We have a special guest with us this month at CWO: Allison Bottke! Allison is an inspirational writer, speaker, and novelist who shares her story of triumph over tragedy to encourage others to embrace the life-transforming power of God. She’s the founder of the God Allows U-Turns series, which now includes 21 books, and this year she published her first novel, A Stitch in Time. She’s one busy woman, and we’re blessed to have caught up with her for an interview.

Allison, I loved your debut novel, A Stitch in Time–I couldn’t put it down. Can you tell us about that lovable Dee Decker and what this story is all about?
Gosh, thank you! I had so much fun writing this book! It’s contemporary women’s fiction in the “Lady-Lit” genre (older chick-lit). Dee is a successful fundraising executive in southern California, who’s out to prove that a middle-aged Christian woman can be faithful, fashionable, and fabulous. She works in a world populated by highly competitive, impossibly thin, perfectly coiffed, and designer outfitted women. Dee has never felt like she fits in, but nonetheless enjoys a well-earned reputation as being cool, calm, collected, and in control. When she discovers that her husband is having an affair, she embarks on a journey of self-discovery that transforms her inside and out.

Tell us a little about Dee’s transformational journey.
In the course of one year, Dee has gastric bypass surgery and loses 150 pounds; separates from her husband; flourishes in her glamorous Hollywood fundraiser job; has plastic surgery; buys a whole new wardrobe; and becomes a Christian! She’s a new person inside and out, and the future looks bright. But then a job offer sends her life in a direction she hadn’t expected. Her past and present collide in a major way.

Is your main character Dee anything like you? Are there similarities between her life and yours? How so?
That’s the million dollar question these days–how much of A Stitch in Time is reality and how much is fiction? After I had lost 120 pounds from having gastric bypass weight loss surgery (WLS), I had the idea that it might be interesting to write a novel with a character that also had WLS. Plus, all the writers’ conferences I ever attended stressed that we should “write what we know.” I know a lot about fundraising and fashion and special events, so I figured I’d incorporate that into the book as well. Making Dee a relatively new Christian was easy to do because I came to know the Lord later in life and although it’s been over 15 years, I still recall the drastic difference in how I viewed the world. Most novelists will tell you that real life experiences pop up from time to time in everything they write. But I guess I’d have to say that while A Stitch in Time is most definitely fictional, it is probably imbued with more reality than most novels. I can tell you this–I had to work much harder on novel number two because I used up
everything “real” I knew about in my debut novel!

Ah! So, we can look forward to another novel from you?
Yes! One Little Secret releases in 2007. It’s not a sequel to A Stitch in Time, but it does feature one of the characters we met in Stitch–remember Ursula? I had a blast writing this book and her “little secret” is amazing! If I could write one novel every year along with editing the God Allows U-Turns compilation series, I’d be one happy gal!

I know you tell this story often but some of our readers may not have heard how you came up with the God Allows U-Turns series and how it turned into the ministry it is today.
In my early walk as a new Christian, I found myself pouring out my life story in an epic memoir that never did get published. I mean really, who would want to read it? But one day I was inspired to make my testimony part of a larger group of testimonies that shared how new life could be lived as a Christian…how God allowed us to turn around no matter how many mistakes we made, or how lost we were! “God Allows U-Turns” had been the name of my memoir, and I retained it as the name of my book series. I wrote a book proposal and sent it to a list of agents. Within one month it was picked up by one of the most respected Christian literary agencies in the country–and the rest is history. Today there are 21 books under the recognized God Allows U-Turns “brand.”

Okay, speaking of history…Allison, tell us a little bit about yourself and your background.
I was born in Akron, Ohio and raised by a single parent in Cleveland. I spent most of my adult years in southern California where I moved in the late 70’s. I have one son who will be 35 years old this October and three step kids ranging in age from 25 to 30. I’ve been married to Kevin for 11 years, and we live on a 25-acre hobby farm in southern Minnesota. That’s a pretty brief sketch, isn’t it? A lot of living went on during those years, yes sirree!

Your testimony of how you came to Christ is amazing. Would you share it with us?
I came to know the Lord at the age of 35 after living a spiritually empty life. The first 35-years of my life were filled with extreme trials and tribulation. My background includes early childhood molestation, extreme domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, abortion, divorce, and more ups and down than humanly imaginable. I know I’m not alone in having a past that wasn’t the least bit pretty-there are a lot of us out here, and it’s a good thing that God allows u-turns or else a whole bunch of us would be lost on the highway of life!

Do you find it difficult to share so many personal details about your life?
Not any more. At first, many years ago, it was painful to discuss being molested as a child, and then years later the extreme abuse I endured at the hands of a violent husband. Sharing that you are a survivor of childhood abuse and domestic violence is never easy, but the more I talked to others about it, the less painful it became. Plus–and this is the big thing–I began to see how God used my transparency to help others through the same issues. His plan is far greater than any I could ever imagine.

You are a remarkable woman whom God has brought out of great suffering. How does your experience with suffering permeate your writing?
Bless your heart, but I’m not so remarkable. It’s God’s grace and forgiveness that is remarkable. Because I’ve walked a difficult life journey, I think this sometimes enables me to understand the heart of someone who is hurting.

It’s clear you have a passion to tell readers about the before and after life of someone who undergoes physical (outward) change. Have you gotten feedback from readers who have lost weight, either through surgery or other means, who could relate to Dee?
Yes, since making a drastic U-Turn toward faith, my passion has been sharing my “before” and “after” faith journey all over the country. Now, with the subject of weight loss surgery being such a major part of my debut novel, I’m finding the ability to share my 120 pound weight loss “before” and “after” story more and more. This has opened a lot of doors for me to speak to secular audiences and what a joy this is! I get letters and email from folks who have had WLS or are considering WLS or who know someone who has had WLS. People who used to think that having weight loss surgery was the “easy way out,” no longer say that, after reading A Stitch in Time. I never thought I’d get fan mail–and I’m like a kid every time one comes in.

What’s it like to publish your first novel?
It’s like giving birth to a child you’ve waited your whole life for. Seriously. I’m still thanking God and praising His name for making this happen!

I’ve noticed you’re one of the writers on the Christian Authors Network (CAN) site. What is this organization about?
The Christian Authors Network (CAN) is a professional organization of authors who are working collectively to market our books to bookstores and readers. Along with our web site, we also have the CAN blog. The blog is written by a group of twelve writers who belong to CAN, who are passionate about writing. As published authors, we long to share our victories and struggles with regards to marketing and promotion. I’m one of the twelve CAN bloggers and my day to post is Tuesday. Stop by and check out the CAN blog! For that matter, stop by and check out the God Allows U-Turns blog, too!

Do you enjoy blogging? How do you maintain your blog while staying so busy?
While I love talking with folks, I must admit that to maintain fresh daily postings on my blog is hard for me. That’s why I’ve utilized guest bloggers from time to time-friends and family who love to share thoughts, opinions and viewpoints. I am in awe of my fellow authors like Angie Hunt and Brandilynn Collins who manage to write something fresh each and every day. God bless ‘em!

What do you like to do for fun?
I garden. We have 25 acres and I grow lilies–I love lilies! My husband and I also like to entertain outdoors on our patio, we have BBQ’s all summer long. Come on by!

Thanks. Sounds like a great idea, and I just might take you up on it! Are you planning more volumes in the God Allows U-Turns series? If so, which ones?
Yes, God willing. We have literally thousands of true short stories in our files. We’re currently reading, reviewing and rating stories to decide on the topics for future volumes. Submissions are now closed but we anticipate placing a new call for stories later in 2007. We encourage readers to visit our web site for ongoing updates regarding future story needs and deadlines.

What are your future plans and dreams? Do you have any long-term goals that you’re working on now?
Oh my, yes. My longtime goal has always been to write for the Big Screen. I grew up at the Saturday afternoon matinees in my hometown of Cleveland, Ohio. I watched old RKO films on the TV every chance I could get growing up. Romantic comedy is my favorite genre, and I would love to see A Stitch in Time, as well as my second novel, translated into films. In fact, One Little Secret started its life as a screenplay. I had an actress in mind (Meryl Streep for those who want to know) and wrote the outline for the movie and began dialogue on this project many, many years ago. Now, I’ve picked it up, dusted it off, and I’m writing it as my second novel. Say, if any of your readers know Ms. Streep, I sure would appreciate an introduction! ~ (big smile)

Do you have one piece of advice for all of us women who have dreams of our own? Is it possible to be faithful, fashionable and fabulous?
I know it sounds so easy to say, “Never give up,” and yet that is first and foremost the advice I give when asked. I’m fifty-one years old! I’ve wanted to write fiction since I was a kid. It’s never too late to have your dreams come true! You asked for one piece of advice, but may I give two? The second bit of advice I share is to never judge yourself by what others have done or are doing. We set ourselves up for failure when we do this. There’s always going to be someone better, someone different, someone yada-yada-yada…we must look at our individual talents as gifts from God and forge ahead! If we’ve heard it once we’ve heard it a ga-zillion times–but it’s true–be yourself! And if that self is faithful, fashionable and fabulous–bravo!

Any parting words for our readers?
My friend Michelle says; “Every test is a testimony and every mess is a ministry.” I love that thought. Many of us have traveled rough roads. Yet God is doing a work through it all. We might not always see it when we’re going through it-but if we hang on long enough there really is light at the end of the tunnel! God’s light and love and peace. I know. I found it after 35 years.

Allison, it’s been great having you with us. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to share your heart. We love you!
Bless your heart! Thanks for having me as a guest. Love you, too!

www.godallowsuturns.com
www.godallowsuturns.blogspot.com

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
- James 5:16 (New Living Translation)

I remember the day Mary’s note arrived, because I had spent most of the night before tossing and turning about a medical test I’d be taking the following day. I never considered myself much of a worrier, but this was different. I was in my thirties, busy with family and a blossoming writing career. I didn’t have time for breast cancer.

After needling it for fluid, my doctor turned to me and said it definitely wasn’t a cyst. “It’s good you found it,” he said, “and if it’s anything serious, don’t worry. We’ve caught it early.”

I suppose that was his way of saying everything would be fine, but it set my worry wheel in motion.

I tore into Mary’s letter (yes, this was in the days of real paper letters, folks), glad for such timely contact from an old friend. “I don’t know what’s going on with you,” she wrote, “but God has been pestering me to pray for you. What’s up?”

God is a nudger. When we’re willing to listen, He’ll often whisper the name of someone in our ear and urge us to pray. Sometimes the nudge comes in the middle of the night. That’s what Mary claimed she received numerous times over the course of that week. Sometimes the nudge to pray comes when we’re in the middle of doing something routine.

I love those nudges because I know that I can trust God’s timing. It’s not that He needs you or me specifically. If we’re too sidetracked, too sleepy, or too lazy to respond, He’ll quickly find someone else, but He doesn’t give up.

Sometimes the Lord nudges me to pray for a passersby, like the old woman I saw walking along the highway one afternoon, or the young mom screaming at her kids in a parking lot. Usually, though, He nudges me to pray for people I know, without a clue as to the urgency of their need. (I remember one night waking up at 3 a.m., with a friend’s name on my mind. Little did I know that she was awake in her house, too, struggling with the thought of her upcoming kidney transplant.)

Many years ago, I read an article about a woman who was awakened with a sudden need to pray for a missionary couple from her church. She’d never experienced such a panicky urge to pray, and couldn’t go back to sleep until the feeling had lifted. A few months later, that same missionary couple visited this woman’s home church while on furlough, and were speaking to a gathering of friends one Sunday evening. They described a day when they were traveling across the African plains in a Jeep.

“Suddenly the ground shook and we automatically thought, EARTHQUAKE!” he said. Seconds later, a quick glance in the rearview mirror told him everything he needed to know. “A gigantic cloud of dust rose from the earth as a herd of elephants bore down on us. I didn’t know what to do. It was obvious we couldn’t outrun them, so I just stopped the Jeep right then and there. It all happened so fast!”

Miraculously, the stampeding elephants tore past on either side of their vehicle, like the Red Sea parting to let the Israelites through. After the church meeting, they discovered that God had awakened their friend in the middle of the night in the U.S. At the very hour they were in danger of being overrun by stampeding elephants, this dear friend was answering a nudge to pray–without knowing why.

God’s nudges are never wrong. My friend Mary’s prayers strengthened and comforted me when I was facing the unknown. Thankfully, a biopsy found the lump was benign, but if it had been cancer, I know that God would have provided plenty of prayer support.

I have a feeling that someday in heaven, we’ll discover how the prayers of both friends and strangers played a vital role in our lives. In fact, answering the call of those gentle nudges from God might be the single most important thing any of us will ever do.

©2008, Bonnie Bruno

For more slice-of-life stories, visit Bonnie’s Macromoments blog: http://macromoments.blogspot.com

As a young girl I had dreams of running a bed & breakfast. I dreamed up cozy little guest rooms stocked with every imaginable comfort for visitors. I decorated them in my mind with fluffy comforters, fine linens and piles of books on bedside tables. I am a detail girl so no effort was too small.

As the likelihood of running a B&B became less of a reality, I still was intrigued with ways of showing care and friendship in the details of hospitality. Sometimes hospitality is hosting overnight guests or having neighbors over for dinner, sometimes it is having a friend over for coffee. But one fun way to show love or meet needs any time is to create a friendship basket. A gift in a basket is a simple but creative gesture that overflows with thoughtfulness.

As with most things in life, hospitality means more when you put care into the process. While these baskets are easy to put together, they show that you took time to consider your recipient and what would bring a smile to their face.

To get started, keep your eye out for baskets at garage sales. Find nice sturdy ones with handles. If you pick up some mismatched cloth napkins, old linens and tablecloths you’ll have a great assortment of coverings for your baskets. Whether you shop garage sales or discount stores, look for china teacups, plates, candleholders, paperback books, stationery items, vases and other fun things that could become part of your friendship baskets. While you can find generic items that would work for most people, you can also gather up gifts with specific friends in mind. Vintage aprons for a cook, favorite childhood toys for your sister, books your neighbor would love… In time, you’ll have a stash of things on hand ready and waiting to bless someone else at a moments notice.

Here are some ideas I’ve gathered to inspire different types of friendship baskets and a few suggestions to get you started on filling them:

• Teatime basket (tea bags, cup and saucer, pretty napkins, scone mix, apron)
• Rainy day basket for kids (clay, paints, assorted craft items, craft book)
• New mom basket: (bubble bath, hand lotion, fluffy slippers, magazine)
• Out of town guest basket (maps, postcards with stamps, travel mugs and coupons)
• New neighbor basket (neighborhood directory, coupon to local coffee shop or bakery, flowers)
• Birthday basket (fill with recipients favorite things, coffee, books, music, scents)
• Teacher basket (art supplies, stickers, markers, craft paper)
• Romance basket (candles, chocolate, vase, flowers, music CD of special songs)
• Family fun night basket (popcorn, board games, favorite candy)
• Gardening basket (garden gloves, seed packets, shovel, watering can)
• Get well soon basket (paper back books, herbal tea, classic movies)
• Fun in the sun basket (Frisbee, beach towel, sunscreen, flip flops, sunglasses)

The ideas are endless! These are really fun to give and special to receive. If you like to bake, you can add a plate of homemade goodies to any of these baskets. All baskets can be personalized for each individual’s tastes and needs. Attach a homemade card with a ribbon and drop your friendship basket off to someone special. You’ll brighten their day!

“A friend loves at all times…” Proverbs 17:17

©2008, Melissa Michaels

I have flailed and I have failed. Too many days I have meted out grating cacophony, loose and disordered.

There’s a time to stir porridge, but someone howls, “I can’t find socks!” and I’m digging about for two purple ones the same size, preferably holeless, to soothe teary angst, while oatmeal burns black.

There’s a time to collect curious ones to read a stack of nourishing words, and the washing machine sirens its last spin and I’m stringing up a pinned necklace of wet towels and children and reading time scatter.

There’s a time for everything under heaven. And that is the time we need.  A certain time for everything, a steady beat to our days.

Parenting Performance

Parenting is the composing, the performing, of music, song upon song. Musicians play one right note after the next right note after the next right note. It’s not an erratic splattering of sound, a fickle, helter-skelter banging of random notes. Music has order. It is composed. Notes are intentional, considered, deliberate.

As music has rhythm, recurring refrains, order, so does peaceful parenting. One action thoughtfully follows the next action that wisely follows the next. Days of habits, fluid and lyrical, create pleasing harmony. Lives with known rhythms, thoughtful arrangements, sing.

I have flailed and I have failed.

But there is hope. Listen. Can you hear the serenade of His Kingdom? “Behold I make all things new (Rev 21:5). I am about to do something new (Isa 43:19).” We with shapeless, jarring songs may, thankfully, choose new songs.

Ritual Rhythms

I watch my daughter sit before white keys, wrists arched, her fingers stretching into song. Each finger knows where to stroke next. She hardly thinks; it’s nearly automatic, unconscious. So goes our daily songs, the essence of our habits.

“Forty-five percent of what we do every day is habitual,” posit researchers. “This is, performed almost without thinking in the same location or at the same time each day, usually because of the subtle cues.”

We play a note that becomes a subtle cue for another note to always follow: rise and pray. Or check the internet. Or go for a run. Day after day we practice our chosen series of notes, the actions cued by other actions. We become a song. As Aristotle wrote, “We are what we repeatedly do.”

To sing new songs, we need to pay attention to our rituals, the beat of our days, even more than focusing on self-discipline. For the power of association, what note accompanies a time and place, may in fact be more potent in habit formation than simple willpower. Researchers suggest that the elements that cue specific behaviors fall into four general categories:

1. Specific location or time of day
2. A certain series of actions
3. Particular moods
4. Company of specific people

As each bar of music accompanies the previous string of notes, so our actions synchronize with particular locations, times, moods and people. If we want to form a new habit, we must associate that new, unfamiliar behavior with an established activity.

“Habits are formed when the memory associates specific actions with specific places or moods,” said Dr. Wood, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke. Actions seek accompaniment: couch-cup of tea, make dinner-wash hands, bedtime-book reading.

Chaos into Cadence

Throughout the day, consider the next beat. Compose a string of notes.

1. Couple meal times with Scripture memorization and prayer.
2. Yoke read-alouds with tea-time.
3. Arrange Latin to follow math to follow grammar.
4. Choreograph a series of steps: laundry, bedrooms, breakfast.

Create your rhythm, a harmony of habits that are prompted by a definite location or time. Turn chaos into cadence. Keep time with the time there is for everything under heaven.

I watch my daughter play new songs and I know: learning new songs is often challenging, even frustrating. But once the piece is mastered? She plays nearly effortlessly. Too, composing a new refrain of behaviors, a chorus of rituals, is deliberate, slow, trying work. But once the behaviors become habits, rhythmic rituals, we catch ourselves singing without thinking.

And in reality, living in cacophony is more wearing than the hard work of practicing habits. “Laziness means more work in the long run,” writes C.S. Lewis. Flubbing away at whatever strikes our fancy leaves us in far worse dire straits than applying ourselves to the work of playing concertos.

“Habit is ten natures!” writes Charlotte Mason, who thought habit formation was actually one third of the entire educational process. “If I could but make others see with my eyes how much this saying should mean to the educator! How habit, in the hands of the mother, is as his wheel to the potter, his knife to the carver–the instrument by means of which she turns out the design she has already conceived in her brain.”  Because habit is what governs nature easily.

Sacred Songs

While peace wilts in an atmosphere of unpredictability and inconsistency, where every single action is open to debate, children thrive in an environment of routine. Rituals determine the next chords and simply being familiar with the melody fosters security, soothes anxiety, promotes confidence. Our song becomes our everyday liturgy, the sacred sway of our hours that rocks and comforts our children.

I have flailed and I have failed.

But today sings new with hope rhythms, rich and full, a melody that keeps time with the time for everything under heaven.

I am humming along.

©2008, Ann Voskamp

This month Jill chats with Christian chick-lit author Marilynn Griffith. This bundle of energy is mom to a tribe, wife to a deacon and proof that God gives second chances. While best known for her colorful novels about friendship, family and faith, Marilynn is also a speaker and nonfiction writer. Her nonfiction has been included in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE CHRISTIAN WOMAN’S SOUL and several other devotionals and magazines. Currently, Marilynn is editor of the SISTAHFAITH:BELIEVING BEYOND SHAME anthology and founder of Faithchick.com, a blog for faith fiction readers.

She is the author of six novels dealing with issues such as teen pregnancy, AIDS, abstinence, stress relief, single parenting and marriage. Her recent fiction titles include TANGERINE and IF THE SHOE FITS. Marilynn has served as Vice President and Publicity Officer of American Christian Fiction Writers. She speaks to youth, women and writers about believing beyond boundaries and daring to reach dreams. Marilynn lives in Florida with her husband and seven children whom she taught at home for seven years.

Listen in and learn how she accomplishes all of this!

Listen to CWO Radio this month, as Jill Hart chats with author, Kay Strom. Kay loves to write, and she loves to share what she writes about. Guess you’d call her a natural-born communicator! Author of 34 books and numerous magazine articles, Kay’s work has appeared in many compilations, book clubs, and around the world in many languages. She has recently completed the scripts for two movies and is hard at work on a historical biography and a historical novel trilogy.

In addition to her writing, Kay is an articulate, personable, and dynamic speaker, sought after for keynote presentations and special events around the country.

I cooked dinner last night. Too bad my oldest child had already done his science fair project—the remains of my culinary escapade would have made a great display. My darling hubby was sick, and wasn’t in the room during the ordeal—which makes me eternally grateful. He already has more kitchen stories against me than he can shake a spatula at.

Here’s how my little science experiment went:

Purpose: To cook dinner for the family.

Hypothesis: I will burn, break, or bandage something before the night is over.

Procedure:

1. Defrost the meat, after throwing away some which had been in the freezer since the Clinton administration.
2. Start the water for pasta, for once remembering to turn the burner on. Open a can of fruit cocktail (or as it’s called in the Dyer house, “nectar of the gods”) and chill it in the fridge. Place the chicken in the oven.
3. While helping Jordan with his homework, forget that the water on the stove has changed from a rolling boil to a roiling bowl. Place the pasta in the pan just before the last few cups evaporate. Let the pasta cook and then drain it, setting pan aside and forgetting to turn off the burner.
4. Take the chicken out of the oven and set it on the still-hot burner on top. After dishing up dinner, hear something sizzling and realize I’ve set the glass dish on the burner—and the last piece of chicken is still cooking. (At least that was the one piece that wasn’t really “done”!)
5. Turn off the burner and put the dish in the sink; after turning on the oven fan (or as it’s called in the Dyer house, “the dinner bell”) to get rid of the smoke, pour cold water into the glass dish.
6. After cutting Jordan’s chicken up, hear something exploding. Turn around to find the glass dish in a million tiny pieces. Then vaguely remember that “extreme cold and extreme heat don’t mix.” Redeem the meal by showing Jordan the remains of the now-famous  exploding glass dish, to which he replies, “That’s awesome!”

Result: While cleaning up the mess in the sink after dinner, I cut my hand. I have therefore broken a dish, burned a chicken, and bandaged a finger—all in one night.

I am culinary-challenged, to say the least. And sometimes, to be honest, it makes me feel like a less-than-stellar mommy. After all, what child doesn’t need a home-cooked goodie now and then to really feel their mother’s love, all the way down to their cute little toes?

But you know what I’ve realized (and finally made my peace with)? Cooking is not my thing—and that’s okay! I can do a lot of other things well, and my guys like slice-and-bake cookies as much as the homemade varieties. I know this because they’ve had the other kind at friends’ houses, and never once complained about mine. Either that, or they’re too sweet to say anything!

Sometimes we moms put so much pressure on ourselves—pressure that God never intended for us to feel. We look at the mom next door, or at the gym, and she seems more put-together, confident, and adept at multi-tasking than we’ll ever be. And we start to feel insecure and totally inferior. (The problem with that kind of reverse-naval-gazing is that the other mom is probably looking at you the same way. Pretty much every single mother has doubts about themselves.)

Add in the constant proliferation of information we’re subject to through ezines, newspapers, magazines, and television shows, and the simple answers the media gives us (“lose ten pounds in twenty minutes!” and “organize everything in your house today!”), and it’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed and under-qualified.

The truth is, God made us all unique, and our strengths (and weaknesses) are part of His design. Each of us does a few things pretty well, and we stink at the other stuff. There’s no one who’s good at everything. (Otherwise, why would we need each other—or God?)

And take it from me, ladies: if we try to do it all, we’ll be done in.

So here’s my “Resigned, yet Joyful in the Gifts I do Have” conclusion to the aforementioned experiment. For the Dyer family, it is not only wise, but physically safer, to have Pizza Hut, Olive Garden and Applebee’s on speed dial.

Because when it comes to cooking, there’s definitely a science to it.

©2008, Dena Dyer

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not healing, nor curing… that is a friend who cares.
~Henri Nouwen

These past three months have been very difficult for me on many different levels – emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  Through it all, I have come to realize that I could not have done this alone.  I could not have faced those moments of despair and tremendous anxiety without a friend to just hold me. This kind of friendship understands and accepts without having to say a word.  A friend’s presence is all that is needed. The physical contact, the warm embrace, the loving glance conveys more than what any words possibly could.

My friends have been a constant, steadying influence as I have ran the gamut of emotions – from anger to sadness to despair.  They have not tried to say things in order to make me feel better; rather, they knew that there were no words which could possibly make me feel better.  Their presence steadied my mood swings, and gave me the strength and courage to get through each and every day.

I truly felt God’s presence within each encounter I had with a friend.  I felt His spirit work His magic of calming my fears, drying my tears, holding on to hope, and healing my breaking heart.  My friends taught me a valuable lesson on what being unselfish is all about. – they set aside their own time, dropped everything, whenever I would call.

My closest friend is my husband.  I can honestly say that this crisis has deepened and strengthened our relationship in ways I never dreamed possible.  His uncanny ability to put things into perspective when I was literally losing it is a gift from God.  This reminds me of a quote by Robert South, “A true friend is a gift of God, and He only who made hearts can unite them.”  Our hearts, which have always been united in marriage, were united on a deeper level of friendship through all of this.  And I fell in love with him all over again.

I have always recognized the value of friendship, but now I have learned how to truly treasure my friends. They are irreplaceable.  They are worth their weight in gold. I can see the face of God in every encounter in which I have with them. And so, I say, thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul, my dear friends. You have saved my life time and time again over the past three months.  Just know that I’ll be there for you should the need arise. God bless each and every one of you.

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
- Proverbs 27:17

©2008, Valerie Wolff

I am 20 years old and have grown up in a Pentecostal church serving and loving God. I watched you on Full House while I was growing up (and still do today since it’s in syndication). You were such a huge role model for me growing up, and still are. I recently read Kirk’s book Still Growing, and found out that you are a Christian as well. I was overjoyed because there are few celebrities who proclaim their Christianity. I admire you very much–you are an amazing example.

I have a question. God has always been #1 in my life, until recently. I’m a student at a Christian college and I am always busy. I sometimes end up putting my Bible reading and praying to the side. How do you do it, being a mom, involved with your family–being so busy? How do you ensure that God is always #1 in your life, and that the things of this world don’t get in the way?

_________________________

Thanks for your email. I’m glad to know you love the Lord and serve Him. You asked me, “How do you do it, being a mom, involved with your family–being so busy? How do you ensure that God is always #1 in your life, and that the things of this world don’t get in the way?“

My #1 ministry is my family, so putting my husband first and taking care of my children are pleasing to God. I serve the Lord when I serve my family. But don’t let all my Q’s & A’s or my Christian website make you think that I’m a spiritual giant compared to everyone else. There are days I don’t read my Bible (I hate to admit) and there are days I’m off and running without starting out in prayer. But it doesn’t take long for it to catch up to me because of the emptiness I feel when I don’t give myself to the Lord first thing.

I guess when you are soundly saved and walking the road of Christianity, you have a sense of peace, joy, comfort and love you just can’t get anywhere else. When you see God in all His glory, speaking to you, directing you, performing miracles in your everyday life, you can’t help but want that relationship every day with Him. The thought of not hearing God’s voice because I’m not in-tune and listening for it makes me go crazy! And it’s never Him who leaves.

It takes work, it takes diligence, and it takes commitment. You have to put your priorities in order. How important is God to you? If you’re taking the time to ask me these questions, you obviously feel the void when you don’t pray or read your Bible. That’s a good thing! But it shouldn’t be out of guilt you do those things, it should be out of an utmost heartfelt gratitude that you have for God, because of His love in His sacrificial death for you.

We all need a little encouragement along the way. That’s why it’s so important to have friends around that are walking the same walk, keeping you accountable, and giving you encouragement. I don’t know what I’d do without my Wednesday Bible study girlfriends! I try to keep my eyes focused on the Lord and not the world. It’s easy for me when I’m faced with a decision to ask God, “Would this choice be pleasing to You?” Praying over it and holding it up to scripture helps keep me from letting the world get in the way.

Remember, you have to make it a priority, and that’s all there is to it!

Is it August already?  School is about to begin, Fall will be here shortly, and the lazy days of summer are almost behind us. I had a great time reading some awesome books this summer.  I wish I could draw special attention to each book–they were all that good!

“Skid” is for your funny bone. “Such A Time As This” will have you view Esther in the Bible with greater admiration.  You feel like you are losing some friends when you finish “Searching For Eternity.”  A smile of admiration will cross your face while reading “From a Distance.”  “Creation’s Praise” gives you the tools needed to teach children more about God’s Word.  “Inspirational Home” gives great ideas on decorating your home.  I highly recommend each one!

I know that during August schedules tend to pick up, but don’t forget to take time to read.

Skid
by Rene Gutteridge
Waterbrook Press 2008
323 pages

Buckle up before reading “Skid” by Rene Gutteridge.  Atlantica Flight 1945 is flying from Atlanta to Amsterdam with an interesting cast of characters. The pilot, known for her safe landing in the Bermuda Triangle, is joined on this flight by an FBI Agent with a prisoner; an emotionally impaired woman and her trusty pig; a woman recently dumped by her boyfriend, a grandson returning stolen diamonds to his grandmother, and a quality inspector, Hank, whose job is to test the service of the crew.

This is an exciting ride that will have you laughing out loud while hanging on for dear life. All during the flight people notice there is something different about Hank. What could make a man remain so calm in the face of a crisis?

What a WONDERFUL summer read. I would run, don’t walk, to pick up “Skid” by Rene Gutteridge.

Such A Time As This
By Rebecca Velez
Capstone Publishing Group 2007
148 pages

This is a story of the book of Esther.  Velez describes in beautiful detail the transformation of Esther’s simple life into the life of a Queen.  In particular it describes how Esther was forced to live as part of a harem, in competition to become the next Queen.  Many of us are familiar with this story in the bible, but Velez does a great job making it come alive.  This story displays God’s protection and faithfulness no matter where we are.  It reminds us that even though we may have plans, God may have other plans beyond our wildest dreams.  Velez is a first time author and I look forward to more of her books in the future.

Searching For Eternity
by Elizabeth Musser
Bethany House 2007
428 pages

There are some books that you read and enjoy, there are others you read and are relaxed, and then there are the books that become part of your life. When I finished “Searching for Eternity” by Elizabeth Musser I felt like I lost a friend.

French born Emile de Bonnery is dragged to America by his Mother. His French Father has suddenly disappeared, and Emile finds himself in Atlanta trying to adjust to cultural shock. The only welcome face Emile and his Mother had was his Maternal Grandmother, who he has never met until that day, at the age of 14.

Emile is faced with unfriendly kids at school and is left to fend for himself until he meets Eternity.  Emile is trying to solve the mystery of his Father’s disappearance and Eternity is trying to deal with her own secrets. They strike up friendship and help each other face their past.

This book faces racism and the civil rights movement, but also scars that were left over from World War II. The common theme of this book is standing up for what is right, even when no one else will. Choices in life are not always solved in a years times period, change happens slowly over a lifetime. This is a book of great depth and of God’s faithfulness. It is not light reading material, but a book I highly recommend.

From a Distance
by Tamara Alexander
Bethany House, Jun 2008

Elizabeth Westbrook, a woman photographer in 1875, arrives in Timber Ridge in the Colorado Territory to take pictures of the legendary beauties of the Maroon Bells. In that era it was unusual for women to a photographer, but Elizabeth was determined to be the Chronicle’s first woman photographer and journalist. Elizabeth has another reason to come to the Rockies; she prays that the clean mountain air and the hot springs will help cure her from a mysterious illness.

Daniel Ranslett is trying to move past the Civil War and the guilt he feels by playing a role as a Confederacy sniper. However, Elizabeth’s life is threatened when a picture she took becomes key evidence in a murder case. Despite Daniel’s feelings toward this strong spirited woman, he vows to keep Elizabeth safe even though they argue constantly. And through time he helps her with her mysterious illness and slowly the two strong personalities begin to fall in love.

Tamara Alexander does a beautiful job making the reader feel like they have been transported to 1875 Colorado Territory. The sites are breath taking.  The chemistry between Elizabeth and Daniel are entertaining. In this age of digital photography and interstates, it is easy to forget how much photographers went through back in the 1800’s to get that perfect photo. This is a fun and entertaining read!

Creation’s Praise
by Vivian May Edwards
Illustrated by Janis Lee Colon
2007
71 pages

Creation’s Praise is a beautifully written and illustrated children’s book. Edward’s focus in this devotional style book is giving praise to the King of all creation. Each devotion is approximately one page long and easily adapted to children of different ages. One of my favorite features is how each devotion teaches a new vocabulary word. Some of the words like essence can be difficult to define, even as an adult, but Vivian May Edwards does a beautiful job helping the reader explain each vocabulary word in a child like fashion.  Janis Lee Colon does a spectacular job in her water colored type illustrations. For a young child looking at the illustrations and reading the bible verse is a great teaching tool. This children’s devotional book would be a great addition to your child’s bookshelf.

Inspirational Home
Simple ideas for uplifting décor and craft
By Jeanne Winters
Creative Faith Place
128 pages

When it comes to decorating my home, I like to get ideas and direction from those who are more talented.  Jeanne Winters not only gives her readers easy to do decorating projects, but she also shows us how we can add God’s Word to each project.  Jeanne says, “The more visible God’s word is, the more often it can comfort and strengthen.”

This book is easy to follow along with vivid pictures.  There are great ideas for possible gifts and definitely great ideas in decorating your own home.  I am looking forward to trying out some of Jeanne Winters’ projects.

Visit www.jeannewinters.com

Greetings fellow Boomer Babes! You know the theme for my Boomer Babes Rock column this year has been “Freedom.” Because I am on a series of crazy deadlines, I decided to exercise this freedom. “The Freedom to Recycle a Previously Published Freelance Article.”

Someone asked me recently about my time as a Plus Size model with the Wilhelmina Agency in California. I found an article that was published years ago and am sharing it with you this month. Warning, this is a long article, but hopefully you will enjoy it. Have a blessed August!

All I could see were ribs and bones—sharp angles jutting out from skin stretched thin like plastic wrap over leftovers. Except these weren’t leftovers. Throughout the dressing room in various stages of undress were some of the countries most well known fashion models, with me in the center, like the puffy cream filling of an éclair.

“Ladies, this is Allison Gappa, our plus-size model. She’ll be representing Alfred Angelo’s new wedding dress line for the full figured woman.”

The stares were cold, the greetings mumbled. As though fat women never got married.

“Hi, my name is Sharri,” said a lovely woman, holding out her hand. “Welcome to the hive, be careful of the stingers.” And off she went.

Thus began my career as a Wilhelmina model beginning with a televised fashion show on the A.M. Los Angeles Show. It was late in the 1970’s and I was the second plus-size model the prestigious world-renowned agency had ever hired. Filling a niche category that had begun to blossom, I stuck out like a thorn among roses.

At over 200 pounds, I was a size 18-20. The women I would work with over the next few years on runway fashion shows, in print ads for catalogs, on television commercials and on various women’s programs, were all one-digit sizes like threes and sixes. Most weighed less than 110 pounds. I felt like a Sumo wrestler among a cast of delicate ballerinas.

“Where are these women’s breasts?” I remember thinking that first day, looking at my own bosoms as though I’d somehow grown grotesque foreign objects from my chest. My bones were carefully protected beneath layers of skin and fat—as was my heart and soul.

As a young single mom in my early twenties, I had moved to southern California from Cleveland, Ohio to pursue my lifelong dream of acting and screenwriting. Assuring my young eight-year-old son that living near Disneyland would be heaven on earth for us, it was the start of an adventure that over the next several decades would turn into a nightmare of epic proportions as I searched for peace, making one wrong turn after another, taking frequent road trips from chaos to contentment and back again.

That two-year adventure into the world of plus-size modeling came unexpectedly, and full-page ads for Levi-Strauss, Pendleton Knitwear, and Gloria Vanderbilt followed. Runway shows, commercials, and an agent on Sunset and Vine in Hollywood, were quite heady experiences for a girl from the projects of Cleveland, Ohio.

I traveled with a wild Hollywood crowd, living on coffee, booze, and speed—and as you might expect, I began to lose weight. My modeling career ended when I lost too much weight to qualify as a full-figure model. However, that lost weight didn’t stay lost, and I would lose and gain and lose and gain hundreds of pounds during this decade.

I remarried and divorced again, and over the years would become engaged to and live with four different men. All those broken engagements and frequent extreme weight gains and losses left me even more emotionally crippled. More than one abortion left additional scar tissue on my body, heart, and soul. Moving more than a dozen times, uprooting my son from every school and every friend he had during his formative years, I was always searching for something more, something different, and something better. I now know I wasn’t searching, I was running. Peace eluded me. I hit one dead end after another, never understanding what I lacked was a Navigator who could help me chart a new course and stay on track. I lacked the spiritual balance that brings personal peace.

For a long time I did not believe in God. How blessed I am that He never stopped believing in me. Not only did I not believe in God, but also I was without hope, and I trusted no one. Without God, I was truly lost.

It had not always been that way. As a little girl, during summer vacation, I loved attending Vacation Bible School at a church in Cleveland, Ohio. We did not attend church on a regular basis. Ours was not a Christian home in the sense that God was an active part of our upbringing. But we knew the Ten Commandments, and Mom exhibited the values of a Christian woman by the example she set for her three children.

Yet we were children confused by the divorce of their parents and the accompanying difficulties of living as welfare recipients on the edge of poverty.

As a teenager, I felt distant from girls my own age, and I rebelled strongly against all authority. It was no surprise that I would choose to run away and get married when I met “Mr. Right.” Except he wasn’t. The horrific year I spent married to a man whose physical and emotional abuse almost killed me dispelled any remaining vestiges of my belief in a higher power watching over me.

For most of my adult life, I could not move toward forgiveness and healing, a key factor in my eventual battle with weight. I was angry and hurt, and I couldn’t forgive my husband. I blamed myself, then him, then my childhood, then back to my husband. My feelings were all over the playing board, and during my pregnancy at the age of sixteen, I began to stuff that painful emptiness and hopelessness with food. After my son’s birth, I added drugs, alcohol, and empty relationships to the mix. Gaining one hundred pounds with my pregnancy was the start of a battle with weight that would last for more than thirty years.

A pattern had developed over the years concerning my weight. Using various “extreme deprivation diets,” including diet pills, shots, and liquid protein fasts, I would drop significant amounts of weight in short periods of time. I just knew I could find peace and contentment if I could only lose weight. Over the years, my weight would go from 150 to 190 to 230 to 130 to 180 to 200 to 175—up and down and up and down. My highest weight was 280 pounds.

Far more damaging than excess weight was my total entrenchment in New Age theology and my unequivocal stance on Christianity. “There is no God other than the god-like power we carry within ourselves,” I spouted. A teaching I believed and preached over and over to my young son from the time he was a baby.

For the next decade, I floated aimlessly, charting my own course. Throwing myself whole-heartedly into everything I did from work to play, on the surface folks thought I had it all together. Internally, I was a pressure cooker waiting to explode.

After my brief foray into modeling ended, I began what would become a twenty-plus-year career as a professional fundraiser and special event planner for non-profit organizations. My freelance writing career was moving along, and I had been published in Cosmopolitan and Ladies Home Journal magazines. I also spent several years as the playwright-in-residence at a small theatre where three of my full-length plays were produced.

I filled my days with busy take-charge tasks, always on the move, always on a schedule, always following a list. I filled my nights with alcohol, drugs, and self-destruction. I filled my soul with empty promises and emptier pursuits. On the outside, folks thought I had it all together, on the inside I was dying.

My life caromed out of control as I continually reinvented myself over the years. By the time I reached my late twenties, a time when many of us are just beginning our families and settling down, I had a teenage son who had, in his turn, become the out-of-control rebel, causing me to slip further into an abyss of guilt, self-blame, and hopelessness.

Why couldn’t I find happiness? Why did it seem as though nothing I did worked out? Why did I feel so worthless, so insecure? The feelings of utter helplessness and hopelessness, of unrealized dreams, broken promises, and dead-end streets overwhelmed me. How we come through times of struggle often depends on our level of faith and hope, and at that time I had neither. As a non-believer, there was no room in my life for a higher power greater than myself. It took years to discover that I was attempting to fill the empty hole in my soul with everything except faith, hope, love, and joy. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought to find comfort, direction and peace in faith. I now know there is a place in our heart only God can fill. I now know I had to leave the past behind and make a life-changing turn in another direction.

Jesus Christ took my broken spirit and my lost soul, filled with guilt and pain, and turned me around, setting me on a new course. He filled that empty place in my soul I was trying so desperately to fill with drugs, alcohol, relationships, material goods, work, and empty pursuits. He forgave me the sins that weighed heavy on my heart, showing me I no longer had to carry the burden alone. He brought peace into my life. He can do the same for you.

I did not “get religion.” I made a spiritual connection that turned my life around. I “got a relationship”— a relationship with Jesus Christ. I know in my heart that no matter what we have done, no matter where we have been, it is never too late to fill that empty place in our heart and soul. It is never too late to change direction, because GOD ALLOWS U-TURNS!

Yet even with God as my Navigator, my issues with weight still loomed heavy on my heart, no pun intended, and while the peace I felt in knowing God transformed my life, there was still work to be done.

I will never forget the day I first heard the words “Morbidly Obese” associated with my weight. It was late 1995; I was living in Minnesota and had been married to Kevin a short six months. I was forty years old and had stopped running the diet treadmill years before, resigned to being “overweight.” I seldom got on the scale, oblivious to the numbers that for decades had ruled my life. I was happily married to a man who loved me for who I was, not how much I weighed. I took care of myself, ate healthy foods, and took vitamins and nutritional supplements. My emotional health was the best it had ever been, my spiritual walk was strong and focused, and my writing career was moving forward. Essentially my life was really very good. My road trip to peace had become a successful journey.

Physically, however, my body was a wreck; I could barely walk up a flight of stairs without passing out. Now, my heart stuck in my throat as I looked down at my medical chart to see the words “morbidly obese” written next to my name. Tears stung my eyes as I tried to comprehend what the doctor had written before being called away, leaving my chart open on the desk.

“Morbidly obese? How dare he!”

My initial anger gave way to a deep, incomprehensible pain as the truth of his words sunk in. Yes, sometimes truth is painful. As though nothing had happened, I tried valiantly to maintain my composure when the doctor returned; yet, my heart was breaking.

“Oh, God,” I cried out when I got to my car. “What is wrong with me? Why after all of these years, why after coming so far on my faith journey am I still battling this demon of weight?” Crying, I rested my head on the steering wheel, as “morbidly obese” played across my mind’s eye like words on an electronic ticker-tape message board. I was so weary of the weight loss dance, lose a few pounds, gain a few more, lose some, gain it back, and ’round and ’round I went like the little plastic ballerina that spun on the jewelry box I had as a girl. Sitting there sobbing, I prayed to God for the roller coaster ride to end.

And end it did. In October of 2000, tipping the scales at 280 pounds, I had finally reached a place in life where my physical co-morbidities were becoming life threatening. Having gastric bypass weight loss surgery seemed a viable alternative to enable me to stay alive.

Today, thanks to life-saving surgery, I’m 120 pounds lighter and I’ve kept it off for almost eight years. My life journey has been rocky to say the least, but I’ve found a peace and contentment I had never dreamed was possible, and it’s not because I got thin. It’s because I got God. God brought me peace of heart and mind—and a miraculous medical procedure brought me peace of body.

Knowing that God must come before all else brought me the wisdom to make choices that would change the story of my life.

©2008, Allison Bottke

End Note: To see more of Allison’s Before and After photographs visit her web site here:

http://www.allisonbottke.com/weight_loss.htm

“But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God. They’re like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers— Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, Serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season.
- Jeremiah 17:7, The Message

Summer always seems to be a time for relaxing and having fun.  You don’t have to put on the trappings of winter before stepping outside–there’s a freedom the colder months don’t offer.

Just as our clothes are lighter, our diets often seem light too, preferring fruits and salads to soups and stews.   Spending long hours inside cooking may seem like a nice way to get through a cold winter day, but not so for summer.  Summer meals need to be quick and light.  Gardens are overflowing with fresh fruit and vegetables that our taste buds have longed for, in fact I know many people who would choose the “garden” tomato over the store bought any time.

If you have never been creative in making your salads, start now.  My only rule to a great salad is that the food in it be fresh. A great salad base can be anything from spinach, to pasta, to the many variations of lettuce.

To the salad base you can add almost any combination of fruit or vegetables.  But don’t stop there.  Pick a favourite cheese, and some nuts. Top with your favorite salad dressing and you have a gourmet feast. To make your salad more of a main-course, add some meat or eggs. Don’t stick with the same old–same old, mix it up a little–be daring!

When in Phoenix I discovered the most interesting “salad” restaurant.  Pretty much the whole restaurant was dedicated to salad, offering endless containers of lettuce greens, fruits, vegetables, cheeses, meats and nuts. There was also a great selection of dressings. You could eat there every day, and with enough imagination probably never have the same meal twice.

I tried this concept in my own kitchen. I went to the market and picked up a variety of greens, vegetables and fruit.  I spent a few minutes chopping them salad size and then placed the varied containers in my fridge.  It was wonderful having my own salad bar at my fingertips!  It was a great way to enjoy a delicious light meal without taking away any time from the summer sun.

If a sandwich is your passion, make sure you try a toasted tomato or cucumber sandwich.  If you have never had one it will be on your list of things you crave.

One more thing…  Don’t just fill your bodily passions this summer – remember your spirit.  Just as we all long for the fresh fruits of summer, our spirits longs for those fresh fruits too.  That fresh fruit that can be had during any season by the Christian who trusts in their God the way Jeremiah advises!

A few months back, I offered 27 variations of spinach salad. Since that went over so well, I’m giving you a sample fridge bar that offers 65 different ways to fix salad:

Sample Fridge Salad Bar:
Offering more than 65 salad varieties!

Pick one choice from each category or, pick all choices from each category.  You can even leave out categories altogether!  No rules to a good salad.  Add meats and eggs for even more variety.  Don’t forget to try a new salad dressing with it!

Every time I struggle with weight loss—and I do—I’m reminded of my sister, Bonnie. I’ve often talked about her over at Live Well Wednesdays, as the sister who went from a size 14 to an itty-bitty 4 this past year. What facilitated the change? Was it her portion control? Was it the fact that she went to the gym every day? Was it the water she started drinking? Those are the questions the world around her is asking. The answer is that, yes, in part those things took place, but most importantly her success was a direct result of the change that took place from within. When the Spirit of the Lord became an active ingredient in her daily walk, Bonnie was able to battle the flesh.

Let me be specific. She was already an active member at both church and the gym. She had already cut down on her portions. She was already drinking water like her lips were on fire. What she wasn’t doing was keeping her eyes fixed on the author and finisher of her faith—Jesus. She was sinking and swimming—swimming and sinking, until she put God first in her daily routine. She is just one of many women I know who have lost weight by changing their focus.

Matthew 14:22-33 illustrates this power in what I like to refer to as “eye contact.” This is the story of Peter, a man—one of the twelve disciples—who stepped onto the water with the best intentions. Peter, despite the storm that surrounded him, was willing to take a walk of faith.

An interesting thing about this story is that Peter initiated this walk of faith—not the other way around.

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
– Matthew 14:28, NIV.

Do you want a permanent change in your life? Are you willing to see what the power of God can do? Then take that step of faith. Like Peter, get your feet wet, and move forward. Trust.

Right about now insecurity is probably telling you that you can’t. Oh, I’ve had the same voice nagging me all day—all week in fact. Each time I look down at the muffin top. Every time I’ve had a little too much. Any time I try to do it on my strength alone.

But there’s another voice that powers me to press on. The voice that speaks softly but surely through each storm I face. “Come,” He says. And I know it’s the voice of my Savior hoping that once again I’ll lift my eyes until they’re locked in place with His. Hoping that I’ll trust Him every step of the way.

Why is it that when our eyes are fixed on Him we become an unsinkable force? It’s because the fullness of power by the Holy Spirit moves through Him. We find it simply stated in Galatians:

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
- Galatians 5:16, NIV.

I’ve read Galatians 5 many times throughout my Christian life. In fact I’ve memorized several of the scriptures in that chapter itself, but one day it spoke to me in a way it never had before. It was the answer to my struggle with food. If I repeat this passage throughout the Live Well journey, bear with me, it’s simply because I believe that it’s key to success. Let me also pull the other verse out for us:

For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.
– Galatians 5:17, NIV

You see it’s impossible to live by the flesh if we are truly walking in the Spirit. Here’s an exercise to prove it: look up from this page for a minute and choose one object across the room. Once you have chosen one object, I want you to look at it for a count of 30 seconds, and while you’re looking at it, give it your full attention. Ready? One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…

Done? Good. Now did you notice that when your eyes were fixed on that one object, the rest of the room was out of focus? Sure, you could still see the room, but whether the pillows were tossed about or the walnut table was hosting a coffee ring had no bearing on your thoughts for those 30 seconds. In fact I’ll venture to guess that you never thought about over eating for that brief moment in time. Now, let’s stretch our time out to 24/7, and replace that object with Jesus Christ. That’s how we walk in the Spirit!

It’s impossible to visually focus on two things at once. I’ve tried it, and yes I’ve looked ridiculous with my eyes trying to divide and conquer, and I failed. What happens when we try to focus on two things at once is that both objects get blurred. It’s the same way with trying to walk in the Spirit and flesh at the same time. Because they are contrary to one another, the result is that we don’t know what we want.

The Spirit supplies all that we need to live well. Do we eat because we feel unloved? Do we binge because a bout of depression landed heavily on our day? Did a tiff with our spouse knock us off our game? Are we losing patience faster than weight? Are we getting a little grouchy accepting the changes we’ve made? Do we need reminding that God’s faithfulness never ceases to amaze? Living a Spirit-filled life can conquer each and every one of these obstacles. Living well doesn’t mean that we reach out in search of self-control, but rather that we reach out to God. It calls for us to live a Spirit-filled life that produces fruit in every aspect of our life.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
- Galatians 5:22-23, NIV.

Do you see the importance of each fruit? Can you line them up one by one with the struggles you face? Do you see how the fullness of the Spirit brings completeness to ones life rather than the quick fix the world is accustomed to taking? If not, I challenge you to pull out a pen, scratch down the specific difficulty that you face, and match it up to a fruit of the Spirit that conquers.

Fix your eyes on Jesus by getting to know Him. Learn everything you can about His life. Who were His brothers? What disciple was known as the one whom He loved? What was His last prayer in the garden? These are just some of the things we can learn. But the story of Christ didn’t start at Matthew, nor did it end at John. The Old Testament is rich in prophecy, and the New Testament reveals the gift of His Spirit to the church. There are so many ways to fix our eyes on Christ.

Listen, and you may hear His voice calling, “Come…”

©2008, Darlene Schacht

*We advise that you always consult your doctor before starting any diet or exercise program.

Jesus told him, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”(Matthew19:21  NLT)

Wasn’t it that great philosopher, Andy Warhol, who once said, “Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes?” The culture we live in flaunts the importance of popularity, fame and money without apology. Everyone, it seems, has a desire for notoriety. In truth, I think it’s an innate yearning to be worshipped. I wouldn’t doubt it’s that same fatal flaw that sent Lucifer careening out of Heaven’s door a millennia ago.

Reality television sends the same deliberate message–you’re nobody unless you’re somebody. As painful as it is for me to admit, I’ve entertained the same dream as a million others–to have my name up in lights, my own television show, to sell a gazillion records and accomplish great things.

Not long ago, my friend, Tommy, stopped me as I was heading out the door after church and said something that made me take pause. “You’ve always wanted your life to count, Tamra, to do something of value, to be someone others could admire. But, let me challenge you with this: live a life of significance rather than importance.”

I actually went home and looked up those two words in my Webster’s dictionary. Significance expresses a life full of value or worth… Importance relates more to having power or authority. I wasn’t sure why Pastor Tommy felt the need to share his thoughts with me. I’ve always thought that my life had been centered on the idea of helping others. I write books, I compose music and sing songs. Somehow this seemed to me the perfect path by which to touch lives for Jesus. Perhaps the motivation of the heart is really the issue in question. I don’t know about you, but sometimes it takes a while for me to find the light switch.

If our goal is the praise and admiration of those around us, then we may find exactly what we’re looking for: importance. But if our intent is to have the heart and character of God revealed in and through our lives, and to have our words and actions reflect the love of God above all else, then we will live a life of significance.

There aren’t many kudos for the prayer warrior who spends hours on his or her knees before God. There’s no mob of screaming fans for the woman who takes dinner to the widow, and yet Jesus said, “As you do this unto one of these, you do this unto me.”

I believe pride is the obstacle that stands in the way of our ability to live that life of significance my friend, Tommy, spoke of. We see ourselves in the light of human understanding and often place values on our lives that are predicated by world views. However, there comes a time in the life of every true seeker of God, when he or she must lay down all that we think we are and all that we hope to be, in order to be transformed into that vessel that God has planned us to be before the foundations of the world.

I remember the moment when I came to the painful realization that I would never accomplish the level of greatness I thought I was entitled to. I would likely never stand on a stage and sing for thousands of people, or have my name in lights on Broadway.

The sense of failure that overwhelmed me was palatable and I experienced a feeling of great loss, almost like a death. The transformation of a dream is often accompanied by a deep sense of bereavement. Yet out of death comes rebirth and an opportunity to explore avenues we never previously considered. The Lord’s definition of our perfection is entirely different than our own, and often requires the relinquishment of our hopes and dreams in order to see His plan unfold.

After months of dealing with my sense of loss, I was prepared to ask the difficult questions. What motivates me? What makes me feel important? What defines me? Why do I have these talents and for what purpose do I use them? In truth, the answers surprised me. I was motivated by the accolades of others. I felt important when I was appreciated for my talents. I realized I was defined not by who I am, but by what I do.

And these acknowledgements brought me to the foot of the cross of Christ. It was there that I laid down my abilities, my talents, my dreams and goals and requested God’s heart in my journey. I wanted Jesus to redefine me, and to make this vessel of human clay into the work of art He desired to look upon. It was a huge step of faith, and not one I took without great thought and consideration.

Once we relinquish our definition of self, and offer it up, then we must be redefined by the One receiving our sacrifice. Since we’re not exactly sure what form that new individual will take, it’s a bit frightening.

Here’s what I know for sure: nothing is wasted with God! He uses every gift and talent He’s given us, perhaps in different venues than we would like or hope, but He utilizes those unique and individual endowments in ways we can’t imagine. It’s much like giving up a cubic zirconium to receive a flawless diamond.

I can say with absolute certainty that I have no disappointment in the path I now walk. When Jesus told the rich, young ruler to sell all his possessions and give all he had to the poor, He was really asking him to trade the life he knew for a far more perfect existence. Today, I find myself grateful to be living this life of significance, rather than importance, and I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to understand the difference.  I’ll always be grateful for the wise words of a friend that set my feet on the right path.

Four potted raspberry vines stared accusingly at me, but I managed to ignore them as I made my way to the car. I needed a break. I needed to lay off the cooking, baking, cleaning, planting and harvesting and steal a few hours of walking, shopping, talking and laughing. So no … I didn’t feel the least bit guilty as I walked past those pots. The raspberries could wait.

Pike Place Market is a forty-minute drive from our little farm. I spent that time sipping a latte–even though I knew my friend, Sandra, and I would probably grap a cup as soon as we met up. And that’s what we did. After no less than six phone calls back and forth (“Where did you say you’re parking? Isn’t that the place that charges $10 for two hours? … I’m on Virgina and 2nd. Pike is south, right? … No, I’m not near the pig. I’m on the north end of the cobblestones” …) we found each other, hugged hello, and ducked into the first pastry shop we could find. How I wish I could enable a scratch ‘n sniff button for you! Try to imagine a room full of warm, just-from-the-oven bread … and rolls … and tarts … and quiche … and puff pastry. Add to that the aroma of French Roast and espresso, and the sounds of frothing milk and chatter and chairs scooching toward tables. Bliss.

Sandra ordered something twisted, glazed and nut-studded. As I’m not a “sweets in the morning” person, I ordered a Swiss-cheese encrusted square of puff pastry–a concoction so light, so tender, it shattered into flaky particles with every bite. I could have eaten twelve.

We asked for our coffee in real cups, not paper. Sandra took hers black, but I ordered my signature latte. And oh, how superior that latte was to my usual Starbucks cup. I feel deceitful even thinking such a thought, let alone writing it, but how can you not ‘fess up to something so blatant? The froth was so thick, it coated the sides of my cup. Each movement of my wrist created a new pattern of cream and brown swirls. I suppose with very little effort at all I could devote this entire post to that one perfect latte, but there’s so much more to tell.

Sandra and I met two summers ago when we both taught at the Oregon Christian Writers’ Conference. We connected almost instantly, and furthered that connection when we both taught at the Seattle Pacific University’s Writers’ Recharge this past June. Because both our husbands are in the ministry and we both write (she’s the author of 30 children’s books), we never run out of things to discuss. With several months of catching up to do, you can imagine the animated scene at our table. We talked first about writing, and the projects we’re each mulling over, and the difficulties of balancing family needs and contracted writing obligations. I told her I’m questioning whether I really want to write during this season of my life; she understood. We shared the happenings at my church and at her husband’s retirement center, and discussed the particular bittersweet nature of being pastor’s wives, and about our strong desire to model grace to the women we minister to. If you had gathered up our words at the end of that first hour, and squeezed the breath from the conversation and distilled the heart of those syllables into one essential drop, that drop would be Jesus. What is Jesus asking of us at this point in our lives? How can we give those who are watching us a clearer vision of His grace? How can we offer Him more of our hearts?

Had we parted after that first hour, it would have been enough for me. I would have had the gulp of fresh, courage-endowing air I’d come looking for. But we didn’t part. We meandered through the market comparing the bouquets of statice and just-cut lovelies that adorned about every third booth, sampling glossy Chukar Cherry chocolates, listening to the street musicians, watching the fish handlers toss salmon back and forth and enjoying their jovial bellows. We ogled at people (a market meandering must. Years ago I passed a boy on the cobblestones who was holding and eating a snake–a real, honest to goodness snake) and ogled the jeweled mounds of fruits and vegetables. My first purchase was a pound of Brussels sprouts. Don’t make that face at me. You’d have bought a pound, too, if only because of the clever display. Same-sized, bright green orbs sat in pencil-straight rows, and near the top, a green, lifelike-looking gecko sat perched and staring with a thin slice of a Brussels sprout clenched between his teeth. A sign at his feet said, “Don’t even think of disturbing this display.” When I gave my order to the guy behind the counter, I admitted to a strong urge to run my hand through those green balls. The look he gave told me he thought that was really, really funny. To mend our relationships, I asked for three pounds of creamy gold Yukon potatoes, too.

Sandra bought a jar of sour cherry jam, a half pound of picked red onions, and five Southern-fried chicken pieces which she vowed to save for dinner. I selected an autumn bouquet of burgandy Zinnias, butter-yellow Lilies, orangey-red something or other, and golden Black-eyed Susans. On the way out, I picked up a warm sleeve of Epis (braided rolls), which balanced my arms nicely.

The time went too quickly, but we promised to find another day soon for more of the same. I felt refreshed as I drove home, and thankful. God is good. I’m thankful I live in a place where I can sit in public and talk about Jesus. I’m thankful He’s filled my life with kind, loving people. And I’m grateful for the sweet moments of fellowship He arranges for me, just when I need them most. It’s good to sojourn together with a kindred spirit–if only for awhile.

My companion and my friend … What fellowship we had, what wonderful discussions as we walked together …
- Ps. 55:13-14 (TLB)

©2008, Shannon Woodward

I received many interesting emails in response to last month’s topic, “BFF’s in the Church Pews.”  This month I’d like to elaborate just a bit.  (Scroll down to the July post if you’ve not yet read this article.)

I think the majority of you understood the three categories of friends I proposed. One reader shared that her Bible study teacher referred to these as Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas relationships.  Another pointed out the fact that Jesus had twelve disciples but three of those comprised His inner circle.  Both of these comparisons capture the spirit of how people in our lives fill a certain need where friendships are concerned.

My approach to this subject is from the viewpoint of a ministry wife’s ability to have healthy friendships within her church.  While many of our girlfriends can be categorized in the areas I’ve described (with some filling more than one of these roles), there are yet many more women within the pews with whom we’ve not made this type of connection.  One email I received said, “I don’t really fit into any of these areas so I guess I’ll just pray for my minister’s wife from afar.”  NO, NO, NO!  Afar will never do!

When ‘No’ Is Not a Good Thing
Perhaps one of the most disturbing trends I’ve witnessed where ministry wives are concerned is the withdrawing from women’s groups in the interest of protecting family time. I read an article recently by a high-profile pastor’s wife who stated, “I never attend women’s ministry events because they are just too time-consuming.”

Sister, I think I would have kept that to myself.

Bravo for learning to say ‘no’, but I’m not certain isolating one’s self from the masses will achieve the desired end.  However, if you are trying to convince the women of your church they are not a priority to you, then blowing off all their gatherings should do the trick. I’m not saying you have to attend every event, but a prayer group here and a dinner there will do much more good than harm. You might even find some BFF’s in the process.

Many pastor’s wives have a ‘thing’.  My ‘thing’ has been to organize an annual women’s retreat where we have three days of intensive Bible study and shopping in the Tennessee Mountains.  Each year our group comes home with a renewed sense of sisterhood and yet within two months, we are back to business as usual.  This year, a girl in our congregation stepped up to breathe fresh life into our otherwise tired women’s ministry so the fruit born from our retreat does not wither away.

I have to admit that when this group started I wondered how I was going to fit it in to an already busy schedule, but something told me this was something that had a bigger impact than I could anticipate.

Making the Connection
As a ministry wife I feel it is part of my role to support any effort made from within the body to provide an outlet for belonging.  It is extremely hard to bond without spending time with one another outside of the Sunday morning hour. It hurts me to think there are women in our pews who feel friendship within the Body has eluded them. Sometimes, church can be as lonely for parishioners as it is for the pastor’s wife.

Enter women’s ministry.

Our group meets once a month and travels from home to home.  We eat together.  Pray together.  Laugh and cry together.  And in the midst of it, we’ve become friends. There is a diversity of age and issues, but underneath is our commonality in Christ – and that’s all we need.  Here there is no category, but a group of women standing shoulder-to-shoulder resolving that no one will ever feel alone.  Every single one of these women are dear to me. I can’t imagine now how I’ve survived so long without meeting regularly with them.

That, girls, is what friendship is all about. Ministry wives, be open to having many friends within your congregation. Lay people, reach out to your pastor’s wife until she figures out it’s safe to reach back. You will make a connection – one that will transcend the confines of the pew.

Thank all of you for so many thought-provoking insights.  Please keep your questions coming!  In the meantime, I’d love for you to visit my personal blog:
The Preacher’s Wife.