Dad has graced my doorstep more times than I can count, clothed in denim overalls with a box of tools at his side. I still remember the old red box he carried way back when I was too tiny to lift it, but plenty big enough to pass him each tool. The words ‘Andy the Handyman’ were hand written across the top, in permanent marker. Whether Dad wrote it himself, or it was the work of a pen-happy child, I’m not sure, but the label fit him well.
When we needed our roof repaired, Dad climbed the ladder to fix the shingles; when we were moving, he was there to pack the truck; and when we were building a family room, he lent his hand to lay sheets of drywall. I’ve grown so accustomed to picking up the phone to ask for his help, that I can’t imagine living life without him.
Many things our life mirror the spiritual, and likewise the relationship with my dad mirrors that between my Heavenly Father and I. God is knocking on the door waiting for me to invite Him in—ready with His toolbox to fix my problems. He holds a light in one hand to show me the way, and a promise in the other to cleanse me from sin.
I count it a privilege to honor the God-given role of fatherhood, and a blessing to share that honor with you this month. In doing so, I’ve opened a new door at CWO which welcomes three fathers to our group of writers. John Cox, Mick Silva, and James Rubart will be giving us a male perspective on things in their monthly column, “Mail from Mars.” It’s not only a blessing–I also find it necessary to glean wisdom from men, as God has wired them in a completely different way than we women.
We also meet with Jennifer Rothschild, our cover girl this month. Jennifer connects with Sunny Shell in Sister 2 Sister to chat about her “gift” of blindness, and how it has strengthened her faith. Jennifer also talks about her book, and offers three incredible giveaways! Be sure to read her inspiring interview!
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
Proverbs 23:22, NIV
Blessings,
Founder and Editor,
Christian Women Online Magazine
“Uniting Women of Faith”
Dearest sisters in the Lord Jesus Christ, I want to share my heart with you. I’ve been struggling. Struggling with how inept I am at nearly everything. Struggling with this “fog” I’ve been in for several months now. Struggling just to make a complete sentence that would prove that I’m still somewhat coherent. But like someone flailing around in quicksand, all my struggling only caused me to sink even faster and deeper. It’s when I stopped and was still, that I was able to cry out to our compassionate and merciful Father for help.
Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
~ Psalm 46:10
Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because God has providentially chosen to use this month’s cover girl, Jennifer Rothschild as one of the vessels to help me out of my quicksand. The Lord showed me that I’d been talking to myself and what I’d been saying wasn’t based on His truth; but on my insecurities and lies I’ve heard all my life. Well…that’s enough about me, let me tell you about our wonderful sister Jennifer…actually, I think it’s best if she shares a bit of herself – personally. Please watch and be blessed:
As Jennifer said in the video, God has certainly given her an extra measure of grace, and from my personal experience, He’s also given her an extra portion (or two) of wisdom! Amen?
Our sister Jennifer has been a guest on Living the Life (Christian Broadcasting Network), Dr. Phil, Good Morning America, Life Today, and The Billy Graham Television Special. She’s authored six (6) books, including best sellers:Lessons I Learned in the Dark, and Walking by Faith Bible study. In February of 2009, she released her third DVD-based Bible study, Me, Myself and Lies: A Thought Closet Makeover (2009, LifeWay Church Resources) which was adapted from her latest book, Self Talk, Soul Talk: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself(2007, Harvest House Publishers). Jennifer is also a wonderfully talented songwriter and recording artist. She’s a witty, authentic and biblically-based speaker who captures her audience with her transparency and God-given insight as she shares “it may not be well with my circumstances, but it is well with my soul.” Jennifer has been a featured speaker for numerous events, including Women of Faith as well as her own conference Fresh Grounded Faith.
I’m so excited about this interview! Not only because of the way God has used Jennifer to personally edify me, but because of my anticipation of how much I know, God will use her to exhort and edify all of you!
Sunny: Precious sister Jennifer, we’re so delighted to have you here at Christian Women Online! Would you please share with our readers, what it was like to have had sight for nearly 12 years of your life, then have it slowly deteriorate by the time you were 15.
Jennifer: Any loss or transition is often best understood in retrospect. At the time, I wasn’t as aware of the depth and impact of the changes because they happened gradually and subtly. What I do remember was what felt like the apparent suddenness of blindness. Because I was living with it daily, it would often not seem as drastic. And then it was as if one day I was struck by how radical it was. It would sneak up on me; I would misjudge an angle and run into a wall; bend down to grab something I dropped and realize I didn’t see a chair and bang my chin. Things like this happened more and more frequently confirming I really couldn’t see what I once did. Of course, it was very soon that I could no longer read or see my face. I was full of thoughts, feelings and prayers during that time. I experienced confusion, frustration and oddly enough, peace. I think I was so enveloped and cushioned by God’s grace that the full impact of blindness has been more like a trickle than a downpour-not something that totally overwhelms me so I drown in it; more like a subtle sprinkling of difficulty that is always with me.
Sunny: What an awesome and compassionate God we serve! His kindness towards you is humbling, which brings me to my next question. I saw your story on Good Morning America where you said, “Maybe this is a way of God giving me a really great gift in a very difficult package.” Most people wouldn’t call blindness “a really great gift”. Why do you?
Jennifer: Blindness itself doesn’t feel like a gift, but what came with it certainly is. Blindness has given more than it has taken. I have received an opportunity to choose gratefulness, strengthen my faith and learn how to live trusting God more than my feelings. Anything that decreases our dependence on self and increases our dependence on God really is a gift. We just need to be grateful to recognize it.
Sunny: Amen sister! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, I’d like to ask you another question about a statement you made during your Good Morning America interview, you said, “We should never assume we can’t. Because what that does is grant us a limitation that’s far greater than blindness.” What did you mean by this statement; what limitations do you believe are far greater than blindness?
Jennifer: Most people aren’t disabled when they say “I can’t.” I think they’re using the wrong word. What they really mean is “I won’t,” they’re defiant. To me it’s a far greater disability to be angry, bitter or defeated by our own emotions-saying “I won’t”. Why choose to be handicapped by anger or fear when God says we “can” do all things through Christ who strengthens us? He strengthens us to lose the anger and overcome fear. I choose to focus on the abilities we have in Christ that equip us to change, not what possible disabilities we have that we can’t change.
Sunny: That’s so funny you say that, because I’ve often asked myself that, “Is it because I can’t, or because I won’t?” And as you said, most often, it isn’t a matter of ability, but it’s a matter of will.
Truly, our God, who is the God of all glory and the God of the impossible has certainly worked many miracles in your life, things that wouldn’t seem possible or even expected of a blind person i.e., writing music/songs, playing the piano, writing books, applying your own makeup, etc. How does this affect you? I mean, what is it like to constantly see God part the Red Sea right before you, so that you are not trapped, nor inhibited by your physical limitations, but are able to walk safely and securely in Christ’s infinite power?
Jennifer: I feel like a spectator sometimes, not a participant! God’s faithfulness has allowed me to live in the “what is” rather than the “what if.” Here’s what I mean. “What if” is a statement of fear and uncertainty based on speculation. “What if I can’t get a ride to the store?” “What if I can’t take care of my boys like I need to?” What if is based on speculation, but “what is” is based on truth. When I start to wonder about my future, I remember the past faithfulness of God. “What is?” God is faithful, that’s what is! “What is?” God has always provided each and every need I’ve ever had-often before it even arises!
Sunny: Oh, I love that! Live in “what is!” Thank you Jennifer! Even I can remember that! Let’s talk about your book, Self Talk, SoulTalk: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. I’ve got to admit, when I first read the title, I thought “We’re not supposed to be talking to ourselves.” Then I realized I just did! So with an open heart and mind to Christ, I began to read this wonderful book in which you share the truth of Proverbs 15:4 and Proverbs 18:21. Can you share with us how and why God inspired you to write on this topic and the impact of speaking truth to yourself has made in your life?
Jennifer: I entertained a steady stream of self talk over the years. And unfortunately, lots of it was destructive. God began to show me when I was in my twenties the damaging effect of what I was saying to my soul and that if I didn’t control my thoughts, my thoughts would control me. He showed me the best way to control my thoughts was to make them truthful. I went on a journey going from destructive self talk to constructive, life-giving soul talk! Once I learned how to recognize lies I was telling myself, I refused them into my “Thought Closet,” relabeled them with truth and I’ve repeated the habit for years now. How has it changed me? I am “wardrobed” in the liberating garment of truth and know who I am in Christ-that makes a girl far more comfortable with herself!!
Sunny: Thank you sister for showing us a sure fire way we can captivate every thought to obey Christ [2 Corinthians 10:4-5].
Earlier in this interview, you shared with us how you’ve received your blindness as a “gift” from God. You’re married and have two sons. Do you feel that God has used your blindness as a “gift” to your family as well? If so, how?
Jennifer: Well, I am sure it’s been a burden at times-let’s be honest! But, I do see how it is a gift in that they have each been able to see through it God’s faithfulness and favor. The fact that I am not in a heap of despair on the living room floor is a great indication that God’s grace is real and He is the One who sustains us and gives us joy. My family has seen first hand the sorrow of blindness but also the goodness of God. It has clarified my commitment in front of my family and given them even more reason to trust God. I am intensely loyal to God and if my boys take the same path because of my blindness, I am a deeply satisfied and grateful woman.
Sunny: I’m humbled by the wisdom and depth perception God has generously granted you. I’m greatly intrigued and amazed that you are not only an author of six (6) books, a gifted songwriter and recording artist, but you are also the founder and publisher of womensministry.net as well as the founder of Fresh Grounded Faith women’s conferences. Would you please share with us why you started these two ministries to serve and inspire women in their faith?
Jennifer: womensministry.net is an on-line resource center and community for women in ministry to give and receive encouragement and equipping. It’s chock full of tips, inspiration and even a blog where women can share ideas. We need each other and womensministry.nethelps connect us with each other. Fresh Grounded Faith is our women’s event. It’s an event where women can meet with God and get their cup of faith filled to overflowing. The fun part of the conference is called “Spill the Beans” where women in the audience can ask anything they want of me and my special guest. I always have a “girlfriend blend” at each event-another woman who is walking with God sharing her story. I offer several fresh grounded teachings and challenge women to give their lives a “taste test.” Check it out at www.freshgroundedfaith.com.
Sunny: Your story reminds me of what God said to Abraham in Genesis 12:2. Our heavenly Father has generously given to you and you are faithfully and generously giving to others. The Lord has taught me much through you. Precious sister Jennifer, I have truly enjoyed this interview as God has used you to draw me nearer to Him. I would be so delighted if you would please share with us Scripture(s) that God is using right now to help you press on toward the goal God has called you heavenward in Christ Jesus?
Jennifer:2 Corinthians 4: 16-18–because it keeps me encouraged and life in perspective. Psalm 119:92-93 –because it sums up why it is well with my soul.
Sunny: Oh sister, I can’t believe you just said that! 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 is one that carries me through most of my days and has provided me great hope in all that God has in store for me here and in Heaven. And Psalm 199:92-93 is a new one for me, but one I have highlighted in my Bible and I will surely treasure in my heart. Thank you so much! I can not fully express how God has used this interview with you to lift me from my miry pit. Bless you sister, bless you!
If you’d like to participate in promoting Jennifer’s ministry, please visit Sole Sisters.
To grow deeper in God’s word and delight in His goodness and sovereignty in the midst of your trials, please visit our beautiful sister Jennifer at:
Congratulations to the following commenters who have been randomly chosen as winners in Jennifer Rothschild’s giveaway:
Today I ate a 3 inch sub for lunch (which is a long way from the 12 inch subs I downed in former years), and for supper I ate a baked potato with the works—veggies on the side. That’s the way I’ve become accustomed to eating now: smaller portions, without skimping on the flavor.
But that’s not what I want to talk to you about this month, because God has laid something very different on my heart, which is the topic of taking every thought captive:
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
- 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, NIV
But since I write Live Well, which is mainly about diet, I got to wondering what the link between a healthy diet and captive thoughts would be. And why would God choose this particular portion of scripture for us this month?
Then I turned on my computer, and started to read Sunny’s interview with Jennifer Rothschild, our cover girl this month, who said, “God began to show me when I was in my twenties the damaging effect of what I was saying to my soul and that if I didn’t control my thoughts, my thoughts would control me. He showed me the best way to control my thoughts was to make them truthful. I went on a journey going from destructive self talk to constructive, life-giving soul talk! Once I learned how to recognize lies I was telling myself, I refused them into my “Thought Closet,” relabeled them with truth and I’ve repeated the habit for years now.” (Read the entire interview here)
That’s when the pieces started coming together, and I realized that self talk doesn’t only keep us obedient to Christ, which is foremost important in our lives, it can also demolish strongholds by tearing down the inner arguments we often support with negative self talk.
You might think that self talk is something other people do, but if you stop and think for a minute you may remember a little voice not only suggesting, but also encouraging you to drop your diet when temptation set in. I hear it all the time, and sometimes that self talk slips through my lips when I say, this is the last one, one more, or this is so delicious, I can’t stop! That’s all self talk, either encouraging or discouraging you along your journey.
Imagine the power we could have had if we strongly suggest persistence, and then continue to suggest it until we persuade ourselves that it is the best choice to make. That’s taking our thoughts captive.
Until we determine that turning back is not an option we’re destined to slip up. But when we run the race with unwavering determination we are guaranteed success.
Keep running the race ladies, and till next month, Live Well!
It was one of those days. I was weepy, hormonal, cranky, and generally out of sorts. I felt like I was going to scream because I’d been cooped up in the house with two kids, I had a work deadline breathing down my neck, AND I could feel a sinus infection coming on.
It had all started pretty well. That morning, seven year-old Jordan, two year-old Jackson, and I were cuddling on the bed and Jordan said, “Jackson is so cute I could die!”
Then it went downhill. Later that day, he and Jax were playing with (washable, of course!) markers. At one point, I looked over and Jordan had scribbled kick me on Jax’s lower back above his diaper. I had to laugh, but I also had to work at getting the marker off with an unscheduled bath.
As for the now-tattooed toddler, his day was spent screaming at the top of his lungs, taking off his diaper at any opportunity (and then laughing hysterically and running away from me as fast as he can), protesting a nap to the fullest extent of his small body, and saying, “poo-poo head!” really loud.
Since waking up, I had said weird, random things, like:
Your diaper is not a storage facility for raisins.
Don’t drink the bath water.
Don’t lick the carpet.
Your nose is not the place for popcorn.
Yes, the people on Pluto probably do have lunch plans.
and
How come you can spell “perpendicular” but you can’t remember to flush?
By two o-clock, I was done in. And I still had a deadline!
When the baby’s naptime FINALLY came, I tried to work, but Satan kept reminding me of a negative writing review I’d received, using it to bug me about not being good enough. I told him to go away! (It helps that I recognize it now–I used to cave in with insecurity and not fight it.)
And then I realized that this was one of those times that I needed to just be still. Turning off the computer, I poured myself a cup of hot Chai tea, sat in my favorite chair and I opened my journal. With a smile, I saw that my life hadn’t changed much in the past few months. One entry read: Jordan brought me two dead crickets, a fake silver fingernail and (oh yes!) some crumpled rose petals from the bush in the backyard last week. He also recently told his dad, “When I was two and three, I peed in the bath.” When Carey looked at him incredulously and asked why in the world he would do that, Jordan said, “Well, it was too warm to get out when I had to go.” Yikes! And when we were in the drive-through at McDonald’s, I heard him say to his one year-old brother, “You’re supposed to toot when I pull your finger.”
Oh, my. I’m in for a long haul, I’m afraid. It reminds me of what a friend told me recently. Her high schooler (a boy) said, “Mom, you’d better check up on Matt (his younger brother) after he showers.” When my friend asked why, he said, “All through middle school, I never used the soap.”
And I started to chuckle. Hey, I thought, I don’t need sitcoms, or the funny papers. I have two boys!
Continuing in a quiet—and slowly improving–mood, I opened the scriptures.
The book of Isaiah is a particular favorite when I’m feeling insecure, frustrated and unsure. I turned there, as I had so many times before, and read, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3, NIV)
Once again, I was comforted and encouraged by the Word, and by being in God’s presence. I didn’t hear any audible voices or bells ringing , but like I told my husband later, “The crazies went away.” I was able to regain my sense of sanity and realize that it’s okay to feel nuts once in a while. God loves me anyway.
Time with God in the midst of mommyhood helps me to realize I’m doing the best I can in the roles I’ve been given, with God’s strength, wisdom and help. And that’s enough!
I need those moments with my Maker to remind me that my boys are not just burdens to be born—they are my biggest blessings! And after I spend some time with God, I remember that more often. In the midst of the chaos that swirls around me, He helps me keep my perspective—and a sense of humor.
He also helps me find GREAT places to hide the markers.
Dena Dyer is a mom of three boys, ages 2, 8, and 35. She loves to scrapbook, read, and write essays and books. She attends MOPS at Lakeside Baptist Church in Granbury, Texas.
Dear Sandy …There’s a family with a long-term health need near us right now that I’d like to help out with a meal or two, but I don’t know how many other people have been bringing them meals already, if any. I’m also not a great cook. Can you give me any practical insights on showing love with food to those in need?
Hospitality isn’t just about fun and partying. A truly hospitable attitude touches the whole range of life experiences and emotions. And some of those life experiences and emotions come through challenging times: loss of a loved one, birth of a child, a sickness or surgery, to name a few.
I initially didn’t realize the impact one source of hospitality would have on others – it began with a seed that was planted years ago after the birth of my children.
Back in the early 90’s, the meals ministry through our church was comprised of volunteers who would arrange for meals to be brought to the home of a family after the birth of a child or another challenging event. My family was truly blessed by this act of love because after the birth of each of my children and after I had a major surgery, the meals came a-rolling in.
I, in turn, started a similar ministry through a church that we attended just a few years later. But, as the years have gone by, I’ve come to realize the ministry of sharing meals does not have to be limited to a church group. I was reminded of this last week when one of my close friends had surgery.
It’s not just church friends we should look out for!
In this case, I’d call the family first and ask if someone is in charge, or if they’ve already been receiving meals. If not – feel free to jump in and organize the meal-taking process.
Tips to make sharing of meals EASY:
Determine who needs the meal, then call and ask if they’d like to be a recipient. If yes, collect names of their closest friends, neighbors, or family members.
Arrange the date of the first meal with the family, and determine how long they’ll be receiving meals (I usually do 2 weeks for a surgery, and sometimes 3 weeks for a new birth).
Inquire if there are any food allergies in the family and what time of the day they would like the meal delivered.
Make up a calendar for a 2-3 week period, and start making phone calls.
Schedule meals for every other day. Every day is too much food.
Don’t worry about asking individuals what they plan on bringing. This question puts pressure on the cook to decide right away (and she may feel locked in). It doesn’t really matter if the recipient gets 3 meals of chicken in a row. The family is usually so thankful for whatever food is brought to them and the every-other-day schedule helps with variety.
It’s very helpful to deliver your meals in containers that do not need to be returned, or in Ziploc bags!
Ask cooks to deliver their meals by a certain time (I usually say 5:30) unless an alternative time is arranged.
Complete the calendar for the time period, with full names and home/cell phone numbers recorded.
Email or mail the schedule to the recipient and let them know they should call if any changes need to be made.
Once the schedule has been mailed, I walk away from the job. As in, mission accomplished – the family is on their way to being blessed and there’s really nothing more I need to do.
I never baby-sit the schedule. I just let it flow and happen on its own, partly because I don’t have the time. Yes, occasionally someone forgets, but that’s happened maybe twice in all of my years of participating.
This is what I call having a hospitable spirit — seeing a need and jumping in to help ease the pain of others. Who’d ever guess we could bless other bodies and souls in such a simple, yet meaningful way?
If I hadn’t been the recipient of this beautiful act of love years ago, I would have never understood how nourishing it is – to the body and soul.
It is a great time of year to give some attention to the front of our homes. Besides the obvious need to mow the grass, pull the weeds and wash some windows, what can we do to give our house the “wow factor” known as curb appeal?
A few quick changes can make even an average home stand out from the rest. Whether you are thinking of selling your home or simply want to welcome guests to your front door, here are three ways you can give your home the curb appeal it deserves.
1. Don’t underestimate the power of paint
It is amazing what paint can do for a front door, porch, hardware or fence. You might be used to looking at that worn front step, but after a few dollars of paint and a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon, you’ll be asking yourself what took you so long to paint it! Freshening up the door, front porch, a bench or fence can dramatically affect your home’s curb appeal.
2. Pack in the personality
Does your house look identical to every other house on the block? Does it feel tired and predictable? Infuse your space with personality. Avoid the expected and give your home the WOW factor! Look for something special to take your home up a notch in curb appeal — interesting lighting, a unique mailbox, accessories, door hardware, attractive house numbers or that daring color on your front door.
3. Create friendly borders
Plants, gates and fencing can create a charming and welcoming entrance to your home. But if you go overboard, you end up with a foreboding look that says, “Keep out.” Cutouts in fences and gates, low shrubs, and plants in containers all can provide a good balance between privacy for you and a cheerful invitation to “come on in” for your guests.
Most importantly, have fun with caring for your home! It isn’t about impressing the neighbors; it is about taking care of what you have been blessed with and sharing it with others. Creating curb appeal is like saying to every one who walks up to your door, “Welcome to our home, we are so glad you are here.”
As a little girl who had lived all my short life in Washington state, I had no knowledge of how things were in the south. I didn’t realize, for example, that fishing is not an optional activity for Oklahomans. Apparently, even new, gangly-legged transplants are expected to pole-up and do their part. So shortly after our move from my home state to his, my new step-father decided the seven-year old me needed an introduction. He loaded up the station wagon and took our family to his favorite cabin up in the hills near a river guaranteed to yield fish. I wasn’t a big fan of fish, unless it came battered, greasy, and sitting next to equally bad-for-you fries in a little paper bowl, but he didn’t need to know that. I already loved my step-father and wanted him to smile. And I fell in love with his favorite cabin with very little effort. Hidden in a grove of tall pine trees and surrounded by a carpet of pungent needles from those trees, that spot of the world seemed made for remembering. And indeed, forty years and two thousand miles later, I can still smell those pine needles.
At a hideous hour the second morning of our vacation, Daddy Roy–as my mother had instructed me to call him–roused me from my cot and nodded toward the door of our cabin. I pulled on my sweatshirt and jeans and crept across the creaky wooden floor to join him in the doorway.
“Here’s your breakfast,” he whispered, handing me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I couldn’t recall ever before having peanut butter and jelly for breakfast. I suddenly loved him more.
With the balance of a child, I juggled my sandwich, pole, and kid-sized box of hooks and feathery wonders while poking my feet in my rubber boots. Clomping as quietly as I could across the porch boards and down the front steps, I joined him on the piney road, and we set off.
Our walk was short. After rounding a few bends in the road and traversing a slight hillside, we landed on a flat, grassy beach and unloaded our gear.
Daddy Roy pulled a white, lidded carton out of his fishing box, then peeled the top off. With my peanut butter sandwich gone, I wondered if he might be about to top off my perfect breakfast with a handful of milk duds, or chocolate-covered raisins, or some other carton-worthy delight–but no. Instead, he pulled out a fat worm, the sight of which sent my appetite skedaddling.
“I’ll bait the first hook for you, and then you can do your own. So watch carefully.”
My prayer life was birthed then and there. Oh, God … help me to not throw up breakfast.
I wanted to obey–I really did–but at the last second, just as the tip of Daddy Roy’s hook was about to pierce the side of that wiggling worm, I closed my eyes. There’s not an hour of the day when I’ve been awake long enough to watch that sort of violence.
“See that?” he asked.
Nodding seemed less like fibbing than an outright answer, so I nodded.
I took my pole back and held it out as though it had hooked a bomb and not a worm. The last thing I wanted in life was for that worm to somehow swing his fat body toward me and graze my arm.
I plopped him in the water. What he did below surface, I don’t know. About every thirteen seconds, I checked on him, which may have accounted for the fact that I went the whole morning without so much as a single fish nibble.
“Shanny, you’ve got to leave it in the water a bit longer,” my patient step-father instructed. So I began leaving him in for fifteen seconds–but the added time did little to improve my results.
Midway through the experience, it occurred to me that I didn’t really want a fish to bite my hook, because if that happened, I’d have to re-bait the thing. And that meant actually touching the worm. I wasn’t a squirmish child, but I wasn’t yet a tomboy. It would be another several months before I’d begin catching crawdads in the ditch with the neighbor kids and squishing lightning bugs on the palm of my hand to make myself glow. (To be honest, that happened only once. Or twice.) But on this morning, my bug interactions had been limited to sitting on a bee and accidentally filling my mouth with pincher bugs when I put my mouth over the outside faucet to get a drink of water. Neither had been on purpose.
From that point of realization on, I worried I might catch a fish. And the worrying paid off, because I didn’t.
“We’ll try again after lunch,” my step-father said.
I pulled my hook out of the water, saw the still-snagged worm, and breathed a sigh of relief. I was already set for that after-lunch go-round.
“Don’t you think you’ll want a fresh worm on that hook later?” Daddy Roy asked.
“Nope,” I answered. “I like this one.”
We collected our gear, climbed the hill, and set off walking toward the cabin. Halfway back, overcome by fatigue and relief, I closed my eyes and yawned ferociously–the kind of yawn that bends small trees and alters wind patterns. And just as I was getting ready to close my mouth again, at the tail end of that yawn, I opened my eyes–just in time to watch that hooked worm drift back out of my mouth. I’d had my pole slung over my shoulder, and apparently, the hook had swung out in front of me and then straight toward my face–and into my mouth. Had I timed that yawn for just a split second earlier, I would have garnered the catch of the day … myself.
I still think about that cabin in the woods now and then. I remember the scent of those pines, and the feel of the spongey, leaf-strewn path beneath my boots. I can still see the sunlight filtering through the pines and casting dappled spots of brightness on the path before me. But the memory that means the most is this: that a man who owed me nothing, offered me all he had.
Happy Father’s Day to stepfathers everywhere–to you who love us not by chance or whim or duty, but by choice. You likely have no idea of the difference you’ve made to us, or the gift that you are. But we know. And we’ll never forget.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV
As I was perusing Bible verses to use for this column, this one leapt out at me as the most perfect verse to use on this Father’s Day. For what better description of a father is found in this verse?
“Love is patient” – a father is patient with a toddler’s tantrums, a teenager’s rebellion, and a young adult’s search for the “meaning of life.” Throughout it all, the father patiently waits as the seed he planted slowly takes fruition and blossoms into faith.
“Love is kind” – a father’s kindness speaks volumes to children as they watch how he treats others, especially his wife and his own children. Kids are like sponges – they absorb everything around them – and they will absorb the kindness just as easily as they would absorb criticism.
“It does not envy” – the father works hard to provide for his children – spiritually, emotionally, financially. He doesn’t covet other people’s treasures; rather, he delights in what is given to him by God and by the work of his own two hands.
“It does not boast” – the father doesn’t boast about his accomplishments or his children’s accomplishments. Rather, he is humble about the God-give talents which are given to him and his family. He recognizes he cannot do this on his own; he must rely on God for everything.
“It is not proud” – pride is a sin. It puts a man in the position of thinking that he is somehow “better” than others. Imagine how that message would be interpreted by his children. Rather than being seen as equals in the eyes of the Lord and in the eyes of others, a man is teaching his children that they are to receive special treatment by others and by God if pride gets in the way.
“It is not rude” – if a man wants respect from his children, he must first treat them with respect. If his tone of voice is rude, he will receive that in return.
“It is not self-seeking” – a selfish man makes a poor father because a father must put his needs/wants ahead of his children. A father seeks what is best for his child, not what is best for himself.
“It is not easily angered” – this is difficult when dealing with temperamental children who can be exasperating! But a father recognizes that anger can be a destructive force against relationships, and will choose his words wisely and calmly, and deliver his message gently.
“It keeps no record of wrongs” – a father forgives, and forgives, and forgives again. He doesn’t keep a list of all the things a child has done which are wrong, or else resentment and bitterness will grow.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” – a father is willing to point out to his child the error of his or her ways. Even if it means risking losing a relationship with the child, the father must be willing to stand up for God’s teachings. If a father is silent or is afraid to correct his child’s actions, then he is condoning that behavior. He must be truthful to the Scripture, and he rejoices when his children follow the Truth, and is saddened should they reject the Truth and follow evil’s path.
“It always protects” – a father will defend his family from all forms of attacks – including spiritual. His job is to make sure his children are protected by evil and harm, whether it be through the shields of prayer or example or actions.
“Always trusts” – a father shows his love by showing how to trust in the Lord. That way his children can know that not only is their earthly father trustworthy, but their heavenly one is as well. Trust is the cornerstone of all relationships – where one’s needs are always met, no matter what the circumstance.
“Always hopes” – even in the darkest of circumstances, a father can never lose hope and give into despair. For when that happens, it shows that he is not trusting God to provide and comfort and strengthen him. The message of hope is a strong one to convey to his children – knowing that God will always be with them, no matter what.
“Always perseveres” – a father never, ever gives up on his children. Even when they stray from the flock, he will wait for their return, like the prodigal son.
“Love never fails” – a father’s love will succeed in giving his children a firm foundation on which to grow into Christian men and women. His love will live on and be his legacy for generations to come. Love can conquer ALL.
I think of my husband and his relationship with our daughters, and I see how his love fulfills this scripture. He has been a wonderful father to his children. He has embraced them as his very own, and feels so blessed to be their father.
And they are blessed to have him as their dad.
I love you, Cameron. And thank you for being such a special dad to our two girls.
Author of a dozen books, popular speaker, corporate educator and spokesperson, and mother of seven, Ellie Kay has walked her own financial talk and knows what it’s like to be strapped for cash and struggling. Within two and a half years, she went from being a new wife and stepmom to two children with $40,000 in consumer debt to being completely debt free-all on one military income! Within 15 years and while adding five more children to the family, Ellie and her husband were able to pay cash for their cars, buy and furnish two five-bedroom homes (one after selling the other), take wonderful vacations, dress fashionably, build a nest egg for retirement, send the kids to college loan-free, and give away more than $100,000 to nonprofit organizations around the world.
Ellie meets her audiences-mainstream Americans who earn between $40,000 and $100,000 annually-right where they are financially. She teaches them sound money habits that are do-able and will stretch their dollars for the lifestyle of their dreams. Her latest title, Living Rich for Less (Waterbook/Random House, January 2009), sets forth her 10/10/80 Rule – give away 10 percent of your income, save 10 percent, and spend the last 80 percent wisely – with hundreds of Cha-Ching Factor tips that show readers how to keep and put more than $30,000 in their pockets in just one year.
My mother died when I was 11 years old and my father was emotionally distant. I never heard him say he loved me. When he remarried I emotionally ‘left home’ and was an orphaned teenager for many years. I have no idea what it means to hear the affirmation from a father who is also a friend. It was the stiff upper lip environment of – boys don’t cry, keep dirty laundry to yourself, and ‘too much praise will make you swollen-headed’.
Loving my daughters and being their father has given me an insight into the heart of God the Father. I think of how much I love my girls and the emotions they evoke in me, the fact that I could write pages about them and the joy they bring me. How they can ever do anything that would cause me to want to be distant or disown them? In fact when they fail I am most especially waiting to embrace them with tenderness and even more affirmation. They don’t seem to understand that I have so much love and joy for them that I will never run out, they can’t exhaust my supply or make me change my mind. I can really get into ‘feeling those feelings’ for them…. And then God the Father sneaks up on me and turns it all around. “That’s how I feel about you too John, receive my love and pleasure in you as well my son.”
I wrote a song about that. Every time I sang the chorus for two weeks I cried as the Lord healed my heart…
That you should be my Father
And I should be your child
Beloved by your side
In mercy reconciled
It’s a wonder, it’s a glory
It’s a joy to be told
Abiding in your love…
I love being a father! From the second my first daughter was born nearly twenty-two years ago, a passionate love affair exploded in my heart that has never diminished or faded for her, or her sister who followed sixteen months later.
Nothing comes close to the joy of holding a newborn child, then watching them grow into adulthood. That pathway has undulated for us through the pain of physical injury, the joy and excitement of new adventures, the unexpected trauma of divorce, the pride of reaching goals, the heartbreak of first loves lost, and the celebration of growing confidence and independence.
I always hug my daughters and tell them I love them. I go overboard exclaiming how proud I am of them, and that I’m their greatest fan…. To the point where they say, “Stop it dad, enough!” “But I can’t help myself,” I reply with a mischievous grin, “It’s true, I am so fortunate to be your dad. I don’t want you ever to doubt my delight in you.”
I’ve never withheld my love from my daughters or struggled to be there for them unconditionally. Sometimes I’ve been disappointed with their choices and have grieved at the hurt they have experienced, but that’s all part of growing and learning; certainly no huge disillusionment or cause for rejection.
There’s good news for those of us who have not enjoyed the affirmation or unconditional love and embrace of a father. Some of us ache with pain from abuse, or emptiness from the void left by an absent father. I believe the father-child relationship is the most significant one for our growth, self-esteem, sexual identity, self-confidence, response to authority, and general well-being. The mother is the bedrock of nurturing and the father equips us for living.
It is no accident that God reveals himself through Jesus as Father. Before Jesus’ public ministry while being baptized in the Jordan the Father speaks out loud from heaven, “This is my son, whom I love, and in whom I am well pleased.” Every child or adult needs to hear public words of identity and belonging from his or her father, expressions of love spoken out loud, and words of praise. When there is silence we are diminished and many will look for those core needs to be met in unhealthy places.
But there is hope for those of us who are fatherless. There are two ways of living. One is looking backward and being defined by what has happened to us from birth until now and wishing ‘if only’ about our human fathers. The other option is to look up and forward and receive the welcome unconditional love of our heavenly father embracing us in Jesus. He makes all things new. If we will allow, he will begin to open our eyes and hearts to walk with him into the Promised Land he always intended for us to inhabit. He is speaking words of love and delight over you right now.
Remember how Jesus affirmed Peter as a rock when his heart was all shifting sand (in other words before it was real and true in his life)? When he called Lazarus out of the grave even though everyone else thought he was dead? God the Father sees qualities and gifts in you and me that he wants to release. You may think it is too late, or there is nothing alive inside you of any worth.
Not true.!
No-one need be fatherless today – you are invited and included. Come to him just as you are….. and see what happens. That’s all I ask of my daughters; love, time, and being present with each other will do the rest.
As the rain falls on the desert sands and releases nourishment for buried seeds God the Father waters you with his spirit and whispers words of acceptance. He will make things grow in you…. Tell him your dreams – dare to dream again – He’s saying ‘yes’ to you with an enormous grin on his face as you snuggle into His arms.
John Cox was born and raised in Cape Town South Africa and studied in England and Canada. He has traveled widely, worked as a veterinary assistant, a business consultant, and as an ordained pastor for 17 years. Divorced and now married to Sheryl they are the proud parents of three adult daughters and a son. John currently lives on Vancouver Island where he is involved in pastoring a church, counseling, and writing. He enjoys renovating, squash, golf, playing guitar and worship, and loves a great sense of humor.
Googling God
Have you ever wished you could find a book that gently introduces someone to the possibility of God’s existence without being heavy-handed or too ‘religious’? Googling God is a contemporary and anecdotal invitation for spiritual cynics, critics, and fringe observers to reconsider Christianity. Topics include the existence of God, the problem with religion, the Bible, the challenge of pluralism, suffering, freedom, science, and a discussion about faith itself.
Googling God is a great gift for an ‘interested but skeptical’ friend, or a useful guide for any group wishing to initiate exploratory discussions about God in the Christian faith. The writer does not attempt to tackle any single topic in depth. Instead a variety of perspectives are introduced in order to whet the reader’s appetite and pique curiosity to explore further. God, as revealed in the Bible and through the persons of Jesus Christ, is very personable and possibly much kinder that the reader may initially have expected. Material is presented in an informal and accessibly manner that encourages thoughtful reflection utilizing both the intellect and the heart in the context of everyday life.
Light falls in the orchard, dappled among the gnarled limbs, and the apple blossoms fall too, a perfumed carpet for children’s bare toes. They’ve come, the children. Come to play under spring’s cloud of petals. They’ve come with teacups slid into great-grandma’s tapestry purse, a teddy bear stitched up for a long-ago birth, a blanket that once wrapped a newborn.
I string out laundry, wooden pegs between fingers.
The wind carries their voices with the blossom snow.
“You be Thelma and this is your tea set. The plastic one, remember?” Malakai’s smoothing out the pink gingham blanket with the eyelet trim, while Shalom, a swirl of tulle, carefully takes cups and saucers from her tapestry purse. (It’s true, every woman, by matter of course, should carry a teacup in purse.)
“And I’ll be Frances.” Malakai’s propping a bear before the teapot. He’s come to afternoon tea in too-big cowboy boots, a sheepskin vest. Tea can be a very manly affair. “And I want your tea set with the red flowers on it because you tell me that the china one with the blue flowers is very hard to find.”
I feel a quiet smile spreading. They’re playing out one of our read-alouds from this morning, Hoban’s classic, A Bargain for Frances. The story on a page of two friendly badgers having tea is being replayed in our orchard by a teddy-bear toting cowboy and a teapot-in-my-purse princess. Flat page story stands up into full-bodied life.
It strikes me that the eyelet-and-leather play in the orchard is cosmic, profound theology. I am watching what our pastor says is the whole of Christianity, it’s ultimate essence, lived out. “You be… and I’ll be….”
As Shalom acts out the part of Thelma … and Malakai plays Frances…. So we daily re-enact the upending message of Christ. It’s the story we’re fixated on, the one scene that so electrified our lives that we can’t help re-enacting it over and over again, in a thousand ways: You be a sinner like me… and I’ll be Jesus. When you act like I’ve acted — selfish and ugly, proud and stubborn — I’ll be like Jesus: sacrificial and loving, righteous and faithful.
Child’s play is the Christian’s script.
(Is that why He said that “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”? [Mt. 18:3]).
We live out the kingdom of heaven when we represent the person of Christ in all of our encounters. Individually, collectively, we take his part, become His Body, in this time and space. Child, I’ll be Jesus to you today… and when you be me, with my tongue and my attitude, I’ll say His words and I’ll forgive you like He did me and I’ll get down to wash your dirty places …
Playing hard roles is the Christian’s script.
As I watch Shalom and Malakai re-enact a picture book story I see how it’s true: “children who re-enact stories are better at connecting and integrating events… than children only in a story reading group” (Saltz and Johnson, 1974). Isn’t it the same with the children of God? When we as Christians stand Scripture up and walk it off the page, we move from simply reading the story — knowing theology, knowing about Christ — to connecting The God-Man to our lives, integrating our daily events into a Jesus-perspective. Then we are doing theology, being Christ.
Could spiritual formation really be as simple as the play formation of children? As simple as “You be… and I’ll be.”
Does the role-playing go something like this: “For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you” (Jn. 13:15).
Shalom fills cups with dandelion wine. Malakai leans over for another spot of tea, “Now you say…”
Now you say. You say Jesus’ lines. Live the lines of Gerard Manley Hopkins poem:
“Christ plays in 10,000 places
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his.”
The play unfolds in the orchard under limbs of blossom clouds. Could Christ come play in this place?
The temperatures are heating up and kids are filled with summer fever. Summer time is a great season for reading good books. Whether I am by the pool, visiting the beach, or staying inside my air conditioned home you can usually find me curled up with a book.
As a book reviewer you can imagine I read a lot of books, but I can honestly say 2009 has been the year of great books. I wish I could give each one of the books listed below their own individual post, unfortunately with only 12 months in a year I am limited. If you want a quick, powerful read then I suggest The Noticer by Andy Andrews or if you are looking for a great devotional book that does not require a lot of time Mel Cheatham’s New Every Morning: A Devotional Journey is perfect. Lastly, if you like books that touch the depths of your heart Daisy Chain and Veiled Freedom are books you will carry with you long after the last page is turned.
Daisy Chain
By Mary DeMuth
March 2009
Zondervan
355 pages
Some books you read with your eyes and others you read with your heart. Daisy Chain by Mary DeMuth is a book you read with your heart. This will be a book you carry with you long after the last page is turned.
Jed Pepper’s best friend Daisy Chance goes missing and Jed thinks it is his fault. Daisy was the only one who understood him and the only one who knew his secrets. Jed tries to retrace his steps and searches for clues Daisy left behind. In the midst of this, the secrets Jed has kept stuffed down most of his 14 years of life threaten to surface. Where does one turn when everything comes crashing down around you?
Daisy Chain is a book that flows like poetry. It is a story of brokenness, of pain and hurt, but also of hope and redemption. Jed Pepper’s coming of age story will be forever seared in your heart. This is the first book of the Defiance Texas Trilogy. Below is a one minute video telling you more about Daisy Chain.
Veiled Freedom
By J.M. Windle
June 2009
Tyndale House Publishers
492 pages
In 2001 Special Forces veteran Steve Wilson was in the group that helped Afghanistan gain freedom from the Taliban and helped Afghanistan celebrate its first election. Eight years later when he returns as a security chief to the Minister of Interior, he is appalled at the greed and corruption he found in the country he fought so hard for.
Amy Mallory is a Christian relief worker who was recently hired to head to Afghanistan and begin helping women and children. Even with years of experience this is her first time beginning a charity from scratch. The doors open for her to provide a place for women and children after they are released from prison. What she did not plan on was falling in love with the Afghan people.
Steve and Amy’s world’s collide after a suicide bombing. Steve opens Amy’s eyes to the possible danger and traps she could find herself in and Amy softens Steven heart toward idealistic charity people like Amy. Though they are very different their love for Christ forms a friendship between the two of them.
You don’t just read Windle’s books, you live them. Windle will not tickle your American ears, she will tell you like it is. I have to admit when I first read the prologue I wanted to toss the book across the room out of anger, fearing this was a book against our own American military. Instead Windle grabs your heart and gives you the truth; there are problems on both sides of the isle but she tells the story fairly. I encourage all women to read this book, if nothing else it will give you specifics on what to pray for concerning the Afghanistan women. Jeanette Windle has become a favorite author. I enjoy the depth and truth in her stories; you walk away with your heart changed.
New Every Morning: A Devotional Journey
By Mel Cheatham, MD
Wynn-Wynn Media, LLC
January 2009
122 pages
This book caught my eye right away after seeing that Franklin Graham wrote the forward for this new devotional book. Dr. Mel Cheatham is a neurosurgeon who one night was watching television with his wife Sylvia and was introduced to the work of Samaritan Purse. While being interviewed Mr. Franklin Graham was making an appeal for doctors to serve in bush hospitals in Kenya and Dr. Mel Cheatham looked over at his wife and said, “Let’s Go.”
With real life stories and reading God’s word, your heart will be transformed each morning. With each devotional there are questions and journaling space. Dr. Mel Cheatham covers compassion, integrity, humility, obedience, service, purpose, peace, and love. New Every Morning: A Devotional Journey is a powerful devotional book.
The Noticer
By Andy Andrews
April 2009
Thomas Nelson
176 pages
“Whatever you focus upon, increases.”
“Wisdom is the ability to see, into the future, the consequences of your choices in the present.”
These are all quotes from the powerful new book The Noticer by Andy Andrews. Orange Beach, Alabama is just like any other town, filled with imperfect people. People who are dealing with divorce, elderly who are giving up, bankruptcy, and youth who have given up on life. Fortunately for several of these people in Orange Beach, Alabama when life became unbearable, a man named Jones The Noticer showed up on the scene. Not Mr. Jones, just Jones. Jones helps each person gain a little perspective about their situation. Their situations do not change, but he changes their course in life by offering a different point of view.
I have one word for this book: POWERFUL. This book will inspire while helping you gain a different perspective to the trials in your life. I would not call this a Christian book, but I did have the opportunity to hear Andy Andrews in person at Christian Book Expo in Dallas earlier this year. I can see why this man that has the ear of ever senior leader in the US Air Force. Has visited with General Norman Schwarzkopf and spent time with Bob Hope. Even my 15 year old son has enjoyed The Noticer.
Let’s say we’re diagnosed with a severe illness—“Sickness X.”
Sickness X is a serious illness, to be sure, yet it can be cured by following a prescription that includes taking medicine and changing some specific habits. We trust our physician to know what he’s doing, so we get the prescription filled, begin taking the medicine, and follow the doctor’s orders so we’ll get better. Some medications are short term, some are long term, and others are for life. Some medicines have a bitter taste; others have no taste. Many have side effects; others do not.
But if the medicine will cure us, we gladly suffer the bitterness, the side effects, and even endure the long road to recovery. We know that treatment is better than leaving the disease in its present state.
Consider the “Six Steps to SANITY,” outlined below, as our medication to help cure our illness of enabling. One dose won’t do it; we’ll need to stay on this prescription for quite some time until we return to full health. Just as our adult children may slip back and forth into their dependency on us, so, too, we may slip back and forth into our habit of coming to their rescue. Therefore, we must pray for the strength to remain firm in our resolve to make changes. Backsliding at this point is very dangerous, as we will lose not only our credibility but any momentum we may have gained as a result of the changes we are making. It is vital to continue on this prescribed course of “medication” for the duration of the treatment—no matter how difficult it may be.
I must caution you, however, that there is a possibility of a long-term side effect in following this course of treatment. In time we will begin to regain our SANITY, and we will begin to feel a sense of self-respect and peace despite any crisis.
Exactly What Is SANITY?
SANITY is what we gain when we stop focusing on our adult children and begin to focus on changing our own attitudes and behaviors.
How do we get SANITY? By recognizing and identifying the false conceptions we believe about ourselves and our adult children and replacing worldly lies with spiritually empowering truths.
In what situations will SANITY work? We can implement the six steps to SANITY to help an adult child grow up who:
Has never left our home
Has returned home (with or without mate/children)
Considers our home a revolving door
Lives on his own (or with others/roommates)
Is a full- or part-time college student
I trust you’ve begun to realize the part you’ve played in this ongoing drama of enabling, as well as the enemy’s tactics in using these negative feelings against you. I pray you have realized the futility of harboring the negative feelings of guilt, frustration, anger, fear, and inadequacy—and that you are ready to develop new strengths to begin living a life of freedom from bondage. It’s time for healing—emotionally, spiritually, financially, and psychologically. So let’s look at the six steps to SANITY so you can begin to implement them into your life at last.
Six Steps to SANITY
S = Stop our own negative behaviors (especially stop the flow of money!). One of the critical first things we must immediately stop is the flow of money to our adult child. We must stop being the First Bank of Mom and Dad or the Community Bank of Grandpa and Grandma.
A = Assemble a support group. Stop by our SANITY support group website (visit www.SettingBoundaries.com and follow the links) and consider getting involved. Remember, there is strength in numbers!
N = Nip excuses in the bud. You must no longer accept excuses. Period. Make it evident early on that you have no intention of being swayed by clichés or con games or lame excuses.
I = Implement rules and boundaries. These rules and boundaries must be well thought-out and non-negotiable, with firm but reasonable consequences and timeframes. And they must be written down and included in your action plan.
T = Trust your instincts. Nowhere does the need to trust our instincts hold truer than when we suspect our adult children are on drugs, have alcohol problems, or are involved in illegal activity. Intuition is a powerful tool. However, that still small voice will eventually stop talking altogether if we continue to ignore it.
Y = Yield everything to God (let go and let God). For some parents perhaps religious faith hasn’t been much of an issue as you brought up your child. But that’s one thing about being a parent in pain—you realize the help you need is going to have to come from some source other than self.
As we begin to follow the six steps to SANITY, we often discover that one of the benefits could be that our adult child may actually become the person we’ve been pretending they were or dreaming they could be all along. Now, wouldn’t that make all the tough-love pain worthwhile?
It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey of enabling an adult child. What matters is that you can stop the insanity right now—today—this very minute. You can gain SANITY, and in doing so, begin an amazing adventure of self-discovery.
I have walked in your shoes, and I have discovered the secret of SANITY, that no matter what happens, I am never alone. God is in control. So please join me—and thousands of other parents who are finding SANITY—by visiting www.SettingBoundaries.com. Then drop me a note occasionally and let me know how you’re doing, will you?
If you’re a hurting parent who dearly loves your adult child but longs to see him at last take responsibility for his life, please take a moment to watch the videos on the audio/video page of our web site. It could save your sanity—and maybe even your adult child’s life.
1. Make a budget (and stick to it). A budget overwhelms many people but it is really nothing more than devising a plan for every dollar you bring in. Having a budget helps you spend smarter and think more. It also helps to improve your buying power. The best way to make a budget is to start by sitting down with your spouse and deciding how much you spend on regular categories like groceries, gas, medical, etc. each month. Talk through these things and get them down on paper. Then spend accordingly. An article that goes into step by step detail about making a budget can be found at: http://www.christianpf.com/how-to-make-a-budget/
2. Stop using credit cards. Studies show that people who use credit cards buy more and think less about their purchases. By learning to spend cash and limiting your purchases, you make your money work for you rather than against you. Credit card companies are getting craftier as the economy struggles. 25% of all credit card users in this country will have their rates raised this year, or their monthly payment raised. When you are in debt, you are at the mercy of the company you owe. Don’t let yourself get bogged down by credit card debt.
3. Cook at home. It sounds so basic and yet how many of us resort to eating out because we just can’t deal with dinner? By taking a few moments once a week to devise a menu plan, shopping for the needed ingredients for that menu plan, and cooking the meals in your home, you can save lots of money and have more time to gather as a family and enjoy a slow evening at home. Eating at home not only saves money, it saves valuable family time.
4. Buy clothes at thrift or consignment stores. This is especially true with children’s clothes. When you are in a department store, always shop the clearance racks and avoid the other racks so you aren’t tempted. It’s also an income generator if you consign your own clothing. You can then take the money you earn on consignment and buy clothes for a new season without being out of pocket any money!
5. If you must eat out, only go to places you have coupons for. Keep a small photo album and arrange restaurant coupons so they are easy to find as you are heading out the door. It’s also a great idea to look for “kids eat free” nights and frequent those. Other ways to save on eating out include ordering water (big savings on this), share meals, order a kids’ portion if the restaurant allows it, and go out for lunch instead of dinner. For people who work, it’s always a good idea to pack your lunch regularly instead of running out to eat. A jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread will go a long way.
6. Learn to play the coupon game. Many people devote themselves to clipping and organizing coupons—and reap great savings from doing so. There are many frugal websites and blogs that detail exactly how to save a lot of money with coupons. A great one to start with is www.couponmom.com. And here is a great tutorial video you can watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcAUZvGS6L8.
7. If you have children, limit the number of activities they do to one per child, per year. If you are struggling to pay for even one activity, consider asking for the activity as a gift from grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, etc. Instead of another toy that will end up broken or lost, your child can receive a gift that truly keeps on giving as well as one that invests in their future.
8. Think about the things you regularly spend money on like gas or utilities and research ways to save money on those things. For instance, www.gasbuddy.com tells you where to buy the cheapest gas according to your area code. Bundling services with your cable provider can save money each month. Calling your energy company to find out when their off-peak hours are and doing your laundry or dishes during those times can save on your monthly bill as well.
9. Don’t shop as a recreational activity. If you can’t see it, you won’t feel a need to have it. Use time you used to spend shopping to go for a walk, visit a park, exercise, read a book, or spend time researching money-saving sites on the internet! If you have a friend you used to enjoy shopping with, sit down and list out other alternatives for your time together.
10. Look for ways to generate additional income. Whether it be an additional part-time job or a way to make money from home using a skill or talent you possess, get creative, get motivated, and get excited about the potential you have to generate income that you didn’t have before. Every little bit helps, so put on your thinking cap and don’t be shy about stepping out and trying something!
Marybeth Whalen is the wife of Curt and mom of six children, ages teen to toddler. Marybeth is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker team and a regular contributor to their daily devotions. She and her husband Curt co-authored Learning To Live Financially Free. Marybeth speaks regularly to women’s groups and enjoys sharing stories from her daily adventures as a wife, mom, homeschooler, writer, and, most importantly, a follower of God. You can find her online at www.marybethwhalen.com or at Learning To Live Financially Free.
Magazine covers, billboards, and television screens—you can’t escape their screams–telling you how to look and dress, what size you should be. Living in a world filled with manipulated visuals of beauty is more than hard to swallow—it’s plastic, Photoshopped non-reality. The world’s view of beauty is downright unattainable and unreal—no wonder it’s extremely hard to see ourselves as beautiful.
“Do not confuse beauty with beautiful. Beautiful is a human judgment. Beauty is all. The difference is everything.” —Matthew Fox, actor on the Fox hit series “Lost.”
When I was playing around on my computer, I googled the word “beauty” and saw this meaning floating around in the online dictionary—
Beauty: plural –ties. 1. The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
Interesting, huh? You don’t see anywhere in this definition a supermodel’s name under the word “beauty.” However at times we look in the mirror and fail to see ourselves. Instead we see who we want to be –supermodel so and so, our younger self, or a distorted image we have created in our minds takes over the mirror reflection. Don’t you think its time we opt for the clearer view—capturing our true beauty?
The first step to true beauty is changing our concept of the word—knowing that the source of beauty is created by God and that we are made in His image.
Take a few minutes out of your day today and step in front of the mirror (without any makeup) and say the following:
I believe in me, because God believes in me and God don’t make no junk! This was part of a quote from years back and it’s as true today as it was way back when.
My Father is enthralled with my beauty and sings over me with delight, therefore my face reflects His Glory.
I am a divinely hand-sculpted masterpiece. I am fingerprinted body and soul by the most amazing Designer in the universe—none other than my Lord and Savior.
I will not be squeezed by media propaganda—trying to tell me who I should be. My Lord has great plans for me—Hope, love and an eternal beautiful future.
_______(put your name in the blank) was made on purpose for a purpose therefore I am highly favored by God.
I believe I am truly uniquely crafted, with purpose. My Father is the potter and I am the clay—take away my self-center mindset and mold me God-centered to fulfill the destiny you’ve created me for.
The comparison trap is a losing game I no longer want to participate in; so look out world, mama’s got a new set of eyes and they won’t be looking at you! (Not for approval that is)
Today is a new day and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. I am alive and living in the now—not who I was or what I use to look like. Aging is not a disease it is a privilege! Every day is a gift from God.
I will smile as an embrace to the God who loves me!
Speaking of the smile factor, if you really want to look better work to do it more often. Here are several more grinning dividends:
Besides looking more attractive— you attract people. They will want to get to know, what is so good going on in your life. A frown will only bring others down.
A smile can trick the body into changing your mood.
It will brighten the room and others’ days.
It boosts the immune system
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. In other words it makes us feel good and is a natural drug. It makes others feel good. It makes you feel good. With a simple lifting of the corners of your mouth it’s a win-win for everyone!
It can shave ten years off you, by lifting your face muscles. Who would’ve thought a smile could be the alternative to plastic surgery!
Smiling will help you stay positive. Go ahead and look in the mirror, now smile—keep smiling. Now, throw in a giggle. Just do it. I promise it will help lift your spirits
When you get to a place where negativity sets in as it will (we do live in a fallen world) just breathe in Scripture—God’s redeeming love and exhale the toxic overload of manipulating media and the devils lies.
Sometimes meditating on His Word will include a walk. Allow your pace and breathe take hold then introduce favorite Scriptures to calm the mind and rinse all worry and fear. Take in the beauty of the trees, the color of the sky, the lush green grass, the birds’ joyful hymn and the Master’s fine details of distinction.
Echoing the words of Dr. Seuss remember, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Anytime Dad wanted to make his point he’d always call me Tammy Lynn. Middle names were given by mothers and fathers to make children sit up and pay attention, a sort of call to order when important things were being spoken.
Dad used to say with that, some day you’ll see that I’m right, tone of voice, “what you say is what you’ll get, so be sure to think before you speak, Tammy Lynn.”
I can vividly recall the days when I was thinking about what kind of man I might marry. I was quite certain I had absolute control over that decision and emphatically proclaimed that I’d never marry a drummer, as drummers were entirely too noisy. I’d certainly never marry a man named Jim, because that name was for whatever reason, unattractive to me at the time.
God has a witty sense of humor and never forgets our edicts. That’s probably in order to prove how little we know. As irony would have it- I did both. I married a drummer named Jim. Go figure.
That was 27 years ago this August, and in all those years I’ve had countless experiences with the power of the spoken word. Not every one believes in the creation story as presented in the book of Genesis, but I do. I believe that God spoke the universe, the sun, moon and stars, the ocean and all living creatures into existence as an example to us. We have phenomenal power in the words we speak to either create a life of joy, prosperity and health, or to create hatred, calamity and illness.
If you don’t believe me, take a day and make some careful observations. Listen to the words that are spoken by those around you–at home, at work, at the grocery store, or any public place. Pay attention to the dialogue you hear on television. We are constantly speaking our destiny into our lives. Not only are the words we speak impacting our direction and future choices, but they have a profound effect over other people on their direction and choices.
I remember when I began toying with the idea of writing a book. I knew absolutely nothing about the publishing industry, or about the actual process of authoring a book. I believed I could do it, and knew I had something valuable to share with others. But the naysayers were everywhere!
“It’s impossible to get a book published today.”
“It takes much too much time to write a book, and you will never finish it.”
“Why would you want to do something like that? You have children to raise!”
And on and on it went… If I had listened to every negative word spoken about my dream, my first book would still not be in print. So instead, I surrounded myself with those who shared my vision, and understood my heart. “That’s a great idea!” “When will it be finished?” “You absolutely need to do that.” “There are so many people who can benefit from your experiences.” See the difference?
Every day I sat down at my computer and told myself I had something valuable to say. My words could change lives. And they have and they do. That’s the power of the word- whether we speak it, or write it- we have incredible authority in the words we choose to use because they are an extension of the spirit within us.
If our spirits are tapped into the Creator of all things, then the way we view our world and the way we express those views is altered by the greatest force the universe has ever known. I love this promise in the book of Isaiah. “As for me, this is my covenant with them,” says the Lord. “My Spirit, who is on you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever,” says the Lord. 59:21( NIV)
What an incredible promise for those who believe and make an attentive choice to speak faith on a daily basis into their own lives and the lives of their families. We can have what we say, and we can be what we speak. I’m so grateful that my father instilled such truth into my heart, when He said:
“What you say is what you’ll get, so be sure to think before you speak.” My prayer daily is that my words would magnify and glorify God and my speech would edify my own spirit, and the spirits of those within my direct influence. I think David put it so eloquently when he said this; May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
(Psalm 19:14 NIV)
Each month we choose one blogger from our list of over 4,000 women to be CWO’s blog of the month. This month’s pick is ‘Getting Down With Jesus’. I sincerely believe Jennifer possesses a genuine heart for Christ and expresses this in all of her posts. She’s been through some hardships but with that she remains faithful and clings to the Lord consistently. She is a very, very precious woman of God who is married to a wonderful man, has two girls and lives on a farm.
Jennifer writes a warm and inviting messaged on her blog:
“Welcome to Getting Down with Jesus, a place where we can share our gut-level thoughts on faith. My walk of faith has looked more like a series of stumbles, instead of a forward-march. Think, Scarecrow on The Wizard of Oz. He’s a little unsteady, often self-doubting, but always following a road to something bigger. I’m a long-time writer who has traveled a yellow-brick road from unbelief to faith in God. My intent here at Getting Down With Jesus is to get personal, honest and real with Him … and with myself. To get down to Truth. So whether your faith journey has followed a crooked, quirky path – or you’ve been walking the straight and narrow for a lifetime – you are welcome here.”
The Mamoth Marathon Salad reminds us that although some things take time to prepare there’s a great sense of accomplishment when we see the finished product.
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. (Phillippians 3:14 KJV)
In our city in the month of June is the annual Manitoba Marathon. People of all ages attempt to run the 26.2 mile course. The training for this is rigorous. Like many marathons held all over the world, people train all year just for this one race. For many the goals are similar:
Accomplish the half marathon – Finish the entire race
Beat their best time – Place in the top three.
All who finish the entire course obtain a medal and a T-shirt. The top 3 male and female finishers each receive plaques and cash awards of up to $1,000.00.
Not being a marathon runner myself, this boggles my mind! What is the drive behind the work and effort involved? It is not fame or fortune. So what is it?
Contrast this to the Christian in the mammoth marathon. He presses toward the mark of the high calling of Jesus Christ. Wow! Isn’t that a motivator?
How many Christians do you see working as diligently and hard as our annual marathon runners? Yet the prize is MUCH greater. This boggles my mind!
I had tried for years to make good steak. Each time the steak was either; too tough, too dry, or too chewy. So each time I would retreat into frustration. This year I made it my goal to cook the perfect steak. To ensure I accomplished this I gave myself a deadline. I invited friends over for dinner and promised them delicious steak, a promise I intended to keep.
I went to the meat market and researched the best steak to buy and the best method for cooking. I bought one to try out on my spouse. Then I bought more to try out on my parents. The deadline was quickly approaching and I was getting better and better at cooking steak. I was also eating like a queen.
After 27 years of marriage I have mastered the technique that takes most men with a Bar-B-Que a ½ hour to figure out. I can cook a good steak. The best part was not the flavor of the steak, but the sense of accomplishment in completing something that has challenged me for years.
What motivated me was that I was working toward a real deadline. It had worked often in the past. If I wanted a clean house I would book a party. It is amazing how cleaning before guests arrive becomes a priority.
The reverse has also been true. There are many things I have never got around to doing because there was no real deadline to get them done.
I thought about my marathon runners. As the deadline for the race draws near, the training increases. For procrastinators it accelerates. If the Marathon organizers did not post the date for the race until the day of the race would as many people be ready? I am certain the skilled runners would be. I am not as convinced about the amateur.
Are there things in your life that you have never accomplished because of procrastination? I know there are in mine.
Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh. (Matthew 25:13 KJV)
Muster the tenacity of a marathon runner and take on some of those goals.
Phone that friend you have been putting off and book a lunch date.
Start that prayer time you have been longing for.
Try that recipe you have been eyeing for months.
Read the Bible through in a year.
Make the perfect steak.
The key is set a target and get started. The satisfaction achieved will be better than steak.
Mamoth Multi-Layered Salad
Ingredients:
Salad:
1 medium head of lettuce broken into bite size pieces
1C sliced celery
6 hard boiled eggs, sliced thin and crumbled
10 oz corn (frozen or canned)
½ C chopped green pepper
8 sliced green onions
1 cucumber, sliced and quartered
8 slices bacon crumbled
Procedure:
Layer first 8 salad ingredients in the order listed. Combine dressing ingredients and pour over top of salad. Pour right to the edge of the pan. Add garnish in order listed. Seal well with plastic wrap and store in fridge at least 24 hours.
Let’s talk about your book, 
Daisy Chain
Veiled Freedom
New Every Morning: A Devotional Journey
The Noticer
