> http://christianwomenonline.net/2009/07/01/what-god-says/feed/ 1 http://christianwomenonline.net/2009/06/01/10-tips-for-saving-money-in-tough-times/ http://christianwomenonline.net/2009/06/01/10-tips-for-saving-money-in-tough-times/#comments Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:09:58 +0000 Marybeth Whalen http://www.christianwomenonline.net/issue/?p=1723

1. Make a budget (and stick to it). A budget overwhelms many people but it is really nothing more than devising a plan for every dollar you bring in. Having a budget helps you spend smarter and think more. It also helps to improve your buying power. The best way to make a budget is to start by sitting down with your spouse and deciding how much you spend on regular categories like groceries, gas, medical, etc. each month. Talk through these things and get them down on paper. Then spend accordingly. An article that goes into step by step detail about making a budget can be found at:
http://www.christianpf.com/how-to-make-a-budget/

2. Stop using credit cards. Studies show that people who use credit cards buy more and think less about their purchases. By learning to spend cash and limiting your purchases, you make your money work for you rather than against you. Credit card companies are getting craftier as the economy struggles. 25% of all credit card users in this country will have their rates raised this year, or their monthly payment raised. When you are in debt, you are at the mercy of the company you owe. Don’t let yourself get bogged down by credit card debt.

3. Cook at home. It sounds so basic and yet how many of us resort to eating out because we just can’t deal with dinner? By taking a few moments once a week to devise a menu plan, shopping for the needed ingredients for that menu plan, and cooking the meals in your home, you can save lots of money and have more time to gather as a family and enjoy a slow evening at home. Eating at home not only saves money, it saves valuable family time.

4. Buy clothes at thrift or consignment stores. This is especially true with children’s clothes. When you are in a department store, always shop the clearance racks and avoid the other racks so you aren’t tempted. It’s also an income generator if you consign your own clothing. You can then take the money you earn on consignment and buy clothes for a new season without being out of pocket any money!

5. If you must eat out, only go to places you have coupons for. Keep a small photo album and arrange restaurant coupons so they are easy to find as you are heading out the door. It’s also a great idea to look for “kids eat free” nights and frequent those. Other ways to save on eating out include ordering water (big savings on this), share meals, order a kids’ portion if the restaurant allows it, and go out for lunch instead of dinner. For people who work, it’s always a good idea to pack your lunch regularly instead of running out to eat. A jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread will go a long way.

6. Learn to play the coupon game. Many people devote themselves to clipping and organizing coupons—and reap great savings from doing so. There are many frugal websites and blogs that detail exactly how to save a lot of money with coupons. A great one to start with is www.couponmom.com. And here is a great tutorial video you can watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcAUZvGS6L8.

7. If you have children, limit the number of activities they do to one per child, per year. If you are struggling to pay for even one activity, consider asking for the activity as a gift from grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, etc. Instead of another toy that will end up broken or lost, your child can receive a gift that truly keeps on giving as well as one that invests in their future.

8. Think about the things you regularly spend money on like gas or utilities and research ways to save money on those things. For instance, www.gasbuddy.com tells you where to buy the cheapest gas according to your area code. Bundling services with your cable provider can save money each month. Calling your energy company to find out when their off-peak hours are and doing your laundry or dishes during those times can save on your monthly bill as well.

9. Don’t shop as a recreational activity. If you can’t see it, you won’t feel a need to have it. Use time you used to spend shopping to go for a walk, visit a park, exercise, read a book, or spend time researching money-saving sites on the internet! If you have a friend you used to enjoy shopping with, sit down and list out other alternatives for your time together.

10. Look for ways to generate additional income. Whether it be an additional part-time job or a way to make money from home using a skill or talent you possess, get creative, get motivated, and get excited about the potential you have to generate income that you didn’t have before. Every little bit helps, so put on your thinking cap and don’t be shy about stepping out and trying something!

Marybeth Whalen is the wife of Curt and mom of six children, ages teen to toddler. Marybeth is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker team and a regular contributor to their daily devotions. She and her husband Curt co-authored Learning To Live Financially Free. Marybeth speaks regularly to women’s groups and enjoys sharing stories from her daily adventures as a wife, mom, homeschooler, writer, and, most importantly, a follower of God. You can find her online at www.marybethwhalen.com or at Learning To Live Financially Free.

©2009, Marybeth Whalen

]]> http://christianwomenonline.net/2009/06/01/10-tips-for-saving-money-in-tough-times/feed/ 3 http://christianwomenonline.net/2009/05/01/5-mistakes-couples-make-with-money/ http://christianwomenonline.net/2009/05/01/5-mistakes-couples-make-with-money/#comments Fri, 01 May 2009 05:17:00 +0000 Marybeth Whalen http://www.christianwomenonline.net/issue/?p=1624

When we got married, we didn’t just make a few mistakes with money—we made ‘em all! Throughout our sixteen years of marriage, there have been some trouble spots that seemed to pop up repeatedly.

Failing to communicate about money
Money is hard to talk about. Issues of pride, inadequacy, resentment and shame get wrapped up in the conversation, resulting in hurt feelings, isolation, and even lying to each other about debt. In the early days of our marriage, every conversation about money seemed to end up in a fight. He felt attacked because he wasn’t providing. She felt vulnerable and unprotected. Neither was able to move past their feelings to reach out to the other, and it stayed that way for years. In the end, we both had to lay some things down and take small steps towards communicating in a more healthy way. Financial classes, financial counseling, and reading books together were valuable as we learned how to work together and talk openly.

Not working together to develop a budget
Many years of trial and error have taught us that following a realistic budget is the key to managing our money well. This sounds easy, but our different personality styles made it frustrating to work together. One was a saver while one was a spender. One wanted everything on a spreadsheet neatly organized in rows and columns, while this kind of detail just gave the other a headache! So instead of working together, the one with the dominant personality took over. As a result, the budget was unrealistic and one-sided. We always seemed to be overspending in every category. As you can imagine, this resulted in accusations and frustration.

What we’ve found is that we are much stronger when we work together. We can create common goals and compliment each other’s styles. One is good at organizing and tracking all the details, while the other gives great input about how much we need in each category.

Together, we can create a much more realistic picture and can regularly update how much has been spent. At the end of the month, there are no more “where did all the money go?” fights. Instead of working for our money, our money is working for us!

Not having money set aside for unexpected expenses
One of the things we weren’t prepared for when we were married and starting a family is the unexpected. We quickly learned how expensive things can be to repair or replace. We also had a two-year period in our marriage of very high medical costs due to a child’s illness. Because we had no emergency fund, we used credit cards to make the repairs and pay off the medical bills. We were burdened for years with the debt as we worked to pay it off.

The reality is, bad things are bound to happen. A couple should have enough money set aside to cover three to six months of monthly spending. Having this savings available will cover any major repairs, replace things such as appliances, or cover monthly expenses in the case of lost income.

Not being wise buying a home
Shortly after we were married, many well-intentioned people told us that it was critical that we buy a home. Their logic was that we would only be throwing money away if we rented and that we were missing out on a huge tax break. While there is truth to this advice, for a newly married couple, trying to rush into a home turned into one of our biggest budget busters. Because we didn’t understand the true cost of home ownership, we ended up owning a home with a mortgage payment that ate up a large majority of our monthly take home pay. We also were unprepared for the cost of maintaining a home and ended up with debt on credit cards as things broke down.

We’ve learned that there are three key principles to use when buying a home. A couple should save so they can make a large down payment, they should get a fixed rate mortgage, and they should keep the monthly payment at 25% or less of their take home pay. By following these principles, owning a home can be a blessing instead of a curse!

Spending money before you have it
It is easy for a couple to revert to spending on credit or financing on a “buy now/pay later” plan. You think you’ll use future incoming money like commission checks or bonuses to cover the debt later. Though the adage “don’t count your chickens before they hatch” may be overdone, it does hold true in this case. One time we were counting on a large commission check that we were planning to use to paint our home. We just knew the money was coming, so we went ahead and fronted the money on a credit card, with good intentions to pay it off once we got the money. But the money never came. We were stuck with a large credit card that once carried a zero balance—and no way to pay it off. We were back to scrimping and pinching pennies to pay down that debt. We learned a valuable lesson not to spend money before it was actually in our hands, no matter what.

These five areas are by no means the only mistakes couples can make with money, but we have found that once we tackled these areas, making wise decisions in other areas seemed to follow. The overarching theme of our marriage has been learning that we are both on the same team. Instead of approaching money like two opposing teams out to score our own needs, we learned to tackle money with a united vision. While improving these five areas may seem difficult, it is possible to do so. If we can do it, any couple can!

Marybeth Whalen is the wife of Curt and mom of six children, ages teen to toddler. The family lives outside Charlotte, NC. Marybeth is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker team and a regular contributor to their daily devotions. She and her husband Curt co-authored the newly released book Learning To Live Financially Free. Marybeth speaks regularly to women’s groups and enjoys sharing stories from her daily adventures as a wife, mom, homeschooler, writer, and, most importantly, a follower of God. You can find her online at www.marybethwhalen.com.

©2009, Marybeth Whalen

When my son Brad was about three years old, he went through a little phase.  He learned to play on my emotions when asking for things.  Upon hearing “no,” he would reply, “But mommy, that will make me happy.”  Then he would give me his most drop-dead gorgeous smile and bat his eyes at me for effect.  Boy did he know how to work me over!  Some of the requests were for things like a lollipop before dinner or staying up several hours past bedtime.  And while I knew those things might make him happy for a moment, they definitely weren’t the best choice for him.  As his mom, I knew that sticking to my “no” was the wise choice—no matter how many manipulation tactics he tried!

And yet, how many times do I act just like this before God?  I kneel before Him and present Him with a laundry list of things I think would make my life better.  In reality, I don’t have any better idea about what is best for me than my child does.  My view of happiness is very temporary and circumstance based.  While I think I know what will make me happy, I am learning that, in truth, I have absolutely no idea.  And this is where trusting God and submitting to His will is always the better choice.

How many times in your life have you wanted something so badly—yet when you got whatever it was, you realized, “Nope, this didn’t do it for me either.”  That house you wanted to move into so badly, that person you wanted to date, that achievement you thought would bring success, that child you longed to have—they all brought you momentary happiness, but they didn’t fulfill you as you had hoped or bring you the significance you longed for.  I am learning slowly that whenever I find myself begging God for something, with some whining thrown in for good measure, I have to step back and ask myself the question: But will it make me happy?  I know that whatever “it” is, it doesn’t have the power to bring me lasting happiness—that deep indwelling joy that only God can bring.  I may have a flash of happiness, only to lose it mere moments later.  I am learning slowly to push aside these momentary longings and seek God instead.  To tell Him, “Here’s what I think I want.  But I trust You to do what’s best for me.”

I have learned that a book with my name on the cover, an outfit hanging in my closet that looks great on me, an accolade for my child, a trip to the spa, or an address in the right neighborhood will not make me happy, as much as I think it might.  I can’t look for happiness in the things of this earth, or I will certainly live in a state of disappointment.  Instead I can spend my time seeking God, and allowing Him to bring along unexpected blessings—little bouquets of happiness along the way.  That doesn’t mean I don’t still look longingly at a new Ipod or a sleek new laptop and think fleetingly, “Oooooh, now that would make me happy.”  But I am learning to pull back and refocus my perspective when I have those thoughts.  Will it make me happy?  Maybe for a moment.  But in the long run, only God can bring me the joy I seek.  I am learning that, minute by minute, day by day.

Ecclesiastes 5:19, “Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift from God.”  (NIV)

©2009, Marybeth Whalen

“Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
Be merciful to me and hear my prayer.”

Lord, you saw that list of layoffs my company is talking about. I don’t know what the future holds and I am worried about what that could mean for my family. I know that we should have had some savings built up for times like these… but we just never did. Lord, help me to make changes in the future so I am not faced with this situation ever again.

“How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods? Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord will hear when I call to him.”

Lord, I admit that I once sought the false god of money. I looked to it as a means of security, identity, and status. As I have watched my financial house crumble in these tough times, I know now that I was foolish. I know that I should have placed my trust in You and You alone. Thank You for not giving up on me and for still listening when I call to You. It is a great comfort to know that You are sovereign and that Your promises will stand.

“In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.”

Lord, when all the dreary financial forecasts first started coming in, I admit it: I was angry. I wanted to blame someone—anyone—even You, Lord. I wanted to shake my fist and say, “How could You let this happen?” And yet, deep down I knew that this situation grieves you. That you wanted us to make smart financial choices but we just… didn’t. I know now that I need to live differently than I have been all these years. I want to start tithing regularly and trust You fully with my finances.

“Many are asking, ‘Who can show us any good?’ Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

Lord, everyone around me keeps talking like our country is going to collapse. And yet, I know that no matter what, You will take care of me and my family. Instead of wringing my hands and pacing the floor, I am going to turn over my worries about the economy to You. I am going to lay my burdens in Your hands and rest peacefully. Through You I can still have joy no matter how tough things get. Because Your joy outlasts anything money can buy.

(Passages quoted from Psalm 4, New International Version)

©2009,Marybeth Whalen 

When my husband and I first got married, discussing finances was something best avoided at all costs. Money was a necessary evil, something to be endured when bill paying time rolled around, but not thought of much beyond that. I would have never guessed that 17 years later, discussing finances would become a major part of our love story. I could never have realized the value that would come from learning to talk about money, sharing our goals and dreams for our financial future, and becoming a united front in the never-ending challenge of managing our family’s money.

Does this sound impossible to you?

It did to me as well, once upon a time. My husband Curt and I could not talk about money—even in the simplest terms—without a fight ensuing. We were drowning in debt and ill-equipped to approach money discussions from a positive place. Fighting was guaranteed. I dodged financial discussions with the finesse of a ballroom dancer: pivot, dip, glide. After all, if you can avoid the discussion, you can avoid the problem, right?

Not true. While we continued to avoid talking, the problems kept piling up. Finally one night in a dark car in a parking lot, we started talking in a way that wasn’t loaded with accusation, dripping with blame, and hedging on defensiveness. We were $95,000 dollars in debt, including multiple credit cards, two cars, and student loans we had carried our entire marriage. God met us there in that car and began breaking down the barriers that existed between us, leading us out of our respective corners and into a middle ground that started us talking. That night we began to work out a plan that would take us four years and a lot of commitment to see through. 

During those four years there was lots of temptation to fall apart instead of come together. We had to work towards a common goal, walking the path laid out for us together instead of each going our own way and just hoping we ended up in the same place. Learning to communicate about money in an effective way has been huge for our marriage. Here are some tips we learned:

• Your spouse is not your enemy. Identify your enemy and focus on that enemy together as a team that is united by a common goal. (Ephesians 6:12) Don’t let your enemy divide you and thereby gain the victory. When troubles and setbacks arise (as they will), pray for a united heart and the wisdom and clarity to handle the problem together.
• One spouse doesn’t get to just “check out” about the finances. The person who pays the bills shouldn’t have to shoulder that burden alone. Working together is imperative and knowing what is going on with your finances is actually—believe it or not—fun!
• Set regular times to plan, plot and assess. For Curt and I, that is usually on a lazy Saturday morning while the kids are playing and we sit in our kitchen over big steaming mugs of coffee. We have found that two heads really are better than one and having more than one perspective is wise. I never fail to walk away from these times refreshed and hopeful over what God has done, and what He continues to do in the life of our family.
• Find ways to communicate based on your unique situation. Regular communication is necessary, but with six kids, ministry duties, and my husband’s demanding full-time job, that can be difficult. We have found it best to touch base about finances through emails. My husband pays the bills but sends me updates so I know how much is left in certain budget categories based on what is being spent on an ongoing basis.  While this doesn’t substitute for sitting down and talking things out, it is a realistic solution for our busy day-to-day life.
• Don’t use money as a way to control the other person. I struggle with wanting to know too much now (as opposed to once believing that “ignorance is bliss”) and can sometimes make my husband feel like I don’t trust him or am micro-managing him based on my need to know. In every conversation, temper your words with kindness and respect. If you feel yourself getting angry or accusatory, pray before you go to your spouse. Choose to believe the best about your spouse and trust God to make that happen.
• Reward yourselves from time to time with a fun date night out. Set reachable goals and build in some money for a sitter once those goals are met. Make sure you are still having fun and talking about other things besides money all the time! This is a time to celebrate your accomplishments, not wring your hands about the future. These times along the way keep things fun and refreshed in your marriage and not “all business.”
• Give together. The blessings of giving along the way will unite you in a way that is contrary to what makes sense in our scope of understanding. It might not make sense in the natural, but it is wise to build a plan for giving into your plan for living financially free. Besides, it is just plain fun to give to your church or to a family in need.  My husband and I love to scheme about giving now—something I never thought would happen in a million years!

Years ago, I would have told you that finances have nothing to do with love. Now I know that money is a big part of our lives—and a big part of our love story. Getting in the ring and fighting for our financial future has united us in vision. Learning how to talk about money in a productive way has helped us learn to talk about other difficult situations. Knowing we conquered our mountain of debt together has made us stronger as a couple. And that, as they say, is priceless.

©2009, Marybeth Whalen 

Too many times, I think we treat our financial decisions like we treat our new year’s resolutions.  We might make a half-hearted attempt at “doing things right” financially, only to fall off the wagon weeks or months into the process. The problem is, our resolutions are too lofty and too ambiguous to be lived out.  It’s like saying, “I am going to lose weight.”  And yet, that statement in itself does very little to help us actually lose weight.  We need a plan.  We have to turn our resolutions into real solutions.  Here is a list of ideas on how to do that where your money is concerned:

Resolution: I am not going to go into credit card debt anymore.
Real Solution: I am going to cut up my credit cards and cancel my accounts so I cannot make charges.

Resolution: I am going to be a better steward of my money.
Real Solution: I am going to be accountable to someone and pray before spending money.

Resolution: I am not going to make impulse purchases.
Real Solution: I am going to wait at least three days to make all purchases.  If I still want the item after that time, then I will go back.

Resolution: I am going to spend less money somehow.
Real Solution: I am going to commit to looking for used items before buying the same thing new. I am also going to cut coupons and only buy things on sale.  I am going to pray for God to provide all my needs—even if it means waiting longer to buy something I really want.

Resolution: I am going to manage my money better.
Real Solution: I am going to take a class at my church or read a book that will help me learn how to manage my money. 

Resolution: I am going to save money.
Real Solution: I am going to start a savings account for a certain amount of money per month through my bank or employer.

Resolution: I am going to keep track of my spending.
Real Solution: I am going to create a budget with expense categories to help me see where my money is going.

Resolution: I am going to stop wasting money.
Real Solution: I am going to assess my spending habits and cut out those things that aren’t necessary or don’t line up with my priorities.

Resolution: I am going to talk to my spouse about money.
Real Solution: I am going to set up a weekly time to go over our calendars and any upcoming expenses.  We can also discuss our budget and take a look at our account at that time if needed.

Resolution: I am going to be debt free. 
Real Solution: I will make an appointment with a financial counselor or read a book to help me map out a plan for getting out of debt.

Have you made financial resolutions this year about being a better steward, getting out of debt, or being more intentional with your money? Spend some time this month determining how to transform your resolutions into real solutions, then find someone to hold you accountable to follow through with the parameters you have set for yourself.

©2009, Marybeth Whalen

Every year it happens. The catalogs arrive. My children—who didn’t even know they needed a whole truckload of toys—suddenly become convinced that they, in fact, do. And the ensuing weeks are spent begging, whining, and listing off the many things their hearts desire. As a parent, it never gets easier to navigate between their lists of wants and needs, deciding what can stay and what can go. We want to give them everything, yet we know we shouldn’t. At Christmas more than ever, our hearts stray towards the thought of their little faces lighting up as they find something they never expected waiting for them that morning. And then the budget busting begins. 

I have found that, with six kids to buy Christmas for, it got easier and easier to scale back—simply out of necessity. I started observing what they really enjoyed receiving and what they really played with. I noted that some of the things they got were truly a waste of money and cut out those things with ease and no regrets. A few tips I have learned are:

• Only give kids what they asked for. Don’t go buy a bunch of things you think they might want as a “surprise.” The biggest surprise, then, is on you when that credit card bill comes in the mail. It is best to just stick to your guns and realize that they won’t miss what they never had.
• Begin to cut back little by little. If you have been doing too much and you know it, you can do a little less this year, then a little less the next, and so on until you have effectively scaled back.
• Shop ahead. Instead of saving up all your shopping for between Thanksgiving and Christmas, start collecting things all through the year. Look for creative ways to save money. One time a friend of mine and I were traveling over Labor Day weekend and discovered that Cracker Barrel was having a wonderful sidewalk sale. We were able to pick up great gifts for lots of people on our list at deep discounts. We stopped at every Cracker Barrel between North Carolina and Florida to find the best deals. We still laugh over that little adventure! We were pretty proud of our finds. I also buy presents at the Scholastic warehouse sale. Check www.scholastic.com to see if there is one in your area. Twice a year, they put everything in the warehouse on sale for half off. This includes not just books but art supplies, kits, posters, games, etc. You do have to be an educator to get in, but homeschoolers are included! I also pick up art supplies and kits using my Michael’s coupons. My friend Holly confessed to me that she only spent $30 total on her two boys last year by picking up their gifts at yard sales! And everything she bought was still in the box!
• Start the three present rule, based on what Jesus received from the three wise men. We started this years ago, and I love it! I tell my kids, “If it was good enough for Jesus, it is good enough for you!” Who can argue with that? A good rule of thumb for this is based on the three gifts that Jesus received: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Gold is the frivolous or fun gift—the big ticket item they have their heart set on. Frankincense symbolized worship, so this is the spiritual growth gift—a Bible, a book on being a godly kid, a Christian video, or something of the sort. And finally, myrrh is the gift that symbolized death—what Jesus was sent to do. This gift is a practical gift around what the child’s bents or talents are. It could be special supplies for an artist or a microphone for a singer, etc. This could also be something practical like an item of clothing. Three items, plus gifts from family members, plus trinkets in their stockings is still far more than what many children in this world will see in their lifetime!
• When you are talking with your children about Christmas, ask them what was their favorite gift they gave this year instead of what was their favorite gift they received? This helps the focus to stay on giving and not receiving, and gets them thinking in these terms at a young age.
• Instead of more junky toys, suggest what I call “experience gifts” from the grandparents. Experience gifts are great because they afford your kids an experience they will never forget—and most times the memories last much longer than the plastic toys that break or get lost. Some experience gifts we have given or received are:

Gift certificates for manicures (great for tweens and teens)

Starbucks giftcards with a promise to take them to get a special drink

Disposable cameras with tickets to an event

Magazine subscriptions

A coupon detailing a special day just for that child—lunch out, a movie, etc.

Passes to activities they enjoy—rock climbing, roller skating, golf, bowling, etc.

Passes to a local theme park or zoo.

A gift certificate to a favorite restaurant

Science kits—check out Treasure Box Press (www.treasureboxpress.com) or Insect Lore (www.insectlore.com) for some great ones

Kitchen utensils with a certificate for a cooking class

A gift for the whole family— a new computer or family membership to a museum

A camping kit for the adventurous type—rope, flashlight, canteen, pocketknife

A beauty kit for the princess—hairbrush, lotion, barrettes, ponytail holders, lip gloss, styling products, etc.

One year, my grandmother gave each of my children $10. As we were deciding what to spend their money on, the suggestions were coming from everyone. Suddenly I had a burst of inspiration. What if we took all the money and put it together? We could splurge on a great night eating out at our most favorite restaurant—the Japanese steakhouse (where they cook all the food in front of you). You can imagine how expensive it is to eat there for a family of eight, but by putting all our money together, we were able to do it—and have a fantastic time together in the process! Though I couldn’t tell you one single thing any of my children received that year, I will never forget that night out. That was money well spent, in my opinion!

Sometimes it is easy to miss the point—especially when we look at the gift giving craziness all around us. I will never forget one Christmas standing in line at the post office behind a woman whose arms were laden with packages, while even more were on the ground at her feet. As we moved closer to the front, she would awkwardly kick the packages ahead. Just to make conversation, I gestured at the number of boxes and said in jest, “That’s why I just send gift cards!”

But my humor was lost on her as she gestured to her purse. ”Oh,” she said, “I buy those too! I have 65 gift cards in here to mail out!” 

I have never forgotten that encounter, as I tried to wrap my brain around how much money this woman had spent on those gifts. Even if she only bought ten-dollar gift cards, she would have spent $650 just on those! And those were just for her family that lived out of town! I went home and shared my story with my husband, who shook his head. Christmas can definitely be a time of going a bit crazy with spending and giving. 

Don’t get me wrong. Gift giving is a wonderful thing. I just think that too often we do it for the wrong reasons—because it is expected, or we are guilted into it, or because we want to make a good impression on someone. And yet, as we are trying to have joy at Christmas and focus on Jesus, where exactly does buying a lot of stuff figure in? How can we give intentionally, joyfully? This is an important question to ask ourselves as we endeavor to enjoy our Christmases without going broke. 

*This month’s column is an excerpt from Marybeth’s ebook, A Recipe For Christmas Joy. To order your copy, go to www.proverbs31.org.

©2008, Marybeth Whalen