Beloved Mama

Everyone has a story.
Every story is important.
Our stories must be told.
So others will know, they are not alone.
This
is
my
story.

I was 21 when I became pregnant. The shock of my life. Kind of. I mean, how shocking can it really be when two people have sex. But of course, we all think that IT will never happen to us. Until the day it does happen... to us.

My boyfriend was in Bible college and just beginning to get his life back in order after a bout with drugs, alcohol, and partying. His parents were still serving as missionaries in Nairobi, Kenya. I had stopped going to the Bible college where we had met and was working full time for a corrupt (though I didn't quite get that at the time) web page company. Internet had just become popular and people did not quite understand how company web pages actually worked... not in any way shape or form. The company I was working for created web pages for small businesses, but never actually published them to any site. At the time, most people did not understand the internet as we do now, so I was fooled as well. In fact, the company also collected money for our medical insurance, but never actually paid said medical insurance on our behalf... nor our 401K... Needless to say, I learned alot about how corrupt a business could actually be during those months... though, at the time, I did not fully understand the full extent of said company's corruption. Well, I guess I'm getting off track... this is supposed to be about my pregnancy.

Moving right along. It was during this time, that I found myself pregnant. Hubby was living on the campus of his Bible college. He was playing on the soccer team. His parents were living overseas. My parents were half way across the country. It took me 6 months to get up the nerve to tell my parents that I was pregnant. It took Hubby my entire pregnancy. Allow me to backtrack.

Having been brought up in ultra conservative Christian families who had always been extremely involved in church OR been leaders within the church OR been heads of the this and that...pastors, missionaries... etc. etc.
We were scared out of our minds to tell anyone.
We were embarrassed.
Humiliated.
Not only had we done the deed out of wedlock, but we could no longer hide it!
We were undeniably:
PREGNANT!
Young. Unwed.
And in case your wondering...
though we are taught to love, serve, and accept all...
We can also be our own worst enemies.
Christians.
"psss... have you heard... they're pregnant"
"sinners"
"too young"
"repent"
"their sins hath found them out"
"yes, them...right over there"
"shamed their family"
"a disgrace"
they said.

and for a moment... I considered making it all go away...
Noone would ever know.
God would forgive me.
The baby would be in a better place.
Not a baby yet anyways.
I could make it all just disappear and noone would ever know.
Abortion.

13 years ago, I made the best decision of my life.
I chose life.
13 years ago, today... boyfriend and I welcomed T into the world.
Had I listened to the lies in my mind... T may not be here today.

God has used T to change my life for the better.
No, we did not make the decision to bring T into the world and then live happily ever after.
We struggled. We stressed. We cried out to God.
Consequences. There are always consequences to every choice we make.
But at any moment, we can stop making bad choices.
At any moment we can change the course of our lives.
If we fall, we can always get back up. Always.

Today, I have a beautiful, talented, super smart 13 year old who was not planned by me nor my hubby.
(yep, boyfriend became hubby... but that's a whole other story!)
T was always planned by God. Always.
He was not an accident nor a mistake.
Always a plan.
God continues to have a plan for his life.

My story may seem simple to some.
After all, I never had to choose between an unhealthy child and abortion.
Rape and abortion.
All I can do is tell my story. And hope that someone, somewhere will understand.
I pray that perhaps my story will help someone else in a similar circumstance.
And if it does... if you find any comfort at all in reading my story... let me know...
I'd love to rejoice with you as you welcome your gift into this world.

So that's it... the short version of my story...

If you have had an abortion... I love you. HE loves you. Always.
Your are important. You matter. You are loved.


The best decision I ever made. Today T celebrated his 13th birthday.
Ugly moments pass and eventually we can celebrate again!
T, you are so loved. So very very loved. Don't ever doubt that!