The first month of the year always represents a season of new beginnings. Whether or not we actually make tracks through real snow, we feel refreshed and ready to face new challenges. Are you ready?

This month, author and speaker Liz Curtis Higgs leads the way for us. She’s the author of twenty-four books, with three million copies in print, including her nonfiction bestseller, Bad Girls of the Bible, and her fiction bestseller, Thorn in My Heart. An award-winning speaker, Liz has addressed 1,500 audiences in all fifty states and eight foreign countries. She’s a columnist for Today’s Christian Woman with her popular feature, “Women in the Word,” and more than 3,500 churches nationwide are using her video Bible study series, Loved by God.

Higgs makes her home in Louisville, Kentucky, with her husband, two teenagers, and too many cats. Her informative website can be accessed at www.LizCurtisHiggs.com.

Welcome to CWO, Liz! I heard you just returned from a trip to Scotland!

I did indeed, in mid-September. And a glorious trip it was…my ninth! This time I went there to (1) add the finishing touches to my next book, a nonfiction armchair travel guide to Galloway called My Heart’s in the Lowlands: Ten Days in Bonny Scotland. And (2) to do preliminary research for my next trilogy of historical novels set in Edinburgh and the Borders in 1745-46. I also had the joy of speaking at a Christian women’s outreach event in a rather unusual venue—an old movie theatre!

How exciting! How did you become so interested in Scotland?

It started two dozen years ago with a love for Scottish folk music and calendars featuring Scottish scenery on my walls. When my husband and I spent our 10th anniversary in Scotland in 1996, my love affair with all things Caledonian began in earnest.

I address the “Why Scotland?” question in the opening pages of My Heart’s in the Lowlands. Just for fun, here’s an excerpt…

The verdant, rolling hills remind me of places I’ve lived—eastern Pennsylvania and central Kentucky in particular—yet the angle of the sun falling across the Lowland moors is uniquely Scottish. That slanted light works a kind of magic on me. The misty air softens my complexion. Sleep comes easily. Contentment seeps into my bones. I bite into a freshly baked oatcake, covered with a generous slice of sharp Galloway cheese, then sip milk-laced tea, hot enough to numb my lips, and I’m within walking distance of heaven.
—From My Heart’s in the Lowlands, WaterBrook Press, February 2007

Oh, you make me want to travel to that beautiful place. I remember reading about your real-life adventure visiting the Isle of Arran as you researched for Grace in Thine Eyes. What was the highlight of that trip?

Because Arran is a small island with one coastal road, you can easily circle it in a day of driving. Along the way I kept running into the same people—at tearooms, in gift shops, at the post office. It was so funny! I met two couples there at two different B&Bs, and we’ve kept in touch ever since, exchanging emails and so forth. I visited with both of them on my last trip to Galloway, two years after we met. Amazing, eh? Arran is a very friendly place where time really does seem to stand still.

Do you always research on location for your historical novels?

Absolutely, and I did the same for my two contemporary novels as well. It helps me immeasurably when I walk the village streets where my characters walked, when I breathe the same scented air and gaze at a landscape Jamie, Leana, and Rose might have admired. I also interview people at the drop of a hat, capturing their comments on a small, digital tape recorder. And I spend lots of time in libraries, graveyards, and museums, poking about for the sort of historical details you can’t find anywhere else. Plus digital photos and antiquarian books… oh, I go wild with those!

Are you having a contest for readers to win a trip to bonny Scotland in 2007?

Aye! My publisher, WaterBrook Press, is sponsoring a contest to win a nine-day trip for two to Scotland. You’ll find details on my Web site and on theirs as well. Very exciting! The deadline for postcard entries is April 30. I’m planning on sponsoring my own wee contest as well, though on a much smaller scale. Again, details on my Web site come January 1.

We’ll have to all enter your contest!

After two decades of speaking at conferences all over the world, what do you see as the greatest need women have today?

There may be women living guilt-free lives, but I’ve yet to meet one! All of us seem to harbor some measure of regret over past failures and mistakes—whether big or small, whether they happened ten years ago, ten months ago, or ten minutes ago. Because of our guilt, we beat ourselves up constantly and convince ourselves we are not worthy of God’s love (or anyone else’s), and that we are undeserving of his grace.

I’m on a mission to help women see that God’s unconditional love expressed through his mercy is not based on our performance, on our goodness, on our worthiness, but on HIS atoning sacrifice, on HIS goodness, on HIS worthiness. Grace is simply a gift. We can’t add to it or subtract from it, and we dare not refuse it when we need it so desperately.

How do you try to reach women’s needs through your books?

My goal is to speak directly to a woman’s heart, addressing her deepest fears, her hidden hurts, her secret longings, her unspoken needs. To do that, I begin by confessing on the page my own fears, hurts, longings, and needs—not to mention my sins!—then show my reader how God meets us where we are.

Do you think God can minister to women through fiction as well as nonfiction? In what ways?

I truly do, or I could never justify the time it takes to write a novel (far longer than to write nonfiction!).

Stories engage our imagination and speak to our emotional center. We invest more of ourselves in a novel, partnering with the author to create in our minds a time and place peopled with characters who seem very real indeed. When they hurt, we hurt; when they struggle, we struggle with them; when they rejoice, we do, too. In the process, we learn something about ourselves and about our Lord.

That’s the unique aspect of Christian fiction, I think, and also the greatest challenge: to write a compelling story with a life-changing message, and yet not make it read like a sermon. Just as I do with my nonfiction, I dig deep into my soul when I write fiction. Much tears and gnashing of teeth! But I can’t expect my readers to experience the books at an emotional level if I don’t go there first.

You call yourself a “Former Bad Girl.” Is that what led you into writing Bad Girls of the Bible?

I am indeed an FBG, which gives me the credentials to write about those Bad Girls of old! I’ve always been fascinated with stories about women, and especially our sisters in Scripture. Perhaps because I spent a decade immersed in a sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle, I found it easier to identify with some of the wild women of the Bible when I first became a Christian.

Pushy Jezebel? Oh, I get that. Manipulative Delilah? Yup, that looks familiar. On-the-prowl Potiphar’s Wife? Been there. Such stories are included in the Bible for a good reason–so we can learn from them, even if it’s what not to do! Of course, the stories of the redeemed women remain our favorites: the Woman at the Well, the Adulteress, the Sinful Woman of Luke 7, whose many sins were forgiven. They point the way to grace for us all.

When did you first experience the forgiven life?

I was a radio DJ when I moved to Louisville in 1981—single and miserable, getting high and/or drunk many nights, and dragging home one stranger or another. (Sorry, just the ugly truth of it!) By the time a husband-and-wife team came to work at my radio station that fall, I’d hit bottom. They must have sensed that immediately, because as new Christians, they reached out to me. They welcomed me into their home and shared their faith with me. They literally hugged me into the Kingdom, gathering me in their arms and telling me, “God loves you, Liz. God believes in you. God has a plan for you.” Wow. Talk about GOOD NEWS! Finally, I acknowledged Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in February 1982… oh, happy day!

What an amazing personal testimony of God’s grace. Now, you have a new book out, Embrace Grace. Can you tell us a little about it?

With joy and abandon! In some way, all the 25 books I’ve written to date feature GRACE at the heart of them; Embrace Grace simply puts that important topic front and center. It’s sized like a gift book, with a lovely cover, and the style is very personal and easy to digest, even as it probes the deepest corners of our hearts. Chapter by chapter, we follow a pathway to grace, guided by honest comments from women seeking the forgiveness only God can provide. Writing this book was pure joy because it felt like a three-way conversation between the Lord, a dear reader, and me.

When someone says, “I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself,” how do you respond?

We all understand that very human need to “feel” forgiven. Here’s the good news: Scripture does not require us to forgive ourselves! Instead, the Lord tells us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9 ). When we are at our weakest—aware of our shortcomings, ashamed of our sins—God reminds us that we are already forgiven, that every sin we will ever commit has been paid for on the cross. We simply don’t have the capacity to forgive ourselves…but God does. And has!

If, as your book says, the forgiven life begins with an embrace, who hugs first?

The Lord, of course! The verse that really knocked me back on my heels was this one: ”This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time” (2 Tim 1:9). When Eve first sinned, God was not surprised, shocked, or disappointed. He was READY with grace. What a comforting thought! His loving arms have been around us all along. We simply need to acknowledge that reality and sink into his embrace.

Yours is not the only voice heard from Embrace Grace. How did you include your readers?

Since Bad Girls of the Bible was published in 1999, I’ve received literally thousands of letters from readers. I answer them all, of course, and keep every one safely filed away. I combed through them before writing Embrace Grace, looking for a phrase here, a sentence there that I thought spoke for ALL of us. And so their words are woven throughout the book, being very careful not to reveal anyone’s identity. Whenever I read aloud passages from Embrace Grace at booksignings, I watch heads nod in agreement. These heartfelt comments ring true because they are. I’m so blessed to have kind, responsive readers who share their life experiences with me.

What are you looking forward to in the new  year, 2007?

I’ll be speaking at two dozen women’s conferences around the country and writing when I’m home. I’m eager to finish my next nonfiction book, Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible, publishing in September 2007, and even more eager to start writing my next historical novel, Here Burns My Candle, publishing in March 2008. Both my children will be in college come September (sniff! empty nest!), which means my husband will begin to travel with me and finally get to meet the readers I’ve been telling him about for years!

Do you have any closing advice for us women who are trying to find time to grow spiritually while also juggling all the demands placed on us?

Say no whenever you gracefully can. Most of us (including me) say yes too quickly and too often, then find ourselves physically exhausted and spiritually drained. Just say no. It’s okay… really! In doing so, you are saying yes to those you love most.

Find every way possible to weave God’s Word throughout each day—in the books you read, the conversations you have, the music you listen to. Biblical knowledge and spiritual maturity don’t just happen. We have to invest our time wisely. Hard, hard, hard, I know, when we have jobs and families and friends and SO many priorities! The Lord knows all this and loves you completely. Rest in his embrace and know that being a Christian is all about what He has done, and not what you have done. That’s real grace!

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with all of us here at CWO. We wish you the best year ever!

My pleasure, dear sisters! Come visit me anytime at www.LizCurtisHiggs.com

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Liz was our cover girl for Janaury:

“Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is to small to be made into a burden.”
- Corrie ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook

When I was five, I worried about getting lost on the path between my kindergarten classroom and the school cafeteria. When I turned seven, I worried that my chatty reading partner would get me in trouble with our teacher. At nine, I fretted over my too-curly hair, or whether I’d finish my term paper on time. And at thirteen, I worried that my dad’s job might transfer him to Turkey.

Later in life, I found opportunities to worry about whether I was too strict or too lenient as a parent. When I wasn’t preoccupied with the challenges of motherhood, I had plenty of other concerns to keep my head spinning: bills and deadlines and aging parents whose health issues were mounting yearly.

Then I met a woman who had every reason to worry, yet didn’t. Diane had suffered liver damage from a childhood illness and by the time she reached her early teens, she’d became an insulin-dependent diabetic. In spite of careful monitoring and a strict diet, her glucose level would rise and fall with little warning. As a result of those daily shifts, Diane’s vision suffered drastically. She developed migraines. Her energy level plummeted without notice, and afternoon naps soon became a necessity.

One evening as she stepped out of the shower, Diane suffered a seizure that literally threw her to the bathroom floor. Her husband called for an ambulance, but by the time paramedics arrived, my friend had lapsed into unconsciousness.

At the hospital, a team of specialists raced the clock to corner the culprit. After numerous tests, they discovered a “blister” tucked between the folds of her brain. Inoperable, they said. Too risky.

Weeks passed without change. Friends from our ladies’ Bible fellowship prayed, trusting God for her “best,” whatever that might entail. When her doctor assessed that the machines were only keeping her warm and nothing more, Diane’s husband made the tough decision to let her go, and she slipped away within minutes of removing life support.

I remember how different the world felt the next morning. Kids played tag on a nearby playground, oblivious to my loss. Buses hurried by as if nothing had changed. People still griped about politics. Junk mail still crowded my mailbox. TV commercials still coaxed consumers into buying products they didn’t need.

But my good friend was gone.

Certain people impact us for the rest of our lives. Twenty-seven years have passed, yet the thought of that special friendship still makes me smile. Whenever I think of Diane, I remember her bright outlook on life, and her faith that God always knows best; His plan for each of us is higher and broader and deeper than anything we could ever conjure up ourselves.

I remember her shrugging at worry–a waste of time, she believed. Little did she know that her time on earth would be so limited, yet if she had known, I doubt that this young woman with sparkling brown eyes would have changed the way she lived her life.

Diane was in step with God, and in tune with her world.

One New Year’s Day, I asked her if she’d made any resolutions. “Nope. Why rock the boat?” She’d just keep on doing what she’d been doing, she said.

“I just stay out of God’s way and trust Him for whatever.”

©2008, Bonnie Bruno

It is that time of year again! Time for making those New Year’s Resolutions! I recently read that two of the top resolutions people make include reducing stress and starting to enjoy life. Because I am a big believer in our homes facilitating the life we really want to live, I think it is a perfect time to evaluate how well our homes are meeting our needs. Changing our behavior, attitude and habits sometimes begins with changing our environment.

I think we are all yearning for a little more peace and a little less chaos. The world outside bombards us with the latter, so we turn inside our homes to create the relaxing environment we crave. The more you have going on in your life, the more this will resonate with you. Do you find yourself repeating “Serenity, now! Serenity, now!” a few times a day? Ok, then, my point exactly. You could benefit from a simple home makeover! Having a home that reflects serenity can actually give you a sense of peace and a healthy perspective on your life. A serene home can rekindle your ability to enjoy life. It is a cycle. First you determine you need to experience more peace and quiet, and then you create the environment that meets that need. Lastly, you must set aside time to fully appreciate and utilize the space you’ve created.

Having a tranquil home doesn’t mean it has to be decorated with neutrals, or that everyone has to speak in hushed voices! Serenity doesn’t necessarily have to do with colors or decorating style.  Everyone has different preferences. But there are a few common tricks we can all use to create a more peaceful life through our home. Let’s look at a few of them!

The best way to create a sense of serenity is to clear the clutter and visual chaos. If your home is filled with stuff–be it clutter, piles of papers, dirty dishes, too many accessories or an over-abundance of furnishings–you have visual chaos. When every square inch of space is filled up, we become easily overwhelmed–feeling anxious and unsettled. By having some empty space in corners, surfaces and on the wall you allow your eyes to rest. Those moments of calm as you look around a room actually help you to fully appreciate the beauty of a space. Breathing room is so important to our feeling of peace. Make sure you have places for your eyes to relax in each room.

Another way to create visual serenity is through what I call “creative concealment.” This is a technique you can use to hide unpleasant features of a room that are structural or otherwise unmovable. Poorly placed or unattractive windows, too many doors, or ugly heating units are common problems that can benefit from creative concealment. Paint is the perfect concealer, it can be used to blank out a multitude of problems! Decorative screens, curtains, plants and furniture placement can also disguise problem areas that jar your vision as your eye roams a room. If something in your room bothers your eyes or is less than pleasant, fix it, remove it or conceal it!

Closed storage is another great way to create a sense of order and peace in your home. If you do have open storage, make sure it is used for attractive items only. It is best to group collections on open shelves by a common theme or color. A mish-mash of magazines, knick-knacks, and random items will always look chaotic. Open storage can be an invitation to clutter, so make sure it has a decorative purpose and don’t allow anything else to land there!

Lighting is another important element in how we feel in a room. Having lamps or lighting you can change depending on your mood or activity level can dramatically affect your feelings at any given time in your home. You need good overhead and task lighting to be able to perform tasks without frustration and variable lighting from three way bulbs and dimmer-switches to keep yourself feeling calm when you are trying to unwind.

Lastly, I encourage you to find a corner in your home where you can fully experience solitude. We all need a place to go to escape or refocus our priorities. Having a comfortable spot that invites you to read, study, pray, or reflect in silence will set the tone each day for what is really important. Choose a chair you love, place it in a corner next to an end table with a pretty lamp and a few well chosen accessories. Then make sure you schedule time to sink into that chair and experience what you intended.  Even just seeing your chair ready and waiting for you will bring serenity and perspective in the chaotic moments of life. Design your home for the life you want, and it will repay you with what you need to make that life happen.

“Now may the Lord of peace himself
give you peace at all times and in every way.”
~ 2 Thesselonians 3:16

©2008, Melissa Michaels
Photo credit, Melissa Michaels

The New Year wears hope like a fragrance. The scent, tender, young, sweet, carries in on the wind, and carries me.

So I watch it come, this first day of the first month of a brand new year, breaking over the horizon, breaking up through our jaded hopelessness. Just on the rim of our clean farm fields of white, a new time, fresh hope, dawns.  Do these fields of unspoiled winter await new tracks, like an unfurled year awaiting new ways of being? Pristine and blue in morning light, this snow gives me pause. Before embarking into the pregnant hope of 2008, I think: which way will I step? What will be the path I choose across this stretching expanse of time?

Tracks can only be made once.
And then I catch it. A stench.

That decaying rank that I know all too well:  malodorous, rotten fear. Fear that I am impotent of change, that I am doomed to this body of death, that new ways can’t be my ways.  What if I will always be this way… (fill in the blank with fear of personal choice: self-centered, overweight, uneducated, unmotivated, debt-ridden, angry, anxious, apathetic, unfulfilled…)  What if our family, this marriage, these children, stagnate, fester, languish? What if all tomorrows are just more of all our yesterdays, never learning the lessons that were meant to be learned?
And this, this mingling aroma of  sweet hope and putrid fear, this is where I goad myself onward, each step fuelled with the prodding kick, “I simply must try harder.” Try harder to order my life: more organizing, more scheduling, more managing. Try harder to educate our children better: read more, create more, experience more.  Try harder to be a heart after His: pray more, sing more, memorize more. Try harder to tramp good tracks.

I remember from yesterday (and the string of days behind it) with its muddied mess of imprints:  trying harder only  results in harder trials. Self-striving nurtures self-hatred.   Toiling in the flesh produces foiling in the soul. Looking back on the trail tromped through other years, I have eyes to see: to forge new tracks one needs more than simply sheer effort, gritty determination. Yes. But what then?

As the premier day of the newborn year stretches, I watch the wind lift, gently lull, the branches of the spruce trees that tower outside my window. I cannot see the wind, where she comes from, where she goes, but I watch a thin veil of snow, blowing in with her, going off with her.
And the wind whispers, rustles, rumors from Home: one needs wind’s hope, His Spirit. For this wind brings falling flakes, blanketing muddled tracks. Grace, His Spirit, covers, fills our empty spots, intercedes. His mercies fall new every morning. Fear, its stench, ebbs in the knowing: every day, we begin again. We remain, thankfully, always beginners. Each dawn pulls back the blinds on, always, day one.

How then to make tracks just through this Day One? How to set out into the New Year?

• Set back to the Wind

Set back to the wind, and let His Spirit gently move you forward. Let His Spirit carry, when feet are too weak to carry on. I abruptly arrest myself with every “I must try harder.” And gently remind to form new words, utter new prayers that transport to new places: “Spirit, fill more of me. Lift me, Spirit.” Set out  into New Year’s hope knowing,  “It is the Spirit who gives life, the flesh profits nothing (Jn 6:36)…Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty (Zech. 4:6).” Set back to His Wind, and let Him fill your sail, your life.

• Set jaw

Set back to the wind and set jaw to persevere. For we add to our faith, perseverance. The day will be long, the way deep. We will grow weary, discouraged, tempted to turn back to familiar, rutted paths. But set hand to the plow and refuse to turn back. For, really, what can go awry? The Spirit’s got your back.  So set jaw—persevere, be patient, embrace long processes– and let the wind blow.

• Set times

Set, fixed, times to make certain tracks each day allows for the wind to move us, for  inspiration to surprise us.  Sporadic creativity, intermittent, random commitment, generally fails to forge a steady trail. If we pursue new, desired paths simply when we can get around to it, too often the darkening sky of the urgent distracts us, detours us. Progress is born out of rhythm, routine, regularity….set times. It is how the saints met God: Daniel prayed three times a day facing Jerusalem (Daniel 6:10), the psalmist purposed to praise seven times a day, the early disciples prayed at fixed hours, 9 am in the upper room, (Acts 2:15),on the roof for noon prayers  (Acts 10:9), on the way to temple for 3 pm prayers (Acts 3:1). If set times are the necessary catalysts for spiritual growth, so are set times critically compelling elements for life growth. With back set to the wind, and jaw set, set habitual times to pioneer new habits.  Uncertain times will lead to certain failure.

• Set sights

Embark daily with a keen focus on the trail markers, on the intermediate goals that line the way. Be it daily markers of an hour of reading aloud to thirsty young minds, fifteen minutes in prayer, twenty minutes invested into a relationship, intermediate rest stations dot the path of our long, arduous journey. Set goals along the way, and fix your sights on the these midway markers: one pound shed this week, 5 chapters read, one date night with a child. Set sights close…  “By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running,  and I am not turning back” (Phil 3:13 MSG). Set eye on the intermediary goals along the way, breaking the trek into achievable segments—and be off and running!

• Set Out

Simply, finally, take the first step. Again and again.  The wind, hope on its wings, sweeps each new day clean before us, and sweeps over our tracks from yesterday, filling with grace. Quell fear. Keep setting out.  “Jesus said, “No procrastination. No backward looks. You can’t put God’s kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day” (Luke 9:62 MSG). Seize the day! Set out, fixing “attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out!” (Ro. 1:12 MSG).  Changed from the inside out. Set jaw, set times, set sights, set back to the wind…and unfold arms, like wings extending, feeling that change coming through.
A New Year blows in and we feel that Spirit wind catch, lift.

We are set to Soar. Set to Soar.

©2008, Ann Voskamp

Listen in as Jill chats with Lynn Bower Walker about her book, Queen of the Castle: 52 Weeks of Encouragement for the Uninspired, Domestically Challenged or Just Plain Tired Homemaker. The book is full of funny tips, practical information and great homemaking ideas. Walker isn’t afraid to share her foibles which makes the book a fun read.

Lynn Bowen Walker is a Stanford graduate who was trained as a journalist, but who chose instead to dedicate herself to raising a family and building a strong home. A homemaker now for 23 years, Lynn wrote much of this book while in the car waiting for her children to finish practices. In addition to making a mean chocolate chip cookie and having written for many magazines, including Today’s Christian Woman and Glamour, she has contributed to several books and is raising two sons with her husband, Mark.

A soft whisper speaking to my soul. A gentle tug on my heart.  A beckoning to return to Him, to seek His truth and wisdom and guidance in all ways. A quiet reminder to turn all things over to Him–to let go and let God.

The past few years, my faith has been tested on many levels. There were times I wavered, or was overcome with anxiety and fear and doubt, or was consumed with exhaustion and anger, or isolated myself from others, because I didn’t have the energy to reciprocate or give anything back to the relationship. But lately, I have noticed that God is speaking to me in ways which are letting me know it is time to renew myself and allow Him to touch that part of my soul which is so afraid and angry.  It is time for me to overcome this huge obstacle of  exhaustion and to start anew in my faith journey with Him by my side.  It is time to replace the suffering with hope that He will be here with me, every step of the way, as I make some necessary changes in my life.  As it says in Romans, 5:3-4, “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” NIV

I must admit that I am tired of all the trials and tribulations. I must admit I haven’t prayed as faithfully as I should have through it all. I must admit I didn’t sit still and just try to listen to what God had to say to me. I usually just plowed ahead and did what I thought was the right thing to do, because I needed to feel in control of my situation that was so much out of my control. My husband losing his job and as a result almost all of our financial resources, my daughter developing lupus and almost losing her life, my youngest being so psychologically scarred from being the victim of racial prejudice, and my physical and emotional turmoil–all of these situations I had absolutely no control over. I am now to the point, though, where I realize that I can’t hang on to these events anymore and use them as excuses for not being able to open myself back up again to God’s loving embrace.  He wants what is best for me, and what is best for me, is to give up being focused on “poor me”.  He wants me to stop being so selfish and to challenge myself to reach out to others to help them through similar situations rather than isolate myself. He wants me to find joy and hope in my life again rather than to face each day with a dreaded sense of resignation.

My New Year resolution is that I will vow to look at each and every new day as my beginning of always.  “The beginning of wisdom is silence.  The second step is listening”. (Author unknown).  What I resolve to do is begin each day with a prayer to ask God what His will is for my day. I will end the prayer with a period of silence so that I can then truly LISTEN to what it is that God has in his plans for me. For truly, if each day is my beginning of always, then I must do His will so that my “always” will be spent with Him in eternity.

Carl Brand once said “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending”.  I can’t change the past decisions and actions I have made, which may have hurt God or people whom I love or even strangers I’ve never known. But what I can do, is live with the realization that each decision and each action I do make have the power to affect the ending of my story. I can choose to live with bitterness and anger, or I can choose to live with gratitude and compassion. I can choose to live in isolation, or I can choose to reach out and give of myself. I can choose to be exhausted, or I can choose to ask God for strength and courage to face each day with enthusiasm and joy. I want my “ending” to reflect God’s glory in my life, and so I begin this new year with hope that I can serve God in all ways and to find His purpose for my life.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing”.  James 1:2-4

I wish you and yours a blessed New Year.  Thank you for blessing my life with your support and love.

©2008, Valerie Wolff

Candace, I want to ask if you have any thoughts about how to teach our little ones about Christ? I have 2 boys: ages 2 & 5. I try to teach them about God; we read Bible stories at bedtime and we pray and talk about God here and there.  Maybe it’s just a developmental thing, but my 5 year old seems so aloof. When he prays, he’s just repeating the words that he’s heard me pray, it doesn’t come from within himself. And when I try to teach him about God, he’s looking off into space, or trying to play with something. It is so frustrating to me because more than anything, I want them to know and love the Lord.

I’m not sure if God is just still an abstract idea to him or if he just doesn’t have a reverence for God yet.  Would love to know your thoughts!  Thanks so much!

_________________________

You sound like you are doing a wonderful job with your children teaching them about Christ. Don’t be discouraged if your 5 year old doesn’t “get” Him yet–he’s 5! Yes, I know some children who have professed their love for the Lord at the same age, but everyone develops differently. The most important thing you can continue to do is to love your children and teach them about God. Continue to read with them, play with them, and nurture them. Don’t think that reading those Bible stories are all for nothing. You’ll be surprised one day when your son is asked about something and he’ll recall a Bible story mommy read. Kids are like sponges. They soak it ALL in. Some kids just don’t squeeze it out till later.

I love The Way of the Master book for kids. It’s a really fun way to learn the 10 commandments and the story of creation. Remember that the best way to teach your kids about who God is at a young age, is to reflect within yourself the very things you’re trying to teach. In other words, live out your life for Christ. Your actions will speak loud and clear.

Keep up the good work and put your worry to rest. God loves your boys more than you do! Can you imagine that?!

At this time of year, we often pause to reflect on the past and speculate on the future. I was doing just that recently as I was pondering the theme for my entire Boomer Babes Rock outreach, a ministry that includes books, speaking, a web site, blog, and this CWO monthly column. I was thinking and praying about the coming year and in doing so I kept being drawn to the theme of Freedom.

I reviewed my past CWO columns and I found this paragraph that I’d written for the April 2007 CWO column:

“At a time in life when we [boomer babes] should be experiencing the empty nest, rediscovering our spouse, taking new adventures, and pursuing the dreams of our heart—many of us find ourselves in painful bondage to dysfunctional adult children whose choices include drugs, alcohol, gambling, crime, financial ruin, and a host of other negative circumstances too heinous to mention.”

Right then I decided that 2008 should be a year of freedom from bondage and freedom to be all God intends us to be.

Maybe you don’t have dysfunctional adult children, yet, you still find yourself being bound to something, or someone, that controls you. Maybe it’s negative self-talk, financial problems, or discouragement that you will never reach your dreams.

As CWO sisters-in-Christ, freedom means first and foremost what Jesus Christ did for us when he went to the cross. When we confessed our sin, asking Jesus to live in our heart, we experienced the greatest freedom of all—the freedom of forgiveness. The freedom that comes from the unconditional love the Lord bestows upon us.

Yet I know that for many of us that ultimate freedom is often overshadowed by worldly things that keep us in bondage. We all have our crosses to bear. For me, that particular cross is often the pain and heartache I experience as a mother. Many of you know from reading my past CWO columns or my Saturday postings on the Boomer Babes Rock Blog, that I have an adult child who is an addict—an adult child I enabled for years. My son is currently in jail in Minnesota awaiting trial. He could be sent to a state penitentiary for a very long time.

Over the years I have had to learn the difficult lessons of defining my boundaries as they relate to my son. It’s been a long, difficult and painful journey. Yet I’ve managed to find freedom. I share that journey in my newest book releasing in February from Harvest House Publishers. Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children – Six Steps to Hope and Healing is the cry of a mother’s heart.

I believe freedom starts in our heart. First, we must believe there is hope for freedom. The Bible says, “…Christ in us, the hope of glory.” Yet, so often we forget that we have that hope and we listen to everything except our hearts.

Here’s an example I once heard: Think about freedom and all it takes as God being placed in the center of a box. When we choose freedom, we enter this box to be close to God. Then to fully grasp freedom, we must walk toward the center—closer to God. The problem is that most people are afraid, or more willing, to stand as close as possible to the sides of the box. There pressed against the sides, we can hear the outside voices – doubt, discouragement, negative thinking, etc. If instead, we would take just a few steps forward toward the center of the box—toward God—we would hear the voice of encouragement, positive direction, focus, and FREEDOM!

For enabling parents like me, it’s focusing everything on the needs of our dysfunctional adult children—getting caught up in their crisis lifestyle, bad habits, etc. For others, it’s staying with a job they hate. Or for some, it’s an addiction to something. The key to true freedom isn’t so much focusing on the problem but on the solution—and that starts with trusting in God enough to let him do what he does best—bringing hope and healing—doing miraculous things. The key to freedom is walking closer to the center of the box where God is standing.

You might be thinking, “Allison, it’s just not that easy. I’ve tried to break free from XXX for years and it just doesn’t work. I’m still in the middle of a mess.”

I know what you mean. I know what that’s like. I still want to rush to my son’s side and bail him out of the trouble he’s in. He’s 36-years-old yet I still want to protect him. But who am I to play God? Could it be that God, in his infinite wisdom, has a far grander plan in store for my son’s life as a result of this journey he is now walking? I pray often for freedom from self blame and condemnation, guilt, anguish and heartache. I struggle against clinging to the sides of the box.

I want to accept the challenge for total freedom in 2008. It’s actually something that I do daily as I face the reality that it may be years before I see my son as a free man. I struggled with wanting to move toward the sides of box during the holidays thinking if only I had done this or that, or such and such. However, I truly believe that my son being in jail is just where God wants him for now. I’ve found freedom because I believe God will do a work through him and through this situation. I must move closer toward the center of the box where God is standing, and not remain glued to the sides where the pain from the past keeps me prisoner.

I want to challenge my CWO readers to make 2008 a year of freedom from past mistakes, past choices, past drama. I want us to make 2008 a year of Setting Boundaries not only with Adult Children but also for all areas of our lives.

Are you ready for freedom in your life? Will you take this journey with me? Then stick around. Together we’ll walk toward the center of that box—toward encouragement, positive direction, and love—toward God in all of His glory. During the next 12 months, I’ll be sharing with you how together we can learn to set those boundaries that allow freedom to grow in our hearts.

With great interest I’ve been following your website and reading your advice column here.  As a young woman of the same age as you, and with a similar background in acting and upbringing, I’ve felt best able to relate to your story of seeking out a more truly Christian lifestyle and searching for greater meaning and discipline to my life.
 
I was just about ready to “make the leap” and seek out some of the resources you’d recommended, when I read something that made me doubt my ability to blend a Christian life with the convictions of equality I’ve been raised to believe in. Convictions that now, as an elementary school teacher, I try to pass on and stress to my students each and every day as I attempt to help them build their confidence and sense of self.
 
You gave advice to a woman who was trying to come to an agreement with her husband about homeschooling. You wrote that in the end, the husband is the leader of the family and should make the final decision.
 
I was raised to believe that men and women are equals and should act as partners when married. I also believe this demonstrates to children that women shouldn’t be submissive and that their opinions are as worthy as that of males. I know that to suddenly change my way of thinking that my partner’s opinions should be the final ones regardless of compromise would leave me feeling disrespected and unsatisfied, and I would hope through compromise my partner would never feel this way in return, either.
 
If it is true that it is suggested that men dominate the “power” role in the modern family, I’m not sure if my yearning to walk a similar path to your’s is right for me after all, and I feel more confused than ever. I have put acting behind me and am enjoying my career as a teacher, and look forward to marriage.  Will it be possible for me to dedicate my life to Christ if I don’t feel “right” putting my partner on an uneven plane as myself? 
 
Thanks if you are able to help me sort this out.

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Many women in today’s culture struggle with this very thought and subject, so you’re not alone. It is our society that’s got it messed up and has confused us all. Just because you were raised a certain way and brought up to believe certain things, it doesn’t mean they are right. Let’s look at the Bible for answers.

Marriage is an equal partnership in that BOTH roles, husband and wife, are equally important. But, they are not designed to be the SAME role. The Bible says, “For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman: but the woman for the man” (1Corinthians 11:8-9). In Genesis, God created Adam and said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a him an help meet for him”. (Gen. 2:18) See, we were CREATED to be a helper to our husbands.

“Submissive” is not a four letter word. Today’s culture would have us believe it is. That is straight from the mouth of the enemy. Being submissive to my husband in no way makes me feel disrespected or unsatisfied. I haven’t turned into a door mat that gets walked all over. Just the opposite! As a submissive wife, I have a great responsibility and role in my marriage. Yes, I’m the second in command but does that make my role less worthy? No.

Think of it in military terms. You have a commanding officer and a soldier. There is a chain of command. Does that make the soldier’s role less important? Of course it doesn’t. If everyone was a commanding officer, there would be chaos! Same thing in your household. Having two heads of authority doesn’t work by design. Once a conflict arises, you will both stand on your principles until someone compromises, or worse–not, and the other will feel defeated. Most likely it will be your husband who’ll do the compromising because it will be easier to give in than listen to his unhappy wife. This cycle will continue on in your marriage, only to have your husband feel he’s incapable of making good decisions for your family, that you don’t respect him, and ultimately find himself looking for a woman who will. I know that sounds harsh, but why do you think the divorce rate gets higher and higher every year?

I take joy in serving my husband. He does not take advantage of me. I don’t become his slave. I help him because it pleases the Lord, and ultimately, THAT is who I care about most. When I love, honor, respect and help build my husband into the man God wants him to be for our home, he has so much love for me in return. He WANTS my opinion, he trusts me, he takes my advice and asks what I think on just about every subject. This trust has been given because of my attitude when it comes to his decision making. We talk, we share, he knows what’s important to me. He ALWAYS takes that into consideration. I’ll tell you, most of the time, my husband will yield to my direction on the subject because he values it so. But, when he believes a different decision to be right, I allow him to make that final decision and not say anything more about it. I don’t let the disappointment show on my face for the next few days. I don’t whine and complain about not getting my way. And I CERTAINLY don’t rub it in his face if my way would have been the better way! I’m right there by his side to help him make a better decision the next time around. (Trust me… when things like that happen, they’ll listen to you even more next time!)

Ultimately, my husband is responsible for all the decisions made in our home before God. He’ll stand before God to give an account of our family. That’s a weight lifted from my shoulders and yet such a hefty responsibility for my husband. I want to do everything possible to see us succeed together.

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1Cor. 11:3) Do you see the chain of command? Even Christ is subject to one higher than himself–God! Why then, should we feel that we deserve to be equal with everyone else? Are we not subject to Christ as well? Again, this is society’s view that’s got us all confused. I choose to allow my husband to lead because I want to do it God’s way. I gave up “my rights” when I gave my life over to the Lord.

I could write pages and pages on this subject, but there just isn’t enough time in the day. This answer is not complicated because scripture is abundantly clear when it comes to the role of being a wife. Read Titus 2. If you are seeking God and His ways…. you can’t pick and choose what makes you feel good or more comfortable. God is a God of Truth and has written His ways and ultimate design for our lives in the Bible. While the subject seems to be a stumbling block for you in knowing the God who created you, it’s clearly an attack to prevent another soul from being saved. Before you give up on a right relationship with God because of this subject, seek the scriptures. They are TRUTH. God can open your eyes spiritually if you’ll ask Him.

My recommended reading for you is: Created to Be His Help Meet by Debbie Pearl and Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

May God give you the clarity you need to know His ways.