Jeri's Journal

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me…My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. ~ John 10:14&27

The Spirit calls out to all who will listen: “I love you.” Those of us called to serve Him hear His voice. A desire is borne in our hearts to know Him and to love Him in return. I can see this in my own life. I wondered at God from an early age. I really wanted to know Him. However, instead of coming to Him through a direct route, God allowed me through life’s various experiences to come to Him in a roundabout way—to learn to appreciate the truth by allowing me to know what it was to live a lie.

My early experiences of God came from my grandmother’s mainline church – where the hollowed-out shell of the gospel existed in the form of religion. I walked there alone on Sundays, hoping to learn more about this God to whom I was drawn. He eluded me there.

Later, when our neighborhood friend and her family converted to Jehovah’s witnesses, I listened to their strangely unsettling teachings. At first, I thought maybe they had found the truth. As time wore on, however, I became aware of the falsity in what they were saying. I have vague memories of participating in various bus ministries during my childhood years. As the fourth child of a single mother, the ministries provided her with a break from us kids—if only for a couple of hours. Did they share the gospel? Perhaps; but for whatever reason, it did not seem to register with me.

Finally, as a teen of 14, I heard the clear, concise gospel and it was as though I had heard it for the first time. I heard so clearly Christ’s whispered call, “I love you” through the word of truth that night. It all made sense to me! I was a sinner, unable to save myself, but Jesus—God’s Son—came down and died on the cross for my sin. Through His sacrifice, I found forgiveness, new life and hope. Prior to this, I thought that I had to earn my way to heaven through my devotion and by avoiding sin. I always fell short, and often wondered if I would ever make it.

The gospel seed sprouted up quickly in me, but it was much like a seed planted at the edge of the desert. I could either gain nourishment from the life-giving water of the oasis, or become engulfed by the arid sands of my rebellion. I allowed the evil one to lure me out into the wasteland, enjoying the pleasures of sin and willfulness until I came to loath the person I saw in the mirror. Three years later, broken and contrite, I finally emerged from the desert ready to face the truth about myself. I immersed myself in the cool waters of God’s grace and never looked back.

It was a long, roundabout journey that finally brought me to a firm faith in Christ. I have often wondered why the Lord didn’t just call me through the direct route. Then I realized that so much of who I am as a believer is a direct result of those experiences. Even in my sin and rebellion, those things that Satan meant for evil in my life became a useful tool in His hand. In His grace, He has taken my greatest failures and used them to teach me and to equip me to be a light to others.

Are you lamenting your past—unable to get beyond the why of all the difficulties the Lord has allowed in your life? Put your trust in the Lord. You may not understand the why at this moment, but you can trust Him in His grace to redeem these things and restore “the years that the locust has eaten.” Follow the Good Shepherd – who calls you out of the desert and who desires to lead you into the green pastures of His love. Can you hear His voice?

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