My friend's parents have both been diagnosed with cancer. This news came weeks apart. My heart breaks because I know the pain of hearing words such as “terminal”, “cancer”, and “chemo therapy”. I remember how scared and angry I felt.

I talked to her this week. My sad attempt to comfort her turned into encouragement for me. She said, “ You know… I can see God all in this.” Her mother is not a believer but in the midst of this time of shock and hurt she is reading the devotional Jesus Calling. My friend told me, “He is being glorified through the whole thing.” I only wish I had seen the good in the sickness and deaths of my parents. I didn’t. Not at the time. However my spiritual eyes are being opened now by this sister in Christ as she stands firm, BELIEVING He’s got this too.

There’s comfort, hope and encouragement in music. Casting Crowns’ He’s Already There is speaking volumes to me. Verse two reiterates God’s plan and purpose for each one of us even while in the valley of the shadow of death.

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plans.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

My friend exudes peace and overflows with hope and it is only by His power and love that she does so. As I type this morning I praise Him for putting before me a precious woman of God who is setting a godly example of faith for me and so many others. As much as my heart hurts for her I am filled with hope KNOWING that when life throws me another curve ball He’s already there and has the situation in hand… His hands.

Thank you sweet lady for blessing me. Thank you friends because I am confident in your prayers for my friend and her family.

At first glance, I thought “What a mess! Lord if you can do anything with this...”

I awoke this morning to the sound of my teenager opening the door to go check the mail as he was anxiously awaiting the arrival of a package that contained a game he had ordered. Oh, to be that way again. When my world involved carefree playing, socializing with friends, and time itself seemed to crawl as I anticipated an event, or like him, the arrival of something my life would just simply end without!

When that package did finally come, the seller of the item had sent the wrong game. Apparently, someone had made the wrong choice when they placed the game in its package to be mailed. Perhaps they were talking with a coworker and didn't even notice their mistake. Perhaps they were having a bad day, felt sick, or just plain reckless. Regardless of the reason, it had resulted in a disappointment on our end. One that affected the whole household.

My look in the mirror seemed to resemble my previous choices; they cried out in each quick glimpse, each wrinkle, and the tired look in my eyes. Perhaps if I had been more careful or if I had paid closer attention, my disappointment would not be so painfully real, and my dreams would not be so seemingly crushed.

It took time to clear up the return and replacement of the item, but I don't regret spending that time with my son. We laughed and we argued, much like we do every time we are on the computer maneuvering through the internet together. What an experience! It's much like Jack from the TV series “24” calling on Grannie from the “Beverly Hillbillies” for help. I have to take my time, even though my son's very existence, he believes, is at stake.

Good ol' Amazon told me that “since I was such a loyal customer” I could speed up the process.

If only I had been more loyal to God, what would my reflection have glared back at me today?

I believe I'll take another glance in that mirror and look past my faded youth to others like Sarah and Moses who were just beginning to experience their promise as they grew older; past the outline of my weakened frame to David and Sampson who overcame vicious enemies against them, their people, and their God even after they had messed up in a few areas of their own; and finally past my fears of life's day-to-day routine and the future that lies ahead to one of my favorites, Peter, who against all odds, stepped out of the boat and walked on the water to get to Jesus just because He asked him to come.

So, from deep inside of me, from a heart that truly wants to change my world, I respond to my own mind's question of, “Lord if you can do anything with this”, shoulders squared and head held high, with “Yes, in fact, He's the only one who can.”

Life is constantly changing; it doesn’t ever let me catch my breath. I prefer consistency, slow shifts, and want everyone’s movements to revolve around my life and my expectations. I admit it I am selfish in my own particular way, and I want all of my friend’s decisions to depend on my acceptance and comfort. They seem to accept this, but go ahead and do what they had planned anyway!

Major changes happened in the last couple of years; two of my best friends have moved away from me. Not because they have disassociated themselves from me, but they actually moved to other areas of God’s beautiful world! They are encountering new and exciting adventures, and I am left with their empty spaces.

I was very much involved in the most recent move; I helped with packing and a two day marathon “Big” moving sale. She lived on a farm and had a big house plus many out-buildings which were all full. We re-arranged mega, multiple home, yard, barn, workshop, and shed items, to ensure a great sale. It did!

One of the perks of this loving labor of mine was to choose anything (I mean “anything”) she wasn’t taking to her new (far away) home, and let it become a part of my “left behind “life.

I selected a few items, a painted pitcher, unusual stone jug, a crock, a book or two, and various other items. On the last day of preparation for the move I stumbled into, literally, a closet and there in all of its well-used glory was the prize! I couldn’t believe my eyes, a heavy green metal object screwed to the interior wall, my heart thumped wildly for joy. I had found treasure, along with childhood memories.

I always wanted one, even though I have had many that were hand held, a free-standing one sits on my desk as I write, but it has to be used carefully due to its propensity to tip over when used. There it was; a heavy duty, with a hand crank, a virtual grinding machine; one that makes that soothing “gurrring” sound as it chews the shank and sharpens the tips of yellow or black wood pencils. There is nothing in this world like a very sharp point!

Why was I having spasms’, and chills brought on by such a simple thing; a pencil sharpener? School! That is why, school. Sharpening my pencils was my release, my recreation, my way out of a boring assignment! I would sharpen all of my pencils several times a day, or as often as I could get away with it. I would sharpen anyone’s pencils, even the teachers.

I would “left side slide” out of my right arm desk top chair; take a slow measured steps (I am sure I did this ‘cause I am a "counter"…steps, lines on the wall, I count anything and everything ) toward the object of my “time-killer!”

You need to understand; I was a free spirited child, my body was in class, but the real “me” was riding my Dad’s orange bicycle, with my skirt hiked up and my socks dangerously close to getting caught in the chain. In my dreams my hair is flowing behind me, but it wasn’t, it was fairly short, thick, naturally curly and coarse, it never moved independently of my head; it was like a hat.

There I would stand, counting the turns, hoping the point would break and I could start all over again! I sometimes erased the black board (yes, black) but, too many other students were in line for that job, so mostly I sharpened!

This caused me to develop a love for pencils that has lasted until today; I always choose one over a pen, unless ink is required. I learned to love the eraser on the tip of my pencils, and due to so much time spent in the business of “sharpening”, I had to use them often, ah that’s the rub; oh! Sorry.

So there I was, in the closet, mourning the nearing departure of my friend, while desiring a screwdriver so I could remove the object of my obsession. I did the job and carefully carried it like a trophy to the backseat of my car and tucked it in a cup holder for a safe ride home.

“Why in the world?” you ask, didn’t I just buy one years ago? Well, I’m cheap (having owned the various fore mentioned ones), and forgetful and I must shop with reminders and it just never made the list, and besides, sometimes yearning is more satisfying than fulfillment; you know?

It is now ensconced in my pantry, directly over the trash can, “Oh! How could I have forgotten… emptying the pencil sharpener was another time-consuming project, almost as satisfying as turning the handle and it brought about a secondary type of avoidance of studying, a break to go to the restroom to wash my fingers!

Oh, I knew all of the tricks involving a pencil, and a “break” (oops, sorry again!) I must be feeling pun-ish today, but not the punish-ment I experienced because of my many trips to the front of the room, as I risk my life standing so near the teacher’s desk, eating up all of my pencils just so I could enjoy fleeting moments away from my prison, I mean desk!

Life happened, I moved on… and speaking of moving, my friend is gone, and I am re-adjusting myself again, and when the pity-party gets boring I just saunter, pencil in hand, to my pantry. Somehow a strange peaceful sense of escape comes over me, as I grab the handle. Suddenly I have the desire to ride a bicycle; I might ride it to visit my friend.

I could... you know!

I remember the day when I was a young girl and something caught a hold of my heart, perhaps bred by insecurity, and became my comfort as I acted on it, led captive to its land of fear. It wasn't a place for me. God had a better place for me.

I was not alone in my exile. God's children are held captive everyday, hopelessly devoted to the bondage of debt, fears, lusts, substances with empty promises, addictions, and our blind adoration to things we label as entertainment. We convince ourselves they will bring us much-needed rest and peace of mind, but that is what God has already offered us as we draw near to Him.

Is it true that our heart walks astray first and then our feet follow? We reach a point when we are no longer acting out of divine impulse but our response is slowed and our speech is slurred by our connection to our passions.

I mourn today that one by one it seems our authors who once wrote of a powerful love that could change the world now affirm the very sins they were once zealous against; leaders speaking what God has not spoken, and our psalmists led away captive into a foreign land where they can no longer sing the songs of their homeland.

What was it that led you into captivity? What began as a thought and your subsequent actions made it the biggest part of your life? What got you off track? What stole your heart from your true love?

As vicious as the enemy of my soul is, so must my passion for God be. What can I have less of in my life today to have more of God? What is my source of feeding? Is it for my carnal nature or my nature that is after Him? It's only when I “eat” God's Word that I can boldly speak it over my own life and others.

Even in His grief for us, God still promises to give us a new heart, one that is sensitive and responsive to Him. His steps of repentance have always led to our freedom because His mercy endures forever.

“There’s nothing as powerful as a changed mind. Until your mind changes, you will repeat the same cycle over and over again".
T.D. Jakes

I’m in a different season of life right now than I’ve ever been in before. I’m getting close to 50 and my husband and I are experiencing health issues. My grown children have their problems and of course I want to fix everything for them. I recently had surgery and I am having a hard time getting back into the swing of ordinary life. But in light of these momentary trials my God reveals Himself in it all. He assures me that in all things He will bring good out of it and He will be glorified somehow in the process.

Today I am thankful for a Savior who understands how I feel about life and the hurt that comes with it. Despite my bad attitudes and questioning He never forsakes me and never will. Jesus is the friend I’ve never had and I feel at ease showing Him my true self. After all He knows me better than I know myself. I am blessed that out of the billions of people on this earth He chooses to hear me, chooses to love me and chooses to bless me in spite of myself.

I am more in love with Him today than ever before. I think maybe it’s because I must lean into Him more and more and He proves His faithfulness each and every time. Of course the problems in my life still exist but as long as I trust that HE HAS GOT THIS I can get through each day with the peace that passes all understanding.

Many of us understand what bondage feels like. We feel like chains may be wrapped around multiple times constricting us with each action we make. I, personally, want to break free from the chains, and to live a life filled with God’s grace.

Our battlegrounds may be different but the thing we have in common is the weighty feeling of being held hostage within our own chains.

Do you think about how you will ever get away from these chains? from your past, from the things that have held you back?

My story
In previous posts I shared about my own struggle to be healed from sexual abuse. Read the story here. Throughout this journey, I felt as if my past were suffocating me. It kept me from moving forward.

Even after I had faced my past, looked at the areas that needed to be healed, gave it to God and forgiven the man who had hurt me, every once in a while, the chain would wrap itself around my thoughts once again. My need to be in control at all times is a direct result of this chain! If I am in control then no one can hurt me, take advantage of me ever again. This is a biggy in my life and it was effecting my relationship with my husband, my children and with God. "Would this ever be gone?", I often thought.

The thing about getting past your past is realizing that it will keep resurfacing until you are able to finally put it to death!

Your past may be
disappointment,
divorce,
abuse,
deep hurts,
regrets of sin,
death,
abandonment
pain.

We all have something that just keeps holding on. It is a chain that drags us down. The chains of the past! It makes me think of Scrooge. Ghosts of Christmas past! They all played a role in keeping him stuck. A prisoner.

Praise God that there is freedom!

Before we can talk about moving forward it is important to look at what has chained us down.

Take a moment and answer this question.

I feel chained down by ___________________________________________

To move forward it is important to do two things. Identify the chain and examine what God's word says.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

His desire for us is that we would live in freedom. Today you can be free of whatever has enslaved you. You do not have to live in your past any longer!

1. I am Free!

I will walk about in Freedom, Psalm 119:45
Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom. II Corinthians 3:17
You have Freed me from my chains. Psalm 116:16

God promises us freedom and more in Isaiah 61:1 Take some time and look at His many promises!

You are free even if you don’t feel it! You are free!

Father, thank you for declaring us free! Show us what your freedom looks and feels like. We are grateful children.

Part 2 will be coming soon

If you’re feeling a little worn down, a bit distracted, stretched thin over the needs of daily life…take a break.

Get away, even if it’s just for a few minutes…even if it’s just to your bedroom or the front porch…and talk to Jesus.

Trust that He is concerned with the things of your life – what you see as big, yes, but also what you shrug off as small…those things you tell yourself that you should be able to deal with on your own.

Sometimes heavy burdens are made of many small parts, aren’t they?

When you get away to talk to Him, can you expect that He will help you with the details? He is a detail-oriented Friend, who is with you in everything.

Sometimes we are able to remember that He is able to handle the big problems…while we try to handle all of the ‘small’ ones without Him.

He doesn’t differentiate, though…He says to cast all of our cares upon Him, so that He may give us rest. All. Nothing is too big and nothing is too small.

Trusting Him with the daily pressures — feeling how He cares and how He gives us patience…strength…a renewed mind — teaches us to depend on Him every day.

When we are in the practice of depending on Him every day, we already have our Rock to lean on when a hard wind shakes our hearts. We already know His voice. We already feel safe in His heart.

So take that break. Let Him hear what is in your heart, all the swirling thoughts in your mind. While you’re talking to Him, praise Him for who He is…and, in the praise, you can remember the wonder of this Friend who knows the number of the stars and the strands of hair on your head.

So keep pressing on, friends, with everything that your life encompasses.

But do it all while knowing that you don’t ever have to handle it alone.

“Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.” ~Psalm 62:8