I have 3 kids and for a year now my family has been going through rough times. My boyfriend and father of my kids decided he wanted to be single. We continued to live togeather, and I prayed everything would work out. But it just got worse every month. I couldn’t sit buy and watch my family separate so I followed him and found he was with a girl and her son.

That broke my heart but i still continued to pray. Jan. 2009 he was diagnosed with cancer. When he got out of the hospital our kids and him and me moved into his parents house. Two weeks ago we decided it was best if me and the kids went back home.

Well a week later I got into a huge fight with my mother in law. The day after that he told me he wasn’t coming home and he needed to live his life. I talked to my kids and they are heart broken. They go to the alter every Sunday and ask God to change there dads heart so he can come home. This whole thing seems very wrong in my heart. I’m torn on how to pray for this. There are times I pray for God to restore my family and there are times I ask for my kids hearts to be healed. I would love to have my family whole again. I’m just lost and can’t see what God wants.

Please pray for restoration of my marriage and the salvation of my husband.  We will be married for 24 years in August but he has left our kids and myself over a month ago.  This is not like my husband.  I pray that God would remove him from the enemies and the enemies from him and to send a Christian to him to talk about Gods love, our marriage, our family and to help him to fall in love with me again and to remember the love that he has for me is as strong as death.   And that God crushes SATAN under his feet shortly.

Thanks

My husband is with another woman in a far country. That really crushed my heart. But I’m not giving up or losing hope because I know God is in control. Please pray for my husband to come to his senses, repent of his sins and go back to the Lord and eventually to me, his covenant wife. Please pray for the restoration and healing of my marriage. I believe nothing is impossible with God. Lastly, I really need intercessors to stand with me in prayer and agreement for the redemption of my marriage. Please pray for us.

Pia

I have a urgent prayer request. I have an electric bill due by the 26th for $500+. the whole bill is over $1,000, but they want a little over $500 by next week. I’ve talked to the electric co. & my management office, but to no avail. I don’t believe the charges are justified. last year, PEPCO overcharged me and ended up giving me over $300 credit. I believe I’m due a credit again. it’s just me, and I don’t use that kind of electricity, even with the heating. I pay $130 monthly on the average payment plan, and with them billing me between $245 and almost $300 a few months, it’s really added up.

first of all, I don’t have $500 and second of all, I don’t feel I owe them that much money. they say I do; I say I don’t. my management office hasn’t gotten back to me yet from the letter I wrote them. I’ve been to them 3 different times.need urgent prayer. don’t want my electricity to be shut off next week. need God to move on my behalf.

Please pray for my mother and father-in-law.  They’ve been having problems.  Both are very good people and care very much about their children.  But with the chaos of raising 6 children, managing a family owned business their relationship started to get cold.  I ask for your prayers so that they can come to know God as not only the one who can save their marriage, but the one and only who can save their lives. Thank you for all your prayers.

Roli and Claudia

Please pray for Sylvia Martinez.  She has two (2) cancerous brain tumors and have spread throughout her head.  She received radiation for eighteen (18) days.  We are asking that God heal her of this dreaded disease and to give her family the strength to help Ms. Martinez in whatever help she needs in this difficult time.

In God’s Love,

Sara

Please pray for Armando Martinez.  He is in a stage of coma and is going through surgery for a tumor in his head.  Armando is in his mid thirties and has very young children one of them is a 3week old baby girl.  Please pray for God to use and guide the hands of the doctors operating on him.  Also, for strength for all his family and friends.  Thank you so much for every prayer.  God Bless you all.

Thank you,

Friends and family

Hello.  I have found comfort in your website and the prayers for my family.  Back in February I asked you all to pray for me and my family.  Things started to get better and we began counseling.  However, the stress of our sick son and other things placed us back at the beginning, and this weekend my husband did walk out of our lives.  I think that God is giving me strength and some peace right now.  However, I want more then anything for us to get back together and work out our problems.  Please, please continue to pray for me and my husband.  I believe that God can fix this and make what is wrong right again.  He gives me mixed messages about our marriage and I’m so very confused as to what he really wants.  He refuses to tell me that he loves me and this breaks my heart over and over.  I feel so lost and confused.  He seems so angry over things that I can’t understand.  I don’t know what to do?  I pray that he finds God and finds some love to continue to work on our marriage.  Please continue to pray for me and my family?  Thank you!!

I need prayers for me and my 8 yr. old boy in this time of our lives.

Thanks!!!

Vanessa

April is always my favorite month of the year. I love to watch the newness of life springing up around me with the hope that green grass and budding flowers will soon appear in abundance.

This month we reflect on the newness of life as we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He lives that we might also have life eternal with Him.

With all things new, we’re bringing the outdoors in as Melissa Michael’s offers some great decorating ideas to do that. We’re also talking with singer, songwriter, and recording artist Larissa Lam this month. Larissa is passionate about being a good steward of the time, talents, and gifts God has given her. Check out her interview in Sister2Sister with Sunny Shell.

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Philippians 3:10-12 (NIV)

Blessings,

Founder and Editor,
Christian Women Online Magazine
“Uniting Women of Faith”

Read my column—Live Well!
My blog: Darlene Schacht.com

With the rampant immorality we all witness around us through the news media, movies, magazines, etc. I know many Christians feel as if Christ might return at any time. And He may. But as Scripture says, no one will know the exact time or hour, so we ought to live our lives with eternal purpose so that we might not be ashamed at His coming (1 John2:28).

As Christians we live in this world, but we have been called out of this world by the sovereign and righteous word of our Creator and God. But sometimes, this task seems so hard. It seems so hard to fix our eyes on Christ and not on protecting ourselves, our children, or even our own comforts and personal delights. We get tired, and we easily believe the devil’s lie that we should enjoy ourselves while we have the time. When really, we need to remember that our time here is short and it’s meant to be spent on God’s passions and desires, not ours. We will have all eternity to rest from our work, but we only have a short time here to actual do the work our Lord, our Master, our Savior has commanded us to accomplish (John 9:4, Ephesians 5:15-16).

This is why I’m so delighted to introduce to you, Larissa Lam, co-host of JCTV’s Top 3, singer/songwriter/recording artist with her latest album “Revolutionary“, and the Founder of On The Way Up and Beautiful Faith ministries! This sister is passionate about being a good steward of the time, talents and gifts God has given her. In this interview, she shares with us her fears, her victories in Christ and how God took this spoiled, only-child and molded her to become a voice; a beautiful voice crying out for all to repent and trust in the Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ.

Sunny: God chose to make you a Chinese-American and called you into an industry where you’re the minority of minorities. Has this been difficult?

Larissa: I grew up in California, where I was surrounded by blonde-haired, blue-eyed girls who played with blond-haired, blue-eyed dolls and watched shows and movies with the same. I found that I often wished I wasn’t Chinese and even as a young child was aware that I was “different”.

I was only 1 out of 4 Asians in my entire class, all the up to junior high school. This was quite discouraging to me and I continued to dislike my own ethnicity – to the point where I didn’t even speak Chinese (up to the age of 5). One year, my mom sent me to Hong Kong to visit my cousins and I picked up the language pretty quickly. By the time I was a teenager, I was fluent in both Cantonese and Mandarin. I truly believe my ability to pick up languages quickly is a God-given gift so that I can preach the Gospel through the music industry and reach people groups I wouldn’t ordinarily be able to reach if I only spoke one language.

In 2003, I had an epiphany! I attended a leadership retreat with Media Fellowship International (we met in the CBS studio in Los Angeles). I shared with everyone how I was very interested and willing to go on missions in the name of Jesus, but absolutely not to Asia! Just then, one of my friends said, “Oh my goodness, you’re like Jonah, and China is your Nineveh!” This was the year I chose to yield to God’s calling regardless of my personal dislikes and insecurities.

Sunny: I’m glad you got out of there before you got swallowed by a big fish! You offer eight (8) wonderful speaking topics with On the Way Up Ministries, which one(s) is/are your favorite and why?

Larissa: I have three favorites.

• How I was brainwashed into thinking I wanted to be a doctor and lived to tell about it.

Although I was raised by Christian parents, I was raised with strong eastern cultural values. This meant I was raised to love God, trust Jesus with my life, but also consider academics and family honor before and above everything else – including my spiritual growth. I struggled with this and I share my struggles as well as my victories in Christ when asked to speak on this topic.

This is one of my favorite topics because I think it’s very important for others in my situation to recognize that Christ is to take preeminence in all our lives. There is no one and nothing above Jesus and I enjoy encouraging others to trust God and live boldly in their faith, regardless of circumstantial influences.

• Never Say “Never” to God.

I love this topic because it covers (in detail) what I just shared about really disliking how God made me a Chinese-American and how my strong dislike caused me to say that I’d go anywhere and do anything to serve God, just not in China. God has a great sense of humor and a lot of patience. I’m so thankful for that!

• Hollywood: the hidden mission field.

I’m particularly passionate about this topic because I believe that’s why God made me a Chinese-American with musical talents and abilities.
As Christians, we often think of Hollywood as the big “Satan”. In Christian circles, we will talk about how disgusted we are with all the Lindsay Lohan’s or Britney Spears, but how often do we stop to pray for them?

People are so willing to pray for those who are in Africa and will go on missions or support those who are on missions there, but we aren’t so quick to pray for those in Hollywood when in fact, they have much in common. Those who live in Africa and in Hollywood are stricken by AIDS (due to rampant sexual immorality); both groups worship idols, live with self-centered and self-survivalist mentalities and most importantly, live lives totally separated from God. We want Hollywood to change, but if their hearts aren’t transformed by Christ, how can we expect them to change? They can’t.

Christians should absolutely stand in our convictions, but without neglecting to manifest the same compassion of Christ to reach the lost with the Gospel.

I implore every reader, next time you see something on TV or in the movies that you don’t like, instead of judging them, stop what you’re doing and earnestly pray for them. You can even pick a celebrity and commit to pray for them faithfully. For those who are interested, there’s a group called Hollywood Prayer Network and they have kind of an “adopt-a-celebrity” program where they match up the people who are not in the arts industry to pray for those who are.

Sunny: Oh sister, you’re so right! I know I’ve done that a lot myself. I get disgusted with what I see or hear, but I don’t often stop to pray for them – I mean earnestly pray for them and their salvation. Thank you for the reproof. I noticed you offer three (3) different kinds of workshops through On The Way Up Ministries. One of them is Personal Ministry Consultant. Is this workshop offered to everyone or just those who are in the arts industry?

Larissa: This workshop is offered to anyone. One of my gifts is helping others find their gifts so they can use them to bring glory to God. The consultation is very personal and I help them to find the best match for their God-given gifts with the profession God is calling them to.
Each workshop is tailored to that specific church or an individual or groups particular needs. Depending on the depth of information they require, I can do a condensed one-day workshop, or an intense two-day workshop.

Sunny: Wow, that’s really cool! I think this workshop would benefit anyone who’s truly looking to serve God and honor the gifts He’s given them! I saw that you have a new feature on your Beautiful Faith ministry (a division of On The Way Up Ministries and a department of Artists in Christian Testimony International). Can you share with us what “Beautiful Faith Stories” is all about, why you created it and how our readers can participate?

Larissa: Sure Sunny, I’d love to! I’ve noticed that people are really enjoying the idea of video testimonies and we really want to push the Beautiful Faith movement in that direction. We want to help others share their beautiful faith in Christ through personal video testimonies.

The primary purpose of doing this is to spread the Gospel through these videos, to encourage believers who are going through personal struggles and exhort them to start sharing what God has done in their lives through their faith in Christ.

We encourage readers to view the videos that are already on our website by clicking “Beautiful Faith Stories”; then make their own beautiful faith videos (about 2 to 4 minutes long), submit them to us through our website and/or on YouTube, Tangle, Facebook or other forms of web capabilities. And who knows, maybe your video will be featured on our Beautiful Faith website!

Sunny: Oh precious sister, thank you so much for presenting this opportunity for all of us to share what Christ has done in our lives for the edification of the Body and salvation of the lost! Can you tell us more about your passion for missions?

Larissa: During my sophomore year in college, I went on a mission trip to Mexico for a week. There was much in the trip that was out of my comfort zone: we worked in a town in the middle of nowhere, we had running water for only 12 hours per day, witnessed to migrant farmers, traveled on roads that really weren’t roads, etc.

One night we were stuck in a ditch in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere. And there, it is pitch black, so it’s scary. There were no “street” lights because there really wasn’t a street. So we prayed. We were so humbled and grateful when we saw lights – lights coming from a vehicle driving down this deserted dirt road; and wouldn’t you know it, it was a tow truck. When I witnessed God’s miraculous hand in getting us out of that ditch, I realized at that moment that missions – preaching the Gospel was very important to Him.

From that point on, I had a passion for missions; God had completely transformed my perspective on life. Through World Christian Movement, the Lord taught me that He is a missionary God. The Lord taught me that the whole purpose we’re here is to see everyone worship God.

I’m a recovering judgmental Christian. Instead of being disgusted by seeing others live ungodly lives, God has given me Christ’s compassion to love them and pray for their salvation – and now I want to share the Gospel with them any way that I can. I don’t see people through my disgust anymore. I see them through God’s merciful eyes. I’m so grateful to God for that.

Sunny: Yes sister, I often pray that our Heavenly Father will direct me in His love and Christ’s perseverance (2 Thessalonians 3:5). It’s so much harder than we think. Speaking of missions, I understand both you and your husband are traveling to China this summer to do some missions work. How long will you be there and can you share any specifics about the work you’ll be doing?

Larissa: My husband, Baldwin (a.k.a. Only Won) is going to China for “work”. His company is sending him there. We saw that my husband’s work charge was clearly the Lord opening a door for us to preach the Gospel in China.

For security reasons, I’m not at liberty to share any specifics. It is illegal in China to proselyte in a public area. So we are essentially going as “under cover missionaries”. Also, I can’t really say how long I’ll be there because it’s all up to the Lord. I’ll be there as long as God wants me there. I’m totally trusting God to work out all the details and would very much appreciate prayers.

Sunny: You got it sister! Our readers are fabulous and I know they’ll be praying for your “secret mission”. Do you and Baldwin do a lot of missions work together? If so, what kind?

Larissa: Well, we try to. Right now, Baldwin is working as a full-time Engineer. At some point, he would like to stop doing that (at least full-time) and would like to devote more time to missions work. We’re working on a website for him called LyricalEngineer.com. We really want to use the internet to impact people for Christ. Baldwin’s target audience are those who are on the internet.

Sunny: Can our readers get involved with On The Way Up and/or Beautiful Faith ministries?

Larissa: Yes! That would be great! They can sign up for our newsletters which include: prayer requests, volunteer opportunities i.e., updating things on the website, updating the database, scheduling events (missions trips, speaking engagements, conferences, etc.). We’re in need of volunteers who are gifted in administration and graphic design. We also need people who are willing to host an event at their church, people who will faithfully commit to pray for us and those who feel led to support us financially as well. We want to continue to invest in the lives of others who also want to be messengers of the Gospel.

Sunny: Is there a specific Scripture verse or passage you’ve been meditating on lately that has helped you stay focused on God’s calling for you? If so, how have they helped you?

Larissa: Yes, there are three right now that God is really using to keep me focused on His call and not my fears.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ This verse resonates with me because of the vision and call God has given me. The world is very big and as messengers of the Gospel, I feel like most people – overwhelmed with this task to preach to Gospel to all nations. Sometimes it seems so overwhelming I don’t want to do it. God is growing these ministries (On The Way Up and Beautiful Faith ministries) and He alone is the one who pulls me through in Christ’s strength while I’m weak. God provides the resources, knowledge and wisdom to do all that He’s called me to do.

Isaiah 41:10 and Philippians 4:6-7 ~ God has used these Scriptures to remind me that I don’t have to be afraid to fail. So often, the task seems so great; I don’t want to do it because I’m afraid I will fail. I’m even afraid to go to China. It’s very much out of my comfort zone. Although I speak the language, I can’t read it. I don’t even know the details about this trip and that makes me a bit nervous. There are many “unknowns” and God has used these two Scriptures to really comfort me in His sovereignty and works of righteousness. I know I’m not in this alone and I want to encourage others to join me and get involved so we can work together as the Body of Christ to preach the Gospel to all nations.

Sunny: Sister Larissa, thank you so much for visiting with us here at CWO! I’m so encouraged by your faith and trust in Christ as well as your passion to exhort your brothers and sisters in Christ to preach the Gospel – even to those in Hollywood. I’m so thankful for how God has made you and have really been blessed by this interview and getting to know your heart for Christ, our Savior. May the Lord our God bless you and protect you as you walk in faith, in abandoned love and humility. May the Lord Jesus Christ be honored and exalted in all our lives as we remember that we are but dust and our time here is shorter than we think. And may we all use our time wisely.

“So teach us [Lord] to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
~ Psalm 90:12

For more information on how you can participate in preaching the Gospel to Hollywood or in your specific vocation, please contact our sister Larissa at:

Hi Friends!

As you may have noticed, I don’t have a Q & A posted this month. Instead, I wanted to take this opportunity to share with you some exciting things that are happening in my life!

If you didn’t see recently on the AOL home page, entertainment news,  Facebook, MySpace or my website page…. I signed on to do a new television series called “Perfect 10″ for the ABC Family Channel! ”Make It or Break It” is a one hour drama that follows a group of teen Olympic hopefuls as they train and prepare for their day in the spotlight. My character (yet to be named) will be the step-mom to one of the gymnasts.

I’m really looking forward to being back on television and on a show I hope will be as family friendly as Full House. As an actor, I don’t have much say in what is written in the script or what the story lines will be, but I’m sure the producers will be open to hearing our thoughts. I do know, that because this show is based around a group of teenagers, there will most likely be topics that may not be suitable for young children. As moms, we  must use discretion and discernment with all things on TV regardless of the network it’s on or the time of day it airs.

As most of you know, I’ve devoted the last 10 years to staying home and raising my kids. Being a wife and a mother are two of the most important things in my life and they will always come first. So why the sudden change of heart, to go back to work? I could just blame it on the economy….. but actually the desire to act has never left me. I willfully laid down that desire to follow God’s path for my life which meant putting my acting career on the back burner for a while. All I’ve wanted is to just be in God’s will, no matter what that has meant; even giving up dreams. But God doesn’t place those dreams and desires in our hearts for nothing. It’s just been a matter of His timing to allow them to happen. Since my husband retired from hockey a few years ago and is a stay at home dad, that has allowed me to travel and speak across the country sharing my faith in churches and at conferences. Once that started happening, through prayer and discussion, did Val and I decide that going back to work may be a possibility should God open up those doors again.

And boy did He swing them wide open! The past year and a half has been a rolling snowball of speaking events, interviews, talk shows, radio, movies, books and television. To be honest, we were quite surprised how fast it’s all happened. We are so excited as a family and yet we are diligently staying in the Word to discern God’s path and not be lead astray by the glittering stars and lights.

As we move into a new season in our lives, would you consider being a prayer warrior for us? If you are inclined, please pray for a smooth transition to Los Angeles, for witnessing opportunities and to reflect the heart of Jesus to those who don’t know him. I would also ask that you keep the show “Make It or Break It” in prayer, specifically for family friendly content. While I may not agree with everything the show portrays, or agree with all the council the writers may give the characters, please know that I will be giving my best efforts in hopes that Hollywood would hear the voice of conservative parents.

I look forward to keeping you posted on the show, especially our premier date in June 22nd! If you’re interested in keeping up with me and my family in more detail, consider friend requesting me on Facebook or MySpace at Candace Cameron Bure or keep checking my website for updates and blogs! If you’d like to be added as a prayer warrior to my email prayer request list, just email me at email@candacecameronbure.net and in the subject line put “Prayer Warrior”.

Have a blessed month of April, and most importantly, remember that our Savior not only died for our sin, but rose again!!! He is risen!! Happy Easter!

Blessings,

Visit Candid Candace for her monthly column.

Do you trust God enough to enter His rest?

Take a look at this verse, and let it soak in for a minute:

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Philippians 3:10-12 (NIV)

Not only did Paul know that he would share in the sufferings of Christ, he WANTED to share in His sufferings, becoming like Christ in his death.

What was Christ in His death? Shannon Woodward shared a few sobering words in her poem this month based on Isaiah 53 listing them as: grief, fear, shame, regret, hunger, thirst, wrath, terror, judgment, and death.

Paul’s vigorous journey to the cross reminds me of the verse in Hebrews 4:11 which says, “Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.”

Rest and the cross—can the two be compared? Absolutely—let me explain why. When we enter His rest, we give up our fight. Like the shell of a puppet His hand takes over and begins to animate our life. It’s not easy to put down our will so that His can be done. It’s not easy to face shame for His sake or judgment or terror, but we might when we chose God’s will over ours for our lives.

What about hunger and thirst? Do you know that hunger is a running theme throughout the scriptures? God fed the Israelites on Manna for forty years to teach them that He alone sustains life. Complete dependency on Him is the eternal lesson we all must learn. Dependency = rest. Again we see this complete dependency from Jesus himself in John chapter 19:

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. John 19:27-30, NIV

When I look at lessons like that, my diet—my struggle to eat less and move more, to stop when I’m full—pales in comparison. It just one thing of many that I need to hand over to God in my life.

Let me paint a scenario. You’ve eaten a good dinner, stopped when you were satisfied and feel pretty good about the choices you’ve made. 30 minutes later the TV goes on, and the family starts rummaging through the kitchen for a television snack. Suddenly you get the munchies. Your brain starts off slow, and then goes into a wild frenzy of arguments giving you every reason why you deserve to eat more than you should. Telling you that you can break the rules “just this once” even though you know that last night, and the night before that, and the night before that, were the “just once” days too.

Say “No.”

What’s the worst that can happen? You suffer a little internal sting, while others around you indulge. As Paul said, make every effort to enter into His rest, which includes the resolution that God, and only God can sustain us.

Getting through the little lessons like these help to strengthen us for the tougher ones:  grief, fear, shame, regret, wrath, terror, judgment, and death.  It’s not easy to put down our will so that His can be done, but I promise you this, it will bring peace to your life.

©2009, Darlene Schacht

Teach us delight in simple things. Rudyard Kipling

As I’ve written before, I’ve battled depression for several years. Mostly, it’s under control because of my medication, exercise, periodic visits to a counselor, family support, and other things I try to make a part of daily life.

One of those “helps” is being grateful for the small miracles that happen every day. Depression can be a black cloud looming over my head, and noticing everyday wonders has helped poke holes in the clouds to let God’s grace shine through.

Case in point: a day last spring, which I recorded in my journal—not because of its hugeness, but because of the little things that made it wonderful.

On that particular day, I ached with tiredness and I had run out of my anti-depressants over the weekend and had to wait to get more. (My depression is always worse when I’m tired.) Jordan, Carey and I were also fighting spring sniffles, which made us all a little testy.

But it was a bright, cloudless afternoon, and Carey decided to mow our backyard, since its height could have concealed a small car. Jordan helped Carey clean up the toys and play tools strewn about in the back yard. He even put on a half-face mask like Carey, who has to be careful with his allergies when he does yard work. I watched from the table and chairs on the patio, journal and Dr. Pepper beside me.

Then sleepy Jordan asked me if he could have his sleeping bag and put it in his clubhouse so he could “west.”

Pretty soon, my four year-old prince was curled up on his blue and yellow bag, arm around his stuffed frog, fast asleep. No doubt he had been lulled by the sun, the hum of the mower and the frequent birdsong.

And instead of aching with tiredness and gloominess, I began to ache with love and joy and thankfulness. In our small corner of the universe, I was suddenly bursting with gratitude for small miracles—and large ones. For sniffly boys who sleep contentedly in clubhouses, for hardworking daddies who care for exhausted mommies, for the red bird that kept circling the yard, for blue skies—and for peace.

In that moment, the sanctity of simple things overwhelmed me. It’s what Arthur Gordon summed up so well in his lovely book, A Touch of Wonder: “In moments of discouragement, defeat, or even despair, there are always certain things to cling to. Little things, usually: remembered laughter, the face of a sleeping child, a tree in the wind—in fact, any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved.”

There have been many other days when God has brought me peace with little, but important, treasures during the midst of a dark mood. But I’ve found that it’s up to me to recognize them, and to not let them float away before whispering, “Thanks.” Otherwise, I’ll have turned away a precious gift.

As Gordon says,” No man is so poor as not to have many of these small candles. When they are lighted, darkness goes away . . . and a touch of wonder remains.”

©2009, Dena Dyer

Sky’s flushing red from today’s long race and children lie in beds and I sit on worn chair in the hallway.  It’s my nightly post, seat at day’s finish line.

From chair there under light, I open pages and read into doorways, into those bedrooms with children tucked under quilts, children waiting (or not) for sleep to slip under covers too.

I’ve found our bookmark in Little House in the Prairie, opened to where we’d left off last night.

“No! Don’t read us a story!” Child voice calls from a pillow. “Plllleease don’t read us a story. Tell us a story! Tell us a story about you.”

And it strikes me: children need us to do more than read story. They want us to tell story–our personal ones.

The Bible is our Grand Story, drama stacked on drama. And after each meal, the eating of physical bread, our family reads from Scripture, feasts on spiritual bread. I’ve passed bowls and now young hands pass out our “gathering Words,” a set of 8 Bibles of the same version, and our voices read verses in unison, slowly savoring. Storytelling around the table.  The words of the God stories linger in our mouths, and we say them aloud to each other, just as Scripture was first lived for the early church: stories spoken aloud in the gathering.

Together, we read The Story.

But what of the other story children need to nourish souls, minds? Won’t we have to tell our own stories, how our lives, today, and God intersect?

This living in story, God’s story and ours, is Epic Parenting, and it’s the way of Jesus: “The followers came to Jesus and asked, “Why do you use stories to teach the people?” (Matt. 13:10)

Jesus didn’t lead by lecturing. He didn’t sermonize, pontificate, moralize or summarize.  He knew well what as a parent I too often forget: Lecturing grinds away at faith.

Simply, Jesus told stories and let the stories alone speak. Because a story’s beauty and potency is twofold, doubly powerful.

1. First, a story gives children a practical prototype. In seeing, hearing, visualizing how Biblical truth reacts when it hits the air of this earth, our fallen flesh, story offers a life simulator like no other. Children see God’s principles test driven. The ethereal becomes concrete; not only does story breathe three-dimensional life into doctrine, but the story prototype now offers a way for children to imitate.
2. Secondly, the story-prototype powerfully prompts.  Any fact or principle that enters into our brains wrapped in emotion is more likely to be remembered.  Thus, while the emotions of a story deeply move, they actually offer the greatest hope of remembering truth and being changed by it. The prompt offered by the story’s prototype ultimately inspires children to live in new ways.

Epic Parenting, parenting out of story, both in the pages of Scripture and the warp of our lives, is potent stuff for our children not only because it’s a faith prototype and a prompt to live the faith, but it is peripateo, the way faith’s robes are passed from generation to the next. Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 urges, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children, talk about them when you sit at home and walk along the road.”

Practical and participatory, telling God’s story, both in Scripture and in our lives, is peripateo, the Greek word for walking–teaching through story as a natural outflow of our talking and sitting and walking with our children.

Epic parenting is storytelling around our togetherness –  about what God wrote during this morning’s errands,  during our vacation last year, from our own childhoods. No curriculum, classes or other paraphernalia necessary. Just a willingness to listen to our lives and tell the whole of God’s epic–the parchment story and personal stories.

God says our lives, tarnished and tainted as the characters that traipse through Scripture, are nothing short of living epistles (2 Cor. 3:3); our lives, lines He  reads as His very own poetry. (Poiema in the Greek  of Eph. 2:10).

Is it any wonder then that our children want us to tell the stories God writes on our days?

In fading light, I lay the storybook of Laura and Mary and Baby Carrie down on my lap. And children prop up on pillows, ready for a true, real-time epic, and slowly words come …. Because we love to tell the story.

©2009, Ann Voskamp

If Jesus had not left the beauty of heaven,
where He was adored and worshiped as God,
and entered humanity through a dark,
cold cave of obscurity,

if He had not endured betrayal by the ones He loved most,
and stood silently while mere humans
plucked out His beard
and spat on His face,
and struck,
and whipped,
and accused,
and mocked Him;

if He had not lifted and carried the rough, heavy instrument of His death,

and laid His hands against the cross beam,

and accepted nails into His flesh;

if He had not hung there with His blood dripping down into the sand below,

and His prayers of forgiveness ascending to His Father above,

then we would never have received the comfort of Isaiah 54, or the promises of Isaiah 55.

Instead, we would have inherited exactly what we deserve:

grief
fear
shame
regret
hunger
thirst
wrath
terror
judgment
death.

But Jesus did.

©2009, Shannon Woodward

Every spring as I see the little green stems poking out from the ground and pink flowers start to burst on the trees, I get excited about leaving winter behind. While I do love the coziness of being huddled inside near the fire, after awhile I start longing for the first glimpse of spring.

The signs in nature of a new season emerging make me smile. I am in awe of the amazing textures and colors God created, so why not enjoy them inside too?

Here are a few ways I am bringing the outside in around my house!

I use fruit both as a way to nourish my family and a way to add color and beauty to my kitchen. It is fun to put fruit in a unique container to display on the counter.

Sticks and branches can be a beautiful addition to a vase! This bamboo makes a great textural contrast to the shiny green glass.  You can use any sticks that you find outside!

Moss comes in so many different varieties and textures. I put moss on top of the dirt in potted plants, or create my own topiaries with it.

Shells remind me of lazy summers at the beach. I filled a container with pretty shells and set a candle on top for a little coastal ambience in the guest bath. You can do the same thing with sand or rocks.

So next time you are outside, think about all the pretty things God made and see what you can bring inside to decorate your home!

Genesis 1:1 NIV In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

For more decorating and homemaking ideas visit The Inspired Room.

©2009, Melissa Michaels

While not your traditional Easter fare, my recipes this month were chosen because of their ingredients.  Fruit Salsa, Veggie Salsa, and Oven Stew are all made with pure ingredients, nothing artificial, wholesome food, nothing from a box, can or jar.

Have you ever noticed when a true chef cooks something the flavor is fit for a King? I used to wonder why until I watched a chef at work.

Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savor, wherewith shall it be seasoned? Luke 14:34

A friend of mine was cooking in my home. I was amazed at the choices this chef was making in his ingredients until I tasted the outcome.  He used nothing but the freshest and the best. Food used was pure food, not some other substitute. In his broccoli soup he put fresh herbs, not those in a jar, whole cream, not milk, butter, not margarine, fresh vegetables, not frozen and a variety of cheeses.  Needless to say the outcome was more than delicious and the memory of the flavor is still with me.  (Recipe provided in a previous column.)

I watched the professionals make cupcakes on TV the other day.  Even when mass produced they were using fresh ingredients right down to melted chocolate rather than cocoa.

When I cook, I often cut corners.  Sometimes the vegetables are frozen and almost always the herbs and spices are from a jar. If I don’t have butter, margarine always works. The result, a meal that is palatable but not one you would savor. A true chef has too much respect for the food to ever compromise integrity.

I have been reading lately about the Levitical laws.  Over and over we are reminded of how Holy God is, and how nothing but the purest and cleanest can be brought to Him as an offering.  I began to wonder if I have been showing the same respect toward God as I have been my cooking.  Do I offer God the best and the purest or do I slothfully offer the King of Kings and Lord of Lords second best?

Do I spend time in devotions and worship to Him when it is convenient for me, or do I come to Him when I am at my best?

Do I sing to Him with lips I have used to hurt others?

Do I worship Him in song through CD’s I have copied and not even paid for?

When I put my offering in the plate am I offering the least God requires or am I giving sacrificially?

Have I forgotten who He is?  Do I remember that Joshua tells me (24:14) that I must:
“Fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth”

Just as a chef wouldn’t serve his guest anything that was second rate, we should ensure that what we offer our King is of the sweetest aroma.

With the Easter Season upon us we are reminded that God offered the ultimate sacrifice for us–Himself!  A pure and Holy God.

I encourage you to spend the Easter season prayerfully considering what you bring to your Lord.  Ensure that your offering is a sweet aroma fit for a King!

Fresh Salsa

Ingredients:
6 medium tomatoes
1 green pepper
½ C chopped onion
½ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp salt
1 hot pepper (or 4 canned pickled jalapeno slices)
Procedure:
Cut tomatoes into quarters.  Dice 1 green pepper, 1 hot pepper and ½  white onion.  Mince 2 cloves of garlic. Chop ingredients in a blender until chunky. Add salt.  Bring mixture to a boil and simmer 10 minutes.
Serve with your favorite snack food or use in oven stew.

Oven Stew
Bake 275°F
Aprox. 3 ½ hours

Ingredients:

1 lb. Stewing beef
4 potatoes
4 carrots
1 onion
1 stick celery
1 C beef broth
1 C Salsa
1 C peas (add later)

Procedure:
Cut beef and vegetables into cubes.  Place in a casserole dish with salt and pepper to taste.  Add salsa mixed with beef broth.  Bake at 275°F for 2 ½ hours.  Add 1 cup peas.  Bake an additional hour.  Thicken with cornstarch and water.

Apple Berry Salsa with Chips

Ingredients:
Chips:
2 Flour Tortillas
1 T sugar
½ tsp cinnamon

Salsa:
1 C strawberries
2 med Granny Smith Apples
1 kiwi
2 small oranges
2 T brown sugar
2 T apple jelly (or jam)

Procedure:
Chips:
Heat oven to 475°F.  Brush Tortillas with water.  Cut in wedges and sprinkle with cinnamon mixture. Bake 5 – 7 min.

Salsa:
Chop ingredients in a blender until chunky.  Serve with chips

©2009, Bonnie Hooley

Recently I’ve heard from several readers saying that their heart’s desire is to entertain, but their husbands just do not enjoy it. Some don’t like kids, and some just don’t enjoy people in general.

Dear Sandy,
I love having people over but my husband really does not. Or rather he is okay with having ‘adults only’ over but finds other people’s children very challenging to be around. We have three children of our own but we seem to raise our children differently than a lot of people. Anyway I wish my husband would be more accepting of the differences but he isn’t. He just does not enjoy having ‘families’ over.

Not on the same page
A pang goes through my heart when I read comments like these. I feel for the woman with the desire to practice hospitality, and I also know that the husband is really missing out! Even C.S. Lewis did not have a love or desire to be around children. And he knew it. But he forced himself to be around them more, and thus came to understand and enjoy them.

Take your eyes off yourself
We have friends who have never had children, yet we have witnessed them being so giving and loving to many children, including our own. They make a point to ask questions, interact with them, and even play with them. Our friends have taken their eyes off of themselves, even if it isn’t easy for them, and have chosen to invest in others. And our kids love the dialogue that takes place with those friends.

Go to a restaurant
You can try doing something a little different. Head out to a restaurant for a meal or just dessert and get to know a couple without the kids around. Once a husband gets to know the adults, maybe he’ll be more open to having the kids over to visit too.

Kids out of control
It’s also true that people don’t always manage their kids well, so that makes it hard to have them over. But if you can forge a friendship with another couple with similar child-raising priorities, there might be a better chance that your husband will engage with the whole family.

Play with the kids
Encourage your husband to play for brief periods with the kids that you have in to play with your own.  Playing is such an icebreaker, as you can have fun without a deep discussion. For example, my husband Paul will play badminton with the kids, or soccer in the street, or even swim with them. He’s been known to turn every light off in the house and play nerf guns, or even hide-and-go-seek. If your husband is quieter, perhaps he’d enjoy playing cards or a board game with your children and one or two of their friends.

3 question rule
There is always the “3 question” rule that helps with entertaining children. Have 3 questions ready to ask your guests. In this case, use 3 questions that revolve around the child’s life, which could be questions like what positions they play in sports, or what kind of music they like to play, or what attracts them to a certain hobby.

• What was your favorite vacation ever?
• What makes you happy?
• What makes you sad?

Are you ruining it for him?
My last thought: if the problem for the guy has nothing to do with kids, and he just plain ol’ doesn’t want to entertain, you might want to revisit your ways of doing things.

I used to be more of a perfectionist, thus causing undo stress at the last minute, wanting things to look a certain way.

I’d bring the “perfectionism” problem onto my family and really squelch any fun or excitement that might be there for hospitality, because I’d be yelling out orders regarding what to do, or what wasn’t done.

That alone was enough to ruin it for my guy!

What does the guy want? My view is that he wants things simple: good food, great conversation, and relaxation.

©2009, Sandy Coughlin

When my son Brad was about three years old, he went through a little phase.  He learned to play on my emotions when asking for things.  Upon hearing “no,” he would reply, “But mommy, that will make me happy.”  Then he would give me his most drop-dead gorgeous smile and bat his eyes at me for effect.  Boy did he know how to work me over!  Some of the requests were for things like a lollipop before dinner or staying up several hours past bedtime.  And while I knew those things might make him happy for a moment, they definitely weren’t the best choice for him.  As his mom, I knew that sticking to my “no” was the wise choice—no matter how many manipulation tactics he tried!

And yet, how many times do I act just like this before God?  I kneel before Him and present Him with a laundry list of things I think would make my life better.  In reality, I don’t have any better idea about what is best for me than my child does.  My view of happiness is very temporary and circumstance based.  While I think I know what will make me happy, I am learning that, in truth, I have absolutely no idea.  And this is where trusting God and submitting to His will is always the better choice.

How many times in your life have you wanted something so badly—yet when you got whatever it was, you realized, “Nope, this didn’t do it for me either.”  That house you wanted to move into so badly, that person you wanted to date, that achievement you thought would bring success, that child you longed to have—they all brought you momentary happiness, but they didn’t fulfill you as you had hoped or bring you the significance you longed for.  I am learning slowly that whenever I find myself begging God for something, with some whining thrown in for good measure, I have to step back and ask myself the question: But will it make me happy?  I know that whatever “it” is, it doesn’t have the power to bring me lasting happiness—that deep indwelling joy that only God can bring.  I may have a flash of happiness, only to lose it mere moments later.  I am learning slowly to push aside these momentary longings and seek God instead.  To tell Him, “Here’s what I think I want.  But I trust You to do what’s best for me.”

I have learned that a book with my name on the cover, an outfit hanging in my closet that looks great on me, an accolade for my child, a trip to the spa, or an address in the right neighborhood will not make me happy, as much as I think it might.  I can’t look for happiness in the things of this earth, or I will certainly live in a state of disappointment.  Instead I can spend my time seeking God, and allowing Him to bring along unexpected blessings—little bouquets of happiness along the way.  That doesn’t mean I don’t still look longingly at a new Ipod or a sleek new laptop and think fleetingly, “Oooooh, now that would make me happy.”  But I am learning to pull back and refocus my perspective when I have those thoughts.  Will it make me happy?  Maybe for a moment.  But in the long run, only God can bring me the joy I seek.  I am learning that, minute by minute, day by day.

Ecclesiastes 5:19, “Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift from God.”  (NIV)

©2009, Marybeth Whalen

Martin Luther said, “Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime.”  Spring is the beginning of all things new. By receiving His resurrection from death we enjoy a new life.

John 11:5 says, “Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.”

I have been excited for the month of April; three of my favorite authors have new books.  Amy Wallace completes her Defenders of Hope series with Enduring Justice. Be sure to visit my personal blog to see an interview I did with Amy.  Patti Lacy’s books are ones you walk away from changed.   She captured my heart in An Irishwoman’s Tale and she does it again with her newest book What the Bayou Saw—Lacy shares Sally’s story of how God never lets us go.  Finally, Terri Blackstock’s Double Minds, is a hard-to-put-down book that will have you flipping the pages quickly to solve the mystery.

Happy Easter!  Happy spring!

He is not here: for he is risen….
Matt 28:6

Enduring Justice
By Amy Wallace
Multnomah Books
336 pages

Hanna Kessler has been running away from a secret that happened over 20 years ago.  She has managed to keep her secret but with recent past events and a new case, her brother, Steven and boyfriend Michael are working on, it threatens to bring all her secrets into the light.

Michael Parker, Crimes Against Children FBI agent, is recovering from his last assignment, when a new case emerges of a missing white supremacist who kidnaps an Asian child.  While trying to solve this case, Michael comes face to face with Hanna’s past.

This is the third book in Amy Wallace’s Defenders of Hope series (see Ransomed Dreams and Healing Promises).  Enduring Justice is another multilayered FBI suspense novel that will keep you hanging on to your seat until the last page.  While struggling with the fine line between revenge versus justice, Michael Parker learns to rely on God while the storms of life are raging.  Amy does a beautiful job in bringing her characters to life that you feel like part of the family.  I look forward to more of Amy Wallace’s books!

Enter to win a copy of Amy Wallace’s new book Enduring Justice, by leaving a comment below. I’ll chose one winner at month’s end.

Click over here to read my interview with Amy Wallace.

What the Bayou Saw
By Patti Lacy
Kregel Publishers
336 pages

I have heard the saying, “Listen to your child they have much wisdom.” Sally Stevens went against her parents and society’s racial views in 1963 when she became best friends with an African American.  As little girls Ella and Sally secretly played with each other after school. Then one day their friendship changed resulting in a dead body and a blood oath between the two of them to never speak of it again.

It was not until one of Sally’s students at the local college was attacked, did these suppressed memories of that horrible day begin to surface.  Sally lived her life trying to escape her childhood secrets, but the lies began to catch up with her and God had her face them head on.

Patti Lacy has become one of my favorite authors.  I enjoy the depth of her characters and how her stories challenge me, the reader, to look inside my own heart.  I know when I pick up one of her books I will walk away changed for the better.

Double Minds
By Terri Blackstock
Zondervan
309 pages

Fiction writer Terri Blackstock, other wise known as the author of “Up-All-Night” fiction does it again!  Singer/Songwriter Parker James has been working during the day to pay bills while moonlighting as a song writer during the night.  Following God is Parker’s first passion, music is her second.  Parker’s talent as a song writer is recognized when one of her songs sung by popular singer Serene, hits the charts.   Competition in the music world is tough—even deadly.

A young woman is murdered in the recording studio where Parker James works.  High level corruption is discovered by lead investigator Gibson, who is also Parker’s brother.  Parker realizes even in the Christian industry compromise and corruption runs rapid.  Parker is also asked to compromise what she believes in and the result could mean her dreams coming true.

“Double Minds” deals with the subject of compromise and insecurity while taking you on a wild ride through corruption in the music industry.  Parker struggles with figuring out God’s will for her life.  I love the authenticity of Parker’s struggle to compromise her beliefs with the temptation of fame.  This book opened my eyes to the pressures many Christian music artists have while trying to stay faithful to God.  How far does a Christian go to reach non-believers through secular means?  This book will have you thinking even after the last page is turned.

Additional book reviews can be found at Lori’s Book Reviews — where there is a chance to win free books each month!

©2009, Lori Kasbeer

Since the beginning of time the gift of scent–spices and oils have carried its way through out history. Today, just as thousands of years ago; essential oils are a huge part in our every day life. From toothpaste to perfume, essential oils are there—whether as a preservative or a fixative for common ailments—we are dependant on their properties.

More than likely, you are using scent to lift your mood or just smell prettier than that onion you just cut up! (As for that onion or garlic smell, I usually pick fresh rosemary and use it for cooking and rub it all over my hands—instant diffuser!)

Did you know…? the first alcohol-based perfumes were made in Italy in the 14th century—they were called waters because of alcohol’s resemblance to water.
According to the metropolitan museum of art’s, The Scents of Time by Edwin T. Morris…

Fragrance 101

Most fragrances, whether in perfumes and colognes, oils, or other household products, fall into a few basic categories. Which are your favorites?

Floral: jasmine, gardenia, rose, lavender, ylang-ylang.
Citrus: lemon, grapefruit, orange, lime, tangerine.
Musk: patchouli, ambergris, musk.
Herbal: rosemary, thyme, sage.
Green: leaves, grass.
Woodsy: oak, cedar, sandalwood.

Did you know . . .? The Arabs discovered how to distill petals and produce rose water, which they used in perfume and to scent food.

Fragrance Notes

Most fragrances consist of three levels of notes:

Top (head) notes (last for about a half hour). Head notes reach our sense of smell first, forming the scent’s initial impression and quickly dissipating. Many of them are familiar from cooking: herbs and spices such as coriander, spearmint, black pepper, cardamom, juniper, basil, tarragon; citruses such as lime, bitter orange, blood orange, tangerine, pink grapefruit.

Middles (heart) notes (last two hours). These generally consist of the scents of flowers—geranium, rose, jasmine, orange flower, tuberose, violet leaf, ylang-ylang. Heady, dramatic, intense, and sometimes sickly sweet, heart notes give body to blends, imparting warmth and fullness, and they bring out the best in the other notes.

Bottom (base) notes (last for several hours and as long as a few days). Intense and profound, base notes are often thick and syrupy, and most are derived from bark (sandalwood), roots (angelica), resins (labdanum), lichens (oak moss), saps (benzoin, peru balsam), and grasses (patchouli, vetiver).

Fragrance Types

Personal fragrances are found in a variety of forms for use on the body:

Perfumes: highest ratio of pure fragrance oil to alcohol.
Colognes: more diluted with alcohol and cost less than perfume.
Body splashes or sprays: great for the beach, these have the lowest concentration of fragrance or essential oils.
Scented lotions: lotions mixed with perfumes.
Solid perfumes: essential oils mixed with beeswax, jojoba oil, and or/other oils.

When choosing your perfumes, be sure to go as natural as possible. There are some nasty chemicals and allergens in synthetic fragrances such as hormone-disrupting phthalates.

A recent report released by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics found; out of the 12 products tested positive for phthalates (back in 2002)—nine are now free of the nasty chemical. Thankfully companies are finally getting the message “We don’t want to wear poison!” Check out Skin Deep before shopping for you perfume.

Some natural alternatives to fragrance are; Pacifica- I love Sandlewood, Aubrey-Organics Spring Floral smells pretty and my favorite perfume from Aftlier is Pink Lotus. I found some other parfumes on the web like Ayala Moriel, Madini perfume at Tigerflag and a new line of aromatherapy scents from Intelligent Nutrients.

Or make your own… Make Your Own Solid Perfume
Ingredients:
1 Tbl. beeswax
1 Tbl. almond oil or jojoba oil
8–15 drops of essential oil
1 container (glass, ceramic, stone, or sterling silver small case)

Directions:
Pour about an inch of water in a small saucepan, and then put a small glass jar or Pyrex bowl in the water. Measure out the wax and almond/jojoba oil into the jar/bowl and bring the water around it to a boil.

The wax will melt gradually. When it is 100 percent liquid, remove from heat and stir in the other ingredients with a straw. (The wax will start to form solid on whatever you do your stirring with. A straw has little surface area so you lose less of the end product, and it’s disposable so you don’t have to clean it off.) When everything is thoroughly mixed together, pour the liquid wax immediately into your final container. In about thirty minutes, it will be cooled, solid, and ready to use.

Tip- keep scents in a dark place—and when you where it, don’t bathe in it—less is more!

Recently a friend gave me a thank-you note that said on the front “Bloom where you are planted” it reminded me to… Enjoy life as much you can, as God has filled it with a beautiful landscape for us to indulge in . . . a family and friends to share our greatest achievements or grievous moments. He is the creator of the first landscape (majestic views) as well as our lives, futures, and eternal paradise . . . He is the greatest inventor of all time and He created a masterpiece of a fragrant world for us to live in and enjoy. Go ahead take the time to smell the roses; your heavenly Father made then just for you.

You are a garden of locked up my sister my bride;
You are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all of the finest spices.
Song of Songs, 4:12-14

©2009, Shelly Ballestero

Have you ever heard any of these lines from your adult child?

• I’m just too tired
• But Mom, things are different today
• You just don’t understand
• I’ll start on Monday—I promise
• Things will be different this time
• It’s not my fault

When you make the decision to stop enabling your adult child, you will have to be firm in not listening to these common excuses. Real healing begins when a parent stops believing the excuses and lies, and insists on truth. As we develop our action plan for dealing with our adult child, there must be no room for excuses. Our boundaries must be firm. There is a right and a wrong….and we are going to choose to do what’s right. Period.

After years of enabling, I was getting older and wiser—but not wise enough. The subtle ways I continued to enable were becoming clearer to me, but it took a comment from my son to shake me into a reality I had never before experienced—a reality that forever removed the blinders from my eyes, giving me an empowered strength of purpose.

It started as I sat in court—not for the first time—watching my son, who waited in handcuffs and shackles to hear his fate. A long list of charges was read, my son was assigned a public defender, a court date was set, and he was given a $10,000 bail—of which ten percent would be needed for him to leave jail that day.

A stranger tapped me on the shoulder.

“I’m your son’s bail bondsman.”

My son had his own bail bondsman. How convenient.

“If you can pay the $1,000, we’ll have him out of here in no time.”

“No.”

“No?”

“That’s correct.”

He looked at me as though I’d grown a third eye and then turned shook his head at my son, who scowled in return.

The tears came again. I tried to hold them back, swallowing hard, quickly wiping my already puffy eyes with a handkerchief. My pain was so great, expressed in a seemingly nonstop flow of tears, but I was determined to remain firm.

Somehow my son managed on his own to come up with the money and with someone to guarantee the $10,000 bail in the event he didn’t show up at his hearing. He was out of jail by that afternoon, spouting a list of excuses for what he called a “bogus bust.”

A few days later I was on the phone with a close friend who had talked to my son.

“He said you refused to help him get out of jail.”

“That’s right; I did.”

“Is it true it was only $1,000?”

Only? Clearly, she didn’t understand.

“It’s not about the money anymore,” I said. “I can’t keep doing this.” Once again the tears came. I was so bone-tired from the tears, pain, anguish, and fear for his life.
“His landlord evicted him,” my friend continued. “He has to move, and it’s stressing him out. He says they haven’t got a case. There weren’t any drugs in the house.”

I wasn’t about to get into an argument with my friend; she had no idea the long list of items the SWAT team had removed from his home. She didn’t understand how many times I had sat in a courtroom listening to charges brought against my son. She had no concept of the pain I felt every time I saw my only child in handcuffs and leg chains—or the feeling of talking to him on a prison phone through thick, plate-glass panels. She hadn’t experienced the never-ending list of excuses.

Then came the pivotal situation that helped remove the blinders from my eyes—the final step in my freedom from bondage.

“Allison,” my friend went on, “he said you put on quite a show in the courtroom. That you cried so everyone would feel sorry for you.”

I’ve never been stabbed, but I imagine the pain I felt in my heart at that moment was close to what it would feel like.

“What?” I stammered.

“He said you were crying so people would feel sorry for you.”

I got off the phone as quickly as possible before my friend could discern that I was crying once again, this time going from anguish to anger as her words sank in.

He thought I was crying to gain sympathy?

Clearly, my son was unaware of the depth of my pain—and therefore, I also assumed, the depth of my love. All the years I had come to his rescue out of love for him, out of a desire to keep him safe, to help during his trials and tribulation, all for naught. He didn’t get it. He never got it. Not only didn’t he get it, but he didn’t appreciate it. And at that moment I suddenly realized with crystal clarity that instead of helping him, my actions had hindered him. He had no idea how to feel remorse, empathy, or shame. In fact, I feared he had no idea how to feel at all, and I doubted he knew his behavior was wrong.

Gaining this new level of understanding was like giving sight to a blind man. The remembrance of the raw pain that had coursed through my weary body in that courtroom came back in waves as I weighed the reality of my feelings with my son’s twisted perception of them.
Sympathy? Dear Lord, help me to understand this.
I’d stopped the flow of money long before, yet I still supplied him with “things” that cost me money, so in reality I hadn’t stopped the flow of money at all. I still listened to his never-ending litany of excuses for his circumstances, wanting so much to believe. I showed up yet again in a courtroom to lend my support, to offer my unconditional love, to show him that no matter what he did I still loved him and would be there for him.

The time had come to stop being there for him—at least in this way.

I needed to adopt a different response to my son’s choices. It was time to nip his excuses in the bud, as well as my own excuses for continuing to enable—no matter how subtle. No more would I lay my heart on the chopping block of his uncaring life. It was time for a new set of boundaries, with geographic distance being a key factor.

My son was a fallen human, yet so was I. I had fallen back into old habits of enabling—subtle, yet nonetheless negative and damaging. No longer would I accept the excuses. It was time to go back to the drawing table and revamp the action plan I had developed years before, starting with revised boundaries.

“Lord,” I prayed, “I don’t want to harden my heart, but desire instead to protect it. Please help me to love my son in a way that is also loving to myself. I can’t take this pain anymore. Enough is enough. Please help me to heal my broken heart.”

I was ready to fully address the conflict and the consequences.

I was ready to draw the line in the sand.

I was ready to apply the “N” step in gaining SANITY…”Nip” excuses in the bud.

Are you?

Until next month, dear Boomer Babes who Rock, may the good Lord bless and keep you all!

Allison Bottke
www.SettingBoundaries.com
www.BoomerBabesRock.com

If you’re a hurting parent who dearly loves your adult child but longs to see him at last take responsibility for his life, please take a moment to watch the video “But Mom, I’ve Been Busy” (Episode 5) and “Smoke Rises” (Episode Eight) on the audio/video page of our web site. It could save your sanity—and maybe even your adult child’s life.

Video clip at:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZCrrP70BMk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoWna2Oxm9Q

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Adapted from Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Six Steps to Hope and Healing by Allison Bottke © 2008. Harvest House Publishers. All rights reserved.
Visit www.SettingBoundaries.com

“On Easter Day, the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer.”
Douglas Thornton

Easter Day is so full of joy and promise–of promises filled and yet to be realized–and a glimpse to life everlasting.  We have gone through a long period of Lent, pondering the sufferings of Christ and his ultimate death so that we could live. Easter Day dawns, and as the sun rises on the horizon, the rays illuminate the glory of God’s kingdom and tease us with the hint of eternal life. Our excitement is barely contained as we pour into church, praising God for our salvation, made possible through the death of his only son, our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Eternity.  Our minds can’t possibly grasp that concept.  But the thoughts of being surrounded by God’s love, without pain, without sin, without evil present–just to be present in God’s sweet and enduring love–makes me long for that day when I finally do meet my Savior face-to-face.  As the famous Christian song says “I can only imagine…”

Daily, we are bombarded with the current state of affairs in the world.  Wars, famine, natural disasters, abortions, unemployment, domestic violence, divorces, lies, cheating, illnesses–the list goes on and on.   Some of these affect us personally, and others do not, but they all affect us at some level.  Sometimes, it’s hard to offset the pain with the joy, the anguish with the peace, the evil with the good, and thus we lose sight of the God’s promise that HE is in control,  and that His glory can come out of suffering.   Sometimes, we feel all alone in the depths of our despair and suffering, as though God as abandoned us.  And that is when, according to St. Augustine, we must remember that “. . . He departed from our sight that we might return to our heart, and there find Him.  For He departed, and behold, He is Here.”  So, we must never lose sight of the fact that even when we do feel alone, He is still ever-present in our hearts, in our souls, right next to us in our grief and pain.

Never has this become more evident to me over the past year of my life.  It was several days after Easter last year that my oldest daughter left home under painful circumstances.  This year, I have had to learn so many painful lessons about myself, about my situation, and how to find God in all of this pain.  In the quiet times where I’ve allowed God into my heart, I was able to experience the calmness, the love, the peace, which will be present forevermore when I live with God eternally.  God has pulled me through this year, has used my suffering for His glory, and has made me so grateful for His love and the precious gift of His son.

I wish all of you a very blessed Easter season.

©2009, Valerie Wolff

Virginia Smith is a writer of humorous novels, a speaker, and an avid scuba diver. She left her twenty-year career as a corporate director in the summer of 2006 to launch her career as a writer. Since that time she has written or contracted ten novels.

Ginny writes in two genres: contemporary fiction and mysteries. A Taste of Murder (October 2008) is her sixth release, following Stuck in the Middle (February 2008), Sincerely Mayla (February 2008), Just As I Am (February 2006), Murder by Mushroom (August 2007), and Bluegrass Peril (December 2007).

Tune in as Jill chats with author Virginia ‘Ginny’ Smith about her newest novel, Age Before Beauty. The book centers around a work-at-home mom – one of Jill’s favorite topics. Ginny shares about what inspired the book and what readers will take away from reading this hilarious, heart-warming story.

©2009, Jill Hart

This month, CWO welcomes a new addition to our team, Sarah Lopez. Sarah is joining CWO as a blog moderator. As an active member of the blogging world, Sarah in on the lookout for our featured blogger each month. This month’s pic is Seed Thoughts…

I chose Tracy Keck’s  ‘Seed Thoughts’ for April 2009’s blog of the month for multiple reasons; Tracy demonstrates a sincere love for the Lord through her blog site by sharing God’s written word in practically every article she writes about, she even has encouraging words of His faith along her sidebars.  Tracy is a very friendly and amazing woman after God’s own heart who is wife to her best friend Jeff, has a gorgeous little girl, and has 3 feline family members that she says keeps them warm and entertained at night.

Tracy writes on her blog page “Welcome to my blog! I’m excited that you’ve chosen to join me in my writing journey. The Lord has really been urging me in my spirit to take my writing to the next level and to share it with others. It is my desire to honor and glorify Him with my words. I always strive to be real and relevant in what I share. The content of this blog will vary from devotional to fiction, from humorous to serious and from the home life to the spiritual life. I hope you enjoy it, come back often and share it with your friends. To learn more about me, my writing and my blog, please utilize the tabs located at the top of this page. Blessings!”

You can visit Tracy at her blog: Seed Thoughts

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Blog Moderator, Sarah Lopez

Sarah Lopez recently joined CWO as our new blog moderator, and will be searching through blogs each month to find just the right pick.

She is the mother to two small children and the wife to Jesse Lopez.  Both Sarah’s children were miracles of God.  Hannah, her oldest, was born too early weighing in at just 1 ½ pounds, and 2 yrs. later little Jesse was also born a preemie weighing in at 4 pounds.  Even during those worrisome days that she frequented the NICU, Sarah always placed her trust in The Lord, knowing that there is purpose for everything under Heaven.   Both Sarah’s kids are now under elementary age and doing great; showing no signs of ever being premature to begin with.   She praises and thanks God for this daily.

She is just the average mom who has ups and downs like all of us, but sees these ‘roller coaster’ rides as lessons to learn and grow from; trusting that everything is always done through God’s permission only, and therefore she willingly accepts any challenges she may face, knowing that God will see her through them all.

Find out more about Sarah at her blog:

God’s Not Finished With Us Yet