First of all, I’d like to thank you for your incredible example as a contemporary woman who puts Christ first in her life. Your role as a wife and mother, and strong morality in regards to your acting choices, are truly incredible. Your story is a beautiful example of the glory of devotion to Christ.

I ask for your advice on an issue that I’ve been struggling with for almost a year. I’ve prayed on it, and feel that your kindness and knowledge of the Word would be a great attribute to solving this issue I have.

I’m a 20 year old, Pre-Law student at the University of Iowa. A year ago I began talking to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. John is currently in his first year of study at the Irish Bible Institute, working on earning his degree in Applied Theology, and hopes to attend seminary in the relatively near future.

A few weeks ago, I went to your website, and after reading your advice column regarding submission, truly feel that my life has changed.

At the time, I was dealing with a great deal of strife over financial matters regarding my university studies and felt tremendous anxiety. After reading your words, I began to re-read a book that John gave me by Rob Bell titled Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality And Spirituality, and within a few hours, I finally realized that the Lord will take care of me and that my life belongs to Him–I am here to serve Him and spread His word. I can’t even express how much joy I’ve felt as I gave my biggest worry up to the Lord. I now read the Word every day in devotional format, as well as from inspiration from books by authors like Don Miller, and in my constant conversations with John about his studies.

Your complete openness in expressing your faith, combined with the expressions from other devout Christians, has made such a difference in my journey with God. I still have so much to learn, but I look forward to growing with
God and hope to make as much of a difference in others’ lives as you’ve made in mine.

My question actually regards John. I’m sure you’ve been asked this before, but I’d really love to get your take on it. John and I–thanks to our 4000-mile separation–rarely get to spend time together in the same place. As a result, when we are together, we struggle with the physical side of our relationship. I know what the Bible says, and I don’t disagree in the least, but I still struggle with keeping purity before marriage.

Thanks to our educational commitments on opposite sides of the Atlantic, John and I won’t be able to get married for at least three years. This makes our struggle even greater at times as we have such a long road before we can be joined before God and our friends and family. Culture seems to be so intolerant of virginity. When the subject of sex is brought up by one of my friends, and I tell them that John and I are waiting until we’re married, the reaction is typically “…Sex is healthy and meant to be enjoyed–you’ll regret only being with one person.”

When I try to explain it, I can never really explain why this choice is so important. I’m frequently asked if my fiancé is gay and doesn’t want to admit it, and if I engage in other sexual behavior. I’m so frustrated with defending my virginity, and this makes my struggle even greater. My question is this: how do I express that my decision is an important and willing one in a world that is so insistent upon making sex as insignificant as a broken crayon? What are some practical ways to spread the message of purity without alienating people to the point of them not listening?

Thank you so much for listening to my story and question. I feel so blessed to have stumbled back to your website, as it has been the catalyst to re-dedicating myself to the Lord. I pray every day that your personal ministry, and that of your family, be strengthened and continue to flourish.

Thank you again, sister!

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Thank you so much for encouraging me in my ministry, and thank you for all of your prayers. I hope that I can offer you words of encouragement as well.

I can’t imagine how difficult it is to “wait” 3 years with the man you want to marry, and I applaud you for doing so. I don’t mean to sound old, but peer pressure stinks.

My advice… why do you have to defend yourself to them? When I know someone isn’t willing to listen, but only give their worldly opinion to me, I don’t bother fighting back. I don’t think it’s being weak, but being wise. The only thing that comes from it is unbiblical advice creeping into your head. Don’t bother.

On the other hand, if someone is genuinely interested in knowing why you’re waiting till marriage, tell them. It shouldn’t be a difficult answer. It should be because you want to do it God’s way.

There are a number of places in the Bible that tell us to wait. The biggest one being the 7th of the 10 commandments, “You shall not commit adultery.” You can read what Jesus says about it in Matthew 5:27. I would also encourage you to read through Proverbs. There are many wise sayings that will keep you encouraged and strengthened each day.

I think it’s incredible that you have a man who wants to wait. That’s hard to come by! Hold on tight because he sounds like a man of the Word and one that you’d want to lead your home. I know you will both be blessed if you do.

Although I haven’t read her story, I know that Rebecca St. James talks about abstinence, and maybe her book would be helpful. I also read Tammy Trent’s book Learning to Breath Again that is very powerful.

Don’t let your peers get the best of you. That’s exactly what the enemy wants. There are reasons why God designed sex and marriage the way He did. Satan got a hold of it and has twisted it over the years–keep reminding yourself of that.

As far as spreading the message of purity… let your actions–or lack of–talk. Your testimony of staying true to God’s ways will speak louder than words. You won’t be sorry. There is so much pain that comes from sex before marriage that not many people share or even make the connection to. God will bring both of you through it, and what a party He’ll have for you when you’ve reached it in His time!

Lastly… if you’re hanging out with all sexually active friends, you also need to have a few that hold the same principles as you do, and keep each other in check. I’m not saying to only have Christian friends… but you need a few strong ones around you that will hold you accountable. That’s what friends are for.

I just started a Bible study group (women only) at my home. I read that you are in a weekly Bible study group, so I wondered if you could give me some suggestions on what materials would be good to use with our Bible study?

How does your bible study group work? This is new for me and I kind of lead it, so I didn’t know if I should get a Bible study book to go with what book of the Bible we would study, or if there is a better option. 

Also, could you recommend any books of the Bible that would be good to read for our study group?  I appreciate any information. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

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You have amazing options, and a ton of choices in how you’d like to lead your study. Our group has done it several different ways over the years and I don’t know that one stands out for me over another. I’ve learned so much from each one, and every style had a uniqueness that made it special–it’s probably because it’s the Bible–the most interesting, exciting, and active book you’ll ever read!

I don’t know how well you know your Bible–and this may determine how you lead your study. If you’re a beginner I suggest your group studies off of a “Bible study” book. There are several choices at local Christian book stores, or online at www.lifeway.com.

You may want to start with a study on the book of John. John–not to be confused with John the Baptist–is commonly considered Jesus’ closest friend. You’ll be familiar with the new testament stories, but you’ll have a more intimate look at who Jesus is as only a best friend could share.

Each girl should purchase the Bible study book, and complete one chapter per week at home. At the start of each study, begin with prayer then go through the questions you answered from the week and discuss them. A lot of great conversation will stem from this.

If you want to jump into the BEST bible study (in my opinion), your group will have to shell out a few dollars to chip in for Beth Moore’s Daniel study. This is a DVD set along with a Bible study guide book. I love Beth Moore’s style and enthusiasm. I’ve never retained as much information as I did from this study because she’s that good! It also comes with a teacher’s guide (that’d be for you!) to help in instructing and moving the group along in a timely format.

If you don’t want any money involved to purchase books or DVD’s, you can choose a book of the Bible and go through line by line or chapter by chapter. Here are a few questions to ask yourself and look for when reading the scriptures to help dig in.

1. Is there an example to follow?
2. A command to obey?
3. A sin to avoid?
4. A promise to keep?

Currently, we are doing this style of study on 1 Peter. We chose 1 Peter, not only because it’s a great book, but also because it’s short. This type of study involves a lot of time to really dig in, look up definitions, and use a concordance to reference other scriptures. This is a wonderful way to study, but I must say it helps to have someone who’s knowledgeable and familiar with the Bible. I don’t think my group could study this way if it weren’t for our leader Debbie. She’s awesome!

Since this is your first small group and you’re heading it up, I suggest you choose a Bible study book or DVD set and pick a topic of interest for your whole group. You can study a book of the Bible or a topic of interest like being a godly wife, parenting, overcoming strongholds etc. As the leader, go to your bookstore or online, and choose 3 study guides to suggest. Vote on which study the group would like to do, then have each person purchase their own book.

You’ll be blessed in your efforts to study the Bible! And don’t be surprised at your rapid growth in your walk with Christ.

I am a 24-year-old wife and mother. While I have always had faith in God, I was not raised in a religious home. I have recently started to feel my heart being called to the Lord, although I’m not sure what direction I should be going in or how I should begin my path.

I was baptized in the Methodist faith as a baby, but my family was not practicing while I was growing up. My husband and I have started attending church on Sundays with our baby since I started feeling this calling, but I’m confused about finding the right faith within Christianity. 

Is it as simple as being a Christian, finding Jesus and letting Him fill your heart, or should I be seeking a specific denomination? And how will I know it when I find it?  Since I know He is reaching out to me, how can I best serve Him as merely an average wife and mother?

Thank you for any advice you may offer.

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I’m so happy to hear the Lord is drawing you close. Praise Him!

Finding the right faith…it sounds confusing, but it’s not as hard as it seems. Being a Christian isn’t about finding the right sect of Christianity or denomination, but it is about knowing the Lord God, repenting of sin, surrendering to self and living your life for God–giving all glory to Him.

Yes, different denominations hold different rules, traditions and even interpretations of the Bible. So how do you know what’s right? The more time you spend with Him–in prayer and reading the Bible–the more you’ll know Him. If you are attending a church that doesn’t teach the Bible, you’re in the wrong place. Sadly, so many churches are about tradition and works, and that’s not what Jesus preached.

You’d better believe you can serve God in the biggest way by being a godly wife and mother!! Don’t think for a minute there is anything average about that. It’s exactly where God wants you to be, serving your family and training your children up in His way so they’ll know the God who gave them life–the God who suffered on the cross for their sin, so they too can be in Heaven if they live a surrendered life to Christ.

I’ve posted an article at my website, written by Todd Friel on the topic of how to find a good church:
http://www.candacecameronbure.net

I hope this article will help you find the right church. And I’d encourage you to read The Way of the Master by Ray Comfort. You can purchase it at a local Christian bookstore or online at www.livingwaters.com

I had an opportunity to see you give your testimony on this year’s Girl’s Get-A-Way Cruise.  I remember that there were several questions that you asked yourself prior to accepting or rejecting a job offer.  I am in a similar situation with my current position and would like to know what those questions were.  Thank you for your testimony.  You were such a blessing on the cruise.

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The most important question I ask myself when faced with a life-changing decision is: Will this be pleasing to God?

Then ask yourself more detailed questions like:

• Will the new job be pleasing to God?
• Will it glorify Him?
• Can I see His hand in it?
• Can I see purpose in it? Or is it something to take my mind off Him?
• Will it take up more hours only to distract me from Him and my family?

Weigh the benefits and the disadvantages from God’s perspective, not your own desires. Most importantly, pray about it and seek advice from the Word. 

Hope this helps,

I know you don’t usually get email from guys, but I have a problem that perhaps you can give me some insight over. A couple of years ago–about a month after my dad passed away–I went back to college. Not knowing anyone there, I prayed that God would bless me by giving me a friend to talk to. On the second day of class, He answered my prayer when I met this nice girl. We soon became great friends, and she was like a sister to me. We would talk about everything. I was so grateful that God had blessed me with such a special friend. I even went to her wedding, which was a huge honor.

My problem is this: last winter, I had a misunderstanding with my friend. It’s resolved now–I hope, but I still feel bad about it because the last thing I had ever wanted to do was cause trouble in our friendship. I worry a lot that although it is resolved, our friendship will never be as close as it was.

We don’t email each other as much as we used to, and I really miss her friendship. Please don’t misunderstand, I only think of her as a friend and as a sister. God blessed me with her friendship when I needed it the most, but since our misunderstanding, I feel like I’ve let her down and failed her as a friend. I’m not sure if our friendship will ever be the same.

Do you have any advice for me to first-not feel so guilty about the misunderstanding, and second-not to worry so much about our friendship. Thank you so much for listening. May God bless you!

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Thanks for your email. You were right, I don’t a lot of emails from guys–it’s nice to receive a question from you.

I don’t know that the advice I’ll offer will be much different from some you’ve probably received. While the details of the misunderstanding are irrelevant, you’ll have to be at peace with it if you’ve talked about it from your heart and apologized. There’s not much more you can do unless there is still something that wasn’t discussed that is nagging at you. Only you know that answer.

I’ll have to say that as soon as I read she got married, I thought–that’s it. Even though what you have is only a friendship, once a girl gets married, even her best friendships with men will never be the same. Her husband is her man above all now. She can’t and shouldn’t tell you all the details, intimate thoughts, dreams or goals you may have once shared. Even hanging out and just chillin’ together doesn’t happen so much because that’s what her husband is for. Her husband should be her new best friend. It’s hard; I understand. It’s probably not as easy for her either. I know because had a guy for a best friend and it had to change once I got married. It simply isn’t fair to her husband. You would never want to be a source of jealousy in their relationship.

While the friendship is super important to you, I’m sure things will change for you too when you meet your wife. You’ll want to spend all of your time with her. Be patient and just let your friend know that you’re there, but give her space to care and nurture her relationship with her husband. And above all, don’t drown in guilt over things of the past. Your guilt won’t do anything but simply bring you heartache. If you have a clear conscience before God, move on.

“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.” Proverbs 12:25

I am a mother to three kids. My daughter, age 4 and my sons, age 2 and 7 months. I know they are similar to the ages that your kids were a few years ago.

I find myself being overwhelmed with things to get done on a daily basis. Between taking care of the kids and trying to keep the house clean, I don’t feel that I ever have time to just, enjoy my family.

So, my question is, how do you get everything done? What have you done to make family time easier without falling behind on other things?

Thanks in advance!

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I remember those days. I’m not that much ahead of you, but let me assure you, it does get easier!

I don’t think there’s much time to sit and enjoy everything when the kids are those ages. I don’t mean to be a bummer, but let’s face it–it’s hard. There isn’t much time for anything other than keeping up with the kids, and cleaning up their messes. It takes a lot of patience, a lot of deep breaths, a lot of prayer, and as many hot baths alone that we can get! 

I did it–without a husband most of the time, because he was on the road, playing hockey. I never had a nanny, but I got a babysitter every now and then to spend some alone time with my husband, and to get that much needed deep breath.

Don’t ever feel guilty or bad about having a night out without the kids. In fact–you should! Having a date night with hubby at least once a month (once a week is  even better!) will refresh you, recharge you, and help you to enjoy the time you spend with the kids.

I was always advised to involve the kids as much as possible with the daily chores. In the beginning, it will be harder; they end up making the process slower since you’re teaching and they’re learning, but in the end, it will go a lot faster when they’re able to set the table, sort laundry and wash dishes. It is good advice, but I never had the patience for it! My kids do those things now, but I have to admit it’s with moans and groans. I guess I didn’t make it “fun” from the start. Maybe you will!

I don’t have any radical advice. Take lots of pictures to remember it all. When the youngest is four, it gets easier. Everyone can walk, talk, listen and take direction–much easier!! You’ll be able to sit and enjoy your family, and hear all of the stories about school and life, that your kids will be eager to tell you.

Be brave sister, and keep on! Enjoy that laundry time–sometimes it’s the only 20 minutes you’ll spend alone during the day!

Hi Candace, I’m a 29-year-old wife, and mother of three beautiful children. I have been raised in church all my life. We never missed a service.  Every time the doors were open my family was present. Not only did we stay in church, but the life my parents and grandparents live are Christ-like, they have set the very BEST example anyone could for me, and still yet I struggle. I don’t understand it. 

I have the desire so much to follow Christ with all my heart and to seek what it is that He has for me. I want to be an example for my children to follow as they grow up. I know that kids are more likely to do, as they see done, and not as they’re told. I feel as though I’ve lost my fire. I want to love the Lord with all my heart, and with all my soul and with all my mind.  I just feel lost sometimes. 

I feel as if I don’t recognize myself anymore from the young girl I once was. When I was in Bible College I was on fire. I read my Bible every day, and I had the desire to sit down and sup with the Lord. I feel I’ve lost that fire, or I feel as a mom that I just can’t find the alone time with Him. It’s so hard for me to let others take care of my kids and help me with things so I can fellowship with the Lord. 

We’re new to the church that we are attending now, and my husband and I don’t agree 100% on the style of church we should attend. I want so badly for us both to be involved in church, but he doesn’t see it exactly the way I do. Please can you give me any advice on my rambling?

I’m just a normal everyday country girl, and  so I’m not really good at writing a story, but I know where I need help and I saw your website and thought I’d ask you.  You and your brother are an inspiration to me.  I grew up with watching you on T.V. and it’s so exciting that now we can share the same faith. Thank you for your advice in advance. 

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Thanks so much for your email. I too have times in my life where my walk with the Lord is on fire only to have the heat turned down for a few months. I wonder why this happens myself. But rest assured, it happens to most of us. I don’t ever lose my love for the Lord, but my zeal…yes. I get caught up with Val, the kids, summer plans, school, traveling, speaking–all the things that are important, but only to take my attention off God for a while. And I hate when I allow everything else to take priority over my time with God.

It’s like Paul said in Romans 7:15 “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” (I encourage you to read Romans 7:13-25).

I too have not spent the time I wanted to and should have this summer with the Lord. And I’ve felt my flame get dim. My dear friend lovingly tells us in our Bible study group every so often to keep our eyes fixed on the Lord so we don’t get off track. She relates it to swimming in the ocean. If you ever have, you’ll know that the current will continually push you left or right. You have to keep your eyes focused on your spot at shore (where your towel is- or in our kids case–mom and dad) or else you’ll lose site of where you are as the current sweeps you away. It’s never intentional, but nevertheless, it happens.

We need to do that with God. Keep our eyes fixed on Him, because with our every day activities we get swept up in our tasks and lose site of our place with Him. Getting that flame lit? Well, if you’re anything like me, I start praying about it every day when I realize I’m slipping. And when I get to the point I don’t think I’ll get revved up again, the Lord tugs at my heart. He often takes me to a place of emptiness for me to know that only He can fill me up. And there’s nothing like a good gut wrenching sermon to give me a humbling kick in the butt to remember what Christ did for me.

Most importantly, you HAVE to schedule time with the Lord. If it means waking up a half hour early before you get the kids up, then that’s what you do. I know I have to hit my knees as soon as I roll out of bed each morning or my day just won’t be right. I don’t always read the Word first thing, but I make sure I put aside time every day for it. There’s no way around it. If your kids are napping or entertaining themselves for a few minutes, you have to take that opportunity to read God’s Word or pray. The laundry will still be there in 15 minutes; it’s not going to run away.

Also, I think summer time is hardest for me because that’s when my Bible study group takes a break. All of us travel, so we resume when school starts. I realize how important my small group is, meeting each week at my home. They help keep me accountable and focused.

So I would encourage you to find a small group Bible study through your church, or if you know 4 or 5 women that would be interested in meeting at one of your homes each week. Fellowship and study with other believers is something I believe God intended for us to do.

Church styles? Try to find a church you’re both happy with. I’ll tell you to lean towards your husband’s style if it doesn’t kill you. Better to go to church together with a style you’re not as impressed with than not go at all. But I cautiously warn you to make sure it’s a solid Bible teaching church. If it doesn’t hold true to the Bible, then I would continue looking for a church. You can find an article on how to find a good church on my website.

I hope this helps and is an encouragement to you.

I have read that your husband is the head of your household and I agree with that, but has it always been that way? When we first got married my husband did not know how to balance a check book and stuff like that, so he wanted me to do all of it. I would like him to make more decisions and feel comfortable with them.

I want to help him understand more about Christ, and for him to be the head of our household without making him feel that I just don’t want to take care things. Please advise.

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My husband was made to be a leader. There’s no getting around it for me. Because of that, it does make it easier for me to follow since he has a dominant personality. But I know several wives whose husbands are on the laid-back side, and want their moms–I mean wives–to do most everything.

Don’t worry though; he can still lead your home. Start by praying for your husband to be the spiritual leader of your household. Pray that he would come to know Christ. Pray that God would work on you to be the wife He’s called you to be. You shouldn’t be afraid to sit down and have a chat with your husband. In love, tell him that you respect him as the man of the house and you would love for him to make more decisions for the family. Just remember not to balk at him if he makes lousy ones in the beginning. This will only make him feel disrespected and he’ll eventually tell you to just keep doing everything since he never seems to do it right. He’ll need your support and encouragement. Don’t nag or get upset. If he isn’t used to leading, he’s not going to magically become a great leader overnight. It will take time, effort on your part, as well as patience and a lot of prayer.

As far as certain jobs around the house, there are some things you may do better, and that’s OK. Like paying the bills. I pay the bills in my home too. Yes, my husband knows about our finances and oversees all of it, but as for writing checks, filing and organizing, I’m the woman for the job. Val delegated that duty over to me because I’m better at it. If your husband isn’t comfortable with managing money and you’ve been gifted in that field, it’s OK to make those decisions. Just make sure you put aside time with your husband to present him any major changes in the budget and discuss new investments you may be thinking of. Make sense?

I hope this has helped.

Thank you for introducing me to this beautiful magazine! I need something like this.

I was wondering if you have any material for middle-school-aged children on dressing modestly. I am working at a middle school, 5th-8th grades, and they are having a terrible time with teaching these kids to dress modestly. We cannot say anything about God, which is so sad. But I thought maybe you could help me out. Thank you and God bless you! 

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I’m glad you’re enjoying CWO Magazine!

It’s crazy and shocking how some kids dress today. What’s even sadder is that parents allow it. It’s an uphill battle when God is not part of the equation; nevertheless, it’s still one to be addressed. Thanks for having the courage to do so! 

There is actually a GREAT book written for young women on this very issue. It’s called For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice. I had the pleasure of endorsing the book. Of course it’s Christian based, but you could pull some great things from it without talking about God at school. 

The original one they wrote was For Women Only and was such a hit, they addressed one for younger girls. It talks about what guys are thinking, and what goes through their brains when it comes to looking at girls and how guys think in general. Perhaps you could purchase a copy and share it with the class.

My husband and I have been married for four years. He has never been a Christian, but I have–even though I have backslid several times. We go to church and I am very happy about that, but I was wondering, could you give me some pointers on how to get him more interested in Christ? 

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So you want to know how to get him more interested in Christ? Well, I’ll start by saying that when our interest in Christ is something so special and different, over time others might be drawn to it. What I mean is, that when a Christian is walking with the Lord there is usually something special about them, and if an unbeliever sees this difference in us, they may want to know what it is!

You said you’ve backslid several times. Most of us have, unless we came to Jesus for the right reason in the first place. Sadly, many churches entice us with the, “Jesus has a wonderful plan for your life…” spiel, until the going gets rough, and we wonder why we ever came to Jesus in the first place.

I was a backslider too; it wasn’t until I read The Way of the Master by Ray Comfort, that the gospel message hit me between the eyes. I’d then understood for the first time, my serious NEED for Jesus.

It’s hard to attract someone to something if the person trying to attract isn’t that excited about it in the first place. Did that sound confusing, or what? What I’m trying to say is, work on your relationship with the Lord first. Concentrate on being a godly wife. Make Christ-like changes in your own life that would make your husband wonder why he’s the luckiest man in the world to have such a wonderful wife. What made her change? Why is she so different? It’s then that you can gently tell him, “It’s Christ living in me.”

Actions speak louder than words. Let your actions lead him to Christ. I always suggest joining a small group Bible study with other women. It’s the best way to get into the Word and start understanding it.

I hope this has helped.